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LakE
01-19-2009, 10:28 PM
Okay, same as last time. Criticism is wanted.
But, on a side note, I haven't slept for a while so there may be a few errors.


Today's the day I turn away,
I hate the thoughts of yesterday.
Don't let them find me, I pray.
The grudges will end me, I say.
I can't fight what I can't see,
Please let it be, set me free.

I'll tell you where we had to start,
but the end is where I depart.
I can't let go of my past,
I can't unsee what was over so fast.
If I told you I can't smile again,
You'll just laugh, unable to comprehend.
But my mouth is fastened in place,
what I've taken I can't replace.

Today's the day I turn away,
I hate the thoughts of yesterday.
Don't let them find me, I pray.
Their grudges will end me, I say.
I can't fight what I can't see,
Please let it be, set me free.

If I were back to where it began,
I would let you know, you're a freeman.
"You don't have to follow me,
you can go home to your family.
Your wife, your kids, your pets too,
if you're not here there is nothing they can do."
I'm not a bad guy, I can tell you that,
I want to go home too, but their forces I can't combat.

Today's the day I turn away,
"you're free to go" is what I'll say.
They'll buy my story, I'll hope, I'll pray.
and we'll look for you again another day.
I won't have to fight what I can't see,
That's the way it would be, if only I let you free.

Please let me forget my deed,
I beg for that, I ****ing plead.
Let me forget what I used to be,
let me forgot all I had to see.
My past keeps me awake at night,
I wish it was something I could rewrite.
In the mirror, your words I recite:
"This is your choice, son. Their bidding can be undone".

Today's the day I turn away,
my past is with me everyday.
So I look to my men and I say:
Start a revolution, start a new race.
Start the battle for this place.
Start constricting at their throats,
start combining words, makes notes.
Start realising you have your will.
Start understanding everybody knows how to feel.
Start your running, charge their lines.
Start making them pay their fines.

Today's the day I turn away,
I hate the thoughts of yesterday.
I've done enough to rebuild your way,
It's enough, I all I pray.
I can't fight what I can't see,
so these men will do it for me.

Nukem
01-19-2009, 10:43 PM
Coincidentally, My literature class is learning about poems. Mind if I'm inspired by your flawless piece of work?

▀ub
01-19-2009, 10:48 PM
holy shit, that's really good man.

LakE
01-19-2009, 10:51 PM
Coincidentally, My literature class is learning about poems. Mind if I'm inspired by your flawless piece of work?

Yeah, sure. Go for it.

Thanks muttonhead.

LakE
01-21-2009, 05:37 AM
Anymore comments?

MoD
01-21-2009, 09:04 AM
Why dont you make money offa' this?

LakE
01-21-2009, 09:47 AM
I probably wouldn't be able to. Even if I could, I would have no idea how.

MoD
01-22-2009, 10:19 AM
Well you should, its flawless.

LakE
01-22-2009, 10:57 AM
Thank you MoD. <3