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View Full Version : Daeikzae: Tales of Light And Shadow - Chapter 1 [Resurrection]



Cassandra
04-05-2018, 04:28 PM
Okkzerso vunso'okkevunlio fekel Daeikzaeiksosaz...




“Death? Ahaaahahahaaaaa…!”

It looked exactly how it always did. Space had always been dark, cold, and full of stars. But now, something had changed. Seraphoenix, the Light Alphegerai, drifted through the cosmos; his gaze distant and roving; the change clinging to his consciousness like a parasite. Space…was lonely.

Of course, there were plenty of Alphegerai scattered across the universe; his species, a race of supremely powerful beings…with massive bodies of starry mist, brilliant, uniquely colored reptilian eyes (one large main eye, two smaller eyes on each side of the main), and a unique, celestial symbol blazing on their foreheads. Some of them were very close. He could sense their celestial energy nearby, well…nearby for him was within a couple thousand lightyears. The closest one was Toxicrawler. Of all the other Alphegerai, this centipede-like, green-eyed being was the one that kept the closest watch on him. Seraphoenix couldn’t blame her. After all, it had been his brother that put his entire species on edge. Not that any of that mattered now. Shadowyvern was gone.

Centuries ago, Seraphoenix had responded to a cosmos-wide call for help. It was his daughter, Vamprina. She was in combat with a surprisingly powerful Alphegerai hybrid, a creature that had originally been created by his brother, Shadowyvern, the Dark Alphegerai. The creature was called Samael, and he had been made for one sole purpose: to destroy anything and everything that Seraphoenix could create. Was he successful? Unfortunately, the answer was a bloody, agonizing yes. Of course, Seraphoenix and Shadowyvern had grown much closer and friendlier to one another over the years…and in the end, his brother had actually asked the Light Alphegerai for help in reining the disobedient hybrid in.

The request came too late.

When they came to aid Vamprina (Vampress was her Alphegerai name), they found out that Samael had enslaved every single other Alphegerai. Normally, such a feat would be impossible…but, somehow, the hybrid had managed to find a workaround. Since fighting his most powerful enemies first would be suicide, he’d used his own partial Alphegerai powers to defeat younger, weaker Alphegerai. Then, he split their energy and inserted a bit of it into multiple members of his created servant species: the Scythewings. He repeated this process, defeating more and more young Alphegerai. Eventually, he’d amassed enough celestial-powered Scythewings to take on stronger Alphegerai, and his army grew.

Truthfully, at that moment before the battle, Seraphoenix, Shadowyvern, and Vamprina were the only remaining Alphegerai in the entire universe. And that wasn’t event the worst part. Being a greedy creature, Samael had taken a bit of power from every Alphegerai he defeated, making him immensely powerful.

Powerful enough to take on three Alphegerai…all at once.

Shadowyvern tried to reason with his creation; telling him that he didn’t have to do all this. The hybrid wouldn’t listen and commanded his army to attack. Seraphoenix returned Vamprina to her true Alphegerai form, and the battle commenced. As they fought, Samael singled out Shadowyvern and killed him. He then turned on Vamprina, but her father got in the way and took the brunt of the hybrid’s attacks. Shadowyvern suddenly reappeared on the battlefield; having experienced the rare “rapid resurrection” phenomenon. He took on his creation again, allowing Seraphoenix time to withdraw and regain his strength. Vamprina called out to him, saying that she had a way to free the other Alphegerai.

As she had been fighting the Scythewings, she realized that they seemed to be split up into massive groups. When one attacked, then a large number of them would also attack at the same time. This could mean that, even though the powers of a single Alphegerai were split among many members, they still all attacked as a unit. Also…the split power made them unstable, especially if they were close to each other.

Up to this point, Vamprina’s ally, Volt, was actually on the battlefield, but his powers were doing nothing to the enemy; he simply wasn’t strong enough to defeat a single Scythewing alone. At Vamprina’s request, Seraphoenix charged the little lightning bender with his power, and Volt released massive lightning bolts into the Scythewing army.

The bolts chained among the monsters, overcharging and destroying them. Every Scythewing that fell released a little of the Alphegerai power that was within them, and that power was beginning to reform into the celestial being they came from. Still, the freed Alphegerai could not fully return to existence, as Samael still had their missing energy.

