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cowboy bodacious
10-17-2012, 09:41 PM
name:Bodacious

abilities:He is super strong from years of farm work moving 1000 pound round bales of hay with ease, but a max weight limit 2 tons. He is is a natural hand to hand fighter using a style taught to him by the hopi indians called dunaharu, or in english way of the indian. Bodacious extremely skilled in communication with animals and frequeslty calls of horses for quick get aways or call in other animals suck as snakes like constrictors to crush enimies, but is fond of horses and uses their powerfull kicks to his advantage. He is expert marksman with the colt 45 peace maker pistol which is always strapped to his side. The hat he wears on his head i woven out of a strange piece of metallic cloth he found while plowing a field, it was soft as silk but strong enough to block bullets and even capable of withstanding powerful energy blasts. Bodacious is also extremely intelegent. Lasty his lasso, made made from a special rope made and blessed by the hopi indians of the deserts it is controlled by his mind and can follow as fast as he can think and once caught by it with one quick pull can cut the target in half. It turns out that Bodacious has an angel that is in his soul that give him is power boost to 4 tons and is now more willing to use this form.

weakness:He can not stand the abuse of animals and can be exploited to be lead into traps. His lasso follows his mind but is limited by how fast he can think making it more like a guided missle if you can distract him or confuse him the lasso slows down as well and can catch what he can see. Also it takes extreme concentration in order to cut in half what has been caught by the lasso, if u can distract, confuse, or disrupt his consentration he cannot cut with the rope. His strenght is great for close combat but limits his speed. He is a normal human so can be killed by conventional means. more frequently lets the angel, samiel, out more often than he used to. if he doesnt have friends in danger he will not let it out not even if his own life is in danger. but once he goes out of the state now matter how long it is he is exshausted, to the point a knat could kick his ass.

story: The day Bodacious was born a trace of pure evil entered his soul. As he grew he would loose control when angry and the evil inside would take over, making his soul resemble that of a demon. Bodacious eventually learned to harness this and keep it in check by being his normal kind self to supress it. While in basic training it was discovered that the evil inside him was a fallen arch angel general by the name of Ssamiel leader of the heavenly army, captured and driven insane by the devil himself. He was rescued and place in Boda's soul to be turned back to good. He is now back to his old self and fights with Bodacious as his friend, ally, and partner. Since a young age Bodacious was raised on a poor farm doing the hard work normally left to machines by hand. As he worked along side the farm animals he found that he shared a special bond with them and that they could understand him and did as he asked. One day after work he ventured into the nearby desert for a walk. He came apon a indian settlement under attack from other farmers. Enraged he ran into the fight, using his extreme strength to easily dispatch the other farmers. In gratitude for his help the idians gave him a lasso made from an ancient rope created by thier ancestors, to cature horses to use for the tribe and ensare enemies and cut them in half. Since then he has improved his strength, relationship with the animals, and his pistol skills so that he could one day join wRHG to test himself agains the best of the best.

appearance:average build but that hides the fact of his strength making opponets think he is of average strength until he is ready to show his full power, always weres a stetson cowboy hat, always has a colt 45 peacemaker strapped to his right side with his lasso on the left side

personality:very laid back go with the flow kind of person in his spare time likes to train horses as well go to the river and fish, doesn't like to kill but will if he is forced to. he is very socialble and has the tendancy to make friends wit hcomplete strangers. he also has a knack for making friends of his former enemies. He uses his kind peaceful personality be the shining lght to supress the evil within him, to the point no reader demon or angel can see it. the only way to bring it out of him is to harm his friends, you can kick his ass all day and he will forgive you but the moment you hurt his friends he lets the evil loose and resembles a demon in human form, a cold killing machine.

