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View Full Version : Junmax(Bladed Fire) vs Luther Wright(Tenderwilly)



Bladed Fire
03-17-2013, 07:12 PM
Mine:
It’s a cold night, I can hear wind blows so loudly, and darkness fill in my house, except for my little area where a little light bulb lights on. It’s just... creepy. I’m feeling that something is not right, just don't know why. “Junmax....”, the wind blowed likely this sound. “Junmax!....”, it beginning to bring creeps to me. “JUNMAX!!!!”, no way... The sound is coming from the door. I walked to the door and slowly open and saw a pale guy running from my door.

Why did he do that? Wait... pale guy, and the one that only come to see me, yeah, I think so, Searge! Why the hell did he find me? Is he begging me to forgive him? I don’t think so, it’s just like he wants me to follow him to a place. Well, I personally don’t care about the aim of his, I quickly chase him.

No way, he is far from me, I quickly charged wind under my leg and shoot to him. I’m outside my house without closing the door, hope some creatures won’t go in.... I’m just out of reach of Searge. I charged my hands with burning flame and wants to punch his head with it, although I know it’s impossible.

I focus my direction on Searge while punching flame on the land. The flame suddenly vanished, wait, not vanish, but go into the land, and rapidly pursuing Searge! Until it reaches Searge, it explodes in a small radius. Good enough for a burn. I quickly charged wind under my leg again and shoot to Searge who is landing head-first.

I nearly caught him, but he suddenly vanished in darkness. He transformed into a big shadow with the shape of a huge wave, like it’s going to gobble me up. I tried to kick him, but it doesn’t work. “Bwahahaha! You think you can defeat me? It’s still early, little puny!” Searge said. He suddenly transform into a small arrow-shaped shadow and shooted right into the chemical facility, which is old but clean.

The chemical facility is years ago since I’ve live here. The chemical facility have it’s business successful that it can maintain until now. It’s still very successful. I quickly chase Searge, but quickly lost his track when I came into the chemical facility. I wandered around the chemical facility, hoping to get him, but no. I searched for hours and I finally tried to go into a round-shaped room. A well is standing stiffly there, and just it, nothing is in the room. I looked under the well, ugly purple substances, eww.

“Who are you? How dare you intrude our facility?” said a person when he suddenly come into the room. He wears a lab coat and have an angry expression on his face, did I pee to him? I don’t think so. I quickly run past him, trying to get myself out of this place, yeah, forget about Searge. “Project Alpha! Please come! A powerful intruder wanted to flee!” said the guy. “What? A powerful intruder? Gonna have a warm-up with my hands. Stay there, you little intruder!” a sound came under the floor.

“I said stay there!!!” the voice came again. I didn’t even want to hear a shit of the sound, I quickly run and saw the exit. As I wanted to run out, the door closed. I turned my body to another side. There’s a muscular man about my age coming towards me. He have a glowing mark on his forehead. He likes glowing things? What an immature teen. “So, you’re the project toy?” I asked. “What? Toy? You say I’m a toy???” said Project toy.”Whatever. Anyways, you’re so immature, wearing a glowing toy on your forehead.” I said. “My name is Luther Wright! How dare you say my mark a glowing toy! Wait... Why am I talking to you? My mission now is to kill you!” Luther said. Stupid small-minded project toy.

He started to attack, and I quickly dodged his attack. I heard a cracking sound from the wall behind me. Is it the air compress made by Project toy? It’s just as same as Fought. Well, this battle is gonna be easy. A punch to my face from Project toy. “Urrghhh...” I groaned. He grabbed my shoulders to prevent me from flying backwards and give me a hard shove. I quickly stand his attacks and kicked his head, and give two wind gusts to him. As I landed, I found out that my attacks didn’t do any damage to Project toy.