With no enemies left to keep them busy, Shadowyvern, Seraphoenix, and Vampress fought Samael with their combined strength, but it was not enough. Samael was just too powerful for them all to take on. Angered, Seraphoenix teleported the hybrid’s family to the battlefield, suspending them in a bubble of oxygen. Upon seeing them, Samael halted his attacks, laughing at the Alphegerai’s desperation.

Seraphoenix said he wasn’t bluffing; he would destroy them if the hybrid didn’t stop fighting now. Samael just snorted, saying he didn’t care, but Shadowyvern could see the terror hidden in his eyes. The Dark Alphegerai came up beside his brother, saying that this was out of character and that he was going to regret this decision. Seraphoenix refused to budge; saying that Samael was practically drowning in the blood of generations of the organisms he’d made. It was time for him to atone for his sins.

Shadowyvern could see there was no talking his brother out of this…so he addressed Samael directly and asked him what he really wanted. The hybrid said that even with the power of almost every Alphegerai coursing through him…he really didn’t feel like it was enough. He’d always wanted to be an Alphegerai, not just use their powers like some servant species. Shadowyvern said that he’d grant Samael’s wish, but warned him that there would be consequences. A strange light burned in the hybrid’s eyes, and he spread out his arms. Sensing that something quite scarring was going to happen, Seraphoenix teleported Samael’s family back to their world. With them gone, Shadowyvern began funneling his power into the hybrid. As the Light brother watched, he realized too late that this process will kill both participants. Numbly, he continued to observe as his brother faded out of existence, leaving a shocked Samael behind. Seconds later, the hybrid collapsed on himself, unable to handle the great power he’d been given.

The Light Alphegerai sighed, drifting close to Abyssentinel’s territory. Normally, Alphegerai did not share territories and protected them with untamed ferocity. Still, Seraphoenix was on good terms with the midnight-blue-eyed warrior; despite the fact that they hadn’t spoken in over a decade. He was here for a special reason, which Abyssentinel understood completely.

This was where he’d lost his brother.

Seraphoenix wove among the stars; eyes clouded with emotion. In a little bit, he’d soon be at the spot where Shadowyvern’s accursed hybrid had died. Uncharacteristically, the Light Alphegerai began to feel a twisted sense of satisfaction as he neared the area. This was where it had all ended. He’d soon pick up the tingle of rent fragments of essence; see the minute particles of matter that had once been united in a single body. Seraphoenix rushed to the area; a strange thrill running through him. For a moment, he felt as though Samael had deserved such a terrible, torturous end; and hoped that the wretched creature was suffering immensely…wherever he was now.

Maybe his brother had come back this time. Shadowyvern would be there, waiting for him. The Light Alphegerai would approach, and his brother would look at him in that special way, telling him that he was always late for the important things…

He was here. There was no sign of his brother.

Reality returned, and Seraphoenix hissed, energy crackling across his form. He reared his head, roaring his rage and anguish across the cosmos. He didn’t just do it once; he did it multiple times. When he was done, he hung his head, shivering. He felt so weak…and…powerless…

“Brother…” he breathed, his voice thick with sorrow. “…why did you have to leave me?”

Normally…the span of time for an Alphegerai to naturally resurrect was about a decade or less. It had been many centuries now, and there was no indication that Shadowyvern would ever return. For the first couple of decades, Seraphoenix had held on to the possibility of his brother’s rebirth, but as time went on, his confidence dwindled down to hopeless desperation. Now, he knew that he had to move on, and accept the fact that he would never see Shadowyvern again. Still, a small part of him strongly believed that he’d completely forget he’d even had a brother as soon as he did so. It was a foolish thought…but he couldn’t seem to shake it no matter what he did.

As the Light Alphegerai turned slow circles around the death zone, he suddenly realized something very important.

They weren’t here. The particles and essences…they weren’t here!

Seraphoenix expanded his senses, probing multiple galaxies within his range.

“Impossible…” he whispered. “Where are they?”

Confusion gave way to dread, and a terrifying thought surfaced in the Light Alphegerai’s mind. Had…the hybrid…Samael…resurrected? Had he come back? Seraphoenix withdrew his probes, unsure of whether he was ready to sense the reconstructed hybrid. If Samael was out there, it would be safer to see him first, and from a safe distance. The Light Alphegerai looped about the battle zone once more, tense, but there was no sign of Samael. Maybe he’d resurrected somewhere else. Fear prickled across Seraphoenix’s form and he rushed off to check on the worlds he’d made. As he searched, he tried to ignore the mass of questions buzzing in his head.

