PDA

View Full Version : Lyrics to my song "Generic emo bullshit"



Wartooth
09-08-2008, 11:19 PM
Ok here they are-

(Guitar intro)

I feel the burning
In my head
No more learning
Cause I'm dead

**** em all!
I don't care!
Bodies fall.
I just stare.

Give me a quick death
I don't ask much more of you
Let me take my last breath
There's nothing left to do

It's in my brain
Burning tight
I think I'm insane
Follow the light

Give me a quick death
I don't ask much more of you
Let me take my last breath
There's nothing left to do

(guitar solo)





I'm not completely done, any thoughts?

2-D
09-09-2008, 12:56 AM
emo alert, emo alert

LakE
09-09-2008, 03:08 AM
emo alert, emo alert

**** you! You beat me to it.

Just add in "I slash my wrists and hope to die. I shed a tear, yes I cry. I'm a sensitive guy." in there somewhere and you'll be all FAG.

Wartooth
09-09-2008, 08:36 AM
Actually it's a slipknot style metal song... It's talking about the end of the world and it's through the eyes of an insane man

2-D
09-09-2008, 09:23 AM
OH SLIPKNOT HUH THEN THAT MAKES IT SUPER DOOPER COOL AND NOT EMO AT ALL THEN

not

TrashBLAM!
09-09-2008, 10:49 AM
Slipknot is the biggest bunch of closet emo's ever.

Wartooth
09-09-2008, 10:56 AM
Slipknot is the biggest bunch of closet emo's ever.

bull. You probably just don't understand them at all... And just because emos listen to them doesn't make them emo, faggot

TrashBLAM!
09-09-2008, 11:01 AM
bull. You probably just don't understand them at all... And just because emos listen to them doesn't make them emo, faggot


Aren't all emo's ''misunderstood''?

Faggot.

Wartooth
09-09-2008, 11:32 AM
What kind of music do you like trashfag?

TrashBLAM!
09-09-2008, 11:39 AM
I would tell you, but you'd just flame it thoughtless, to get some kind of revenge.

So go flush your gay little lyric down the toilet, M 'kay?

Wartooth
09-09-2008, 11:42 AM
I just to know what kind of music you listen to, if I flame, report me.

TrashBLAM!
09-09-2008, 11:46 AM
Lol, I don't ''report'' people. It's kinda NSB-ish, and I come from a jewish family you see.

And if you really must know, I listen to a wide range of music. From Death Metal to Grime, from Lounge to Speedcore. Just no gay emo bullcrap.

Mostly just the DnB subgenres tho..

Wartooth
09-09-2008, 11:49 AM
You listen to any metallica or megadeth, mate?

TrashBLAM!
09-09-2008, 11:55 AM
Hmm, my uncle listens to metallica, so I hear it when I'm visiting him.
I don't own any albums or anything tho...

Megadeth same story.

For some reason my unc. likes 80s, tight leather pants, metal.

I just listen to it when I need a laugh.

Why you ask?

Wartooth
09-09-2008, 12:01 PM
Youre pretty ignorant person when it comes to metal music. Metallica and megadeth are two of the bands that killed 80's tight leather pants hair metal shit. Nothing to laugh at there, mate.

TrashBLAM!
09-09-2008, 12:10 PM
http://www.eggcityradio.com/sharity/megadeth88.jpg

Granted, it's not leather.

Deathwish
09-09-2008, 12:47 PM
The song sucks.
No flow or anything it's just generic emo/screamo bullshit.

Think out your music, use metaphors, similies etc, make your lyrics clever not generic.

Request
09-09-2008, 06:00 PM
/Rant

I think your song is bad for a few reasons.

1. the song lacks substance, all it involves is the same line with different words. If you knew anything about crazy people which you do not, do say you are cause you aren't most psychotic people are more clever and technical when it comes to what they say, and they usually aren't listening to music, to busy playing with the unicorn in there bedroom.

2. You have no real understanding of music, im sure you think you are a prodigy, but in all reality just reading these makes me sick. If you are going to write music, don't write Generic EMO bullshit, I cannot stress that enough, if you are emo kill yourself and stop singing about it, shit.

3. Your an idiot, your getting all butt hurt over slipknot, anyone who listens to them and can live with themselves is an idiot, all the do is have some deep voice singing and screaming nothing clever or interesting to there music. If you turn on the radio and hear them they aren't hardcore.

Hope this isn't flaming.

LakE
09-09-2008, 06:45 PM
Ok here they are-

(Guitar intro)

I feel the burning
In my head
No more learning
Cause I'm dead

**** em all!
I don't care!
Bodies fall.
I just stare.

Give me a quick death
I don't ask much more of you
Let me take my last breath
There's nothing left to do

It's in my brain
Burning tight
I think I'm insane
Follow the light

Give me a quick death
I don't ask much more of you
Let me take my last breath
There's nothing left to do

(guitar solo)





I'm not completely done, any thoughts?

