View Full Version : Ash's Poetry

02-19-2009, 12:48 PM
A Seedling Prevented
The acorn falls from the tree and bounces down among the branches
It knows not the folly of man
as it tumbles it knows only the rough texture of the bark it bounces against
and the shock of another impact
perhaps it will grow into another tree, just as strong?
or perhaps it will, like many of the other acorns
be cracked and eaten by a squirrel

Midnight in the Manor
when the clock is finished with the last belltone announcing the new hour
what happens to the man listening at the door?
will he leave the dark room?
will he go to bed and retire?
or will he perform an act more sinister
and lock the door?

the surface of the liquid is disturbed by a distant rumble
the thing grows nearer
an impending storm
the brink of disaster
i can see its sillouette
but it tears me apart
before i see its eyes

Irony of the Spectrum
a flower's beauty
is seen fully by the bee
which can't see beauty

unanswered questions
i do not know what stands behind me
reading as i type
i can feel its breath
cool on my sweaty neck
and it is soothing to know
that I can have the chance
to admit my crime
before i die.
On June 20th I f

02-19-2009, 01:54 PM
Midnight in the Manor and Cretaceous were quite good, actually. The rest seemed like kids school assignment, boring and clichéd imagery. Overall quite dull.

02-19-2009, 02:03 PM
I think Irony of the Spectrum needs some explaining.

Some flowers, when viewed in the ultraviolet spectrum, have stripes, spots, and other patterns that humans cannot see. Bees can see these, however, so they aid in pollination.

The irony is that we can't see the beauty in those patterns, because we can't see int he ultraviolet spectrum, but bees can. However, bees lack the mental faculties to appreciate beauty.

I'm sure a few members here knew all that, but there are probably a few that don't.

02-19-2009, 03:30 PM
I knew that, but how do you know bees can't appreciate beauty?

I liked the poems. I tend to try and make mine rhyme because so few people do once you get past the age of six or seven and find that they don't have to, but I felt yours were good for reflection on their meaning.

Triple digits on post numbers! woot!

02-19-2009, 04:33 PM
To be honest I don't know. However, there is no reason to suggest they do, and plenty of evidence to suggest they don't.

And thanks for the comments.

02-19-2009, 09:40 PM
I knew that about bees. In fact, a guy in my class wrote something similar when I was a kid (yours was written much more eloquently of course). So I'm sticking to my criticism. I also wouldn't say that it's a flowers "true" beauty, just a different form. Perhaps the bee can't see it the true beauty and we can, and there really isn't any irony. But whatever. ;)

02-19-2009, 10:06 PM
Why doesn't it rhyme, yo.

02-20-2009, 05:43 AM
Why doesn't it rhyme, yo.

I hope you're kidding.

02-20-2009, 09:53 AM
Not all poetry has to rhyme. Poetry tends to be about getting the poet's emotions/message across. rhyming is merely a way to make it sound aurally pleasing and is mostly used in children's poems.

02-20-2009, 04:56 PM
New poem, guys.

Smart Shopping:
The very thing I wanted
Taken by the first shopper to reach it
and I am sad
because my cart was empty
and my wallet was full

Narcotic Jew
02-20-2009, 05:33 PM
No poems about Atheism? I'm disappointed Ash.

02-20-2009, 08:04 PM
How do you write poems about nothing?

Well, I suppose that I can write about my deconversion or about getting rejected by others for being an atheist, but meh. I just write what comes to me, I rarely plan my poetry.