When Samael came back, why didn’t he sense Shadowyvern’s presence too? The hybrid had his brother’s power in him now, right? What was Samael’s goal now that he was back? Would he destroy them all again? Was he now more powerful than before?

He blazed by another world, only glancing at it to confirm the hybrid wasn’t there. He still had many more planets to go. Periodically, he’d pass some Alphegerai, which glared at him as he passed through their territories. They did not stop him, and he did not tell them about Samael either. He’d had many false alarms over the years; what was there to prove that the hybrid had actually come back? Maybe an Alphegerai had passed through the battle zone and unwittingly absorbed Samael’s remains. No…he needed more evidence.

He needed to see the hybrid alive.

As he approached Stickworld, seven Alphegerai approached him, all in their true celestial forms. Sensing who they were, Seraphoenix slowed, stopped, and waited for them. They were the Elders:

Alphera, the oldest female Alphegerai in existence.

Omegaeon, the oldest male Alphegerai in existence.

Celestialien, a young, but wise female.

Omniris, whose eye-shaped servants could see everything and everyone anywhere.

Eternitempest, whose stormy tempers were nasty and could strike without warning. In most situations, though, he was good at keeping his cool.

Infinesse, his mother; one of the newest members.

Infininova, his father; another of the newest members.

Compared to the rest of the Elders, his parents had been accepted “recently” (about a century after Shadowyvern and Samael’s death). Usually, Elders were chosen according to the time they’d existed; the ones that lived the longest are the first picks. However, times had changed; special circumstances had influenced the decision. This was significant, as this tradition had not been modified for millennia.

Seraphoenix bowed, greeting the Elders, and tried to keep himself composed. It was not right for him to unload his personal hypothesis before them; he needed to prove it first. His efforts were in vain; Infinesse immediately sensed the urgency of his distress.

“Seraph…” she said, her voice calm, sweet, and powerful. “…what troubles you?”

The Light Alphegerai dropped his gaze, suddenly embarrassed.

“Mother…” he answered, looking up at her; cursing the tremble in his voice. “…I am just trying to find something I have lost.”

His words stung at the back of his mind, and he quickly looked at another Elder. Yes, it wasn’t the whole truth…but it wasn’t far from it either.

“He’s chasing his brother’s ghost again.” Omegaeon remarked, taking an obvious stab at old wounds. An amused look flickered in his azure gaze. “What did you see him do this time? Reverse a galactic spiral?”

The other Elders hummed their support, but Celestialien and the Light Alphegerai’s parents had no such reaction. Seraphoenix shook his head, successfully hiding his irritation.

“It’s nothing important.” he continued. “Maybe he’s not really here.”

“He?” Omegaeon queried, and he rolled his main eye dramatically. “Ah…he was braiding nebulas then?”

Alphera sighed, turning her piercing silver eyes towards her husband. “Don’t be so hard on him, zaezyl sazfehaeso. Our sufferings hold us much longer than we care to admit.”

“I’m merely trying to spare us all the embarrassment of another useless hunt, my dear.” the Elder explained, glancing briefly at his spouse before looking at Seraphoenix again. “We’ve been on…what…700,000 of them this past year alone, correct?”

“You’re overdramatizing…” Seraphoenix muttered angrily, instantly regretting the words as all the Elders looked his way. He hung his head.

Celestialien drifted a little closer to the Light Alphegerai, dipping her head down until their eyes met.

“Child…” the Elder said, her voice soothing. “…tell us what really troubles you, then.”

She looked over her shoulder, catching Infinesse’s eye specifically before returning to her previous position.

“Speak from your heart. Something tells me that it is serious this time.”

With that, Celestialien drew back, and all the Elders waited.

Seraphoenix took a deep breath, the tail end of his form twitching back and forth in his nervousness.

“Well…” he began, shakily. “…I-I checked out the battlefield today; as I do probably too many times in the year.”

Infininova snorted, drawing glares from the other Elders, which he ignored. Seraphoenix waited a bit, and then continued.

“While I was there…I realized I couldn’t sense Samael’s remnants anymore.”

Darkness clouded his gaze, and the terrible thought came back to him; even stronger than before. His next words were spoken with an ominous fear.

“He may have resurrected.”

