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View Full Version : My dream



CNiper
01-24-2012, 04:17 PM
So I had a dream, and it inspired this.

So give me feedback dawg.




Depressed dude with no family, love one etc is down in the dumps and decides he wants to kill himself, once when he was a little boy he saw someone outside the club (Lets call it the 'Bloodthirsty Traveler') get eaten by a Vampire, he tried to tell his friends and his parents at the time but he was shunned and called crazy.

So he goes into the club, has a couple drinks at the bar, then goes and sits in a darkly lit corner booth with 3 attractive females. They just stare at him, and then he asks if they are vampires. They say no. He says he wants to die by getting eaten by vampires. So the vampires look at one another, get up and pull him in a room.

As the vampires eat away at him, he tells them his life story, how everyone thought he was crazy, how his parents abandoned them on their vacation to Fiji, how his only friend did his girlfriend and they moved to Texas together, etc. At the end he says thanks, and the Vampires throw him in a long tube leading to a garborator. One of the vampires, (Lets call her Maria) feels bad for the man and switches off the garborator before they throw him in.

So the main character wakes up in a huge pile of ground bodies a couple days later and hes a vampire. He knows hes a vampire because he can see in the darkly lit chunks of body room that hes in. He gets even more depressed, because allegedly vampires are hard to kill, so he goes on a cocaine binge. He gets the cocaine by killing his drug dealer that he knew when he was a human.

After his cocaine binge he suddenly gets really hungry and craves some blood, so he goes out in the street looking for some. There he finds Maria, who tries to run away. After awhile of talking (Stammering since hes coming down off Coke) the main character decides to go with Maria and join the Vampire Club.

The leaders of the Vampires own the club, in which they usually kill any of the lone degenerates who frequents it and drink there blood or store it. There are a couple of strippers who do lap dances and table dances, who also signal out the lone strangers and kill them. Hence the hot female stripper vampires.

A couple of myths about vampires are then proven right to the main character in his learning curve at the club, like Garlic reacts to vampire skin like acid, and silver does poison a vampire if it enters his/her bloodstream, vampires are super strong and can jump around like Jedi Knights.

An engaging romance between Maria and the main character develops, and comes to a climax when the vampires go to celebrate the lead vampires 200th birthday. During the birthday the vampires get really drunk and high on coke, and Maria and the main character end up having crazy vampire coke sex.

Up until now the main character has never killed anyone to drink blood, only drank blood rations in the vampire club, so after the crazy coke vampire sex, Maria suggests that they go kill someone.

So the main character and Maria signal a homeless guy downtown, and start walking across the street to go kill him when out of nowhere some crazy ass black vampires kill the homeless dude and put him in the back of their rape van. The van is seen shaking and the windows are splatted with blood. Maria whispers that those are vampires from a rival gun-running vampire gang, called 'Sons of Blood'.

So Maria and the main dude tell the head honch Club vampire that the Sons of Blood are all up in Club Vampire territory. Its the night of the main dudes birthday so hes all high on Coke and MDA and says that they should probably kill them. Tomorow.

So the next comes comes along, and one of the Sons of Blood comes up to the head honch Vampire dude and asks if he would be interested in traded silver tipped guns for drugs and blood, to which the head honch Vampire dude kills him by stabbing him in the eye with a long silver nail.

So the rest of the vampires are all like oh my gawdd and the main vampires go out to kill the Sons of Blood in which most of them die. The main character is left behind since hes still a newbie.

During the attack Maria gets captures (noooooooo!!!!!) and so the main character wants to go save her. So he tries to, ends up battling the leader of the Sons of Blood in his private office-ish room and killing him, but only because the Sons of Blood leader was really drunk.

So the main character saves Maria, who has been gang fucked by the Sons of Blood members (But she kind of liked it) and they go back to the clubhouse which is in disarray since most of the people in it are dead.

So Maria and the main character assume leadership of the clubhouse, and take in many ex-Blood members since they are now leaderless.

Maria tells the main dude her ego is prego, and so they try to get an abortion but the doctor that performs is says the baby lived through the deadly poisonous acid. So they kill the doctor and decide that they have to leave the life of the club and raise there vampire baby in Canada.

So on the flight to Canada, Air Canada looses their luggage in Toronto, so the couple takes another plane to Toronto, which is hijacked by Muslim Jihadists who crash the plane right into a silver mine, Maria and the main character die.

K so maybe the ending needs some reworking but I really feel like the rest could make a good story.

Cook
01-24-2012, 04:37 PM
I feel like the plot of the story is literally, to the main character, a

"How much worse can it get for this guy? Oh, the woman he loves getting raped! OK! The baby lives! OK
They die! OK!"

It kind of becomes a struggle to read when you feel so hopeless for the main character that you just stop reading. There has to be some motivation, man.

Scaredy
01-24-2012, 05:07 PM
I think it could be a pretty good story if you worked it and tweaked it a little.

It would actually be a pretty cool movie.

CNiper
02-07-2012, 09:23 AM
I feel like the plot of the story is literally, to the main character, a

"How much worse can it get for this guy? Oh, the woman he loves getting raped! OK! The baby lives! OK
They die! OK!"

It kind of becomes a struggle to read when you feel so hopeless for the main character that you just stop reading. There has to be some motivation, man.

Thats true =/

What kind of motivation? Maybe the whole time he should be looking for a cure for Vamparism so he can kill himself, but after he becomes a Vampire and loves Maria he doesn't want to die, but dies anyways.

Kind of like Irony, and the story would then have a message of sorts...