Samiel He is very head strong, but a wise and skilled hand to hand combatant, combine this with his 4 tons per square inch of lifting power and he is damn near unstoppable. He is calm and collected in battle but will crack wise and laugh when given the chance.

demo: Galliping up to the arena on palamino mustang he befriended a few days ago, Bodacious tipped his hat up to get a good look at the crowd. He stepped into the ring and hopped to test himself before he moved on the wRHG. He noticed something about his opponent wasnt right, he seemed.......some how other worldly yet familiar. He shrugged it off as nothing more than prefight jitters. As the bell rang he figured he would see what his opponent would do. After a minute passed and the strange fighter stay motionless, Bodacious decided to act. He ran at him and threw a mid power punch and only struck air. He realized he was at a dissadvantage off the bat. He switched tactics to his lasso, he spun it round and round and sent out the command to catch him. The lasso darted left and right as if looking for its target. It pointed at random places and indicated this person was to fast to catch. Bodacious closed his eyes to try to hear the other fighter. He quickly looked to his right, and struck him directly in the chest. The fighter stay limp for a moment only to stand back up with an evil chuckle. "So, u can find the great Ivan? lets see how u can handle this," he said and dissapearred once again as he went supersonic, running around and around Bodacious and created a vortex. Right away he knew the air was being sucked away from him. He thought hard of what to do, then it hit him. He grabbed the lasso and pistol. He threw the his lariat into the path of Ivan and caught him in mid step, but he used this to his advantage and wrapped it around Bodacious. Now only his gun hand free and the air thinned, he fired a shot hitting Ivan in the foot. Ivan stopped and screamed in pain. Bodacious called out for help from the mustange. It leapt into action and easily cleared the ring ropes. The mighty horse threw a kick and struck Ivan in the leg breaking it in half. Again, he screamed out. Bodacious gave the lasso the command to let him loose and it quickly fell slack around him. Bodacious walked up to Ivan and asked, "I thought you looked familiar, you are one of the farmers I encountered the day I recieved this lasso from the hopi, but I dont remember you having such speed how did you aquire it?" Ivan spat at Bodacious saying, "I was angry at you for what you did to me, humiliating me. So, I went to an ancient well and asked for the power to kill u and now I am what you see today!" Bodacius cocked back his arm, "Well looks like it wasnt good enough." Bodacious unloaded with a full power punch sending Ivan through the ring into the ground, causing a crater the size of the ring to form. Bodacious picked up his lasso and his gun, jumped on the stallion's back, and rode off looking forward to his first battle as a wRHG.

wins/lose: 0/4

points: 0

status:unavailable, in basic training

note: After the end of the year, January 2nd, I will be shipping off for basic training for the Army. So from that time till sometime in March I will be unavailable to fight. I will be sending Bodacious to basic training with me to incorperate those teachings into him. Also while me and bodacious are gone, i shall be leaving Sebastian and sjcrpv my blessed lasso, to act in emergancies to stop him if his demon gets loose and tries to kill.

WhiteWood
10-17-2012, 11:12 PM
Well... You need to work on your grammar. Do not use 'u' for the word 'you', it is very unprofessional and will get you nowhere in your writing. Also, work on comma use, many spots in just about everything needed one. There were plenty of spelling errors throughout this thread, I suggest getting a spell-check or at least a dictionary. After a period, please use capital letters; capitalize names as well.
It is 'RHG' not rhg, it is also capitalized because it is a name of an organization.

When mentioning that someone is laughing, do not use 'hahaha', instead try to describe it; example: The fighter stayed limp for only a moment, he soon got back up and chuckled with a devious smile, "So, you can find the Great Ivan? Let's see how you can handle this!"

Please look at the thread: 'wRHG' to get the rules on how to use the wRHG system.

I do not know whether or not you are foreign, and therefore may have a hard time with English, or you are just lazy and do not want to commit to proper writing. Either way, you need to go to an English class so can learn how to properly write in this language. I had a very hard time reading this, and I hope that in the future, you have something better to present.

SJCRPV
10-18-2012, 07:44 AM
I have to agree with Cooling Fever, everything he said is in fact true but, let me give a tip on how to see if a comma is needed or not. I don't know if it'll work with you or not but for me it helps me out a lot. Every once in a while stop writing and read your text as if you were telling this to someone and notice when you pause. For example, if I was saying this

sebastian was lost in thoughts wondering if he had forgotten something back at home he checked his pockets keys check notebook check pencil needs to be sharpened but he decided to do that later

Again, try to read this as if you were saying this to someone.
Before going on, try to see where you would put all the commas, colons, semicolons, dots and capital letters.