“Well, good fight, huh?” I said as I concentrated wind on my legs, preparing to shoot past him. “No one ever survived from my attacks, better hold your last breath before you die!” Project toy said. I wanted to shoot past him, but he quickly know what I want to do and blocked my path, forcing me to charge fire in my hand and punch his head. “How warm.....” Project toy said as he relax. I quickly charged earth on my leg and axe-kick him. The earth break, but not his shoulders.

“Well, you forced me...” I said. “Prepare my heatness...” I said as my eyes are burning in fury. Well, I didn’t tried to be this angry before. I quickly teleport to Project toy and charged earth and fire in my hand, and punched his face. While this happens, I concentrate wind on my legs and shoot him, causing him to move backwards. I break the fire and earth while cuff his legs with earth, and he breaked the cuff, and tried to punch me. I jumped backwards while avoiding his punch and concentrated earth to form a shield on my hand to block his air compress.

I charged wind at the back of the shield and make it shoot rapidly to Project toy, which he pierces the shield using his hand. I quickly concentrate wind on my hands and give him a quick punch which continued with a wind gust. No effect on him. He started to move rapidly towards me, and I teleported backwards. We have a fire-air compress battle with large movements or teleportations. I quickly dodged his attack while suddenly his mark become red.

Project toy quickly punched me and have an explosion to me. I flied backwards and he started to grab my shoulders and give me a hard kick. I teleported back and focus wind surrounding me. Wow. With this new focus-power, I send large amount of wind to Project toy, hoping to blow him away. He walked and survived the wind storm, and he rapidly move to me, while I focus wind on my legs, hoping to shoot towards him.

He attacked me and turned my shoot direction to outside the chemical facility. I shoot towards outside and breaked the wall, and landed in a forest near to the chemical facility. Project toy also moved rapidly to the forest. I landed in the forest and hide in one of the trees. “Come out, puny! Don’t you want me to feel your heatness? Come out! Come catch my fist!” said Project toy.

Who wants your purplish ugly hand? Project toy started to punch the trees. I keep dodging while he keep punching trees. Unfortunately, I dodged to a dead end. “Come out! You puny! Wimp!” shouted Project toy. I quickly concentrate earth on my hand, forming a large boulder and throwed to him while shooting wind to the boulder to make it faster and more powerful.
“Well, finally you attack... Hold your breath, you can’t last long!” said Project toy.

He punched through the large boulder, leaving it a large hole. He moved rapidly towards me and I quickly teleport to a large tree which have been break, leaving the root and platform itself. “Wow, you’ve found a good place to battle, nice job,” said Project toy. “Yeah, nice job. Thanks for the compliment although I don’t need one, especially you ugly toy!” I said. I began to focus fire surrounding me and started to burn Project toy.

“Ha, you puny! Don’t you know I’m immune to anything except... Uuuurgggghhh!” said Project toy as I focus wind on my fire, giving a boost to the fire’s heat. “You actually can be grilled? Toy?” I said as I started to think that I can defeat him. “Nice move, but this is not going to kill me!” said Project toy. “Well, you want more? Ok! I’ll heat you into a nicely grilled toy!” I said. I found my new power, heat, which is fire combined with wind.

“Well... so, see my next move! You’ll die!” Project toy said as his mark turn white. He didn’t move. I charged heat on my hands and punched him. He recieved a huge amount of pain but he didn’t even move. “What a creepy toy...” I said. Project toy began to move. “Well, scared? You know, I’m not a little children who will be bullied! Prepare to die!” he said. I charged heat on my legs and kicked his stomach. He didn’t even groan although been heated so much.

“Well, you gonna get your legs fractured!” said Project toy. He grabbed my legs but I teleported behind him and two-footed kick his head. “I say, I’m immune to everything!” said Project toy. Oh shoot, I’m out of energy...Does heat consumes my energy? I quickly summon my badminton racket. “Whoa, what a nice toy there, huh?” said Project toy. “No, this is not a toy, this is my weapon!” I said. “Yeah, same as my mark! This is not a toy!” he said.