Some C&C, instead of just saying it's shit.
Guitar intro? No point adding that unless you have the intro wrote out. In which case, you should probably leave it out anyway. These are lyrics, we don't care about intros/outros/solos.

1st verse:
First line is alright. Followed by a short 2nd line, followed by a short 3rd line and ended with "'cause I'm dead".
Terrible overall. "I feel the burning in my head" okay. The next line should be longer than 3 words, something like "This burning engraving words in my head". Not exactly that, that's just somewhat of an example to show you the common length.
"No more learning"? Learning what? Life lessons? If that's it, then say it.
The last line is just terrible. Get rid of it. Change it to something interesting. Death is such a shit thing to sing about.

2nd verse:
"**** 'em all". Why? "I don't care". ABOUT WHAT? "bodies fall" Where did they come from? "I just stare" Well, they're just bodies falling. Wouldn't assume you'd run and catch them in the nude.
Work on this whole verse. It's terrible. We're clueless as to what's happening. You're ****ing 'em all, no reason to it. You're just doing it. Say who/why. You don't care, fair enough. Atleast make it stronger. Bodies falling, now, uh, why? Explain that. You just stare, cool. Fair enough. Shit line though.

Chorus:
"Give me a quick death" EMOOOOOOOOOO. No, no quick death for you faggot emo. Change this line to something else, probably meaning the same just smarter.
"I don't ask much more of you" Who? Again, state it. You can't just be writing random crap. Sounds are meant to have an understandable meaning that gets you thinking with small clues. This is just "KILL ME NAO, U" no story.
"Let me take my last breath" Emo. Emo. Emo. Breath rhymes with dead, I get it. Why not something to do with him breathing, something like cold or maybe worthless.
"There's nothing left to do". Stretch this out. It's not an important line.
Add some more lines to this, the song is too short, the chorus needs to be catchy, this isn't. I'm aware "DIS INT NO POP SONG". But, all good songs get stuck in your head.

Verse 4:
"It's in my brain" What is? The burn? MENTION IT. THESE LINES ARE THE MAXIMUM OF 4 ****ING WORDS, SHIT SAKE.
"Burning tight" Things don't burn tight. Things burn intensely at times, though.
"I think I'm insane" Cool shit. Why?
"Follow the light" What light? ****ing hell.

Overall song rating: 1/10.
It doesn't even look like you tried. Make lines longer, it'll make the song longer. Make the lines more detailed. I see songs as short stories in poetic form. They have a meaning, you can usually figure out the meaning. This is just horrible.
I couldn't imagine somebody singing it. Just take more time, not a few minutes.

Wartooth
09-09-2008, 11:04 PM
Here's the rewrite, after Lake's comment, thanks...
(now it's basically about a mentally insane man watching the apocalypse and is now named The End Of Insanity)

Where does that burning come
It's deep within my head
The world makes a purring hum
As it claims the dead

I laugh as the people die
And I don't know why
The laugh comes with a natural sense
I show no ignorance

Now there is noone lazy
Noone to name me crazy

Do I think normally like you?
Do I feel like a human does, too?

That's all I got so far, any better than before?

2-D
09-09-2008, 11:12 PM
Aren't all emo's ''misunderstood''?

Faggot.

I WAS ABOUT TO SAY THIS YOU ARE AWESOME TRASHBLAM

Wartooth
09-09-2008, 11:15 PM
I'm going to add you on xboxlive 2-D

zawmbee
09-10-2008, 01:02 PM
Me too.

Wartooth
09-11-2008, 12:13 PM
Here's the rewrite, after Lake's comment, thanks...
(now it's basically about a mentally insane man watching the apocalypse and is now named The End Of Insanity)

Where does that burning come
It's deep within my head
The world makes a purring hum
As it claims the dead

I laugh as the people die
And I don't know why
The laugh comes with a natural sense
I show no ignorance

Now there is noone lazy
Noone to name me crazy

Do I think normally like you?
Do I feel like a human does, too?

That's all I got so far, any better than before?

Rate new lyrics, yo. And thanks for the new title, it's real mature.

Request
09-11-2008, 02:07 PM
It sucks, stop writing about the apocalypse it isn't cool.

My cousin wrote a better song in 10 minutes.

About bike thieves and car jackers.

‹berschall
09-11-2008, 02:19 PM
Rate new lyrics, yo. And thanks for the new title, it's real mature.

You really managed to even make it worse.

Chunky
09-11-2008, 03:18 PM
People dying is too easy to write about, and you haven't even managed to do it well.

TrashBLAM!
09-11-2008, 05:26 PM
I WAS ABOUT TO SAY THIS YOU ARE AWESOME TRASHBLAM

Recognize.

And about the re-write, well...

Maybe you should just give up. Get a new hobby, something your good at. It'll probably even make you feel better about yourself.

Maybe.