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View Full Version : Captain Katrina vs Steam



Devour
12-25-2016, 01:45 AM
This was a nice battle :) Piston was friendly and asked for character confirmation on some ideas he had and we kept in contact as we wrote, and he finished his part so quickly. Our deadline was 2 weeks or so, but we both finished much sooner than that. A fun time all around.



Somewhere in low earth orbit Katrina was studying the blueprints to her fusion reactor. She balled her fist and slammed it down on the fighter's control panel. She was missing one very important part to fix her Fusion reactor a thermal coating. Since this wasn’t the future and she couldn’t get any of the special resource used in the original design she would need something to replace it with. Unfortunately her scans have come up mostly fruitless. But there was one lead she had. A fighter that went by the name “Steam” has been saying that he is built out of a material that can survive any amount of heat. This was the problem. Steam has disappeared from the face of this earth. Katrina has asked nearly everyone that knows him about his possible where abouts. The answers ranged from the Boiling Brew bar to an alternate version of earth in a different dimension. Katrina has checked the whole world at least twice with her scanner and still no Steam. She had done so much studying on him trying to

She was about to give up as a ping came in from one of her scanners. “Found you.”

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Steam was at the controls of his ship coated from head to toe in ash and holes. “Okay I won’t be doing that for a while.” Steam grabbed his flask and tipped it back to find not a drop of anything but ash and lava racks was in there. He signed and left the helm to go get a drink. Steam noticed something off about where he was as he walked across the deck of his ship. It was too quiet. He looked off the port bow to see a collection of storm clouds and rough waters. He groaned. Then his head turned to the starboard to see the same gathering of clouds and waters.

“You have gotta be shitting me.” He yelled, He was in the eye of a hurricane. “I get back from my brake and this is where I show up. You know what it's fine I’ll just follow the storm until it disperses. But first a drink.” Steam walked to the hold where he grabbed a bottle of the best beer he had. He took the bottle back up to the helm and would have sat there basking in the sun if something hadn’t caught his eye. It was small, metallic, and doing a deorbit burn so asteroid was taken off the list. Steam watched as it came closer and closer until he saw it was a space fighter jet like thing. Steam watched as it did a roaring fly by of his ship then vanished into the hurricane. It reappeared moments later but this time it had it’s weapons out. Steam scrambled up and started pressing buttons on his control panel. The Balloon started to deploy but the fighter jet shot that full of holes. Then the missiles rained down from above. Steam stared at the shooting stars of death and destruction. He pushed a big white button and his ship vented creating a cloud of steam. The IR cameras that led the missiles went absolutely haywire and detonated on the cloud.

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Katrina was about to turn around for another run but then a voice boomed from the cloud.

“Parlay?” Steam said over the storm. “Timeout. Peace. Stop trying to kill me.” Katrina was confused what was going on. “Now if you want to talk peacefully then please land on the main deck and we can talk.” Katrina was weary about trusting Steam but a chance for a peaceful resolution would be good.

Katrina landed her ship on the main deck where Steam stood tapping his foot.

“Would you please explain the reasoning behind shooting up my ship?” He asked as Katrina stepped off her ship in her exo suit.

“I have no reason to explain myself.” Katrina said her black blade was already extended in case this was a trick of some sort. Steam took one look at the blade.

“Oh you have them too?” He raised his arm and a crescent black blade extended from his forearm. Katrina brought her blade up just a tad. Steam raised both arms. “I am not attacking.” He said quickly, Then his right eye turned from its normal blue to a crimson red.

“Maybe best we get to business.” Steam stated in a monotone. Steam hit his head a few times until the eye returned to blue.

“Yes I believe that would be the best course of action.” Katrina said not wanting to get involved with whatever that was about.

“Right let me see if I got this straight? You are looking for parts to fix either your ship or build a time machine?” Steam looked at Katrina for confirmation and before she answered he continued. “So you were looking for me to gain something I have?”

“Yes to be specific Bloodore.” Steam’s head turned at the word. He didn’t look all that happy at it either. Katrina raised her blade into a defensive pose.

