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Ustartin
04-27-2009, 10:33 AM
I have accumulated poetry over the years and here is a selection.

"Nipples" by U.Startin
Like raspberries
taken from the freezer
Inviting tongue and lips
but warning not to bite
Not yet
soon
But not yet

"Daisy's Little Pussy" by U.Startin
I love her little Pussy
Her coat is so warm
But if I should stroke her
She'll call the police and identify me in
A line-up
And do me some harm

"Throbbing" by U.Startin
Daisy,
I am but young
I am but small
(with cratered skin)
Yet! Hear my call.

Oh, rapturous girl
With skin sublime
Whose favourite programme's 'Question Time'
Look over here
To where I stand
A throbbing
Like a swollen gland.
U.Startin

"Untitled 1" by U.Startin
Daisy!
I adore ye.
I implore ye
Donít ignore me.

"Untitled 2" by U.Startin
I stroke the places Daisy has sat
Wearing her jodphurs and riding hat.
Goodbye, brown horse.
I turn and retreat,
The rain and mud are wetting my feet.

Beefy
04-27-2009, 10:41 AM
i like the concept, but you need to work on the rhymes. work a little more on the fluditity of the poem and you're set. Also, you end the poems before I can even grasp the concept, so put two poems into one, like instead of "Nipples" and "Daisy's Little Pussy", put them together into a poem named "Daisy", or something similar. peace.

notmaggot
04-27-2009, 02:26 PM
That was ****ing beautiful.

Zed
04-27-2009, 02:33 PM
Certainly moving. I moved quite quickly from my relaxed, leant-forward position to a tipping-back-the-chair position.

After I extracted my eyebrows from the ceiling I read it and it was surprisingly good. Wasn't sure about the line-up. It didn't seem in keeping with the tone of the rest of that poem and the others.

Ustartin
04-27-2009, 04:25 PM
Certainly moving. I moved quite quickly from my relaxed, leant-forward position to a tipping-back-the-chair position.

After I extracted my eyebrows from the ceiling I read it and it was surprisingly good. Wasn't sure about the line-up. It didn't seem in keeping with the tone of the rest of that poem and the others.

So you laughed before you even read it... :sigh:

I don't understand the last bit. Which poem?

Beefy
04-28-2009, 08:52 AM
I find Unintitled 1 highly annoying.

Ustartin
04-28-2009, 01:53 PM
I find you highly annoying.

Zed
04-28-2009, 02:35 PM
So you laughed before you even read it... :sigh:

I don't understand the last bit. Which poem?

I saw the first title and that's what tipped me off my chair backwards. Not through laughter. It was the shock. I has expected some nice little poetry about flowers and kittens and suddenly the word "nipples" jumps out at me. "Pussy" was an eminent word on the page as well.

The line-up I refered to was in the second poem. I somehow didn't think it fitted, although I cannot think why.

Beefy
04-29-2009, 08:32 AM
not that way, it's too short to get the idea across

pagan
06-04-2009, 04:19 PM
I find you highly annoying.

u mad???

Setmin
06-04-2009, 04:22 PM
I have accumulated poetry over the years and here is a selection.

"Nipples" by U.Startin
Like raspberries
taken from the freezer
Inviting tongue and lips
but warning not to bite
Not yet
soon
But not yet

"Daisy's Little Pussy" by U.Startin
I love her little Pussy
Her coat is so warm
But if I should stroke her
She'll call the police and identify me in
A line-up
And do me some harm

"Throbbing" by U.Startin
Daisy,
I am but young
I am but small
(with cratered skin)
Yet! Hear my call.

Oh, rapturous girl
With skin sublime
Whose favourite programme's 'Question Time'
Look over here
To where I stand
A throbbing
Like a swollen gland.
U.Startin

"Untitled 1" by U.Startin
Daisy!
I adore ye.
I implore ye
Donít ignore me.

"Untitled 2" by U.Startin
I stroke the places Daisy has sat
Wearing her jodphurs and riding hat.
Goodbye, brown horse.
I turn and retreat,
The rain and mud are wetting my feet.

i can tell from your sig picture that you are really inspired by the beatles and it shows in your poetry!

palwathira
07-17-2009, 10:56 PM
a good one too ready

Automaton
07-18-2009, 06:09 AM
So it's about some weird stalker guy who wears a gir's riding clothes and touches where she's been?

Waterboy
07-18-2009, 06:30 AM
I'm glad y'all bumped this...

About the poetry.

Sucked.

NEXT!

Chunky
07-18-2009, 06:16 PM
i'd like to see what nixon thinks of this thread