Most of the Elders shifted uncomfortably, remembering their enslavement all those years ago. It was an experience they’d never forget. The only one who didn’t react was Omegaeon, who still had that look of stubborn doubt on his face.

“And you can prove this?” he asked, his words terminating in a growl.

Seraphoenix shrugged, unable to meet his gaze.

“I hope so.” he replied. “But for all our sakes…I hope I’m wrong.”


***

The news of Samael’s possible return spread like wildfire among the celestial communities. Some prepared for war right away. The young ones aided Seraphoenix in the search, every one of them boasting that they would see the hybrid first. Most of the Alphegerai though, including the Elders, went beyond the edges of the universe; seeking safety in the unknown.

Seraphoenix in the meantime, finished up the surveillance of his worlds. He found nothing and returned to the old battlefield once more; hoping he’d been mistaken. He hadn’t. The remnants had not returned. Now the Light Alphegerai had to think. Could he have missed the hybrid’s presence somehow? He’d checked all the major places in space so far.

Wait…

Space! Why had he been looking only in space? The hybrid was able to go onto the surfaces of worlds too! Panic edged his mind, and he struggled to force it away. No, no; keep calm. Maybe the young Alphegerai had found Samael already. They’d probably been more thorough than he. And then? If they found the hybrid first, he’d just catch them again and history would repeat itself. Why hadn’t he told them to travel in pairs?

Seraphoenix began to think hard. If his brother had just resurrected, he would go find…

Family.

All at once, the Light Alphegerai knew where Samael had gone.


***

Theriagenesis. Jordan Star’s home planet looked pretty much the same from space. Seraphoenix drifted closer to the atmosphere. He didn’t have to probe the surface to know Samael was there. The hybrid’s dark presence, though slight, was detectable here. The Light Alphegerai retreated, hiding himself in a nearby irregular galaxy. A couple of tense, unnerving minutes passed, and Seraphoenix took on his reduced form, effectively concealing most of his power. If the hybrid did come this way…he’d likely miss the Alphegerai’s presence.

Hopefully.

There was a blink of red light by Theriagenesis. Seraphoenix locked onto the disturbance, waiting. Samael’s presence was stronger now. The red light was still for a moment, and then…slowly…it began to drift towards Seraphoenix. The Light Alphegerai tensed but didn’t move. If he did, Samael would see him for sure.

The light kept coming.

A chill pulsed through Seraphoenix. Samael had seen him. He was going to die, and so was everyone else…all over again. Then, the twisted hybrid would destroy everything else in the universe. There would be nothing left for the Alphegerai to come back to. Nothing but death.
The light was close now. Seraphoenix turned his head away, unwilling to lay eyes on the wretched thing. All of a sudden, he realized something was different. Samael…had less power. Just as this had occurred to him, he sensed that the hybrid’s presence was fading. Looking up, he saw the red light drifting on, oblivious.

No way. How…?

“So, he’s back.” a familiar voice said. It sounded surprisingly close.

The Light Alphegerai whirled and saw the midnight blue Abyssentinel hovering beside him. Now it made sense. Abyssentinel’s special talent was to cause any number of targets to zone out completely, for as long as he liked.

He was in his reduced form; typical rounded head, five eyes (one main in the center, two pairs on each side) and the smooth, inverse triangular chest. Two large black horns curled from his head, and his celestial symbol blazed bright on his chest. A pair of large black bat wings dangled from his back, their folded shape almost resembling a cape, while two smaller black feathered wings spread from just behind his shoulders. Abyssentinel’s lower body terminated into a smoky cloud, from within which four chains swayed slightly back and forth, like the tails of aimless serpents. As always, he had Noviir and Rathla with him, the additional heads of his true celestial form. Noviir had a blunt, rounded snout and bat-like ears. Rathla had a simple sphere-shaped head with a two-pronged fin crest sprouting from the top of it. They hovered close beside him, kept nearby with chains that extended from the bases of their heads. Abyssentinel held the chains firmly in each hand; their broken ends wrapped around his wrists. Slightly behind him was the bright green Toxicrawler, also in reduced form. Her broken antenna drew his eye first; the other dangled behind her like an offset ponytail. Her hands resembled insect feet with four claw digits: two serving as fingers, and two thumbs on each side of the lower palm. Her lower body terminated into a large claw-like pincer. It was Toxicrawler who had spoken.

Seraphoenix moved to bow, but Abyssentinel put up his hand, stopping him. Toxicrawler did not move. Her gaze was penetratingly intense; her good antenna flicked periodically.

