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DiPi
02-07-2012, 02:23 PM
Cancelled

I'll change this later with a new completely story

Excellion1498
02-07-2012, 03:30 PM
That's pretty good. Only obvious thing I could find was the <<text goes here>> chat. It makes it easier to read if the talking is put in these: "text goes here". Other than that, this is pretty good. Thanks for the credit to inspiration, I don't think I've inspired someone before.

Cook
02-07-2012, 03:39 PM
You know, you shouldn't write a story in a language you're not familiar in.

and for the whole <<text>> issue, that's how conversation is written in Spanish, as well as Italian. Instead of "text", they use <<text>>.

Excellion1498
02-07-2012, 03:44 PM
I see. Never mind, then.

DiPi
02-07-2012, 03:45 PM
You know, you shouldn't write a story in a language you're not familiar in.

I think, instead, it's a good thing, 'cause I learn how to write in both languages

DiPi
02-08-2012, 05:03 PM
new part added! Check it up.

Excellion1498
02-08-2012, 05:04 PM
One error: Vtoon is a member. i think you mean Easytoon.

DiPi
02-08-2012, 05:11 PM
One error: Vtoon is a member. i think you mean Easytoon.

DOH! Now I corrrect it
...
...
...
Done

DiPi
02-09-2012, 04:09 PM
A new little part: check it out!

craighwatson
02-15-2012, 06:52 AM
It makes it easier to read if the talking is put in these: "text goes here". Other than that, this is pretty good.

DiPi
02-15-2012, 09:52 AM
It makes it easier to read if the talking is put in these: "text goes here". Other than that, this is pretty good.

I'm really happy to hear this

DiPi
06-02-2012, 04:44 PM
I cancelled my story (it sucked)

Soon (summer time) I'll make a new story: I hope it will be awesome