Steam’s shell opened up revealing a black skeleton. “So you want this?” He said tapping his arm.

“Yes and I am ready to take it if necessary.” Katrina threatened. Steam sighed and walked back into his shell which shut around him.

“Right one moment.” Steam walked back up to the helm of his ship he took a look at the storm and where it was going. Then he turned the ship toward the storm. He jumped down onto the deck and his other blade extended. “I’ll make you a deal.” Steam rose and brought out a cigarette. Steam lit it and smiled as the ship began rocking beneath them. “Best me is a duel and I will give you the exact amount of the stuff you need.” Lighting struck behind Steam lighting him up in a way that just made it sound like more of a death threat. Katrina smiled behind her visor as the adrenaline began circulating. Steam made the first move; lunging at blinding speeds for her. He swung both blades at her torso. Katrina blocked them both with hers and sent a fist aiming for his firebox. Steam used his momentum to swing on her blade so the fist just sailed under him. On the way back down he brought he leg crashing into her helmet. Steam touched down and back off barely dodging a flurry of blows. Then the rain came; They had entered the storm. Winds clawed at both of them threatening to tear them from the ship. Steam used the time that Katrina adjusted to the wind the charge in close and rake his blades across her chest. Katrina felt it as the blades pierced the metal. She grabbed Steam in a bear hold and bent backward driving the automaton into the deck. She released her grip and swung her arm around in an attempt to cut Steam in half at the waist. Steam instead of pushing his way out actually dodged being chopped in two by pulling himself into the main hall of his ship. He plummeted to the floor cracking the floor boards. Katrina jumped down and elbow slammed him in the back. There was a terrible cracking sound as Steam bent under the blow. Katrina got up and stomped on Steam again and again. She eventually stopped when Steam was dented unrecognizably. She laughed.

“I thought your were going to be a challenge?” She said trying to tear apart the shell to get her reward.

“I am.” Steam said from behind her. A pistol barrel dinged against her suit. “Now let's continue.” Katrina grabbed the barrel and spun around. Nobody was holding the other end. Then with a great hissing sound the whole room filled with steam. Katrina switched to thermal but was nearly blinded by the red glare that was given off by the boiling steam. Then something raked across the floor.

“Release restraint.” Steam’s voice said

“Time limit?” Asked the monotone,

“Until she has proven she can handle what she desires.” Then Steam laughed manically his voice changing into a madman's voice.

“So he has given me a new toy has he?” This wasn’t Steam. Katrina ran to a wall and tried to see threw the thick fog. Then a Shadow moved just a twitch. Katrina lunged at it. She grabbed Steam’s skull and drove it to the floor. Steam’s smile widened. “Well this toy is good.” Steam grabbed her arm and the armour began crumpling under his grip. He forced Katrina’s arm off his head and punched her sending her flying into the opposite wall. The suit was taking more damage than it was built for. The Ship rocked dislodging Katrina and Steam appeared in front of her smiling like Bog. Steam grabbed her neck and shoved her against the wall his red eyes staring into her soul.

“Oh you aren’t even here yet but you have had so much fun.” Steam slammed her into the wall and Katrina tried to use her blade to cut off his arm but it just wasn’t working. Steam smiled and punched the visor so hard it shattered showering Katrina in glass shards. Then the ship hit a huge wave throwing both fighters against the ceiling as the ship nearly capsized. Lighting struck and waves roared.

“What are you?” Katrina asked as they both got up.

“I my little toy am the Metal Demon.” Steam bowed and Katrina took the chance and swung her blade at him. To her surprise it hit his shoulder and cut through like a knife cutting warm butter. Steam vented out of the wound but Steam didn’t seem to mind. He looked at Katrina. “You know what I think I know why Steam is restraining me from killing you here and now.” He looked at her and his went horizontal bending in ways it shouldn’t be able to. Then his Eyes went black.

