View Full Version : Quick Noland segment

05-12-2012, 12:34 PM
Noland was beaten. Tired. He couldn't see clearly.The Rillith Beast had obviously kicked him around. He opened his eyes to see a mohawked man who had looked similar to him, but scarred, and holding a mask. The man started chuckling in a low,ominous, rasp. He said "Wake up Noland." He held his hand towards Noland. He pulled Noland back up. The man said"You can do better than this". His chuckle turned into a maniacal,cold, and haunting cackle as he vanished. Noland felt himself getting healed. He felt confused.

05-19-2012, 03:50 PM
It's very cool I like it

05-21-2012, 11:23 AM
Pretty creative, I like the story. Although the sentences are kinda choppy and the grammatical structure does not really follow any sophisticated template. Good job, story line is really nice but you should revise it a little more. :)

05-26-2012, 11:06 AM
Noland was starting to be able to walk again, then run, then sprint. He darted towards the portal to go into the Zypikan Olympus, only to meet Platos. Noland asked " Platos, who was that?". Platos muttered " Kreed you dirty bastard...", then started talking in a normal voice. "That is Crush, Noland. Don't be fooled by his charisma.", Platos said. He added" I will explain this later, for now we should get in the portal." Noland agreed with a nod and they went in.