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‹berschall
04-11-2009, 05:27 PM
Another poem.



The alcohol covers
the normal pain.
The bale and the torture
it layed in chains.

The liquid salvation
has served me well,
replacing my teardrops
with soothing spells.

So just let me lie here
until I'm done
for that's how I'm ending
what just begun.

ashton777
04-11-2009, 09:40 PM
:o
I hope it's not in your perspective... Just saying,
but I like it; if it was just something you created,
the rhythm is good?
:D

‹berschall
04-12-2009, 06:54 AM
Of course it's something I created.

Thanks for the comment.

Chunky
04-12-2009, 10:19 AM
try writing one about a happy thing, shit would be so cash.

ashton777
04-12-2009, 10:22 AM
yah thats what I was thinking; I know you creted it, I meant if you really like... "Meant" what you created upon yourself. But try a happy one :)

Sunder Forge
04-12-2009, 10:23 AM
Depressing .

‹berschall
04-12-2009, 10:30 AM
Depressing .

Welcome to my world.

Sunder Forge
04-12-2009, 10:32 AM
Welcome to my world.
Where's the hotel?

ashton777
04-12-2009, 10:32 AM
:(
Is your world depressing (in reality)? Again thats why I said I hope it is not true cause that would be bad if that was you, I mean, it has so much... Pain in it. No one likes to read about pain, enless of course they were painful ;)

Try something nice!

‹berschall
04-12-2009, 10:45 AM
Where's the hotel?

Find yourself a spot to sleep in the shack of love, it's empty. But watch out so you don't step onto the shards of broken dreams.


:(
Is your world depressing (in reality)? Again thats why I said I hope it is not true cause that would be bad if that was you, I mean, it has so much... Pain in it. No one likes to read about pain, enless of course they were painful ;)

Try something nice!

Well, I'm writing mostly to express that pain creatively, it helps me put up with it.

ashton777
04-12-2009, 10:57 AM
Oh, well that is very understandable; to deal with it, yeah.

But try to put together something nice, cause when you do that you enter a different state of mind; it should make you feel good after.

‹berschall
04-12-2009, 04:51 PM
I can relate to that, but at the moment that seems somewhat unreachable, no matter if it may help me.

ashton777
04-12-2009, 07:39 PM
How is it unreachable; thats even a lot worse :O
you can always tap into the "love" no matter how far away it is, you just absorb it.

Jeremy
04-12-2009, 07:51 PM
Welcome to my world.

BAWW BAWW BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW

GO CUT YOUR WRISTS AND WRITE A MYSPACE BLOG YOU FUCKING FAGGOT.

In other news, pretty swell poem you have, I don't like "replacing tear drop with soothing spells" Seems misplaced and lazy, but the rest is nice.

‹berschall
04-12-2009, 08:10 PM
BAWW BAWW BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW

GO CUT YOUR WRISTS AND WRITE A MYSPACE BLOG YOU FUCKING FAGGOT

The actual wrists are a shit place to cut, the bones are too close to the skin, it hurts too much and bleeds a hell of a lot. Also, you can't hide it real good there. ;]


And what's so bad about the teardrops-line? It expresses how the alcohol shoves your pain away and becomes the priority for the while of getting yourself hammered.
But thanks for the comment, apart from the dumbshit-insults you apparently needed to pull off.

Jeremy
04-12-2009, 08:13 PM
I dunno, it just didn't float like the other lines did, seemed kinda cliche to, but that comes with the territory I suppose.

‹berschall
04-12-2009, 08:13 PM
Probably. I was a little worried the thing would sweep down into cliche area overall anyway.

Beta
04-12-2009, 08:28 PM
Indeed, a pretty swell poem. I liked it.

‹berschall
04-13-2009, 08:59 AM
Thanks, yo .