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View Full Version : SJCRPV (Sebastian) vs. Luzoto (Lexel Natkzusen)



SJCRPV
11-25-2012, 12:15 PM
Hello, here's the battle between me and Luzoto. Hope you enjoy it and please leave us your thoughts on them :)

Sebastian - Can use demonic powers to enhance physical abilities - Sebastian's wRHG (http://forums.stickpage.com/showthread.php?43723-Sebastian)

Lexel - Two gunblades, imortality - Lexel's wRHG (http://forums.stickpage.com/showthread.php?44771-Lexel-the-Gunblader)


I was running, as fast as I could through the town, tired and a bit scared as I was being chased by the police. Earlier that day I had gone for a walk, like I usually did, happily walking on ledges, skipping on those small posts that usually are built to avoid traffic going where it’s not supposed to and climbing obstacles that I didn’t feel like going around of; all regular, fun stuff. Every once in a while I was told by officers that were passing by or even random people to come down, get out of there or that I wasn’t supposed to do that, some worried and some not so much. I replied to all of them in a polite and civilized manner, explaining why I would have to disregard their “advices”, but always with a smile; one of them however, a man who seemed to be in his forties, didn’t seem to want to let me leave, at least politely. Judging by the look on how he approached me and how he was structuring his arguments, he seemed to be having a bad day and needed to let out some pent up anger out of this system, and maybe some alcohol out of his bloodstream.

I eventually had to actually come down and talk to him face to face. He was spouting pure nonsense, slowly escalating to what was becoming disrespectful towards me. I was keeping my composure, even though annoyed; Daicilus, however, was pissed. He kept trying to force me to let him speak, despite my attempts to convince him to just let it go, giving me a headache.

Having enough of his blabber, I decided I had to interrupt him in the middle of his rant if I wanted to leave in the next hour. The man however, didn’t take it very well and raised his hand to hit me the moment I turned my back to him, calling me an “uncivilized pig”. Since he had told his intentions while he pulled back his knuckle, I saw it coming and was prepared to just scare him. That was my intention, honestly. I just wanted to grab his neck, raise him in the air and tell him to “chill out”; but Daicilus wanted something else. As I caught his throat, the demon managed to force my fingers into crushing his neck; in the middle of the street.

At least twenty people saw it, many of them gasped as the body fell to the ground.

Realizing what Daicilus had made me do, a feeling of fright, quickly followed by guilt invaded my mind as I put on my hood and ran away as fast as I could. I wasn’t particularly proud of doing so; running away from my problems like that, but I knew from past experience that turning myself in wouldn’t do me any good either; Daicilus would just find a way to take over and escape from wherever they would keep me in, killing more people in the process if he had to. I didn’t want to add more deaths to my already quite guilty conscience.

Soon, however, I started hearing police cars, heightening my fear of being seen. They were most likely looking for me, and I would have been spotted if I hadn’t jumped towards a nearby window, breaking it and invading someone’s home.

The place was dark but you could still see the layout of the room. There didn’t seem to be any lights on, which was a relief. The living room I broke into looked simple, a couch, a television, a table and a few chairs, a couple of carpets… nothing that really stood out.

I was about to take my first step when, behind me, I heard a vase falling to the ground. In a combination of fear and instinct I turned around in an instant and the edge of a sword was pointed at my forehead. The shock froze my body. Was it the house owner?

- Go away! I’m the one robbing this house. – He whispered, clearly annoyed by the fact that I was interrupting his illegal activity

As a drop of blood slowly made its way from my forehead to my nose, the man clumsily pulled back his weapon as quickly as he had placed it in the first place, clearly not intending to have hurt me.
Upon closer inspection, I saw that his blade seemed somewhat like Cloud’s Buster Blade (in a shorter version at least) and that it had a gun on top of it; a gunblade? I couldn’t help but think that this person was a Final Fantasy fan; I also noticed that, on the right side of his waist was the sheath of what seemed like a katana, but when I paid attention to the actual person that owned them I was taken by surprise by his appearance. He was a drawing? I don’t know why I was having such a reaction; I had seen stranger people, but the man just seemed… comical.