“If it’s any consolation,” she began, drawing a little closer to Abyssentinel. “…I believed you the moment you mentioned him.”

The Light Alphegerai nodded, not speaking. Normally, it was the older Alphegerai who had the first word, namely Abyssentinel. When Toxicrawler spoke, Abyssentinel had folded his arms and looked Toxicrawler’s way but did not reprimand her. Now that she seemed to have finished, he nodded at Seraphoenix.

“Speak, young one.” he said. “Share your knowledge with us.”

“I didn’t want to believe it.” the Light Alphegerai said quietly. “Samael has returned…and now we need to know what he’s up to.”

“He should be destroyed.” Toxicrawler snarled, green energy crackling across her body. “There are more Alphegerai now than when he last lived. We should strike now, while he’s weak.”

So, she sensed the power difference too? Seraphoenix thought. He paused a moment, thinking of how to answer her, but then Abyssentinel spoke.

“No.” he said. “We can’t just openly attack him all at once. It is possible that the new power he has within him will awaken if we do.”

Toxicrawler hissed, folding her arms. “You don’t know that.”

“I agree with Abyssentinel.” Seraphoenix said, causing the female to glare at him. “We don’t know if the power he has is a combination of my brother’s and the ones that he enslaved so long ago. If it is…even with all our combined strength, I’m not so sure if we can beat him.”

The Light Alphegerai let his gaze remain on Toxicrawler for a moment, and then he looked over at Abyssentinel.

“We may have the numbers on our side now…but most of them consist of a younger, reckless, and more inexperienced generation. It has never been easy for us to unite and fight as one; it will be more difficult now than it was in Samael’s previous life.”

Abyssentinel nodded, Noviir and Rathla mirroring the action.

“Well said, Seraphoenix.” he commented. “So…what do you think we should do?”

Toxicrawler’s head jerked up in surprise. She looked over at Abyssentinel.

“Wait…you’re asking him? You’re older!”

Noviir faced the female and flattened his ears, fangs bared. Slowly, his owner looked at Toxicrawler as well.

“I am aware of our age differences, Toxicrawler.” Abyssentinel stated, his tone unwavering. “You must understand; Seraphoenix has more experience with Samael than all of us that are alive now.”

Toxicrawler flicked her good antenna dismissively but remained silent. Abyssentinel returned his gaze to Seraphoenix, but Noviir stayed in the same position.

“First of all,” the Light Alphegerai began. “…we need time. Because of our extremely long lifespans, I’ve noticed that we tend to take things…a little slow.”

Seraphoenix paused a moment, and then lifted his hand. White energy swirled around it, and then formed into the shape of a planet. Noviir turned to face it, pricking his ears forwards.

“This world is where my daughter went.” he said. “It has many powerful individuals living on it. If we can get him to go back here, maybe he will be kept busy there long enough for us to get ready.”

Toxicrawler drew close, peering at the planet.

“Hmmm…” she muttered, and then looked at Seraphoenix. “…that sounds nice but, how are we supposed to get him to do that, exactly?”

The Light Alphegerai began to shrug, but then an orb of midnight-colored energy orbited the planet a bit, causing both him and Toxicrawler to look at Abyssentinel. The Alphegerai caused the orb to vanish, and then nodded to them both.

“I…may…know someone who may be able to help.” he said.

The Alphegerai bowed, and then converted to their celestial forms; zipping across the universe within a human eye blink.


***

It looked…exactly the same as he’d left it.

Samael drifted outside the warrior planet’s atmosphere, tracking the energies of those below. His yellow eyes burned with unsettling intensity, clearly visible from within the visor of darkness that shaded his face. His thick black spiky hair waved lazily about, stirred by his power output; their motions nearly shrouding the glowing red ‘V’ on his forehead. The back of each of his hands displayed the same mark, but these continuously dripped a red substance that looked and smelled like blood. As for clothing, the hybrid wore a black suit with a dark purple bow tie, and a pair of shiny metal boots with spikes on their toe areas. The uniform was unblemished, looking exactly as it did at his time of death.

Honestly, he was unsure of why he’d returned to it. The hybrid could tell immediately that Vampress was no longer there, so that was not the reason…

There were some other, impressively powerful individuals here, though.

What if one can unlock your power?

