View Full Version : Melox (plasmastick) vs Leoncio (Azure)

01-06-2017, 03:02 PM
Second Leoncio battle, and Melox's first! CnC is always appreciated, and just to clarify, Melox is certainly not dead in my story.

plasmastick's Story
Melox (http://forums.stickpage.com/showthread.php?101637-Melox-The-ox-like-being-that-is-vile-as-a-serpent)

The cool air breezed delicately against Melox's face. With no chemicals in his veins he could relax and actually feel significant emotion. As he sat upon the large rock on the windy mountain he questioned his powers. He never felt happy when the acid was in him. He thought of himself as a sturdy statue when the chemicals were in him.
Even when he became hyper with energy he stayed firm still. He enjoyed this state of passion but soon he noticed a speeding figure in the distance. With no chemicals in him he was quite weak in vision and so he squinted his eyes at the silhouette. The brute frowned, it looked like some buff squirrel with gym shorts Naruto running. "oh well,"he thought"These Mountains are restricted territory so anyone who got here is worthy of a fight". Melox sat up and injected the chemicals into his blood.
He saw the usual flash he gets whenever the poison infiltrates his body. Hyped up he jogged up the mountains occasionally blasting himself up for a better vantage point. Meanwhile Leoncio hopped across the rocks, he needed a good place to meditate. As he climbed the rocky terrain higher he thought about his choices. He beat up a bunch of Elite guards hired buy some weirdo named Belpox? Or was it Melox, Definitely Belpox.
And now there was a tracking squad after him. Finally he reached the top peak and sat down for a rest. Yeah taking down the fools here and claiming this mountain for himself could happen sooner or later. For now he concentrated and *poof* became the infamous Jaguarundi. The beast went around starting to explore this place. His heart beat fast sweating his instincts detected a stranger near.
Leoncio was confused he thought he detected something But no one was here. He turned around and there was Melox glaring at him. Leon pouched back in dismay at the tank. "So uh you own this place" Leon laughed nervously as he scratched the back of his neck. Melox looked at him "No," Melox looked at a nearby shrub Leon has set on fire when he sprint by. "I overthrew the owner of this place and made it my home."
Then he abruptly turned his head to Leoncio. "You're not a mercenary are you?" Leoncio backed up "nah nah nah," He backed up "Im a gladiator looking for a nice place to train, sorry about the guards." I was right, Melox thought, he is a gladiator. He studied Leoncio's build. "All right need training, lets go right here." Leoncio nodded and backed up and positioned himself followed by traditionally muttering Mantra to himself.
"I guess you could call this a RHG fight but my granny is staying here for a few days, so we'll just," Melox paused "Fight to the death!". Leoncio focused his Chi/Ki taking notice of Melox's sudden green eyes and smirk. Melox drove chemicals into him he felt more alive with every dose. Leoncio was baffled when he noticed the Large tubes transporting the acid into him. "Wow you are one Bane ripoff." Leoncio commented. But Melox did not seem to hear it he surged with power and shook every few seconds. They stood a few feet apart waiting for the first to strike, in a tension building stare down.
Suddenly a ref in full uniform appeared out of nowhere startling the two. "He guys its coach powers." Pointed out towards a tree as if being recorded for an instruction video. "Im here to make sure everything fair and square." He chuckled in thrill. "Okay," he scanned the sight, "ten towers of toppling turquoise time bombs, that tree exactly 5 feet and 3 inches away from leo and it's extremely flammable!" He pounced at leo and pushed him along.
"Yep," he clapped his hands that looks all good." He backed up and crouched. "Okay everyone, 5,4,3,2-" Before he finished the warriors clashed. They began classic combat Melox punched Leo's gut Leo kicked his thigh. As the desperate fighters Kicked, punched, and even head but, two more men appeared next to the ref. "Hey guys," The two laughed in sync "Its me Jerry powers the score boy!" one cried over the battle. "And it be me the infamous pirate commentator Tyson Powers!" the other gleamed. "and were the commentating bros!" Leoncio was quite disturbed was he dodged a shock of acid from Melox
