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View Full Version : Leikani Asceum (ErrorBlender) VS Doctor David Macbeth (Alphaeus)



ErrorBlender
12-07-2016, 08:27 AM
Woop dee doo, here we go. Its been awhile since I made a battle thread and a battle. Here are our gladiators:

The Spider In The Fog, Leikani Asceum (http://forums.stickpage.com/showthread.php?100883-Leikani-quot-The-Mistwielder-quot-Asceum)!

The Doctor, David Macbeth (http://forums.stickpage.com/showthread.php?99966-The-Doctor-and-The-Fixer)!

Hot and Cold (https://docs.google.com/document/d/1YQ0q8PoaRTryPu2m9ulGoyFG-FD7phU51vTMkrJcfQ0/edit)
by ErrorBlender

A Time to Save and a Time to Kill (https://docs.google.com/document/d/117IDnmaSwtoLYp6slA7NQM_nanw8Klcq-XborNTbGbw/edit)
by Alphaeus

Enjoy and please do drop a vote and some CnC. We appreciate the time you give to read our works. Thanks :D

Alphaeus
12-07-2016, 10:02 AM
Superb work, EB!

I'm glad I fought you!

My only critique would be that you shifted between tenses a ton, which messed up the flow for me a little.

Otherwise, awesome job!

Urako
12-07-2016, 10:18 AM
I really do like both stories and you both did a great job. But ultimately, I think i'm going to vote for ErrorBlender. Not entirely sure why but something about it seemed better to me. Although I will say Alphaeus's had some pretty parts to it including my favorite with Leikani's Captain Obvious observation skills.

Side question: Was it your intent to have Leikani join/make nice with Nehustan?

ErrorBlender
12-08-2016, 08:06 AM
It was my intent.

She will serve as a spy for The System inside Nehushtan.

Alphaeus
12-08-2016, 02:39 PM
It was my intent.

She will serve as a spy for The System inside Nehushtan.

Haha.

No.

No one spies on Nehushtan. The last person that did ended up as Craze's Living Work.

Aquila will get that reference. Chromy might too. The rest of you will have to wait until I add Vi and Craze to my NPC list (or make them my gladiators).

969_DoomsDruid_969
12-08-2016, 02:52 PM
It's funny, because although Elijah could spy on the coils, even my broken-ass bullshit NPCs can't spy on the entirety of Nehustan.

Urako
12-08-2016, 03:02 PM
Dozer might try to spy on Nehushtan but he could easily be stopped with enough false information to make him think they're harmless.

Fountain is spying on Nehushtan. At least the less secure parts of it. Do whatever you want with the spies Alphaeus I don't care.

Decks doesn't even know what Nehushtan is.

Alphaeus
12-08-2016, 03:05 PM
Dozer might try to spy on Nehushtan but he could easily be stopped with enough false information to make him think they're harmless.

Meh, yeah.

Because of their influence, you don't have much in the way of records of the negative. Aggressive organizations like The Empire of Sin and the like are pawned off onto The Viktor Group (run by Viktor Gustav, a leading Serpent and potentially my future gladiator) so they would not be connected with Nehushtan directly.

Then again, Dozer is in the know enough to learn about at least certain individuals. I mean, Altaer alone has a heluva reputation. Dante does too, although to a lesser extent.

Chromium7
12-09-2016, 08:02 AM
Altaer alone has a heluva reputation. Dante does too, although to a lesser extent.

"Dante Rockwell, formerly of Nexcorp and considered highly lethal, with some physical enhancements as well as wide skills."

-Alph v. Codincx (https://docs.google.com/document/d/1uuY5psb3AHvw-9_3i5jYGEmrEu-UAjhgq8Dlo93pdkg/edit)

ErrorBlender
12-09-2016, 08:48 AM
Y U NO VOTE, CHROME?

Anyways, I'm sure both of us would like some CnC. So please throw words that destroy and build at us.

Azure
12-09-2016, 08:54 AM
Y U NO VOTE, CHROME?

Anyways, I'm sure both of us would like some CnC. So please throw words that destroy and build at us.

You very well know my stance on CnC, Error.

ErrorBlender
12-09-2016, 09:12 AM
You very well know my stance on CnC, Error.

