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Deadface.
04-04-2008, 04:10 PM
This is a story I read, and I think it's just great. You'll probably catch the meaning before the end, but continue reading anyway.

There was a certain Professor of Religion named Dr. "Smith", a studious man who taught at a small college in the Western United States. The professor taught the required survey course in small business accounting at this particular institution. Every student was required to take this course his or her freshman year regardless of his or her major.

Although Dr. Smith tried hard to communicate the essence of the gospel in his class, he found that most of his students looked upon the course as nothing but required drudgery. Despite his best efforts, most students refused to take small business accounting seriously.

This year, Dr. Smith had a special student named Steve. Steve was only a freshman, but was studying with the intent of going onto seminary for the ministry. Steve was popular, he was well liked, and he was an imposing physical specimen. He was now the starting center on the school football team, and was the best student in the professor's class.

One day, Dr. Smith asked Steve to stay after class so he could talk with him. "How many push-ups can you do?" Steve said, "I do about 200 every night."
"200: That's pretty good, Steve," the professor said. "Do you think you could do 300?"

Steve replied, "I don't know... I've never done 300 at a time." "Do you think you could?" again asked Dr. Smith. "Well, I can try," said Steve.

"Can you do 300 in sets of 10. I have a class project in mind and I need you to do about 300 push-ups in sets of ten for this to work. Can you do it? I need you to tell me you can do it," said the professor.

Steve said, "Well... I think I can...yeah, I can do it"
Dr. Smith said, "Good! I need you to do this on Friday. Let me explain what I have in mind...."

Friday came and Steve got to class early and sat in the front of the room. When class started, the professor pulled out a big box of donuts. No, these weren't the normal kinds of donuts, they were the extra fancy BIG kind, with cream centers and frosting swirls.

Everyone was pretty excited it was Friday, the last class of the day, and they were going to get an early start on the weekend with a party in Dr. Smith's class.

The professor went to the first girl in the first row and asked, "Cynthia, do you want to have one of these donuts?"

Cynthia said, "Yes."

Dr. Smith then turned to Steve and asked, "Steve, would you do ten push-ups so that Cynthia can have a donut?"

"Sure." Steve jumped down from his desk to do a quick ten Then Steve again sat in his desk. The professor put a donut on Cynthia's desk.

Dr. Smith then went to Joe, the next person, and asked, "Joe, do you want a donut?"

Joe said, "Yes."

The professor asked, "Steve would you do ten push-ups so Joe can have a donut?" Steve did ten push-ups. Joe got a donut. And so it went, down the first aisle, Steve did ten pushups for every person before they got their donut. And down the second aisle, Dr.Smith came to Scott.

Scott was on the basketball team, and in as good condition as Steve. He was very popular and never lacking for female companionship. When the professor asked, "Scott do you want a donut?"

Scott's reply was, "Well, can I do my own pushups?"

Dr. Smith said, "No, Steve has to do them."

Then Scott said, "Well, I don't want one then."

The professor shrugged and then turned to Steve and asked, "Steve, would you do ten pushups so Scott can have a donut he doesn't want?" With perfect obedience Steve started to do ten pushups.

Scott said, "HEY! I said I didn't want one!"

Dr. Smith said, "Look, this is my classroom, my class, my desks, and these are my donuts. Just leave it on the desk if you don't want it." And he put a donut on Scott's desk.

Now by this time, Steve had begun to slow down a little He just stayed on the floor between sets because it took too much effort to be getting up and down. You could start to see a little perspiration coming out around his brow. The professor started down the third row. Now the students were beginning to get a little angry.

Dr. Smith asked Jenny, "Jenny, do you want a donut?"

Sternly, Jenny said, "No."

Then Dr. Smith asked Steve, "Steve, would you do ten more push-ups so Jenny can have a donut that she doesn't want?" Steve did ten...Jenny got a donut.

By now, a growing sense of uneasiness filled the room. The students were beginning to say "No" and there were all these uneaten donuts on the desks. Steve also had to really put forth a lot of extra effort to get these pushups done for each donut There began to be a small pool of sweat on the floor beneath his face, his arms and brow were beginning to get red because of the physical effort involved. Dr. Smith asked Robert, who was the most vocal unbeliever in the class, to watch Steve do each push up to make sure he did the full ten pushups in a set because he couldn't bear to watch all of Steve's work for all of those uneaten donuts. He sent Robert over to where Steve was so Robert could count the set and watch Steve closely.

The professor started down the fourth row.

During his class, however, some students from other classes had wandered in and sat down on the steps along the radiators that ran down the sides of the room. When the professor realized this, he did a quick count and saw that now there were 34 students in the room. He started to worry if Steve would be able to make it. Dr. Smith went on to the next person and the next and the next. Near the end of that row, Steve was really having a rough time. He was taking a lot more time to complete each set.

Steve asked the professor,
"Do I have to make my nose touch on each one?"