"Are they with you?" he shuddered. Melox shook his head and rolled by to avoid a feral blade. Night came fast as they fought. The power bros had fallen asleep, exempt for the ref who still seemed entertained in an uncanny way. The moon rose above the duel signaling the real fight to begin. Melox injected the last of his chemicals into him, except for the emergency batch. He aimed his arms back and blasted towards Leo.
Leoncio was quick to react and jumped straight up into a tree. Acheiving Dawon and turning transparent while his senses guided him to Melox, feeding him information on his whereabouts. Melox walked along, quite sore from the crash he took on a boulder after he missed Leo. Suddenly he blanked out and Leo swell only seconds after. Melox woke up to shouting in his ear. "Melox I have no idea where the fructose syrup we are!" Leo said.
"Ref powers corny curses have been rubbing on you, haven't they?" Melox rolled his eyes, not even observing where he was. Leo nodded shamefully "Actually," A grim voice rose up, "if you darn dinkum flabber's think that its"corny"I could make this much harder for y'all." Melox and Leoncio started pressing compliments "oh no thats well uh in your words rooting tooting!" Leon spoke to the security camera. "Oh quiet all you heisting hairy hog heads!" Ref P. cried out, "Let me tell you the reason you curling crabs are even here!". Suddenly the theater like roam reviled a door behind some props. "I was happy when you asked me to chaperone your fight,"But when you st-" Leoncio woke up from the blast Melox had hit him with.
He brushed the strange dream away, probably a side effect of the shot of acid into him. Leoncio sat up and noticed Melox walking off into the distance quite proud. Leoncio smiled the guy must've thought he was already dead. He got up and sprinted towards him swiftly not making a sound. Melox marched up the mountain with a healthy amount of pride. And the next thing you knew he was smacked across the back of his head with a bat.
"Oh back from your unconscious state," Melox muttered all dazed "I didn't want to finish you off heard you had a girlfriend at home." Leo was ready to finish this, after all Sharon was probably wondering what he was up to. He lifted his arms in the air and struck them into air halfway down pushing himself back with a flash. Melox blinked and when his eyes were open a fierce jaguarundi was in front of him. "whack, Pow!" they fought. Melox laid back energy then used leverage to shock a punch into the beast.
It reflected with a claw strike and then dived landing a bite on melox's left shoulder pad. Melox flipped backwards and assembled his arm cannon shooting an acidic rocket at the jaguarundi. The beast breathed hard and launched at Melox punching into his armor in an attempt to wear it down. Melox gave it a punch across the face followed by a kick to its shin. The creature retuned to Its original form and Leoncio channeling Beast hood. Melox shot more shocks at him causing wounds all over the felines body until it snapped.
In a moment Leo stood across from Melox but next he was on top of him violently shaking the opponents head. Melox kicked him off conveniently down the mountain die. Leon rolled down but stopped himself and sprinted right up the steep mountain. Melox prepared for a harsh impact entering tank mode. Covered in a hard shell he was protected, so he thought. Leoncio picked up speed as he got closer going 80 miles an hour up.
Melox estimated he would be up in about now. Leon swooped into the sky coming down with a hard slam of his fists onto Melox's tank. The tank made up of spare parts not connected to Melox exploded. Green fumes surrounded the area and leo took off his cloth belt using it as a scarf. He heard Melox coughing and inched closer eyes shut so that the fumes might not blind him.
Suddenly his ankle was grabbed and pulled away, making him fall on his rear. He watched in horror as a hand reached out towards him then falling on the ground. The hand stayed there still, quiet. Leo stayed on the ground until the smoke left the air reviling Melox's dead body the electricity bouncing off a few steps occasionally. Leoncio got up and payed his respects to the gladiator. Then he walked off home, but not before stopping to leave Melox's grandma a note about what had happened.

