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MoD
01-06-2009, 09:23 AM
Brooding away; drifting, in the dark
Holding broken words, to an unbeating heart
Can you give me a sign
Turn my face to the sky?
All we build we burn, we'll never learn
And isn't it strange?
How throughout these days, we all look the same
Your eyes and mine, looking away
But I look at you, and you look at me
And slowly, we fade away

And I recognise, so much of you
In those eyes, always so green
And forgotten by time, unknown like history
Fade like a memory, gone like a dream
The trails gone cold, the things I've been told
Just fade away

If it doesn't end in bloodshed dear, its probably not love
But with this in mind, a tune kept out of sight
As we begin to drift to the fray
Tell me your not afraid, to fade, away

Theres things that I've lost, and things that I found
Things that I know, and those that haven't yet left
The ground
Your heart and mine, locked in time
Clockwork world and spaghetti springs
We fade away, fade away
Like a memory of a face







Lul completely rewritten

dawG
01-06-2009, 01:09 PM
That's some wacked shit, I absolutely hated it.

LakE
01-06-2009, 02:40 PM
The first 2 lines start, what I thought would be, the rhyming pattern. But they're the only lines to rhyme in the lyrics.

It would be better if it did rhyme more, to create some sort of flow and a nice pattern. The topic of each section seems to vary quickly and too often, for example:
"But I never left, I was always right here
Everything is always beautiful, until you take a look around
And all we build we burn, and we never learn
Lead me to the edge of the world, see how far we can go
And let it fade, like a memory, of your face"

The first 3 lines can be relevant to each other in a way. Then the 4th could probably be fitting, but I don't see it and the 5th has completely drifted off from "Always right there". To "let it fade, like a memory, of your face". It seems to contradict itself, also. it starts in past-tense, then moves to present, which seems to mix it up a little more, killing the flow a little more.

Keep it up though, man. I still enjoy reading your work.

MoD
01-07-2009, 08:42 AM
Its a style off of a Tom Mcrae song which I thought he did well, without any rhyming.


Also, its a soft high pitched song, not a RAGH GRAGH IN DA NAME OF SATAN 666 **** YFCIKWDHA YAAAAH type.

LakE
01-07-2009, 08:47 AM
I thought it would be in that sort of style. I don't mind it not rhyming, a lot of people decide their lyrics shouldn't rhyme.
But the topic changes in lines, sometimes in the same line, which just sort of lose the feeling, you know?
Some of the lines seem really well written, though. They're practically perfect, in my opinion.
I found myself liking: "But if it didn't end in tears, its probably not completed"

MoD
01-07-2009, 09:36 AM
Rewritten because I decided it was gay.