“Time limit expired. Reverting.” Steam slumped over and fell to the floor. Katrina took this as an opportunity. She charged toward him bringing her blade down on his head. Steam’s arm shot up barley blocking it with the tip of his blade.

“Ouch.” He groaned. Then he looked at the situation around him, “Well hello again. I assume you have proven that you can resist the Demon?” Katrina was confused.

“What was that?”

“That was what I once was restricted to non lethal force of course can’t have you picking daisies yet.” Steam looked at her then he forced her blade back and stood up. “Well I guess it is time for me to keep up my end of the bargain?” Steam started walking then noticed his arm on the ground. He picked it up and mumbled something then signaled for Katrina to follow. Katrina didn’t know what to do. Steam turned to look at her.

“Well come on.” Katrina composed herself and followed. Steam led her through a maze of hallways and the ship rocking violently didn’t help her keep track of where they were going. Eventually they came to giant open room where three black cubes that had to be at least three yard cubes.

“How much do you need?” Steam asked turning to one of the cubes.

“Two pounds.” Steam raised his blade and chopped off a decent chunk of the cube off and after weighing it in his hand he handed it to Katrina.

“There you go two pounds of Bloodore. Now shoo I have a ship to fix.” Then the waters eased and the ship settled. “Oh I guess we are out of the storm.” Steam hurried back down the corridors and Katrina followed him back to the deck, got on her ship and left having a newfound respect for Steam.

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Steam watched Katrina blast off and laughed his head off. He had made a new friend that was from the future and she had a spaceship. Then he turned to the piece of crimson red cloth in his hand.

“Oh I don't think she will miss this pair now will she.”

This new world was bizarre. Exotic materials flashed through her space vessel’s HUD as she descended to the clouds from low Earth orbit. Sunlight reflected off of clean, blue oceans. The clouds were white and pure, the skies were clear, and not marred by the debris of millions upon millions of broken satellites and space elevators that had built up over ten thousand years, back in the time where Katrina belonged.

This world was so untouched. So unpolluted. She almost felt like the presence of her futuristic fighter vessel was contaminating it, somehow.

But strangest of all was the abundance of literal magic in this world. There was so much of every kind of wonder she could imagine, that the question for her was no longer if she could find the materials to build something that would bring her back to her time… it was how she would manage to build it in the first place. An equally impossible question.

But strangely enough, as Captain Katrina rocketed towards the Earth, one of the target markers on her screen began to rise back up.

Back up towards the clouds.

“How curious.” She murmured, rerouting her course with a precise click of buttons. “AI, give me a readout. What’s that thing up there?”

“There is no name on file. As usual.” It replied. “However, this particular substance has an extremely high melting point. It’s not something that should be physically possible.” It ran off a string of numbers on the screen for her.

“Jesus.” Katrina grinned despite herself, reading. “This substance could squat in the pits of Hell and think it was just a bit sunny out. I could use it for all sorts of things.” She set her vessel to autopilot, pleased, sashaying back to the small cargo bay to retrieve her armor. “Get us over there, AI. I’m going in for extraction.”

--

Steam lounged on the deck of his airship. He did not feel the sun shining on his metal exterior. The bottle in his hand and the cigarette in the other were no more than a weight to him--as were most things to a being like him. Existence as a machine could be cold and devoid of enjoyment.

But somehow, with each swig of booze, the steam-powered automation felt a warm glow of pleasure and content. He was living the life. “Ahhh…” He sighed.

A distant roaring sound made him open an eye. Somewhere in the distance, a small aircraft flew nearby. Steam shrugged and returned back to his relaxation… until he realized that the craft had not left a trail of exhaust behind it.

“How curious.” Steam murmured.

Sitting up to focus on the object, he noticed that the craft was not white like a passenger jet, or grey or black like a military vessel. It was dark red instead, with green markings on the wings. Now that he thought about it, the noise this engine made was definitely not that of a jet. In fact, how was it flying so quietly?

But as the craft flew a bit closer, the outline of missiles beneath the wings became unmistakable. That was alarming.

