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Piston1937
03-20-2017, 10:26 PM
The Darkness and laser light.
Steam reached up for the next handhold as he felt the firm rock beneath his feet start to crumble. Steam grabbed the rock locking his grip around the tough snow covered stone. Then the rocks under his feet crumbled from his weight. Steam’s legs dangled as the wind threatened to tear him from the mountain. Steam’s feet found a crack in the stone and dug into the crevasse.

“I am never ever hiding a relic on this fucking mountain again.” Steam swore to the wind. It did not do anything other than make Steam’s internal temperature go down even more than it did already had. Steam reached for the hold below the ridge he needed to reach. When he grabbed the outcropping, it crumbled in his hand. Steam frowned and looked for another outcropping. Finding a suitable candidate Steam reached for it and was relieved when it held. He hauled himself up and reached for the ledge. Steam’s fingers brushed the snow and rock but could not gain a firm grasp. Steam’s shell opened and a cloud of heat escaped which lowered his internal temperature to almost dangerous levels. Launching himself up and blasting steam from his jets, he hurled himself onto the ledge plowing into a snow pile. Steam lay there face in the snow for a moment contemplating whether to just give up and head back home or pull his head out of the snow and continue with this quest. Steam pulled his head out of the snow and looked at the cave. It was big, dark and ominous. Steam put his head back under the snow. He took in a deep breath and forced himself to stand. Then he walked into the dungeon of Alseteber.

Three hours later Steam was trudging home with a long parcel under his arm. Every gear in his body felt frozen over and all he wanted to do was lay in a bonfire. However, it was one of those days that the universe has it in for Steam.

“Dad!” Synthia yelled, Running up to her father and hugging him so hard that Steam heard and felt his shell being crushed like a tin can under his daughter’s immense strength.


“Easy.” Steam said, and Synthia released him. Then she noticed the package under Steam’s arm.

“What is that?” She asked.

“This?” Steam pulled the parcel out from under his arm. The ancient linen felt like it would disintegrate under Steam’s touch but he knew it would be fine. “Something I made a long time ago.” Steam took one look at his daughter's face. “When you're older.” Steam said, trying not to give in to the pouting face Synthia was making. Once Synthia found out that the pouty face would not work, she stomped off into the forest. Steam sighed pulling out a cigarette before walking toward the valley entrance.

Azarel was out on a leisurely stroll up a mountain path. He was not really paying attention to the path ahead he just wanted to get away from the city and the loud noises. He had been up this path many times but he had never reached the top he figured what better way to remedy both problems. Then a crunching sound came from the path ahead. Azarel lifted his head putting a hand on the hilt of his laser sword. What he saw was a robot with a linen wrapped parcel under his arm and a black cigarette burning in his mouth. Steam didn’t acknowledge Azarel’s existence until they were mere meters away from each other.

“Good morrow traveler.” Steam stated, bowing extravagantly. Azarel’s grip on his blades tightened. This robot wreaked of demons yet didn’t act like a bloodthirsty monster from all those years ago. Then Steam dashed forward taking Azarel by surprise. Steam zipped past Azarel reaching out and pulling both of them over the cliff edge. Steam hooted with laughter at the sight of Azarel’s face as they plummeted toward the ground around three thousand feet below them. Azarel pulled out his laser sword and jammed it into the rock face in an attempt to slow down. Steam on the other hand looked below him to find a dead tree sticking out of the mountain. Using his vector jets he put the tree below him.