Azure's Story
Leoncio (http://forums.stickpage.com/showthread.php?48890-Leoncio-Beast-Reborn)
GDoc Link (https://docs.google.com/document/d/1YNnCW006mUrpil7YwaR7TSpuM-r4tETHaG7WxlQbHCw/edit?usp=sharing)

One who gains strength by overcoming obstacles
possesses the only strength which can overcome adversity.
-Albert Schweitzer
Breathe in, breathe out…

Leo’s breathing was slow and steady. He could feel his blood flow through him, his organs gently pulsate as they worked.

Breathe in, breathe out…

The injuries he’d sustained the previous week had already faded away into memory, leaving only lightly sensitive patches of new flesh in their wake. The damage to his head hadn’t been too great, and lucky for him, he didn’t have any broken bones, just some bad scrapes and bruises.

Breathe in… oh, looks like I’ve got a visitor. Opening his left eye, Leo slowly glanced to his side. A drone silently hung in the air with an envelop dangling beneath it. Scratching his chin, Leo simply waited. If it wanted his attention, then it was going to earn it. He managed to get another few minutes of meditation before a cough sounded from a tiny speaker.

“Mr. Cardozo,” the drone spoke in monotone. Perhaps the Operator was the same? Leo was tempted to ask, but that would be rude. It could simply be the transmission after all. “You’ve a gladiatorial match in the arena scheduled for today. There will be an audience in attendance, so we would appreciate it if you wouldn’t delay. The details are in this envelope.”

Leo yawns. “Do I have any say in the matter?”

“If you decline or forfeit, then you will not receive any payment. As we understand, you’ve not exactly had any proper matches since your return. While you very likely could get by on the funds of others, that does not seem like something you’d care to do.”

Shrug. “I can’t particularly disagree with that. Still don’t quite appreciate simply being given a battle on such short notice.” He takes the envelope. “The exercise will be good for me at least. I couldn’t do much while I recovered; Sharon was very particular that I let myself recover properly.”

“Thank you for your cooperation,” the drone buzzes, still without a hint of emotion. Maybe there was no Operator, and it worked through artificial intelligence? It would explain the lack of conversation. Of course, if there was an Operator, this would be just another assignment for them. Leo wondered if it was dull, working for the RHG Organization. Presently, none of this properly applied to the situation he found himself in.

Before it slipped from his mind, he opened the letter to glance over the details. Fight today, few hours, live audience, it was quite simple for covering details. At the mention of his opponent in particular, it seemed to draw an interesting blank. Seemed they wanted it to be a surprise for him. All it said was “Big and Dangerous.”

Excitement started to build in his breast… just a little, anyways. He was going to enjoy this, he could already see it.


If there was one thing Leo doubted he’d ever be able to enjoy, it was crowds. When he wasn’t among them, they were fine, but going through them was tiresome and tedious and more than a little bothersome. Leo wasn’t particularly intimidating, so the crowd surrounding the arena paid little heed to his “Pardon me”’s and his “Exuse me”’s. If anything, it seemed to simply get on their nerves, being asked to move. Still, he wiggled and crawled until he made his way through.

After he made it inside, he simply needed to head to the gladiator area to find himself in peace and quiet. “Ugh, I guess it’s a busy day or something. Maybe some big names are in or something.” Shaking his head, he went to the registration desk. “Ello. Leoncio Cardozo here. My battle is in half an hour, which arena am I in?”

The receptionist yawned, clacking away at her computer with fake nails, gum smacking loudly behind her painted lips. She smelled of cheap perfume that likely wasn’t worth the glass it was put in, and it made his nose itch having to be this close to her. “Arena twelve. Know where it is?”

“Yeah, I got it,” Leo said. Just as he was about to leave, he felt her hand on his shoulder. He turned around, curious what she needed since he already knew all he needed to know. Still loudly chewing her gum, she simply gave him a card. As she did, he briefly noticed a tattoo on her wrist. It was of a purple and white flower. Angel’s Trumpet, a subspecies of…

“He told me to send you his regards. He hopes you do well in your battle, and you grow a little more from it.” The receptionist locks eyes with him, a strange yet familiar darkness lurking in them. “And remember the discussions you had. You are more than you are perceived as. The only one who’ll decide your life is you. Find what you want, and take it.” She goes back to her work as though she’d never spoken to him. Leo found himself smiling slightly. He was a really lucky guy sometimes. Heart filled with determination, he sprinted out and down the hall towards the arena. He was being watched, and he had to put on a good show.

In too much of a mood to take things slow, Leo drop kicked the doors to the arena, having them slam open with a resounding burst that echoed across the chamber. Looking about, he saw the crowds building in the stands, heard their muted cheers behind the protective encasing. Injury to gladiators was business, but injury to civilians was paperwork and lawsuits. He snickered. It was no wonder they were always cautious how they scheduled live battles for the audience. If anybody too strong and careless showed up with someone of even power or too little entertainment, they might go and do something irresponsible.

The landscape of the battle this time was rather simple, the arena not using its bizarre technology to expand the size of the field. About them, the only real objects about being some walls of varying sizes, as well as some statues. Likely it was so the gladiators would be easily visible to the audience, it was what they came to see after all, but it did bring forth the question of just where his opponent was. The battle would be starting pretty soon. Was he running late or something?