The voice came to him subtly…slithering from the depths of his mind. He looked down at his right hand, and clenched and unclenched his fist, thinking. Yes…he could still feel that his power was suppressed. But why?

Go to the planet, the voice continued. You’ll find all your answers there.

Samael grinned, and dropped down through the atmosphere, feeling a surge of power as he went through. The hybrid took a deep breath, and a giggle slipped through his teeth. He hit the ground, only cracking it slightly. There were powerful beings here. No use in getting into a scrap this early.

First, he’d spend some time getting used to his surroundings again. Samael looked around. He’d landed in a forest clearing. He could sense a familiar energy here. Vampress? She’d been here a very long time ago. The hybrid walked back and forth, using the energies he felt to reconstruct the scene. As he moved, every single living creature around him fled for their lives as quickly as they could. Even the plants tilted away from his path; leaves shivering, as if stirred by an unseen breeze. Samael continued to walk, following the trail, and then came to an abrupt stop, as if he’d just hit an invisible wall. The hybrid bent down, caressing the moss beneath him. Wherever his blood substance fell, the plants withered away.

Something had died here. The scent of pain and sorrow was still strong. Aside from those emotions, it also smelled like a mix of human and rabbit around here.

Samael straightened up, putting his arms behind his back, and then stiffened. Alphegerai. He could sense their faint presence here too. Instinctively, the hybrid glanced around him quickly, but he sensed and saw nothing. They had been here too, long ago. One of the energy signatures was undoubtedly that of Seraphoenix. Perhaps…whatever had died here…had also been resurrected. With some finer sensing, Samael managed to pick up a very faint energy trail leading away from the spot, but it went nowhere.

Shrugging, the hybrid turned away, expanding his senses. There was a populated area near here. Samael faced it, and then strode through the woods at a brisk pace. With every step, his smile broadened, until his fanged grin took up most of his face.

Vermin of this world, prepare yourselves, he thought to himself. I will make myself known once more…and all will fear my name.


***

“Alright…I’ve done what I can.”

Manipuleech let out his breath, his eyes dimmed from the exertion. Turning to his anxious onlookers, he nodded at the warrior planet.

“It was a delicate process…but it worked.” the Alphegerai said. “He now thinks he has to find a rival there. Given all the warriors he has to go through, I’d say he’d be pretty busy for a while.”

Seraphoenix, Toxicrawler, and Abyssentinel all exchanged glances for a moment. Then Toxicrawler came forward.

“Yeah,” she hissed. “I’d say congrats and all…but I’m honestly not that convinced.”

The female leaned in close, until her and Manipuleech’s faces almost touched.

“Just remember…if your awesome fix isn’t actually as great as you told us it was...I know exactly whose galaxies to poison.”

With that, Toxicrawler turned away and vanished, leaving Abyssentinel and Seraphoenix behind. The Light Alphegerai sighed and approached Manipuleech.

“Don’t worry about her.” he consoled. “She’s just nervous. We all are.”

Manipuleech nodded rapidly many times, and then shook himself a bit.

“Oh…yah, sure.” was his reply. “I know she was jus’ kiddin’. I think.”

“You did well, Manipuleech.” Abyssentinel commented, coming up alongside Seraphoenix. “That will be all.”

Manipuleech bowed, and then vanished as well. Alone, Abyssentinel and Seraphoenix faced the warrior planet, both trying to ignore the tension in the air. Eventually, Abyssentinel broke the silence.

“I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t worried right now.”

Seraphoenix laughed mirthlessly, making a nervous loop before reassuming his previous position. “Y-yeah…I could say the same thing.”

Silence. Then, Seraphoenix looked to Abyssentinel.

“Why?” he asked, and all three heads of the celestial form looked his way.

“Well…to be honest, I feel indebted to you, somehow.” Abyssentinel admitted. “I mean…you, your brother, and your daughter all had to deal with that…abomination.”

Seraphoenix sighed, his eyes clouding with emotion again. “Well…if we are being honest then…I didn’t do anything. It was Shadowyvern. He was the one who destroyed Samael the first time, not me.”

“Even so, I should be grateful all the same. And I’m quite sure the rest of the Alphegerai have feelings like this too; they just don’t mention them.”

The Light Alphegerai laughed, his energies swirling around him.

“Oh yeah. Given the overlord nature of our species…the last thing we want to be are servants, even to each other.”

There was a pause, and then Seraphoenix looked back at the warrior planet.

