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Fordz
03-30-2012, 03:53 AM
A Novel in Progress. I need help so I need you all to check my grammar if I have something bad and you can suggest for the next chapter. I'm a Filipino. I would be honored if someone made pictures for the novel, I'll put him under Illustrator/s:. I may someday make this a stick figure movie so please support this novel.

As of now:
--------------------
RHG Ultimate
Novel by Mulford Samper

Illustrators:
None Yet

Editorials:
-DiPi

DiPi
03-30-2012, 03:54 AM
Always here to help mate :)

DarkTime21
03-30-2012, 03:58 AM
my RHG guys name was going to be Ultimate, but i decided to name him prime

calvin
03-30-2012, 04:02 AM
any time bro

Fordz
03-30-2012, 04:16 AM
RHG
Ultimate
Novel by: Mulford "Fordz" Samper

Chapter 1 - The Beginning

"I've gotta find those killers", NinjaFordz thought as he was travelling.

Walking in the desert surely wasn't full of comforts: his entire body was screaming for water as he walked towards nowhere. The only things that could support his body to be up were those words;
the ones he couldn't forget;
the ones he hadn't to forget.
But, in the end, even someone like him, under that kind of heat, fell on the sand.
As he was rolling for the slope and losing consciousness, he thought that the end arrived.

<<Are you alright?>>
As he heard those words, he istintinctively woke up and, without even trying to understand the situation, he looked for his weapon. As he found it, he immidiately pointed it against the one who spoke.
<<Hey, hey, I'm your friend alright?>> the figure said, trying to calm NinjaFordz.
Still pointing his weapon, Fordz started to look at his surroundings.
They were in a cave, a little one. In the end of it a little home-made bed and, on the sides, some supplies, together with a staff. Behind the figure, the entrance, with a drape as a door.
After he saw his interlocutor wasn't hostile, he sheathed his weapon and asked furiosly <<Where am I? Who are you?>>.
<<I'm Flux, nice to meet you. You passed out on the middle of the desert. I got concerened about you so I let you sleep at my hideout.>> the boy answered <<What were you doing anyway?>>.
<<I have no time to chat, I've got to find the killers.>> Fordz shortly answered, as he was walking out.
But, before he could exit, Flux stopped him and replied <<I may be of help to you! I have a lot of experience! I'm may be strong enough to guard you!>>.
As he said so, Fordz started thinking "He really might be of help to me: at least I've got someone similar to a map.".
<<Alright, let's go. But don't go on disturbing me>>.

Flux was just a teenager with a mysterious staff. There was quite a sandstorm on the desert.
"Where are we even going?" Flux asked.
"We're going to go somewhere we could buy supplies, do you know this place?", NinjaFordz asked.
"We can't even see clearly with all these sand floating around and the only place I know is my hideout! I don't go wandering off so I don't recognize this place.", Flux explained.
"Well, I hope we have good luck", NinjaFordz thought.
They traveled for hours with no stop and Flux always complained. "Are we there yet?", Flux asked. "No".
He always complained and he eventually got to the ninja's nerves.
"Will you shut the fuck up! If I say we aren't there then we aren't there! The main purpose is to find the killers of my parents so that I can get revenge so there is no specific place where we'll go! Do you understand or not!", NinjaFordz shouted furiously.
"I say we are there, turn around" Flux said as the sandstorm slowly faded.
They saw a gigantic wall. They paused momentarily in amazement. "Good work Flux! Let's go!". They went nearer and saw a gate. They also saw a man with a sword resting near it.