Thinking I could use him to distract the police, and because he was actually committing a crime, I tried to stall him until I was able to be in a position where I could fight back and turn him in:

- Sorry – I quickly apologized, still not entirely recovered from the scare– I-I didn’t mean to interrupt you. I’m just passing by.

The man raised an eyebrow in disbelief:

- And you just jump into people’s houses like that? – He made a pause and gave an analytical expression – Wait a minute… I’ve seen you before! - A chill went down my spine. I had no idea who he was. - What was your name? – He continued - No, no wait; don’t tell me…

He began moving his gunblade; making circles in the air, dangerously close to me, resembling the movement a wheel makes when opening a valve, humming almost in synchronization with it.
Taking the chance, I quickly pushed his chest while, at the same time, I sweeped the back of his legs, knocking him down as he yelled “Dailicius!”, thinking that was my name.

Immediately kicking the gunblade away as a safety measure I placed one of my knees on his shoulder, covering most of his arm and the other one on his chin, pressing both. With a blank expression and a monotonous tone I told him:

- It is “Daicilus” and that’s the demon inside of me, I’m Sebastian. Now, who are you? How did you recognize me? And why shouldn’t I be knocking you out and delivering you to the police?

- Wait, police? – Just the notion of it seemed to scare him – You won’t take me alive!

In an act of desperation, he used his free hand and managed to grab his katana. Hadn’t I rolled forward, my head would have been split in two.
I cursed at myself for making such a stupid mistake. I should have removed his katana as well.
The man stood up, removing the dust from his clothes, but this time, paying attention to my movements. After a couple of seconds of silence, he opened his mouth.

- I’m Lexel Natakzusen. I saw you in the arena the day I fought Nox, you were talking to the floating words guy. JJ right?

A faint image of that day crossed my mind. I wasn’t entirely sure however, I left that arena before the battle started, needed to sort out a few papers about my last engagement, sadly.
I narrowed my eyes and searched my brain for any bit of information I might have about this… drawing, but I soon reached the conclusion that I knew nothing about him. Once again I insulted myself for committing another mistake. Something about him didn’t allow me to take this battle all that seriously, and that made me worry about the outcome.

- You didn’t answer my last question, Lexel. – I stated

- Oh, sorry. Didn’t see it.

A small, light blue capsule landed near my feet. Instinct told me that I should jump away, but it didn’t tell me I should have covered my eyes.
It was a flashbang. I don’t really know where it came from, but the sudden flash of light blinded me for a few seconds, long enough for Lexel to get behind me.
As I was recovering my vision, a strong punch on the back of my head threw me to the ground, shaking my still blurry vision.

- By the way – asked Lexel – Isn’t “Sebastian” the name the Japanese give to butlers on their crazy cartoons?

“What the hell does that have to do with this situation?” I and Daicilus kept asking ourselves until a silenced bang made a hole right next to where I was lying down. The scare had me roll away from it but once again I had the Buster blade’s copy in front of me.

- Give up, – he said in a dull tone of voice, forcing himself to keep a serious look – seriously. Also, - now more interested - tell me: Why do you have a demon inside of you? I’m curious.

With my vision back to normal, I slowly raised my hands in a form of surrender as I analyzed the best way to regain the advantage. The moment I completed the movement I had reached a conclusion, I quickly slapped the side of the sword with my left hand, grabbed the gunblade by its silencer with my right and pulled it as I pushed myself up, condensing a reasonable amount of energy on my left fist, punching the falling and surprised Lexel.

The drawing flew across the living room and went through a wall, landing loudly on what seemed to be the house owner’s bedroom.

Funny how in a European house that would have never happened. – Daicilus commented

Ignoring my “soul mate’s” remark, I picked myself back up and walked towards Nataksuzen in a fast pace.

- It’s a curse – I gravely admitted as I grabbed him by his neck, leaving the rubble to sort itself out with gravity – You don’t want to know.

Not committing the same mistake, this time I threw away his katana in a direction and his other gunblade on the opposite side. If it came to killing, I could at least have a chance to pick up one of the weapons.