“I don’t know…” he said quietly. “…how have we managed to respect each other all these years?”

Abyssentinel drew close beside him; all his heads following Seraphoenix’s gaze.

“A question I wonder about as well.” was his response. “Maybe there is hope for us after all.”

The Light Alphegerai looked Abyssentinel’s way for a moment, slightly confused. What did he mean by that? he wondered.

Abyssentinel turned abruptly, drifting away from Seraphoenix. Once he’d gone a short distance, he looked over his shoulder.

“Farewell, Seraphoenix.” he called out. “I will notify the Elders of what we have done.”

The Light Alphegerai nodded. “Thank you. You better get there before Toxicrawler does.”

Abyssentinel’s eyes glowed, causing Noviir and Rathla to grin widely.

“I will.” he answered. “Good luck.”

With that, Abyssentinel turned and disappeared, and Seraphoenix was truly alone.

The Light Alphegerai looked back at the warrior planet, focused on Samael’s life force, and took a deep breath; letting it out forcefully.

Eyes burning bright, he expanded his senses…

Suddenly a rift opened beside him, and a small creature floated out. Distracted, Seraphoenix turned in its direction, confused. As soon as he made eye contact with it, he knew what it was.
The creature looked like an eyeball and had two small, semi-transparent blue-green tentacles waving about behind it. The eye itself was also a blue-green color, and had a glowing white pupil slit…just like that of its owner. Seraphoenix watched it, and it came right to him, stopping and looking up.

It was one of Omniris’s eye servants.

The Light Alphegerai bowed slightly in its direction, knowing that the owner was watching. The eye servant drifted a little closer, and then Seraphoenix knew what he had to do. Focusing on the servant, he released a small bit of his power, wrapping it around the eye. Within seconds, the eye servant’s color had changed, mirroring his colors now instead of Omniris. The converted eye servant zipped down towards the warrior planet, becoming completely undetectable as soon as it slipped through the atmosphere.

Well…it was undetectable to everyone and everything else…except for Omniris and Seraphoenix.

The eye found Samael instantly, and transferred the information back to Seraphoenix. A crystal-clear feed appeared in the Light Alphegerai’s mind, displaying real-time footage of the hybrid’s activity. Samael entered a building, stopping by its front desk. The lady there greeted him, and he pointed out a wRHG application poster behind her. She nodded and handed him a paper and pen.

Seraphoenix watched intently, his eyes clouded with emotion, and spoke four words to the stars around him:

“And so it begins.”


So that was Chapter One! Any CnC is welcome and appreciated! I can't wait to work on the next ones in the meantime. This character is going to be my best one yet. :)

SJCRPV
05-13-2018, 07:23 PM
I'm glad to see that what initally drew me to enjoy your writing is still there.
However, technically, there's still work to be done.
I hope explaining you my thoughts will be help towards that.


Let's start with your entire initial section where you retell the fight between Seraphoenix, Shadowyvern, Samael and Vampress.
It's hard to really explain why I find the way you did this to be to the detriment of the story, because you've done the remarkable feet of both succeeding and failing in pulling this off.

On one hand, you manage to make this retelling sound exactly like the way one tells a story to a friend or a relative, and you manage also to make it sound like it's a tale of legend. If this was your intention, you nailed it.
But on the other hand, because it sounds like that, it suffers from a very pronounced lack of detail and flow of events. It's all very summarised. And the story suffers from it because it sounds like a person telling this tale instead of a writer telling this tale.
There's no mostly silent animation on the back filling in the details as you tell this : P

Following that, there's one thing I want to propose to you regarding the way you refer to your characters.
Let's take Seraphoenix. You have his name, the title "The Light Alphegerai" and the group of variations of "he", "him" and so forth that we'll conveniently address as a single thing.
That makes it 2 direct identifications of the character and a contextual one.


It was a foolish thought…but he couldn’t seem to shake it no matter what he did.

As the Light Alphegerai turned slow circles around the death zone, he suddenly realized something very important.

They weren’t here. The particles and essences…they weren’t here!

Seraphoenix expanded his senses, probing multiple galaxies within his range.

Look at this. Four lines, and you went through all three of the identifiers. Seems kind of like a waste, don't you think?

Let me try and explain my point here. Let's look at the excerpt again, but this time, I've replaced the direct identifiers with the contextual one

It was a foolish thought… but he couldn’t seem to shake it no matter what he did.

