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Devour
09-23-2008, 01:42 AM
My newest (finished) writing. Enjoy.

Sitting on the outdoor deck wind blowing through my hair,
A horse came screeching to a halt, dust thrown into the air.
“I hear that you’re the sheriff here,” The rider said with glee,
“but compared to me, I’ll do what I please, cause you’re not dangerous here.
Out came a gun, aimed straight at me, but I knew what to do,
I spun around and punched straight up and through the air it flew.
The rider’s eyes grew wide in shock but changed back just as fast,
“I have a bet,” He said to me, “that’ll decide the town at last.
We’ll meet again at strike of noon and have a little ‘chit,’
Cuz men like us in a town like this just ain’t gonna fit.”
“I’ve met men like you before, and they’re all just the same, just get them mad and they go down.” I said, joining the game.
He gave a sneer and walked away but I stayed at my spot.
For men like this just always fought with everything they’ve got.
The noon bell struck later that day, I met near the saloon,
The rider, he was there as well but his expressions shrewn.
I saw that he’d picked up his gun, returned it to his sack,
And one hand hovered right above it, the other behind his back.
His face twitched as a warning which I had learned to heed,
I dived away just as his gun, from its sack was freed.
Behind a barrel I hid from shots which missed me by a hair,
In rage the rider threw a bomb which soared into the air.
His left hand free he ran for cover and I did just the same, for seconds later, half the store blew apart with a bang.
I drew my gun deciding that the madness ended now,
And found the rider inside the store who quickly gave a bow.
His arrogance giving me the advantage that I needed,
I hit the rider over the head, who fell down defeated.
His unconscious body hidden inside a manure wagon,
The town was safe from ones who made situations madden.

Bonk
09-23-2008, 02:02 AM
I can see you're trying to be all poetic, but rhymes don't really cut it, especially if it has no rhythm (The three lines that stick out don't flow).

It started out well, but then it descended into an "action" type scenario, which to me was plain boring.

But, uhm, good work on the rhymes?

zawmbee
09-23-2008, 12:24 PM
Your rhyming scheme is ****ed up.
First it's, ab.
Then...lost me.

Pnuts
09-23-2008, 09:10 PM
I sorta liked it, not that I exactly adore westerns.

You made some rhymeys.