As he struggled to free himself, slowly running out of air, I felt bad about what I was doing and, against many protests coming from Daicilus, banging on my mind, I let go of his neck when I noticed he was losing consciousness. As he desperately recovered his breath, I promptly picked up his weapons and noticed a small orifice on top of his katana, to which I associated the flashbang he threw earlier. So it is actually two gunblades? He must really like those games, or at least the eight one.
Lexel got up, actually serious for the first time.

- Give me back my gunblades. – He demanded just before he dashed at me, throwing punches left and right without any sort of pattern or technique.

Blocking them wasn’t exactly hard to accomplish, especially since I could use the flat sides of his weapons; he didn’t seem to have much of a combat training, but I got the feeling he was just buying time.
Eventually, he got me against the wall; he faked one of his punches to remove the sheath of his katana and the next one to press a button on the grenade launcher. A small red capsule flew out of the katana, hitting in a part of the wall that still remained and falling in between us.

Realizing this wasn’t a flashbang like the last, I didn’t want to find out what this one really was for, so, with nowhere else to go I, yelling “Oh shit!” in fear, afraid of losing my life, condensed a large amount of energy to make a hole in the wall behind me, while Lexel jumped away, apparently scared as well. Charging a whole lot more on my legs I jumped backwards.

The weakened wall crumbled with the force it was subjected to and the capsule exploded with the power of a regular grenade while I was in midair, burning my shoes and the bottom of my pants and legs as well as raising the speed at which I slammed against the bathroom wall, cracking it just beside the sink.

Recovering the air I just lost from my lungs at the impact, I opened my eyes and saw Natakzusen on the far end of the bedroom, surprised at what happened. I think he was expecting another type of grenade, too bad, I should have picked it up and shoved it down his throat. Wait, that’s Daicilus thinking.

You’re not killing this guy. - I warned him

That’s what you always say…

The gunblader wasted no time however, as he dashed towards me, since I still had his weapons.
Using the katana as a cane, I jumped to the side, hitting the bathtub with both weapons pointing to the air as a loud insult came out of nowhere. I thought there was someone else in here, but when I turned out to be wrong, the katana screamed another insult at me.

Lexel entered the small bathroom, fueled by rage after hearing it scream:

- What are you doing to Kaihō, you demonic filth?

Kaihō? – Daicilus asked

He probably means this weird katana

I got up, this time not using the screaming sword but the other gunblade instead, with the bottom of my legs almost in raw meat by the heat of the grenade, painfully slowing my uplift. Images on how to dispose of the gunblader in the most painful way possible kept crossing my mind, and I felt like it was “OK” to do most of those, which meant I couldn’t use my powers if I wanted to keep my sanity.

As Natkzusen walked towards me, I thought of a way to distract him. I threw the katana across the bathroom, sticking it just above the door frame. Lexel immediately looked away in fear for his weapon’s safety and I, releasing my grip on the other one, jumped towards him, ignoring the pain I kept feeling, while Kaihō insulted me once more. Using my weight to push him down, I quickly punched him in the back of the head once, then twice, then thrice… I just couldn’t stop myself from punching him, each time stronger than the last and each punch quicker than the previous. I was losing it. Lexel was already unconscious, but I just kept going. I noticed a smile was forming in my face, which soon became a laugh, a maniacal laugh. I just kept seeing my hand, hitting his head, over and over again, at this point, he would most likely be dead. A pool of blood began to form under the gunblader as the sound of police cars began to make themselves known, with the sirens growing louder with each second.
Despite my many protests, Daicilus didn’t cease his attempt to gain control over me, even though the police would be on us if we stayed here much longer.

I’ll just kill them when they enter – He kept claiming

Eventually they’ll end up being too many and you know they only need a bullet in my head to kill me, sending you back to your dimension with only the frail soul of a teenager.

After a few moments of silence, only broken by the growingly loud sound of sirens, I managed to stop myself from punching Lexel any longer, who soon, much to my surprise and confusion, began snoring. “How the heck was he still alive?” was the question. As police cars stopped in front of the house, Daicilus yelled in my mind:

Damn it! If your soul didn’t have the potential to be worth millions, you would have been fucking dead long ago.