“Whatever,” I said. I quickly charged elementals and shoot to Project toy. He dodged some but didn’t even groan after receiving so much elemental attacks. “You’re gonna die!” he said and his mark turn red. Not again... He rapidly move towards me and I concentrate earth on my hand to block his attacks. I concentrate heat to the earth and concentrate wind to damage him. “Well, nice job trying to injure me! Oh, I’m so stressed seeing you panting so hard!” said Project toy.

Yeah, I’m struggling to breath. Heat does consume my energy. “Uhh... you.... can’t.... hurt.... me.....” I said slowly, still catching my breath. “What a great human. Ok, I’m gonna hurt you badly!” said Project toy. Uhhh..... He started to punch while I struggling to dodge his attacks. I quickly concentrate wind to let me shoot to the sky to dodge his attacks. “You’re not gonna flee away!” said Project toy.

I quickly shoot to the sky as Project toy moved rapidly to catch me. Missed. “You puny! Come down! I’ll kill you!” said Project toy. I use my last breath to concentrate earth to form a gigantic boulder and throw to Project toy. “Heh, what a repeated attack, why are you so boring?” Project toy said. Wait... does Project toy himself repeated his attacks boringly? Caught you.

He punched through the large boulder, but the large boulder crushed him with the gravity. I quickly concentrate fire to burn him into crisp. He quickly stand up and blocked my fire. I teleported to his back and kicked his head with heat and repeated this as Project toy can only fight people that’s facing him.

After some time, Project toy and me are panting hard, unable to battle anymore. “Well, why the battle is so short? Junmax, you disappointed me.” I saw Searge suddenly appear with his shadow form in front of me. “How dare you just watch us battle! You freak! Hide like a mouse!” I said. “Don’t be so angry man, I’ll take you to one place that you’ll like.” said Searge as he laughed evilly. “Wh...what place?” said Project toy. “You’ll come along, and you’ll know what’s the place....” said Searge as he cover the sky with shadow and we’ve been bringed to a place.

The place is small, but very hot. Stones are falling down , volcano deep. “Why do you bring us to here!” I shouted. “Hehehe.... you can only survive for 5 minutes in this volcano....” said Searge as he disappeared. “Heh, you’re pretending that you’re good? I think you give him money to help you! Stop bluffing!” said Project toy. He punched me but I dodged, breaking one of the falling stones.

“Wait... I’m not bluffing, Searge is my enemy!” I said. “Who the hell would believe you !” Project toy said. He give me a punch but I dodged again, causing his mark to turn red again. “Die! You liar!” said Project toy as he punched me and give out an explosion. I didn’t dodge it because of the annoying falling stones. Wait... was I in a volcano? Ain’t I got the ability to summon volcanic substances?

“Why the hell did you stop!” said Project toy. He grabbed one of the falling stones and throw to me. I concentrate wind to fire wind gust which breaks the stone. I concentrate volcanic substances on my hand and teleported to the back of Project toy. “You sneaky puny weakling!” said Project toy as he wanted to turn to the back. I quickly gave him a punch with the volcanic substances which explodes on contact.

Project toy go backwards for a while. He stand up after he fall down after the few backward steps. “Well you puny, don’t you ever kick my ass!” said Project toy and his mark turn white. The stone we’re standing are sinking... The lava quickly came to our foot. I wanted to jump out of this place. I saw Project toy is standing there not moving. He quickly awake.

“Oh no... the lava is going to melt me....” said Project toy. I quickly grabbed Project toy’s arm and concentrate wind to shoot out the volcano.”Hey! I don’t need your help! Get off, you puny!” said Project toy. “No way, toy, I can’t see people dying because I didn’t help...” I said. After some concentration of wind and shooting, we successfully get to the grass hill. ‘Whew! You saved my life! Thanks! So you’re not the Shadow’s friend?” Project toy asked. “Of course not! Muscle head toy who can’t fly. Hehehe...”I laughed. “Never say me toy! Even you saved my life! Haha!” said Project toy.