Chapter 2 - Codenamed: FLLFFL

"State your business", the guy said.
"My business is none of your business old man", NinjaFordz replied.
The man slowly held his sword. "You wanna fight?", NinjaFordz said.
In a flash, the guy already tried to kill him but the ninja anticipated his moved and blocked it resulting to a clash.
"Then get out of here", The guy said as he kicked him. NinjaFordz fell.
"Please just let us in mister! We're here to gather up supplies for our journey. Me and my friend here is gonna find some bad guys", Flux interrupted.
"And who might that be?", The guy said.
"I've got to find the ones who killed my parents, I really wanna have revenge so get the fuck out", NinjaFordz replied.
"Can you even say it politely?", the guy said.
"I'm sorry, by the way I'm NinjaFordz", he said.
"I'm FLLFFL", the man replied.
"That's not your real name! It's a codename!", NinjaFordz said.
"Obviously, and I also know that stupid name of yours is not real. If you wanna know, my real name's Alfa so what's yours?", he said.
"Urgh, I'm Fordz", NinjaFordz said.
"I'll introduce you to Andre, he might be of help to you. By the way, who is your partner?", Alfa asked.
"I'm Flux, nice to meet you.", Flux greeted.
"Nice to meet you to, let's go".

As they went, they saw a lot of people training.
"Who are they?", Flux asked.
"They are recruits that are going to be future gladiators.", Alfa explained.
They continued to walk and they eventually reached a fortress at the heart of the village. They entered it and saw a man with a giant hammer.
"Master, these two need help. They need supplies for their journey so that they will have revenge against the ones who killed this ninja's parents", Alfa said as he pointed to NinjaFordz. They all paused momentarily.

"An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth, isn't that right traveller?", the man said.
"Uhhh, Yeah?", NinjaFordz replied.
"I'm Andre, the king of FluidAnims Metropolis. I may help you on your needs but I can't just let you go. You have to prove to me first that you have the capability to fight. Alfa, here will be fighting you to see what you're capable of.

Chapter 3 - Sword and Scythe

"Are you ready?", Alfa asked.
"I've been itching for a fight all day! Bring it on!", NinjaFordz said.
"Well then, I hope your scythe is better than your mouth. Flux, you just sit there and watch", Alfa said.
Flux agreed but NinjaFordz was irratated to what he said so he made the first move. In a flash, Alfa was gone. While wondering where he went, he was struck by a sword.
"Tsk, Tsk, Tsk, I thought you were better", Alfa said boastfully.
"You're so dead!", NinjaFordz said and he was gone in a flash.
"What?", Alfa thought. "You're not the only one that's fast", he heard as he turned around. He saw NinjaFordz coming towards him and he was beaten up. When NinjaFordz made the final move, he jumped up high and fell towards Alfa with his dual bladed scythe prepared to strike. Alfa then quickly jumped up and stabbed NinjaFordz. He was able to jump up high with the support of his jet sword. NinjaFordz fell.
"Seems like you lose", Alfa said calmly as if he wasn't hurt.
"Urgh, I admit defeat", NinjaFordz said humbly.
"It also seems like you have the capability, I think you're ready but you still need training", Alfa said.
"Really? Wow, Thanks dude!", NinjaFordz said happily as he was brought back up by Alfa.
"Let's go back to the fortress", Alfa said.

Chapter 4 - Leaving FluidAnims Metropolis

"I'll get you ready for your next journey, you're gonna need these supplies", Andre said.
"Where are we going?", NinjaFordz asked.
"You're gonna go to Clan Soldier away from the eastern gate of FluidAnims Metropolis. Be careful on the way, there are a lot of strange creatures.
"Can I come?", Flux asked.
"You can come but will you stop complaining?", NinjaFordz said.
"Sure, ninja dude", Flux said excitingly.
"Yoyo there is gonna help you improve your flexibility. I know that you already practiced flexibility but you can improve it", Andre noted.

As they left for their journey, Andre and Alfa said their farewell to the travelers as they went out from the eastern gate of FluidAnims Metropolis. They came across a forest covered in mists.
"What was that?!", Flux said cowardly as he heard something unusual.
"I thought you had a lot of experience dealing with these things", NinjaFordz said.
"I--I--I lied, I lied because I knew you wouldn't let me come with you. I was always alone in my hideout and I wanted an adventure. My parents abandoned me when I was a kid so you could feel how I feel. Please forgive me!", Flux apologized.
"You--You--Urgh. Well, we're gonna have to work together", NinjaFordz said.
"Thank You, I'm ready to fi--". Just then, Flux was hit through the heart.
"Flux, NOOOOO!" NinjaFordz cried out.
"I bet you don't know all about me...", Flux said.
"What?! How come you're still alive!", NinjaFordz said, surprised.
"I found this staff on a strange cave and when I have it, I can turn into a ghost so that I can be invincible", Flux explained.
"Well, you're lucky", NinjaFordz replied.
Just then a strange creature entered their sight.
"Ahhhh! Ninja! Ninja! Help Me! I don't want to become monster chow!", Flux shouted cowardly.
"Such a coward", NinjaFordz said as he held out his dual bladed scythe to the creature.