Standing now, Steam made his way to the Bridge to make his next move, and saw that someone was radioing for him on the comms.

“This is Captain Katrina aboard the fighter vessel flying in close proximity. Weapons are powered down. Requesting your courtesy and permission for landing, over.” Steam grinned as he learned the voice belonged to a female, letting the message play itself a few times before he tapped the receiver.

“Permission granted... little lady.” He smirked.

--

Katrina’s fighter swooped in to the airship’s landing bay, blowing dust in all directions with its downward thrusters. She marvelled at the airship’s size, wondering how such a thing was built in an age where battleships stuck to the water rather than the air. Dozens of cannons bristled across the hull and the pirate respected them, giving their firing arcs a wide berth. Only the main batteries could harm her ship with a direct hit through sheer brute strength, but a visitor with a request should never appear cocky.

Katrina saw the humanoid construct waiting for her, cigarette in hand as she powered down. It took one last drag and stamped it out on the ground, before producing another one from somewhere as if by magic.

With one last deep breath to focus herself, Katrina popped open the cockpit and leapt out, landing on the ground with the grace of a cat. Her exoskeleton was retracted for now, hiding beneath her outer clothing.

“Thank you for allowing me on board with such a short notice.” The pirate captain spoke up, stepping closer. The noxious fumes of Steam’s cigarette brought back memories of drinks and dirty pubs with her old shipmates. “If only everyone I’ve met had been so courteous.”

“I have a soft spot for pretty faces.” He replied smoothly. “You asked, and I delivered. What brings you to my ship, Captain Katrina?”

“Please, let me address you properly first.” Katrina smiled. “What is your name, Captain?”

“Steam.” He said. “Captain Steam, if you’d like.”

“How fitting.” She said, glancing at the smoke clouds that trailed the automation, like a trail of steam indeed. “What brings me here is a… scientific oddity.” She decided, beginning to pace slowly. “When things reach certain temperatures; extreme temperatures, up into hundreds of thousands of degrees Celsius, atoms start to behave strangely. They can no longer bind together.” She explained. “Electrons begin to evaporate out of the atom. Every substance I’ve ever seen will dissolve into a shapeless plasma at this point, incapable of having any sort of form.” She turned back to Steam, who watched her with curiosity. “So tell me, Captain Steam. How is there something here that can withstand those temperatures and stay solid?”

At that, Steam broke into a wide grin. “Ah, you’re a clever one then, aren’t you?” He raised an eyebrow, conveying far more emotion than a construct should be able to. “Let me just tell you, it’s what you got on the inside that counts with this material. You have to be tough stuff to survive where I come from.”

Katrina frowned slightly, thrown a bit off-guard. “Surely, there’s more to it than that. How does such a thing even form? How do you forge it into shapes?”

Steam just shrugged. “I don’t think too much about it, to be honest.” The construct allowed his smirk to last one more moment, before it faded to something more serious. “How about we make honesty a habit, Katrina?” He said. “What are you really here for?”

The pirate considered carrying her act for a bit longer, but the way Steam looked into her told her that he knew what was up. She decided to drop it.

“I need an antimatter bomb. A big one.” Katrina revealed. “Your remarkable substance, whatever it is, is perfect for me because its unlimited melting point should allow it to hold antimatter. I think.”

Steam almost laughed. He couldn’t say that was the answer he was expecting. “Huh. Do I even want to know what you need an antimatter bomb for?” He chortled.

“Only if that decides whether or not I can make a deal with you.” Katrina replied, terse. “What do you want in exchange for it?”

“Oh, I don’t want anything in exchange!” Steam said. “Well, I do want something.”

Katrina’s heart quickened. She hadn’t expected such an easy response from this man. “And what is that?” She asked.

In response, Steam took two steps to the side, placing himself between Katrina and her ship. “All you need to make a deal with me… is my respect.”

And then Steam shifted, and in one smooth motion he kicked Katrina hard in the chest, sending her flying back through the landing pad’s doors.