CRACK

The tree snapped off and became a became Steam’s ride down the side of the mountain. It was at this point that Azarel saw the white thing in Steam’s grasp. He looked at his scabbards and discovered his plasma sword was missing. Azarel infuriated by Steam yanked his sword from the rock and plummeted toward Steam and the forest below. Steam noticed his pursuer and put his foot down on the back of the log forcing it into a wheelie just as a rock outcropped before him. Steam along with the log went flying into a loop and in the millisecond Steam had He pulled out his pistol and took a shot at Azarel. The bullet zipped toward Azarel and his laser sword became a blur and the bullet was sliced in two. Both halfs of the bullet skidded past Azarel’s sides tearing holes in his shirt. This allowed wind to fill the cloth like a badly designed parachute. It didn’t stop Azarel’s decent but it gave Steam a little more speed than Azarel. Steam did a perfect loop and landed on the log but was a little freaked when he saw the next bit of mountain he had to pass through.
“SHIT.” Steam said as rocks came out all over the place becoming a labyrinth of stone for the thief. Azarel on the other hand just shifted his body and let the wind lift him above the rocks and began taking shots at Steam who had plenty on his plate with calculating a safe route down the mountain as it was. Steam did half bowl loops, air spins, and every other trick in and not in the book on his way down to avoid being shot with lasers and not get skewered by rocks at the same time. The worst part was Steam almost made it. But almost never won the race. In the last turn before the bottom of the mountain Azarel got a lucky shot and Steam’s log was cut in two sending the rider flying into the granite spire that was before him. Lets just say the rock got off better than Steam. Steam clattered to the ground and rolled the last few meters to the forest floor below. Azarel jammed his sword into the mountain once again to slow himself down and make a gentle landing. He got into the trees and looked for where Steam had crashed and his other sword. It took about five minutes to find Steam’s mangled body at the base of a tree Azarel’s plasma sword and a parcel in one hand and his pistol in the other. His eyes were dark and lifeless. Azarel jumped down from the tree he was in and walked up the the body. He kicked the pistol away from the hand and grabbed his plasma sword. Then Steam’s eyes glowed red and his hand which had been holding the pistol shot out as if to aim but no weapon. Azarel slashed at the hand cutting deep into the metal. Steam ignored the damage and twisted the blade out of Azarel’s hand. The sword fell out of Steam’s now mutilated hand and dropped to the ground. Azarel tried for a second attack this time at Steam’s torso but Steam brought up the parcel between him and the blue blade. The linen burst into flames on contact revealing the a blood red sword. The spine was covered in gears and metallic string all the way down to a handle that seemed to suck in all the light surrounding it. Steam forced Azarel’s sword back as the lazer sword flew back into his hand.

“Demon.” Azarel spit, Steam dashed forward slashing downward at Azarel’s head but was easily blocked by Azarel who retaliated with a slice to the torso. Steam took the blow and his shell was cut open revealing the skeleton beneath. Steam sliced down the plasma length of the sword right toward Azarel’s fingers. Azarel jumped back just before losing a few digits. Steam followed quickly afterward. Grabbing the hilt with both hands he swung the sword at Azarel’s side. Azarel blocked the sword but the force of the blow sent him flying into a tree. The air was forced from Azarel’s lungs as he crashed into the tree. He looked at Steam and saw red eyes glaring back at him.
“So this is the twerp that survived.” He said, in a voice that sounded familiar yet unrecognizable. Then Steam tilted his head back and laughed an evil laugh that filled Azarel’s skull with memories of Zen village and the nightmare that had consumed it. Azarel gripped his swords until his knuckles turned white. Steam stopped laughing and looked at Azarel like a beast who had spotted a rabbit. Steam’s shell opened and the black skeleton walked out. Steam’s blades extended from his arms. And the two fighters became a blur of black and blue.

CLANG
CLANG
CLANG
Went the blades as they connected. Neither was able to gain a advantage over the other but eventually Azarel made a misstep. His foot missed a branch and he slipped. Steam took advantage and slashed his leg open revealing red muscle underneath the skin. Azarel fell to the forest floor below. Steam dropped into the grass before the injured Azarel. Steam’s armblade became a blur and Azarel shut his eyes as he felt the cold metal on his throat.

“Time limit up.” Steam stated, Azarel opened an eye and saw the blade crescent blade pressing against his throat a small trickle of blood clinging to the blade. Steam’s eye were blank again then they glowed blue like they did before.

“Good fight.” Steam said in a kinder voice. The blade retracted and Steam began walking back toward his shell. Azarel grabbed his sword red laser sword and threw it at Steam. Steam dodged to the right of the sword and plucked it out of midair like a grape from a vine. “Kid I healed you once I am not giving you another chance.” Steam said dropping the sword on the ground. “Though I hope you can bandage up that wound.” Steam pulled a roll of bandages out of somewhere and tossed it back to Azarel.


“You killed my father devil.” Azarel yelled at Steam’s back. Steam turned and vanished reappearing in Azarel’s face.


“I did not kill your father. I saved your life as per his dying request. Do you think you got stabbed two inches below the heart and survived because of luck?” Steam shouted to Azarel’s surprise. Steam turned and vented a cloud of steam and vanished. Then a helicopter could be heard approaching to take Azarel to a hospital.


WRHG. #2
VS. Steam
Azarel is seen laying down at a beach, under a coconut tree, with some people and kids playing around. “What a peaceful day…” Azarel stated. And, it was a beautiful day, the Sun is shining, the wind, wooshing in the distance, the glowing sand, the pure blue water… Azarel was about to fall asleep if not for some sudden screams, yes, people were screaming, and running away from the beach… Azarel saw an enormous ship, approaching the beach. And, on top of the ship… was a robot. Once the ship arrived, the robot jumped down the ship. Azarel saw that the robot had glowing blue eyes, a dark red shell like thingy, a black utility belt around his waist, and the robot is a skeleton - like structure made of pipes, gears, and pistons, and, halfway down the robot’s arm is a thin silver line.