He then extended his blade and got a grip on the creature. He then pulled it and beated it up. His final slash cut the creature in half.
"What was that overgrown furball!", Flux said.
"Something tells me we're about to find out", NinjaFordz said as he saw a camp.

Chapter 5 - Clan Soldier

As they went by, they saw a kid playing with his yoyo.
"Hey dude, do you know who lives here?", NinjaFordz asked.
The yoyo suddenly glowed and the kid skillfully threw it to them. Unfortunately, missed and it made an explosion that teared up the ground.
"What's your problem?", Flux asked.
"You shouldn't be here!", the kid said.
"We were sent here by Andre", NinjaFordz said.
The kid pulled back his yoyo, "That guy is so immature, he didn't even tell me
you were coming, I'm Yoyo by the way", he said.
"I'm NinjaFordz and this is my comrade, Flux", NinjaFordz said.
"What do you want?", Yoyo said.
"Andre said you can improve my flexibility", NinjaFordz said.
"Then what are we waiting for? Let's get started"

(Reserved for Updates)

DiPi
03-30-2012, 04:59 AM
it is too much chaotic: put in this way it's difficult to read

Fordz
03-30-2012, 05:01 AM
it is too much chaotic: put in this way it's difficult to read
What do you suggest? If you put up a problem, better suggest a solution.

DiPi
03-30-2012, 05:12 AM
What do you suggest? If you put up a problem, better suggest a solution.

sorry you're right

I don't know how to write it. I'll give you an example


"I've gotta find those killers", NinjaFordz thought as he was travelling.

He kept repeating the same statement until he eventually fell due to the heat of the sun. "Are you alright?", he heard as he slowly opened his eyes. Surprised, he held out his dual bladed scythe to the boy.
"Hey, hey, I'm your friend alright?", the boy said.
"Where am I? Who are you?", NinjaFordz said as he watched him furiously.
"I'm Flux, nice to meet you. You passed out on the middle of the desert. I got concerened about you so I let you sleep at my hideout. What were you doing anyway?", he said.
"I have no time to chat, I've got to find the killers.", NinjaFordz said as he walked out.
"I may be of help to you! I have a lot of experience! I'm may be strong enough to guard you!", Flux replied.
"He really might be of help to me, at least I've got someone similar to a map", NinjaFordz thought. "Alright, but don't go on disturbing me, let's go".

Flux was just a teenager with a mysterious staff. There was quite a sandstorm on the desert.
"Where are we even going?" Flux asked.
"We're going to go somewhere we could buy supplies, do you know this place?", NinjaFordz asked.
"We can't even see clearly with all these sand floating around and the only place I know is my hideout! I don't go wandering off so I don't recognize this place.", Flux explained.
"Well, I hope we have good luck", NinjaFordz thought.

They traveled for hours with no stop and Flux always complained. "Are we there yet?", Flux asked. "No". He always complained and he eventually got to the ninja's nerves.
"Will you shut the fuck up! If I say we aren't there then we aren't there! The main purpose is to find the killers of my parents so that I can get revenge so there is no specific place where we'll go! Do you understand or not!", NinjaFordz shouted furiously.
"I say we are there, turn around" Flux said as the sandstorm slowly faded. They saw a gigantic wall. They paused momentarily in amazement. "Good work Flux! Let's go!". They went nearer and saw a gate. They also saw a man with a sword resting near it.

Fordz
03-30-2012, 05:27 AM
sorry you're right

I don't know how to write it. I'll give you an example


"I've gotta find those killers", NinjaFordz thought as he was travelling.