Dr. Smith thought for a moment, "Well, they're your pushups. You are in charge now. You can do them any way that you want." And the professor went on. A few moments later, Jason, a recent transfer student, came to the room and was about to come in when all the students yelled in one voice, "NO!

Don't come in! Stay out!" Jason didn't know what was going on.

Steve picked up his head and said, "No, let him come."

Professor Smith said, "You realize that if Jason comes in you will have to do ten pushups for him?"

Steve said, "Yes, let him come in. Give him a donut"

The professor said, "Okay, Steve, I'll let you get Jason's out of the way right now. Jason, do you want a donut?"

Jason, new to the room hardly knew what was going on. "Yes," he said, "give me a donut."

"Steve, will you do ten push-ups so that Jason can have a donut?" Steve did
ten pushups very slowly and with great effort. Jason, bewildered, was handed a donut and sat down Dr. Smith finished the fourth row, then started on those visitors seated by the heaters. Steve's arms were now shaking with
each push-up in a struggle to lift himself against the force of gravity. Sweat was profusely dropping off of his face and, by this time, there was no sound except his heavy breathing, there was not a dry eye in the room.

The very last two students in the room were two young women, both cheerleaders, and very popular. The professor went to Linda, the second to last, and asked, "Linda, do you want a doughnut?"

Linda said, very sadly, "No, thank you, I had reese's for breakfast!"

"Shit, you had candy for breakfast?!"

"Not candy, Reese's Puff Cereal!"

So he pours me a bowl and I shove the spoon in my mouth. Then a completely orgasmic wave of peanut butter and chocolately taste bombards my taste buds.

Reese's Puff Cereal;

It's Reese's, FOR BREAKFAST!

You just got Reese Roll'd.

Krob
04-04-2008, 05:00 PM
Omfg. I lol'd. Actually read it all and dindn't expect it. Nearly shit bricks.

Chunky
04-13-2008, 06:00 AM
That was a big lol. Wasn't expecting it at all.

Bonk
04-13-2008, 07:00 AM
Haha, I wasn't expecting that.

I expected some clever big worthwhile payoff...

Deadface.
04-30-2008, 04:01 PM
Haha, I wasn't expecting that.

I expected some clever big worthwhile payoff...

So was I when I first read it, lol.

catfan
04-30-2008, 07:08 PM
Lol wow, I wasn't expecting that. I thought he was going to say like it takes that many push ups to burn off the fat of one donut or something, but when I saw the Reeces thing, I lol'd.

imported_SPARTAN_117
04-30-2008, 07:47 PM
That was really funny. Where'd you find ths.

Deadface.
04-30-2008, 07:55 PM
Lol wow, I wasn't expecting that. I thought he was going to say like it takes that many push ups to burn off the fat of one donut or something, but when I saw the Reeces thing, I lol'd.

You seem like a young child after your guess on the moral. Actually, the REAL moral of the ORIGINAL story was a Jesus type thing. Like, regardless of who it was in the room, or if they did or didn't want the donut, he did the work for each one, the same way Jesus died for each of our sins and gave us the gift of salvation, regardless of we accept it for not.

Didn't mean to go on a religious rant there, was just kinda pointing out the REAL moral so people didn't think it was about working out and donuts.

If you hadn't guessed, this story isn't the original. It was edited by some fag on /b/.

Jet
05-01-2008, 01:27 AM
HOLY **** I NEARLY DIED FROM CHOKING I WAS lAUGHING SO GODDAMN HARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ash
06-04-2008, 03:46 PM
Reminds me of this one long comic about a medical expiriment that ended with the Kool-Aid man that was posted a while back.

Nice.

Chimaera
06-04-2008, 04:09 PM
Reminds me of this one long comic about a medical expiriment that ended with the Kool-Aid man that was posted a while back.

Nice.

Agreed, both were good.

Krob
06-04-2008, 04:10 PM
Reminds me of this one long comic about a medical expiriment that ended with the Kool-Aid man that was posted a while back.

Nice.

Lmao I remember that. Anyone know where to find that?

Smashdood
06-04-2008, 08:44 PM
I've gotta say that I actually DID expect this, because I posted a similar extremely really very highly long story that seemed legit before, that had a similar joke ending.

But it was still funny :U

StrunG
06-04-2008, 08:47 PM
I've gotta say that I actually DID expect this, because I posted a similar extremely really very highly long story that seemed legit before, that had a similar joke ending.

But it was still funny :U

I remember reading almost all of that. It was worth it though.

This one was pretty funny but the ending wasn't nearly as satisfying as I hoped it would be. Still a good laugh, though.

stickmanlax
06-09-2008, 10:44 PM
i was read that in my religion class...and i was looking at it and i was like whoa, wierd...but then i saw the ending, and i loled

Garuda
06-17-2008, 12:22 PM
Where is the Reeces story with the fat roomate and stuff?