“What is your name?! What do you want?!” Azarel shouted out to the robot, now standing up, ready to charge at the robot.
“I… have a mission, to kill you… and, my name, is Steam... But, knowing my name is of no use to you, for you, will be dead soon.” The robot replied, while walking slowly toward Azarel.
“Well lets see about that!” Azarel replied, and looked around, there was nobody on the beach now… just Azarel, and Steam.

Azarel then held his laser sword with his right hand and his plasma sword with his left hand, ready to attack, while Steam, on the other hand, and pulled out his twin crescent - shaped swords from his forearms. Azarel ran quickly, slashing Steam with constant slashes, Steam blocked the attacks with his crescent swords, and released a cloud of boiling steam.

“I take it back, it is NOT a peaceful day.” Azarel said to himself, with his skin “burning”.
Steam, on the other hand was running toward Azarel, Steam almost punched Azarel’s jaw, but Azarel dodged easily, and did a spinning kick toward Steam’s head, Azarel then quickly did an uppercut to Steam’s jaw. Steam activated his vector jets, flying for about 50 yards from the ground, sheathed his swords back to his forearms, and pulled out a vertical double barrel steam pressure pistol, and started firing rapidly toward Azarel, Azarel countered Steam’s attack, by sheathing his laser sword to his scabbard, and holding his plasma sword with both of his hands. Azarel started launching plasma beams, while Steam, on the other hand, is launching .300 caliber spherical rounds, the bullets and the beams collided, causing a thick loud of smoke to fill the air.

Steam landed on the ground, searching for Azarel in the thick cloud of smoke. But what he didn’t notice is, that Azarel is waiting for an ambush, and was right behind him. Azarel launched two plasma beams toward Steam. Steam noticed that there was some sort of light behind him, and turned back. Only to get hit by Azarel’s plasma beams, and fell down.

“Stop hiding you little coward!” Steam shouted out, and stood up, with sand all over his skeleton - like body. And at that very moment, the cloud of smoke faded, but, Steam didn’t see Azarel anywhere. And it turns out, Azarel is at one of the coconut trees, but what Azarel didn’t notice… is that the ship’s guns are aiming toward him! The ship fired, and, when Azarel noticed what is going on, it is too late.

Azarel fell down to the glowing sand of the beach, very hurt, with sand on his hair, and hoodie. Azarel saw Steam holding his pistol, ready to shoot. Azarel dodged and ran toward Steam and slashed Steam’s chest with his plasma sword. Steam unsheathed his crescent swords and started clashing swords with Azarel’s plasma sword, while his other sword is ready to stab Azarel’s stomach. And, Azarel is now bleeding… blood.
Blood.
Azarel opened his eyes, sensing a demon near by… and immediately stood up, aware. And… Azarel sensed, that, Steam has an inner demon inside him…
“Great… i’m bored of fighting demons.” Azarel said, and sighed, bored.
Steam started to create havoc all over the place, destroying some stores, and wrecking some trees. Steam vented himself, and ran toward Azarel, Steam grabbed Azarel’s head, and slammed his head to the sand.
Azarel stood up, and slashed Steam rapidly, and furiously, Steam blocked Azarel’s attacks with his double crescent swords, and did a sweep, Azarel fell down, Steam pulled out his pistol, and shot rapidly, aiming toward Azarel.

“Time to test my new ability…” Azarel said, before Steam started shooting, with his right eye glowing gold and yellow. Azarel created a Chi barrier to protect him from the bullets that Steam fired.
“What is this type of sorcery?!” Steam shouted.
“Chikinesis.” Azarel said.