He kept repeating the same statement until he eventually fell due to the heat of the sun. "Are you alright?", he heard as he slowly opened his eyes. Surprised, he held out his dual bladed scythe to the boy.
"Hey, hey, I'm your friend alright?", the boy said.
"Where am I? Who are you?", NinjaFordz said as he watched him furiously.
"I'm Flux, nice to meet you. You passed out on the middle of the desert. I got concerened about you so I let you sleep at my hideout. What were you doing anyway?", he said.
"I have no time to chat, I've got to find the killers.", NinjaFordz said as he walked out.
"I may be of help to you! I have a lot of experience! I'm may be strong enough to guard you!", Flux replied.
"He really might be of help to me, at least I've got someone similar to a map", NinjaFordz thought. "Alright, but don't go on disturbing me, let's go".

Flux was just a teenager with a mysterious staff. There was quite a sandstorm on the desert.
"Where are we even going?" Flux asked.
"We're going to go somewhere we could buy supplies, do you know this place?", NinjaFordz asked.
"We can't even see clearly with all these sand floating around and the only place I know is my hideout! I don't go wandering off so I don't recognize this place.", Flux explained.
"Well, I hope we have good luck", NinjaFordz thought.

They traveled for hours with no stop and Flux always complained. "Are we there yet?", Flux asked. "No". He always complained and he eventually got to the ninja's nerves.
"Will you shut the fuck up! If I say we aren't there then we aren't there! The main purpose is to find the killers of my parents so that I can get revenge so there is no specific place where we'll go! Do you understand or not!", NinjaFordz shouted furiously.
"I say we are there, turn around" Flux said as the sandstorm slowly faded. They saw a gigantic wall. They paused momentarily in amazement. "Good work Flux! Let's go!". They went nearer and saw a gate. They also saw a man with a sword resting near it.

Oh, an organized one. Alright I'll do it. Thanks for the suggestion.

DiPi
03-30-2012, 05:47 AM
Also, the language is too much elementary

for example

- He kept repeating the same statement until he eventually fell due to the heat of the sun.

you can trasform it into this

- Walking in the desert surely wasn't full of comforts: his entire body was screaming for water as he walked towards nowhere. The only things that could support his body to be up were those words;
the ones he couldn't forget;
the ones he hadn't to forget.
But, in the end, even someone like him, under that kind of heat, fell on the sand.
As he was rolling for the slope and losing consciousness, he thought that the end arrived.

Fordz
03-30-2012, 05:54 AM
Also, the language is too much elementary

for example

- He kept repeating the same statement until he eventually fell due to the heat of the sun.

you can trasform it into this

- Walking in the desert surely wasn't full of comforts: his entire body was screaming for water as he walked towards nowhere. The only things that could support his body to be up were those words;
the ones he couldn't forget;
the ones he hadn't to forget.
But, in the end, even someone like him, under that kind of heat, fell on the sand.
As he was rolling for the slope and losing consciousness, he thought that the end arrived.

I'm just a 1st year high school so how am I supposed to know all that? Anyway, I'll put them up. Thanks.

DiPi
03-30-2012, 06:07 AM
I'm just a 1st year high school so how am I supposed to know all that? Anyway, I'll put them up. Thanks.

This is a good point, 'cause if you are really interested in making this story, you'll improve in an incredibly way

Fordz
03-30-2012, 06:14 AM
This is a good point, 'cause if you are really interested in making this story, you'll improve in an incredibly way

Yeah, but just try to help me improve the story alright? Thanks for the support dude.

DiPi
03-30-2012, 07:01 AM
I may someday make this a stick figure movie so please support this novel.

You know, I'm doing the same thing with Excellion's total war (but it will be fullbody)

Fordz
04-08-2012, 11:42 PM
I'm losing interest in this, well I just do this some free time but I may finish this thing with 50 Chapters at least.

Shyukimai
04-10-2012, 04:03 PM
I for one like where the story's going. You should continue c:

Nocturna
04-12-2012, 07:46 AM
We're starting a collab about a similar story on a different forum. You might want to check it out? Pm me if you do.