Overhead, an announcer’s voice rang from unseen speakers. “Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls of all ages! As both competitors have arrived, we’ll be beginning our battle right this moment! Today’s gladiators are Leoncio Cardozo, a young man who’s shown he’s no pushover when it comes to a fight, and who has returned after he took a short leave to train!” Leo waves his hands towards the crowd, feeling more than a little confused. His opponent was here already? That meant he was blending in somewhere. He’d have to rely on his nose to try and track this fellow then. Hopefully it wasn’t someone invisible. They were the absolute worst. “And his opponent, Melox! Built like an ox, poisonous as a viper, and hulking as a gorilla, this newcomer to the gladiator scene is surely one to be reckoned with!”

That’s when Leo saw one of the statues point its hand towards him.

And then it fired.

His reaction was instant, dodging behind one of the walls as the vile green liquid splashed upon the ground, an evil hiss following in its wake as it ate at the dust and dirt. Whatever that stuff was, Leo was certain that he did not in in way, shape nor form want to become bosom buddies with it. Seemed like how one earned that grand prize ticket to the deep sleep in a bed six feet under.

Glancing out, Leo watched as the vivid green… stuff, coursed all about the armor that had given the hulking brute the appearance of being a statue. Where the tubes came from and where they fed didn’t much concern him; at least, not as much as the very large cannons attached to the man’s arms that were now pointed at him.

“Well, I’m certainly feeling outclassed here,” Leo said loudly, injecting some humor like a drug. Unfortunately, comedy wasn’t morphine, and he doubted it would numb whatever remained of him if he got hit with whatever came from one of those tubes. Carefully listening, he heard the click from one of the cannons. As it fired off its massive shell, he moved for safety. The resulting blast propelled him forward a bit, and totally destroyed the cover he’d been using. If he’d been even a moment slower, there was a fair chance he wouldn’t have come out of that one walking. Or limping, really. Maybe crawling a bit?

He heard a second click, alerting him to another incoming blast. Digging his feet in, he kicked himself forward, just barely avoiding the rubble and debris from the next explosion. A loud cha-chink could be heard, even without his enhanced senses.

Oh, great. He’s got more ammo. Well, this is officially not in my favor. If I’m gonna do any damage to this guy, I’m gonna need to get closer.

Leo moved to his feet, pressing his hands together. “Aum shanti invati.” Slowly, he attuned himself to the universe, and they became one and the same. And as the sense of calmness invaded him, he could feel within him power. Oxygen flowed more freely into his system. His hands broke apart, shifting, changing. Hair sprouted forth to his elbows, fur matching his ears and tail. His legs joined in this transformation, augmenting themselves to a more appropriate state for quick movements. “Alright, big guy. Let’s play.”

Melox seemed to have fully reloaded, as he now turned and pointed both arms at Leo. The young monk was more than ready for him, dashing towards the nearest wall. As the first shell launched, he leapt, his legs connecting with the wall as he propelled himself towards another wall. Acid flew from his hands as Melox slowly turned, trying to follow Leo’s movements, but he was already moving away towards another wall. The tides of battle had shifted. Leo was too fast now; Melox couldn’t keep a lock on him.

Moving in for the kill, Leo unsheathed his feral claws as Melox pointed his hands towards the ground. With a powerful burst of air, his heavy framed form launched into the air. Leo looked up at him, shocked that he’d been able to get such air; this paled in comparison, however, to his surprise when Melox’s back opened up, showing two large cannons. Rather than fire, however, they seemed to simply drop their payload. They were easy enough to dodge, and they didn’t seem to land with enough force to explode. Leo focused his claws, preparing to launch them, when a thought occurred to him.

Glancing around, it was just as he realized. It was like his battle with Steam in the forest; he’d been surrounded by bombs while Melox was still in the air, and the hulking form had his hands pointed towards the ground, ready to set them all off at once. Leo grit his teeth, grinding them against one another. There was nowhere to escape, but that wasn’t what he wanted, anyways. If anything, this was just encouragement. He wanted this fight to be up close anyways.

He drew even more oxygen into his blood, drew even more strength from his body. He needed to push himself, push harder. This wasn’t the place, this wasn’t the opponent. He refused to fall for the same attack twice. His muscles screamed as they strained and stretched themselves, his limbs shifting entirely into inhuman forms. He crouched down, now standing on all fours.