Steam charged Azarel’s Chi barrier trying to destroy it. Azarel, well protected by the barrier said to Steam, as if training him.
“To destroy Chi, empty your mind, focus on one goal, destroying the barrier. Gather your Chi to your hand, and slam it to the barrier. The only way to destroy Chi, is by using Chi.”
“Who are you to command me?!” Steam shouted out, raging.”
“Well then… let’s do this the hard way…”

Azarel sheathed his plasma sword back to its scabbard, and summoned a Chi sword. And unsummoned the Chi barrier.
Steam, unsuspecting this, was slashed rapidly by Azarel, he dodged some of the attacks, but was hit more than he dodged. Steam, noticing that he will lose at if he keeps this situation, vented, activated his vector jets, and flew toward the ship. But what he didn’t notice is, that Azarel was already inside the ship, and aiming the ship’s guns toward Steam.
Steam, noticed that something was not right, but it all was too late… Azarel shot him with every gun on the ship, the bulky powerful guns, the small anti - air guns, and the missiles. But it turns out, Steam dodged every one of them, and landed on the ship’s deck safely.
Azarel heard Steam talking to someone that sounded like a girl, it is his daughter, Synthia.
“Synthia, daddy’s facing a dangerous opponent here. I’ll send you home, okay?”
“What if you die, daddy?”
“No, I’ll be alright.”

Azarel peaked out from a window, and saw Steam hugging his daughter, and opening a portal to what looked like a dojo with four doors around it. His daughter stepped into the portal, and waved while seeing his father close the portal.
“I just realized, that when you vented, and flew toward the ship, you deactivated your demon mode.” Azarel said, while walking out from the room he was hiding in, to the docks of the ship, face to face with Steam.
“You saw, and heard the whole thing, didn’t you…” Steam said, while glaring fiercely at Azarel.
“Yes, and now, let’s continue our fight.” Azarel said, while taking off his cap, wiping his sweat, and wearing his cap again.
Steam vented and ran toward the control center, activated the ship’s engine, and created a portal to Hell, with the ship going towards it. Azarel didn’t notice what was going on until, he sensed a large amount of demons surrounding him. The boiling steam faded, and Azarel could see that, he is at Hell… with the memories of Zen Village flashing in his head, and, he noticed that… Steam, is the demon that survived.

“You just realized, huh?” Steam’s voice is heard.
“I usually don’t kill… but for this case, maybe you’ll be dead.” Azarel’s replied, with a voice full of hatred.
“Well then. Let’s see you try.”

Azarel turned back, and released his his Chi spirit. Yellow and gold aura started to surround him, while his eyes glowing gold and yellow. Azarel ran toward Steam and punched him rapidly with his Chi punch, kicked Steam’s jaw with his Chi kick, sending Steam flying 30 feet in the air, and, before Steam landed on the ship’s deck, Azarel ran toward him and slammed a Chi ball to Steam’s chest, suffocating him. Steam was sent flying until he hit a boulder, and, before he got to stand up, Azarel had already created a Chi dragon.

“Please forgive me, Azarel!” Steam shouted out to Azarel, which was standing on the dragon’s neck.
“Forgive you? You destroyed my village, and killed my father! You killed everyone!!! And now you’re asking for forgiveness?!”
“But Azarel,”
“No, YOU MUST DIE!!!”

The dragon started to gather a large amount of Chi at his mouth, and fired the Chi. Steam exploded, and the dragon also destroyed the ship.

Azarel rode the Chi dragon toward a castle, a castle surrounded by lava. Azarel unsummoned the dragon and landed on the field of the castle, the guards didn’t notice Azarel. Azarel ran quickly to a corner of the yard, and said a secret code, after saying the code, a hidden staircase appeared, and he walked to the staircase. Azarel is underground now, and pulled a lever. And a hidden portal appeared, Azarel walked through the portal, and looked back to see the portal fade away.

Azarel found himself at the beach where he and Steam first met, people were back at the beach now, and he laid down at a coconut tree, took of his cap, and fell asleep.

Piston1937
03-20-2017, 10:29 PM
Well I won't say I am exactly happy with Steam exploding but oh well.

NOW PICK MY STORY TO SHREDS I want all the CNC.

Urako
03-20-2017, 10:31 PM
Well I won't say I am exactly happy with Steam exploding but oh well.

NOW PICK MY STORY TO SHREDS I want all the CNC.

Don't worry about it. Characters die all the time but they come back later anyways:)

Piston1937
03-20-2017, 10:33 PM
I guess

Plus Steam is a automaton. It ain't hard to build a new one.

Though I do have to say. you missed out on a great battle scene in the hell stage Azarel

Urako
03-20-2017, 10:35 PM
I guess

Plus Steam is a automaton. It ain't hard to build a new one.

Yeah the real difficulty is working it into the canon (if you choose to do so) of living beings with no special regenerative powers.

Piston1937
03-20-2017, 10:37 PM
Now that would be a nightmare. Lucky me. I have like three backup characters to work with until I can work in the Steam being brought back to life. If I lose of course.

If I win everyone goes home alive.

Also I don't think He captured Steam's personality correctly. He is upbeat, pervy, and a jokester. Not a dull robot that are mass produced.