Furious by the fact that I did not allow him to have his fun, he released all influence he had over me, allowing me to regain full control of my body.
Suddenly, I heard the sound of someone kicking down a door, followed by the regular “Police! Come out with your hands in the air!”

I was about to leave through the small window in the bathroom when I realized I would also be leaving Lexel behind. I couldn’t do that, it just didn’t feel right. He was robbing a house and he did attack me, but I don’t know what was it that made me, pick up his weapons and bring him out of the house, just before the police saw us. I just had the feeling that he wasn’t a bad pers-… drawing.
After dropping him in a hospital, despite, the fact that he didn’t even seem hurt at all, something that still confused me, I went for the wRHG’s office. Inside the modest building, I was told that, by pure coincidence, there was a fight between me and Lexel, scheduled to happen today and that somehow, it was recorded.

Deciding to not make sense out of the situation, I just did one last effort to walk into my room and sleep. I would go have my legs checked tomorrow…


Now here's Luzoto's part of the story, also, Luzoto, I believe this is the closest I can get to your formatting, though do tell me if there's something that needs to be changed.


At Lexel's request, here's the link to his battle Here (https://docs.google.com/document/pub?id=1RcZSNEQFlydOpn9rX79sMJwwU11k6rOACpUKj0K1Gu 8)

Luzoto
11-25-2012, 12:58 PM
Could you just post the link I gave you? It has all the indenting and makes for a much easier read.

SJCRPV
11-25-2012, 01:02 PM
It is done :)

Luzoto
11-25-2012, 01:19 PM
And I just noticed a plot hole in mine :'<

"Sebastian didn’t have time to listen to Daicilus’s remark as he frantically dodged a burst of bullets."
But Seb was holding the gunblade that fired bullets :/

Also, thanks for putting attention to Lexel's detail and not saying immortal over and over =P.

cowboy bodacious
11-25-2012, 06:34 PM
i voted for sebastian to me i jsut enjoyed his story better

edit: wtf? i am the only one that voted? thats just messed up.

SJCRPV
11-28-2012, 01:07 PM
I would really like to know why is it that we only have 2 votes :/
Are they just too boring to read so people just didn't bother?

Crank
11-28-2012, 01:40 PM
They aren't boring, so don't sweat about that being the problem.

You've both got some pretty solid stories, and it's a shame that there aren't more votes.

That said, I gave Luzoto my edge, mostly on account of the sensory details he had in his story, particularly the opening. SJCRPV, it would really benefit if you used taste, smell, and touch a bit more, especially when you set the scene. It really helps immerse the reader in the story. Additionally, and I've mentioned this a few other times on a few other battles (or at least one other one), but it leaves an impact when someone kills someone, ESPECIALLY on accident. I don't know, Sebastian just seemed to get over killing that guy a bit too quick. I just figured it'd weigh a little more on his mind than it did.

Luzoto, again, I really liked the sensory details, but the way the fight ended killed me a little bit. Honestly, the way the cops just broke in and shot Daicilus, only to be killed a couple sentences later seemed excessively rushed and desperate on your part. If you get to a point where your character can't win, and no matter what you think of, you can't turn it in their favor, go up and change a few paragraphs, change the outcome. Don't kill the climax. The ending's what stays in people's minds the longest, so that's the last thing you want to sacrifice.

Again though, it was a good, and diffidently close battle for the both of you! I wish you both luck and more voters!

Luzoto
11-28-2012, 01:57 PM
That said, I gave Luzoto my edge, mostly on account of the sensory details he had in his story, particularly the opening. SJCRPV, it would really benefit if you used taste, smell, and touch a bit more, especially when you set the scene. It really helps immerse the reader in the story. Additionally, and I've mentioned this a few other times on a few other battles (or at least one other one), but it leaves an impact when someone kills someone, ESPECIALLY on accident. I don't know, Sebastian just seemed to get over killing that guy a bit too quick. I just figured it'd weigh a little more on his mind than it did(1).