The pirate captain tucked and rolled as she skid across the hard ground, dazed, but she managed to find her footing and slide to a stop among the halls lined with pipes of boiling water and steam. Her hidden armor had protected her from the bone-breaking force of that kick. From the other side of the hall, Steam slammed the door shut behind him and revealed an odd pistol from his back. “Not quite as advanced as you, but sometimes, simplicity is better.” He levelled the weapon at her let loose with volley of bulletfire.

There was nowhere to run for cover. Frantic, Katrina brought out her wrist and a bright blue force field flashed to life from her bracelet, barely deflecting the projectiles in time as they ricocheted off her defense.

“Can simplicity give you this?” Katrina crowed, defiant, brandishing a pistol of her own. Six bolts of plasma pulsed from her weapon which screamed across the hall and slammed into Steam’s frame, blowing small chunks of metal from his torso.

But he just stood there, looked down at his superficial wounds, and shrugged. His smile was wide and mocking.

“Alright, fucker.” She spat. Katrina’s heart was beginning to pound with adrenaline. “Let’s see you laugh at this!” She bolted straight at her opponent. Straight at the weapon leveled her way.

But as she ran, black plates of advanced metal extended from beneath her clothing. They folded around themselves to cover her torso, sleuthing down and locking together at the legs and elbows, clasping shut at the hands and feet between the steps of her sprint. Within seconds, the pirate captain became encapsulated in a metal exoskeleton that shifted in time with her movements.

And she kicked Steam back.

The automation went flying back through the hangar doors, leaving them in splinters. Katrina followed through, roaring, and as Steam bounced off the ground she grabbed him by the leg and fired off her jetpacks, using their momentum to swing Steam up and around and send him flying back the other way and herself up into the sky.

Metal crumpled and sparked from his chassis as he karoomed back into the wall with incredible force, indenting into the metal. Before he could recover, a black cord of grappling wire hooked into the space next to him from high above. Katrina began to pull herself straight at him.

As the pirate rocketed down to crush Steam with a massive blow, she didn’t expect what happened next. Steam began to move faster than he should have been able to. Jets of steam billowed from from his limbs as he moved at a blur, leaping away from the wall just before Katrina struck it, so hard that the entire wall cratered in with the force of her strength and threatened to fall away as debris spun in all directions.

What she hadn’t realized, was that Steam had moved so fast that he had time to leave a small present for her where he used to be.

The entire magazine of his pistol’s ammo sat in the wall, directly beneath the pirate captain.

Steam had landed back on solid ground, dented but alive. “Boom.” He whispered.

All 60 bullets in the clip beneath Katrina’s feet boiled over and exploded with an earth-shattering kaboom. Steam rocketed out like a horizontal atom bomb as the wall shattered and blew pieces of shrapnel and debris across the skies.

The construct waded into the thick of it all, daintily stepping over ruined pieces of masonry to find Captain Katrina in the center of the fallout. Her suit’s shields had blown out, the metal was torn apart in places, but she had been mostly protected from the blast. Seeing him, she clambered to her feet, fists up, unsteady but ready to fight... and then toppled down to her knees. “Urgh. Damn it...” She swore.

“Most impressive, Katrina.” Steam walked slowly towards her. Both were enshrouded in the gloom of the steam. “You had an explosive start, eh? It was fitting that I gave you an equally explosive end.” From behind, the steam-powered construct brought out a long and wicked blade as he walked, taking a moment to appreciate how it reflected the dim light. “In the end, we found out who was the better Captain. Of course it would be the one with the bigger ship.” He smirked, standing now right next to the kneeling form of Katrina. He brought his sword high in the air, smile fading, and he brought it down.

CLANG!

The blade met and bounced off of the side of a new black blade of metal. Katrina had thrown up her arm to block the blow, sword extended from her armor, but the force of it sent her falling back down the ground, panting hard.

“How annoying. You hardly have the strength to stand, let alone beat me now.” Steam growled. “Just give it up.” He stepped forward and swung again, harder this time.

CLANG!

Katrina fell back down to her hands and feet, but this time her sword stayed up. “Never.” She whispered.

