View Full Version : So I went to a writing group today... it was interesting.

04-14-2012, 07:36 AM
Our little group of writers had 15 minutes to write a story that began with the sentence, "The first wizard finished the audit in a lonely..." and we continued from there.
Here's what I whipped up.

The first wizard finished the audit in a lonely office. He pondered how he felt that his wife and kids were growing distant, and he questioned whether or not his life was all it was made out to be. It was a boring, repetitive routine.
But then he remembered he was a wizard! He tore off his business suit, revealing his five mile long beard hidden underneath, as well as a sparkly robe and a magic wand. He shouted, “Pocus, kadabra!” and a stab of lightning tore through the air, slamming into the office walls and blowing a hole into the city itself. Air and light rain rushed in, and the twinkling lights of a million other buildings shone in the night.
“Wizards do not write out audits!” He shouted into the city, and he leapt through the hole and into the chilly air of New York. He flapped his arms like a bird, and the sheer force of how awesome he was made him start flying. So off he flew, with his beard trailing behind him like a rippling dragon of pure manliness.
With an impact that would cause an earthquake in three different countries, the wizard landed right next to the house of his boss. With one final flick of his wand, he yelled, “Burnitis upitus!” and he set his massively glorious beard on fire, which coiled around his boss’s house like a boa constrictor. It created a twirling maelstrom of fire and thunder, and the heat was so great that the roof instantly caught fire, and the whole building’s exterior flashed up in flames that towered fifty feet high, which shone angry red light on everything around it. The rising air sucked out the air from the boss’s house itself, and more oxygen rushed to fill the vacuum. The result caused the house to implode in a thunderclap of splintering wood and fiery roaring.
His boss wasn’t going to hire any more wizards to do his auditing. Not anymore.

04-14-2012, 07:41 AM
He flapped his wings like a bird, and the sheer force of how awesome he was made him start flying.
this sentence alone made this story worth reading.
but i have a question, why did he light his beard on fire, when he could have just as easily lit the house on fire right off the bat?

04-14-2012, 07:55 AM
Beautiful. ;_;

Now we need that animated, haha.

04-14-2012, 08:06 AM
Beautiful. ;_;

Now we need that animated, haha.
i was thinking that exact same thing.

04-14-2012, 08:36 AM
I'm still at the meeting right now. I wrote another story! ;)
This one, I had to use five different words and cram them into the story somehow. Whoever had the most words in 15 minutes won. The words were, "Quite, Re-enactment, Scalpel, Overcrowded, and Friendship."

Here's what I churned out. But be warned, your brain may not survive intact.

The man named James was armed with a scalpel, facing his friend Peter who was armed with a jar of extremely spicy powder.
“This is the worst re-enactment of the American Civil War ever.” Peter grumbled.
“Quite.” James replied.
“Doesn’t our friendship mean anything? We don’t need to do this.”
“What? I can’t hear you. It’s overcrowded in here.”
Suddenly, it was revealed to the two boys that there were actually a thousand other people in the room, all armed with various things like scalding coffee, frying pans and razor sharp paper-cutting tools. They looked ready to fight each other at a moment’s notice.
“What’s going on?!” Peter cried out in fear and frightening.
“I don’t know. I think that the writer of this story doesn’t know what’s going on, and he’s just throwing words onto this page.” James replied.
“Well, I hope that he comes up with something less dangerous than this. I’m scared! Why do I have habanero powder in my hands? How does somebody fight with habanero powder?”
And then it started raining pencils, which had seen quite a lot of use and needed to be sharpened. But as unruly as their points were, it kept anyone from getting hurt. Nobody was getting skewered by a pencil today.
“Seriously? I am so lost right now.” Peter sighed, holding up his hands to protect himself.
But the pencils were actually pencils of anger and revengeness. As the first pencil struck a man armed with a pillow stuffed with rocks, he suddenly became enraged! He struck a short guy next to him in the head, shattering the bone and caving in the brain. The man was struck down.
“And now we have Dwarf Fortress references!” James cried. “Let’s get out of here!”
More and more people began fighting angrily. They wrestled each other by their left back tooth, and kicked each other in the stomach so hard that it damaged the fat. Scalding coffee was thrown everywhere, and it was generally a pretty bad day for everyone.
“And that’s how the American Civil War went.” Peter and James turned to the classroom. “If you think metaphorically, this is actually pretty accurate.”
But it was still raining pencils of anger and revengeness. Suddenly they all wailed like banshees and killed each other with their desks.
The end.