Hope you at least tried and didn't cheat :P

The way I would say would be:

Sebastian was lost in his thoughts, wondering if he had forgotten something back at home. He checked his pockets: keys, check; notebook, check; pencil, needs sharpening, but he decided to do that later.

Now, I won't say this is the best way to see where to put punctuation, and I probably have a couple mistakes just in this sentence but it helps me out in writing at least, easily understandable sentences. Try it out :)

One thing Cooling Fever didn't mention and I will is to ask you to work more on the animal entrances, describe how he looks, how he entered and what his first action was. For example, let take a sentence from your demo:

"bodacious called out for help from a mustange he befriended a few days before, the mighty horse threw a mighty kick striking ivan in the leg breaking it in half."

A better way of putting this would be:

Bodacious called out for the help of a mustang he had befriended a few days before, the mighty brown horse slammed through the door(or was he already there? You weren't quite clear on that) and gracefully jumped into the ring, immediately kicking Ivan in the leg, breaking it in half.

Character wise, a lasso that never misses wouldn't be exactly fair for those that don't have super speed, maybe make it like a guided missile: It follows, but still dodgeable.
With that aside, I like your character :)


Edit
That was a really nice improvement :D but there are 2 things you should be aware of when you, once again, recheck your demo:
Avoid using the same words close to each other unless you're doing it for artistic value (which by the context you clearly aren't). I noticed that here
1-"He ran at him and threw a mid power punch only to end up punching air."(they're not the same word but the similarity between them still gives the reader the feeling of repetition)

here
2-"Bodacious closed his eyes trying to hear the other fighter. He opened his eyes and swung to his right striking him directly in the chest."

here
3-"He grabbed the lasso and pistol. He threw the lasso into the path of Ivan catching him in mid step, but he used this to his advantage wrapping the lasso around Bodacious."

here
4-"Bodacious gave the lasso the command to let him loose and it quickly fell loose around him."

What you should do when this happens is replace one of the words with a synonym, a word (or a set of words) that describe what it is or even avoid the word entirely, finding a way to still make the reader understand what you mean.

Other than that, go re-read that text and replace all the "u"s that are still scattered around :3

And lastly, "Thought", that's how you write it, not "thot" :P

Edit nš2:
Glad to see you corrected your mistakes, the demo just keeps on improving :)
The only thing that there is left is minor grammar mistakes and the wrong use of some verb tenses. If you want, I can go grammar nazi on it or you can do it yourself :D

cowboy bodacious
10-22-2012, 07:11 PM
ty everyone for the feedback and on how i can improve my writing skills.

Tonuha
10-29-2012, 02:37 PM
@SJCRPV Oh my god, dude, that was a long post xD
And nice RHG, Cowboy. But I suggest you making a demo before someone passes by and lock this thread.

SJCRPV
10-29-2012, 03:44 PM
@SJCRPV Oh my god, dude, that was a long post xD
And nice RHG, Cowboy. But I suggest you making a demo before someone passes by and lock this thread.

And is there anything wrong with that? :)
It was long because I was helping him

Also, he does have a demo ._. though he should at least but the section designations in bold at least. And update the availability status, he's fighting me atm : o

cowboy bodacious
10-29-2012, 04:47 PM
well that last long post, that was the demo dude. i did make it more obvious with the bold though.

Luzoto
01-24-2013, 04:25 PM
Oh hey dude when you get back you need to add more to your appearance section. As far as I know, Bodacious is just a red stick figure ._.

cowboy bodacious
05-03-2013, 07:11 PM
Ok everyone i added a few things to boda so check'em out

kingkickass2013
05-03-2013, 07:24 PM
Cowboy I got's some horrible news, Zeus died so no blast from the past battle. He was replaced with an electric ghost.

You still have a cool character, By the way I see a red spearton as your signature fighting a juggerknight, are they supposed to mean something or are you an SE fan?