Scowling, Steam brought out his second sword from behind his back and began to swing with all his might.

CLANG!

CLANG!

CLANG!

The pirate captain stumbled back to the wall, on her feet now. A fire was burning in Katrina’s eyes, more bright and furious than she could imagine. “Do you think I’ve never lost before?” She growled, blocking another set of blows. “Do you think I’ve never fallen? Never looked defeat in the eye, dead to rights, and found a way to survive with my own damned strength?”

She lunged at Steam, forcing him to defend for the first time, both blades were needed to deflect the heavy metal of her sword. “A pirate captain does not give up!” She roared. “A pirate captain does not die! They will look death in the eye and spit in its face. That’s how we survive!” She whirled on her opponent, spinning to the left and then to the right with two powerful swings, expertly whirling her blade around her. Steam was driven back, back out through the smoke and into the blue skies and shining sun.

A pirouette of feinting stabs turned into a two-handed swing out of nowhere, slashing Steam’s left arm clean off. Katrina screamed out as she lunged once more, knocking the construct’s remaining sword clean out of its socket with one last hammer blow, before sweeping around and severing both of his legs at the knee. Steam billowed from the torn limbs before the valves closed off, preserving his life as he toppled to the floor.

Steam stared straight into the black blade that was levelled at his throat. “How about you, captain?” Katrina asked, panting hard. “What do you do... when faced with your defeat?”

For a moment, silence reigned.

And then Steam broke out into cackling laughter.

“Haha! That was amazing! Truly amazing, Katrina.” He roared, smiling wide. With his remaining hand, he gave her a shining thumbs up. “You’ve earned my respect. That’s not something I’ve given for a long, long time.”

Scowling, Katrina hesitated.

“I mean it!” Steam beamed. “We have a deal. Let me show you to where I keep my bloodore. It should be enough to satisfy your needs, eh?”

In one last tense moment, Katrina stepped back and sheathed her sword. The helmet of her exoskeleton drew back, revealing the bloodied but defiant face behind it. Despite herself, she had a small smile of her own. “You are a peculiar being, Steam.” She seemed to decide. She gave a terse nod of her own approval. “There are not many captains in these times. We should work together if we can. So if you ever need me…” Katrina reached into her suit’s holster and pulled out a small beacon, which she placed on the ground next to Steam’s form. “Contact me with this. If you’re ever in trouble or want to trade for resources, I’m always listening.”

“Likewise.” Steam said. “You’re a face I wouldn’t mind seeing again.”

----

It was hours after sunset, after the talks and the repairs and negotiations, before something on the airship stirred. Katrina’s ship finally left as a streak of light in the night sky.

Victorious.

Grim
12-25-2016, 02:34 AM
First off let me say I loved the opening sequences before the fight in both your entries. The way it was described made Steam seem very eerie and the buildup to the fight was very suspenseful. As for the actual fight, I like Devour's choreography more but I think the "In the middle of a storm" setting in Piston's was really awesome as well. I dunno, it's a tough call. I'm thinking I'm gonna vote for Devour's simply because the mental image I got while reading his fight was more vivid than the one I got while reading Piston's. Really close though. Good job to both of you.

969_DoomsDruid_969
12-25-2016, 03:03 AM
I thought this would be a stomp (no offense, Piston) but I was pleasantly surprised. Good job, guys.

Mc'Loving It.

Piston1937
12-25-2016, 09:49 AM
I thought this would be a stomp (no offense, Piston) but I was pleasantly surprised. Good job, guys.

Mc'Loving It.

none taken. Thanks for saying i am improving somewhat.

Ciel
12-28-2016, 09:24 AM
This was a surprising match.
(I will also admit to having to read both stories multiple times because I'm running low on sleep and kept misreading stuff. Also short reply this time because ded.)

Piston, you have a misspelled word. It's "wary about trusting Steam" and not "weary about trusting Steam", but aside from that, I really liked your pre-fight storyline. It's certainly a vast improvement from your fight with Lief, so good job on that! Your language usage is still a little rough, but there's definitely improvement. O w O Also, the thievery and the hurricane cracked me up. This makes me look forward to our fight, haha.