Azarel CS.777
03-21-2017, 12:14 AM
Now that would be a nightmare. Lucky me. I have like three backup characters to work with until I can work in the Steam being brought back to life. If I lose of course.

If I win everyone goes home alive.

Also I don't think He captured Steam's personality correctly. He is upbeat, pervy, and a jokester. Not a dull robot that are mass produced.

Oh, I think I forgot about that XD

Kaizah
03-21-2017, 12:16 AM
Hmm... what does CNC. stand for?

devi
03-21-2017, 12:27 AM
Cocks and Cookies

[Comments and Criticism]

Applecharm11 Starhorse
03-21-2017, 02:57 AM
Great battle, Piston! You've improved since last time! Whelp, time for some CNC:

You should try to space out the paragraphs, don't keep a big chunk of text together as it makes it harder to read. Making new paragraphs for dialogue also helps readers see whose talking. Like for example:

"I like cats," John said.

"I don't care." Steam replied. "And don't call me a robot."

So for this part:
“This?” Steam pulled the parcel out from under his arm. The ancient linen felt like it would disintegrate under Steam’s touch but he knew it would be fine. “Something I made a long time ago.”

Steam took one look at his daughter's face.

“When you're older.” Steam said, trying not to give in to the pouting face Synthia was making.

Once Synthia found out that the pouty face would not work, she stomped off into the forest. Steam sighed pulling out a cigarette before walking toward the valley entrance.

I like your descriptions and the battle was easier to follow than last time. Keep going!

And as for Azarel,

CNC time!

First off, the way you wrote Steam's character isn't quite clear. He seems to be cold and 'evil' upon the very first appearance, and suddenly soft hearted to his daughter before turning chill. Parts of the battle like Azarel getting into Steam's ship was unclear, had to read a few times to try to understand. Did Azarel teleport up to his ship? They were fighting and suddenly he gets on the ship. This is quite confusing. Try to elaborate clearly on how Azarel and when he managed to sneak onto Steam's ship without him knowing.

Long sentences are good things, but not too long. I advise breaking up most of your sentences that have too manna commas into shorter sentences. This'll help readers follow easily instead of being fed so much information at once.

On a side note, Steam has feelings and a proper consciousness. Robots don't. He's an automaton.

Other than that, the climatic atmosphere created by the battle is too quickly broken down. A bit more description of time passing as he calms down, thoughts of Steam's defeat perhaps, could help ease the parts smoother. But otherwise, your battle's descriptions of actions was quite good. Keep on going!

Azarel CS.777
03-21-2017, 11:25 PM
And as for Azarel,

CNC time!

First off, the way you wrote Steam's character isn't quite clear. He seems to be cold and 'evil' upon the very first appearance, and suddenly soft hearted to his daughter before turning chill. Parts of the battle like Azarel getting into Steam's ship was unclear, had to read a few times to try to understand. Did Azarel teleport up to his ship? They were fighting and suddenly he gets on the ship. This is quite confusing. Try to elaborate clearly on how Azarel and when he managed to sneak onto Steam's ship without him knowing.

Long sentences are good things, but not too long. I advise breaking up most of your sentences that have too manna commas into shorter sentences. This'll help readers follow easily instead of being fed so much information at once.

On a side note, Steam has feelings and a proper consciousness. Robots don't. He's an automaton.

Other than that, the climatic atmosphere created by the battle is too quickly broken down. A bit more description of time passing as he calms down, thoughts of Steam's defeat perhaps, could help ease the parts smoother. But otherwise, your battle's descriptions of actions was quite good. Keep on going!

Okay, i'll try to make it clearer and easier to read next time, and, I think that I kinda forgot to explain how Azarel got on the ship, but thanks for the CNC. anyway! :D

Sharpiro
03-22-2017, 04:24 PM
Annnnnnd I'm back! Dang piston, you've improved so much ever since I went off the grid. As for Cnc, I can give none because I am terrible at that. I haven't even read the stories yet, so that's a maybe for Cnc

Piston1937
03-22-2017, 05:29 PM
Wanna go for another round Sharpiro?

I am Iching for battle and you are a good stone to hone my skills on.

Sharpiro
03-24-2017, 08:17 PM
maybe later, Azarel just challenged me.

Edit: Off topic but I do pixel art now :D if you want I can make one for steam in the same style as my Ethernu avatar

Piston1937
03-24-2017, 08:26 PM
Edit: Off topic but I do pixel art now :D if you want I can make one for steam in the same style as my Ethernu avatar

Yes PLEASE.