Its not just aimed at you though. :)

Urako
12-09-2016, 09:58 AM
I really have nothing to say other than well done. Although I suppose you could always CnC each other.

Alphaeus
12-10-2016, 09:26 PM
Could we get...idk, some actual attention to this battle?

At least SOMETHING other than two votes??

Urako
12-10-2016, 09:29 PM
Could we get...idk, some actual attention to this battle?

At least SOMETHING other than two votes??

Well at least you got those two votes. In all seriousness, this is a good fight and it's too bad it doesn't have more attention. If I had to guess, i'd say it was all the Christmas events drawing attention away from this fight.

969_DoomsDruid_969
12-11-2016, 02:54 AM
You very well know my stance on CnC, Error.

Haaaaaaaaaaaa
Also voted

ErrorBlender
12-11-2016, 04:03 AM
Haaaaaaaaaaaa
Also voted

You did not vote D:

969_DoomsDruid_969
12-11-2016, 04:42 AM
http://31.media.tumblr.com/959897fab295361894cf01417ac197d6/tumblr_nxdag5DbFw1urmldno1_500.gif

Fixed it.

PS: WHAT I VOTED FOR ALPH (no offence, yours was better than if I wrote anything, EB) hnghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Chromium7
12-13-2016, 08:55 AM
Y U NO VOTE, CHROME?

Anyways, I'm sure both of us would like some CnC. So please throw words that destroy and build at us.

Hoping to get through reading (and vote) before the poll closes tomorrow. CnC will have to come after, if at all. Has it really been a week already?

Crank
12-13-2016, 11:55 AM
Both battles were written really well and I don't have much to add on either. Error's was pretty long, but it build a lot between the characters and added depth to his heroine, so that's fine. The battle was choreographed very well, and despite personally having a Mr. Serious at the moment, ending on a joke is a fantastic way of winning me over!

Alph, I think you're doing a lot of creative experimentation, but I'm not super sure battles are the place to do it. The flow was there, characterization was there, but... I don't know, man. It's kinda like for the past couple battles, you haven't been putting your characters in any real danger. With George, David seemed off sight just setting up the dominoes to descend him into madness, and here, she's drugged on sight by Al, bound when she meets David, unbound with David and then there's David again perfectly fine after she stabs the first one. You say outright that she's an assassin to kill him, so bias is against her (your protagonist, not bashing, just the way it is), but when Party A is in no danger and doesn't want to kill Party B, there's not a whole lot of... tensity? that can come of it. I don't know man, I feel like there weren't really stakes here.

Maybe that's just me.

Great job though, you guys!

Piston1937
12-13-2016, 02:43 PM
I have a question. How does one make a poll for one of these?

Urako
12-13-2016, 02:49 PM
I have a question. How does one make a poll for one of these?

Just above the first post in each page is a grey bar with tabs on it. The thread creator, and only the creator, can start a poll by accessing a poll in "Thread tools" and making a poll. Here we generally select the option to make all votes public and we usually do not allow you to vote multiple times.

Piston1937
12-13-2016, 09:20 PM
Thanks me and Charm just had a small battle and I kinda wanted to know how to post battles.

I checked the forum tools in the grey bar but it didn't have the poll choice in it?

Chromium7
12-14-2016, 03:55 AM
I voted Error. Hot and Cold just reads like a breath of fresh air,
at least in a world where like breathing air can like,
y'know
read

y'know?


EDIT: Seriously though, they were both nice.

Alphaeus
12-14-2016, 09:13 AM
Alright.

Sooo....point taken.

I've been so focused on canon and character development I've lost the idea of a battle.

Fortunately, I wrote my upcoming battle with LeeLee was written before this spurt by me.

Truthfully, I think part of the issue here is that I'm simultaneously working with my editor on my book, so I'm in a more "long-term literature" style mind-set than a "wRHG battle" mindset.

That "round" of editing is nearly finished, so I'll be refocusing. I think part of it was also that I lost sight of David's actual...well...combat ability.

I love Miggles' (read: EB's) representation of David in her battle, and that's the David I want to get back to. I've been over-emphasizing Nehushtan as a plot driver and under-emphasizing my characters themselves.

Thanks for the CnC, Crank -- that was insightful and helpful!