View Full Version : Exodus

04-30-2012, 07:58 AM
This is an excerpt from my new story, Exodus. here's Chapter 1.

“Hey Kathy.”
“What?” Kathleen jerked her head away from the wall she was sitting against.
“Were you asleep?”
“What? No, no.” Kathleen rubbed her eyes and stood up. From the dark lighting in the room, she couldn’t tell who it was. The only source of illumination in the room was from the morning sunlight that filtered in through the window next to her. There was a moment of suspense as she waited for the unknown man to approach towards her and in front of the window, exposing his face.
“Well, it’s my shift, so you can go downstairs.” The man walked in front of the window, and from the light that shone on his soft, somewhat pudgy face, Kathleen could immediately tell it was Nick.
“Jesus, Nick.” Kathleen stood up and stretched. “You scared the shit outta me.”
Nick chuckled. “So you were asleep?”
Kathleen smiled. “A little.” She turned around to pick up her rifle, only to glance at her watch in the process. “Hey, at what time is your shift supposed to start?”
“Uhm.” Nick yawned and he covered his mouth. “At five, I think.”
“It’s four, you’re early.” Kathleen narrowed her eyes at Nick.
“I just wanted to be early, that’s all.” Nick shrugged and looked out the window. “Just wanted to see how you were doing.”
Kathleen emitted a confused smile. “How I was doing? Nick, I’m fine.”
“You were asleep, babe.”
“I guess I was.” Kathleen laughed and pointed her finger at Nick mockingly. “And don’t call me babe.”
Nick snorted and examined his AK47. “Why not?”
“Well,” Kathleen smiled at Nick. “Just because.”
Nick glanced to the ground and grinned.
“I think I’m going to go to bed.” Kathleen began walking towards the door Nick walked in through.
“You, you don’t have to leave yet.”
Kathleen stopped and looked at Nick. “You want me to stay?”
Kathleen nodded and walked back to her original position. “Alright.”
When Kathleen had sat back onto the ground, Nick pulled a chocolate bar out of his vest. “You want some?”
Kathleen’s eyes widened. “What? Where’d you get that from?”
Nick flinched. “I found it. Do you want it?”
Kathleen grinned from ear to ear. “Yeah.”
Nick walked towards Kathleen with the bar in his hands, and as their hands made contact during the exchange, Nick felt the frigidness of Kathleen’s fingers.
“Jesus Christ, Kathy, you’re cold as hell.”
“Am I?” Kathleen chuckled and brought the chocolate bar towards her chest. Her fingers clawed at the packaging, and it was only after a few seconds of fumbling with the package did Kathleen realize how cold she really was. Her fingers were shaking too much to get a firm grip on the bar.
“Let me help you with that.” Nick gently took the bar from her fingers and tore it open. He handed the bar back to Kathleen, and squatted down next to her.
Nick stared at Kathleen as she took large, ambitious bites at the candy. Her dirty, knotted blonde hair draped down over her face and onto her stained shirt. Kathleen seemed to be the kind of girl that was always popular, that always had a boyfriend and a large group of friends. Popular.
Now, it was all gone. Her hair was now scarred with streams of charcoal and water, and Nick could only wonder as to how she looked before the, well, before the end.
But she was different now. She was kind and soft-spoken. She always smiled.
“Are you cold?” Nick tapped Kathleen’s shoulder and tilted his head next to hers.
Kathleen chewed on her candy and swallowed, before responding. “A little.”
Nick took off his large, bulky jacket and draped it over Kathleen’s shoulders. She smiled, finished the bar, and faced Nick.
“Why are you always so good to me?”
Nick was caught off-guard. “Uhm, good? I’m just being nice.”
Kathleen smiled and turned away from Nick. “Thanks.” She stood up and made her way to the dusty bed in the middle of the room. “Now that it’s your shift,” She sat down on the bed and swiped her hand over the covers a few times. “I think I’m going to bed now.”
Nick exhaled and stood up. “Alright. I’ll leave, I guess.” He walked to the window and looked out. Outside, an overgrown forest lay in repose. The building was once a farmhouse, and what used to be a humble, white fence was now the frontline for the fauna, trees and thickets of weeds shoving the wooden slabs aside.

Although this may seem short, the actual chapter will be much longer.

04-30-2012, 07:58 AM
this is the cool part. This is where you guys make suggestions and story ideas for what's going to happen next. Also, ideas for characters and shit will be awesome, just include a physical description, a name, and a backstory. If it's not too retarded, I'll include it.

04-30-2012, 08:12 AM
In my opinion their base, or laboratory (whatever it is), will be attacked or by enemy soldiers or by spies.

I'd suggest you to describe the sourrondings better, since I can't make an idea of Kathleen's room
The rest is good

05-02-2012, 05:51 PM
Bumped the story, added new content to Chapter 1.

05-02-2012, 07:02 PM
what happens next is nick lights up a big ass joint and goes back inside to fuck kathleen