He could hear everything, smell everything. The sound of the deadly solution running through Melox’s body, the smell of the gunpowder surrounding him. Information filled his mind as the world moved slower. Feeling a growl deep within his chest, clawing about like a caged animal, he let it loose as his muscles tensed.

There was nowhere for him to run, there was only prey above him. Forcing his muscles to work and run into overdrive, he launched himself directly towards the armored fool. There was nowhere for him to run, nowhere to hide. Green-tinted lightning blasted into Leo’s shoulder, but he didn’t register it as the distance slowly dissipated between them. Claws extended and hungry, Leo crossed his arms across his chest as he smashed into Melox’s, his claws digging in. Roaring directly into Melox’s face, and pressing his own against the slits of the helm, Leo slowly dragged his arms in opposing directions, until ten deep rends appeared in the armor. Blood and poison began pouring out, and Melox seemed to lose energy, lose strength. Leo’s skin was burning, but he didn’t care. Grabbing one of the horns on the side of Melox’s helm, he swung himself around as they fell back towards the earth, using the much larger man as a shield and cushion.

They landed hard and atop one of the scattered bombs. It launched them both away from one another, Melox taking the brunt of the damage while Leo earned a few more burns. He landed on his hands and feet, however, waiting, watching, listening. But the battle was won. He had done it. With an exhausted sigh, he let his body snap back to normal like a rubberband, the shock of it akin to having one’s skin ripped off and hair ripped out all at once. Now on his knees, he brought his head skywards, breathes panting out as he let the excitement leave his body, he blacked out just as he heard his name get announced as the victor.


Leo woke up in a hospital bed. As he looked around, familiarity hit him like a truck… or an armored asshole. “Oh no…” he said. “Please don’t tell me-”

“Yep.” Sharon stepped out from behind the curtain, arms folded across her chest. “Twice in two weeks, Leo? Really? You only just got back. When you asked me out, I didn’t think it was so you could break my heart faster.” Her brown hair still fell behind her in that cute ponytail held with a pink scrunchie, and her blue eyes still reminded him of the sky on a calm day. He gave her a big smile.

“Um… I got in an argument with a black cat?”

“Not funny,” she says, tapping a pen against her shoulder. She hangs her head. “You’re an idiot, you know that?”

“Hey, I can live with that. Just like you can live with dating an idiot.”

Sharon rolls her eyes, but a smile creeps on her face. “Fine, alright. I’m still scolding you later.”

Leo sighs, leaning into the pillow below him. Sharon gives him a kiss on his cheek, and he chuckles to himself. “Yeah, well, I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

01-06-2017, 03:48 PM
Well that was a pretty good battle on both sides.

Plasma spread out the story don't make the reader feel like he is wading into a swamp of words.

And Where is the poll?

So Urako what do you think?

01-06-2017, 03:54 PM
But still pretty good for a first battle(Taking on one of the high mid ranged writers is tough).

And Where is the poll?
1# So did you.
2# I second the question. Where is the poll? Is this a spar?

01-06-2017, 03:56 PM
1# So did you.

-_- Yah.

01-06-2017, 03:58 PM
-_- Yah.
Well as long as you had fun it doesn't matter.

01-06-2017, 04:00 PM
Well as long as you had fun it doesn't matter.

Yep and I want to go again after the queue of people Azure has challenged (Currently three as far as I know) has finished.

But let's focus on giving Plasma CnC.(best thing for writers.)

01-06-2017, 04:13 PM
Might CnC later, but I have one piece of starting advice for you Plasmastick that will go a long way. Separate your paragraphs. Now that you know, it is very easy to do (hit enter twice as opposed to once), much easier to read than a large chunk of text, and will generally improve the reception of your story. Do note though that separating your paragraphs does not mean separating each line. Trust me when I say it's even more frustrating to read.

Anyways, I have to say that it's a fairly decent first story you have there and congratulations on your first fight. I'm sure you'll keep improving and do great:D

But let's focus on giving Plasma CnC.(best thing for writers.)
You know you can try giving it to. All relevant and constructive input is valid even if it isn't always welcome by the writer.

01-06-2017, 05:55 PM
I withheld the poll to make sure people had time to thoroughly read through both stories. It's there now.

01-06-2017, 06:23 PM
Ah okay. thanks for explaining.

Right my two cents for Plasma is.
1) It felt thick. You want to spread out the story.
2) Tad bit hard to follow sometimes.