Luzoto, again, I really liked the sensory details, but the way the fight ended killed me a little bit. Honestly, the way the cops just broke in and shot Daicilus, only to be killed a couple sentences later seemed excessively rushed and desperate on your part. If you get to a point where your character can't win, and no matter what you think of, you can't turn it in their favor, go up and change a few paragraphs, change the outcome. Don't kill the climax. The ending's what stays in people's minds the longest, so that's the last thing you want to sacrifice(2).

I was mainly worried about those details, because that was the main problem Lobo's and Hewitt's CnC from my first battle pointed out. Still, my side of the battle was pretty rushed since I had a lot of work going on and the time I had to write ended up being one week instead of two, and even then I didn't get much done. Anyways, my thoughts (look at quote above):

1. Lexel's 'immortal'. It's on his timeline, some bizzare events about his katana, which is ancient and dirty-mouthed and turned him into a drawing, but made him immortal (still feels pain, usually more so than others). Sebastian's story found Lexel snoring after Daicilus's rampage, so Sebastian wouldn't be impacted by his 'death' (Daicilus: Seriously, after having his skull cracked in ten places, he's SNORING?! How disrespectful of him...). There's a bit more about immortality in Lexel's Bio page, under Abilities.

2. Yeah, I see that now, my fault due to rushing. I was trying to get in details and have it a bit more from Lexel's perspective in that, and I guess it just flopped.

SJCRPV
11-28-2012, 03:15 PM
1. Lexel's 'immortal'. It's on his timeline, some bizzare events about his katana, which is ancient and dirty-mouthed and turned him into a drawing, but made him immortal (still feels pain, usually more so than others). Sebastian's story found Lexel snoring after Daicilus's rampage, so Sebastian wouldn't be impacted by his 'death' (Daicilus: Seriously, after having his skull cracked in ten places, he's SNORING?! How disrespectful of him...). There's a bit more about immortality in Lexel's Bio page, under Abilities.


Actually, he means the 1st person Sebastian killed.


As I caught his throat, the demon managed to force my fingers into crushing his neck; in the middle of the street.

At least twenty people saw it, many of them gasped as the body fell to the ground.

This drunken person that Sebastian accidentally killed.



SJCRPV, it would really benefit if you used taste, smell, and touch a bit more, especially when you set the scene. It really helps immerse the reader in the story. Additionally, and I've mentioned this a few other times on a few other battles (or at least one other one), but it leaves an impact when someone kills someone, ESPECIALLY on accident. I don't know, Sebastian just seemed to get over killing that guy a bit too quick. I just figured it'd weigh a little more on his mind than it did.


Bold: Indeed I do lack on that. I'll try to fix it in my next battle :)

Underline: Yes he did and no he shouldn't have gotten over it that quickly :/
Now that I re-read it once more, I do see where I could have pressed that matter further.

Thank you for telling me this Crankuba. I will try to fix it next time :)

Crank
11-28-2012, 03:40 PM
Yeah, I was talking about the first guy, and you're welcome!

Luzoto
11-30-2012, 01:38 PM
Two more days, and we still only have four voters? And with the release of StickWarsII, I'm pretty sure this is going to end as a draw...of course, me and SJCRPV still have yet to vote. I think.
In no way is this an attempt to bump the thread for more attention.

SJCRPV
11-30-2012, 02:08 PM
I haven't voted.
If you think this is an insufficient number of voters, I don't mind not counting this fight.

Crank
11-30-2012, 04:12 PM
Not to burst any bubbles, but not every battle gets many votes. I've had a couple 2-2 ties myself, and I've even seen a 1-1 one. Don't take it too hard, it's always irritating when it happens, but it's nothing to take personally.

Also, it's the weekend now, so some more still might trickle in.

Luzoto
12-01-2012, 11:47 AM
This might be a strange question to ask, but what EXACTLY does CnC stand for?

Crank
12-01-2012, 05:47 PM
I had to do a little digging to find out myself, but apparently it stands for Comment N' Critique.