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Automaton
07-11-2009, 01:10 PM
have no idea where I'm going with this. Comment truthfully:

The man sways in the breeze, not fully knowing why he is here. Why is he here? Why is he so still? Is he breathing? The slight twitch leaves the questions unanswered, for eagles can miss such things, if ever there were any life forms in this desolate void. He lifts his head in such a manner of certainty, and certain he is of the three-thousand gnashing demons soon to be breaking the hilltop in pursuit of him. Yet the man doesn't move, he doesn't run. He stands in the sand, swaying, swaying. The scuffle of crooked feet can be heard slashing into the indestructible mass of sand beneath them. It's like a sea, a sea which no man should ever have to drown. As the man stands, swaying, he can hear the moans of all that have perished beneath him, taunting him, laughing, waiting. He smiles. Not today. He throws off his robe and clears the hill in less than one whole second, leaving a trail of unsettled sand falling in a soft contrast to its surroundings, as if oblivious or indeed uncaring of what is to come. The man has met the demons straight on, striking at them with his fist. An explosion. Light. Sand. Fire. The elements combine in one frightening entanglement of mass surrounding the battleground. Three more flashes; bang, bang, bang. It is as if all Gods are fighting in one contained area, fighting for their last breath. Silence. The sand falls in a soft contrast to its surroundings. The man sways in the breeze, realising why he is here, realising what he must do.

Automaton
07-17-2009, 05:33 AM
Come on guys, no comments?

Nixon
07-17-2009, 01:16 PM
This is just another of those boring, purposefully confusing, over descriptive, excessive use of similes and metaphors in an unoriginal story with the whole question-like writing style. It uses some sort of fool's philosophy and of course for fantasy, it is set somewhere akin to the green hills of England. The story purposefully tries to sound edgy and deep with the whole contradicting statements and questions and answers and short, meaningless sentences which "the reader must decide what they mean" but, in reality, it's all just piles and piles of shit.

Automaton
07-17-2009, 05:05 PM
Nice to know you like it.

A) It mentions SAND, not green hills of England.
B) If you find it confusing that a man in a story crosses a sand hill to kill demons, then you're stupid.
C) Are you saying you want it less descriptive? "The man threw off his robe, cleared the hill and killed all the demons. He now knew why he was here".
D) How is it a "fool's philosophy"? This was meant to be a plain and simple prologue to a story, with no "hidden meaning" whatsoever.

palwathira
07-17-2009, 11:01 PM
i just read it once.

mdogg312
08-01-2009, 05:52 AM
I see where you're going with this.. even tho u dont. nice bit of story

Krispytheninth
11-25-2009, 05:46 PM
Gods fighting. Isnt that always the case

suicidalbananah
11-28-2009, 08:42 PM
The man has met the demons straight on, striking at them with his fist. An explosion. Light. Sand. Fire. The elements combine in one frightening entanglement of mass surrounding the battleground.

I love that "An explosion. Light. Sand. Fire." I personally think this is a great piece of work, and I read it a few times just because it was so well described and wonderful. Keep posting things like this! I would love to see more of these!