As he turned slow circles around the death zone, he suddenly realized something very important.

They weren’t here. The particles and essences…they weren’t here!

He expanded his senses, probing multiple galaxies within his range.

Reading from the start of the paragraph, could you point me to a moment here where it's not clear that we're talking about Seraphoenix? At best, I'd change the first mention in the second sentence to "Seraphoenix", but the point I'm making here is that you should try and avoid directly identifying the character unless it's necessary to understand who's who in the text. The contextual identifiers are usually enough. And preferably use the name over the title too. But there's nuance, and there's reason to use at least the name at times even when the scene only includes a single character, but my method for that boils down to instinct, so I can't really explain to you how I do it with any degree of accuracy.




Still, a small part of him strongly believed that he’d completely forget he’d even had a brother as soon as he did so.

This sentence here confuses me greatly. Wouldn't this work better?


And as soon as he did, a small part of him strongly believed that he'd completely forget he'd even had a brother to begin with
---------------------

The Light Alphegerai whirled and saw the midnight blue Abyssentinel hovering beside him. Now it made sense. Abyssentinel’s special talent was to cause any number of targets to zone out completely, for as long as he liked.
I'm not fond of the second sentence here. It sounds too much like part of a profile description rather than a narrator's sentence. Would this sound better?


The Light Alphegerai whirled and saw the midnight blue figure known as Abyssentinel hovering beside him. It was then that it made sense. In line with his power, Abyssentinel had managed to force Samael to zone out entirely.
-------------------

He was in his reduced form; typical rounded head, five eyes (one main in the center, two pairs on each side) and the smooth, inverse triangular chest. Two large black horns curled from his head, and his celestial symbol blazed bright on his chest. A pair of large black bat wings dangled from his back, their folded shape almost resembling a cape, while two smaller black feathered wings spread from just behind his shoulders. Abyssentinel’s lower body terminated into a smoky cloud, from within which four chains swayed slightly back and forth, like the tails of aimless serpents.

I noticed this being a theme when reading through all three chapters.
The way you're currently doing descriptions is not working. They're too akin to reading off a list since you break it up into too many different sentences. On top of that, you sometimes jump back and forth between categories.
I can't claim I can do much better, but I'll attempt to rewrite this bit to try and show a more fluid way of doing it.


He had found it wise to appear in a more conservative form, described by a round head with two large black curled horns and five different eyes, of which two pairs of two took place in his sides while the main one held the centre. On the back of his celestially marked, inversed triangular chest, Abyssentinel held a pair of large and black bat-like wings which, when folded as they were now, closely resembled a cape. Just above them, however, behind the shoulders, two more existed; these ones smaller and feathered. The lower body was simpler. It was but a smoky cloud from which four chains swayed gently back and forth, like the tails of aimless serpents.

I'd like you to take particular note at how I didn't have to use the parenthesis like you did. They're better used to add very optional, but informative, details. In this case, you wanted to tell us how the eyes were displayed since they don't resemble regular humans or, perhaps, whatever's common for the Alphegerai. That's not exactly optional information. It's needed to form a clear image of the creature you're trying to describe. So, in this case (though there are instances where you can do that), it's not the right way to go.

I know you can do it, too.

The creature looked like an eyeball and had two small, semi-transparent blue-green tentacles waving about behind it. The eye itself was also a blue-green color, and had a glowing white pupil slit…just like that of its owner. Seraphoenix watched it, and it came right to him, stopping and looking up.
This is a better description than the one above : D




Compared to the rest of the Elders, his parents had been accepted “recently” (about a century after Shadowyvern and Samael’s death)
The parenthesis raises an interesting question for me.
At the start of this, while Seraphoenix is drifting to the stars, you imply, via Toxicrawler, that the Alphegerai were none too happy with the fact that Shadowyvern created Samael and that Sera, being his brother, was getting partial flak for his familial association. As such, it makes me wonder how both Seraphoenix's parents were taken to join the elders when something so tragic to the Alphegerai species had happened so recently. If this was supposed to be celebrated instead, then I'm afraid that was lost on me. I'd also ask why Seraphoenix hadn't been taken in instead, but given what you have with the Alphegerai is a clear gerontocracy, the argument that the parents should take his place instead gains some ground.


Excluding the first segment which I've already explained, this is a good introduction to the arc. I enjoyed reading it.
I'll get to the other two chapters as soon as possible : )