Devour's story was no less amazing. I don't have much to say (that's a good thing!). Also, this story makes me feel like Steam and Katrina could end up being buddies.

In the end, my vote goes to Devour for smoother flow of language and more vivid descriptions, but both works were pretty great.

Urako
12-28-2016, 09:28 AM
Okay I feel like there is something important to say. Steam, you're challenging some pretty good writers lately (Devour and Azure have a lot of experience) so don't be too upset if you lose to both of them. I will also say you are improving surprisingly fast.

Azure
12-28-2016, 09:56 AM
Okay I feel like there is something important to say. Steam, you're challenging some pretty good writers lately (Devour and Azure have a lot of experience) so don't be too upset if you lose to both of them. I will also say you are improving surprisingly fast.


Me? Experience? What're you talking about, you're crazy.

IgnusBurns
12-28-2016, 11:42 AM
Okay I feel like there is something important to say. Steam, you're challenging some pretty good writers lately (Devour and Azure have a lot of experience) so don't be too upset if you lose to both of them. I will also say you are improving surprisingly fast.

Hmmm, sounds like me when I stared, I had four battles in the period of like, four months...


Me? Experience? What're you talking about, you're crazy.

Yeah, what are you talking about? Everyone knows I'm the king of the Writer's Lounge...

http://45.media.tumblr.com/867a54f5eb7cec426b2c5e3be45110ba/tumblr_nbykshYi831tv4k5po1_500.gif
I'll never have that title... ;_;

Piston1937
12-28-2016, 02:15 PM
Yes I know I have been challenging the higher end of the scale but this is all part of a story to me. I will fight them all again eventually and win.

Hopefully.

Thanks for saying I have improved. Any other CnC?

Also hello from florida I will most likely be out of contact for long periods of time so don't worry about me.

Ficlles
12-29-2016, 04:02 AM
Wow! These stories are amazing!

Unfortunately I cant give any CnC, because of the noob I am.

Both stories were spectacular. The plot was clear, and the characters really shined.

I will have to vote on Devour's part, because I felt it had more depth.

Great job to both though! *even though I have like zero experience on battles because Im too scared to challenge someone*

Piston1937
12-29-2016, 09:37 AM
Wow! These stories are amazing!

Unfortunately I cant give any CnC, because of the noob I am.

Both stories were spectacular. The plot was clear, and the characters really shined.

I will have to vote on Devour's part, because I felt it had more depth.

Great job to both though! *even though I have like zero experience on battles because Im too scared to challenge someone*

Trust me Ficlles it is fun once you get the hang of it. but don't overdo it like I am right now. Find someone's character that you can write about and challenge them. It'll be fun.

IgnusBurns
12-29-2016, 12:20 PM
You know what? I think the poll results are just a bit one sided... I know, crazy right?

Piston1937
12-29-2016, 07:54 PM
It's fine I don't mind the one sided losses and threads for almost every battle I have had. It helps me get better. -_- Mostly.

Devour
12-29-2016, 08:15 PM
I told myself I'd C&C you and totally forgot lol, let me do that now... With how close the matches are, I think these tips may help a lot and may have been the deciding factor:

Your ideas are awesome in your part. The problem is presenting the ideas as a story. I'd try and improve your English in general; the grammar, spelling and sentence structure. Lacking these things makes it impossible for someone to get immersed in the story because they're stumbling over sentences and generally aren't able to just easily read. It's really the most important part of writing. There's also more subtle things that could be improved on, such as the flow of the story and the timing of things, but I'd have a hard time explaining that since it's something that I do unconsciously.

If this was animation, this would be like improving your drawing skills and easing and stuff. Your ideas and the story you made here was awesome. It just needs to be presented better. Work on that and you'll make a huge leap in skill.

Piston1937
01-01-2017, 01:01 AM
Thanks Dev.