View Full Version : No-Eyes Prologue

04-03-2010, 02:05 PM
Although I'm already working on my other novel, "The Accursed World" I grew impatient about this. I've decided to re-create my short story, "No-Eyes' Story". If you have not read it then here's a link: http://forums.stickpage.com/showthread.php?23957-No-Eyes&highlight=no-eyes

But I'm deciding to also make it into a full-length novel. The book takes place of when No-Eyes is now entering the asylum. And now he has to cope with the new sealed life. But there's more to this asylum then he expects. So here's the prologue to the future novel, No-Eyes:

I slowly crept my eyes open. The bumping of the bus woke me up. I looked from my left to my right. The seats were filled with the same gaurds as they were when I fell asleep. I took a look out the window, seeing the everlasting desert scene eat over the horizon. There was no doubt about it, it wouldn't be long now before we arrive. Having my arms strapped to my chest wasn't very comfortable. I don't know why I'm even wearing this straight jacket in the first place, it's not like I would do anything anyway. I've accepted my fate as to where I'm going, no need to demoralize me more. I wonder if it'll be like that at the asylum. Lost? Well I guess that's understandable. After all you're just now looking into the story. Well then let me tell you what's going on. I'm right now being taken to Harlem Asylum, named after the very creator of it. Never heard of it? Well no one has. It's hidden from the world. Only it's victims, and it's staff know about it. Maybe a few more outsiders. But bottom line, this place is a secret that only the government knows about. How are they keeping it hidden? Why how else then to place it in an area no one will ever drive near by. It's stuffed in some unnamed desert in northwest Nevada, just a bit south of the border between it and Idaho. Want more answers? You ask too many questions. I'll let you know what's necessary though so that you can stay on path with what's going on. This asylum is a hidden government isolation facility, to hide the mentally insane from the outdoor world. Simply what they do is that if there is someone in the world who is so insane that they're causing havoc among these streets, these guys come in and scoop them up, and let the press know that the person had died or gone missing in some case. And somehow, every time, they get away with it. Sure there are mental hospitals and so and so out there. But those aren't enough to help us. And honestly, do you see any asylums anywhere anymore? No, apparently they don't exist anymore to the world. Many find that a simple medical hospital will cure us. A little therapy and pop, our problems are suddenly gone. But no. No medical hospital will fix us. No therapy will ever make us feel better. We're stuck with what we have, so we might as well accept it. We who have issues that are not our fault get completely forgotten by the world, and thrown into sanitariums where we will live closed off from society and into darkness for the rest of our lives. We didn't ask for it, it just happened. We were born with our problems, we didn't choose to have them. That's why this asylum is here. To help the rest of the world by closing in freaks like us. Locking us up and not letting us out like caged animals.

This was our fate, and there was no changing it.

04-04-2010, 02:02 PM
Stopped reading at "down-low" from what i've read you are trying to add a somber feeling to this novel, and "down-low" is a terrible choice of wording.

04-04-2010, 02:41 PM
Stopped reading at "down-low" from what i've read you are trying to add a somber feeling to this novel, and "down-low" is a terrible choice of wording.

I also thought it was kind of a bad choice. Just needed someone to point it out as well. I changed it, thanks for letting me know.

04-06-2010, 04:44 AM
Lots of potential with the story so far. I shall await more updates to this.

04-06-2010, 11:29 AM
You change from past tense to present tense after the first couple of sentences.