Suddenly, Project toy stopped laughing. I felt a strange feeling from him. “Hahaha... You can’t beat me, you puny!” said Project toy. He slowly raise up his head after he look down. I saw his eyes become dark, like there’s nothing in the eye socket. “How weird....” I said. “Feel my fist!” Project toy said as he leap to me, giving me a punch but I dodged it. I concentrate heat in both of my hands and gave him a double punch, which makes him fall.

I concentrate volcanic substance while catching breathe and leap to him, wanted to give him a axe-kick. I saw his eyes are normal again. “Wait... why are you attacking me?” Project toy said as he dodged the attack. I quickly stand up, and I saw Project toy seeing a thing, a dark shadow with a wave shape, Searge.

“Bwahahaha! Good job, Junmax! You defeated Luther Wright! Now I will kill you two as a reward!” said Searge with a creepy voice. “What did you say? You want to kill us? Never ever!” I shouted. “ Well well, you have a good courage... Now get yourself relax in darkness....” said Searge. “What? Not darkness again? I will stop you from doing that!” said Project toy. “Impressive... now... die in darkness!” said Searge. He cast a spell to make the sky dark, very dark.

“Bwahhahaha..... now come and make friend with my pets!” said Searge. “Pets? I will kill them!” I said while concentrate fire on both my arms and legs to light up the area. “Nice job on lightening up the area.” said Project toy. I saw several tiny creatures came darting to us, as fast as jet, they exploded on contact. I dodged them and quickly summon a shield to block their explosion while Project toy uses his air compress to beat them without contacting.

More and more came and they keep exploding on my shield. I keep recovering my shield until I heard Project toy said:” Help me, puny! I’m going to lose!”. “Just a minute, toy!” I said. I quickly throw my shield to Project toy and let him wield the shield. “Thanks puny!” said Project toy. “Anytime!” I said as I summon one more shield for myself. “Well well... good luck with my other pet!” said Searge in darkness.

Some crawling creatures with razor sharp claws started to leap to my shield, as same as Project toy’s. The bombs creature are still there, exploding upon contact. I quickly concentrate heat in the shield, melting the crawling creatures. I use the same move to heat up Project toy’s shield too.

“Well, you’re making me angry...” said Searge. The creature are coming faster and more but I keep defending, unaware that Searge is approaching me. The waves of creatures suddenly disappeared. I looked curiously as Searge is in front of me, started to summon large scythe in his hand. I concentrate heat in my hands and melt the scythe, while Project toy started to punch Searge.

I enhance Project toy’s fist with heat, and started to concentrate volcanic substances on my hand and explodes on contact with Searge. “Urrghhh... well done, you weaklings....” said Searge. he quickly transformed into a wave and gobble us up, teleporting us to the chemical facility. Searge fled? He’s so easy to beat! “Oh no, what a mess I did to the chemical facility!” said Project toy. “ Well, I just live there, at the small house, we’ll practice as we have them!” I said. “Ok, hope we will become good friends one day.” Project toy said. “So, you have a potential to join RHG,” I said. “What? I’ve joined that hours ago!” said Project toy.

“Oh, so I just fought you! I think it’s because you’re in my battle list!” I said. “Wait, why the shadow become the judge?” said Project toy. “Don’t know...” I said. So, is Searge letting me win or what? [In the other side, in RHG coliseum] “Good job, Searge, you let Junmax win and you planned to fight with him one day!” said an anonymous guy. “Yeah. I’ll kill him that day, he didn’t even saw my fighting skills, bwahahaha!” said Searge. “Thank you for giving me an idea for this plan, boss,” said Searge. “No problem, as I have Junmax’s master’s power thanks to you!” said the guy.


Tenderwilly's:
“—You will work for us now, oblige our demands, work for us, we will let you meet your mother”. Luther gasped for air, opened his eyes and sat up straight. “Still having nightmares?”, a woman’s voice asked. Luther wiped the sweat of his forehead with the back of his hand. “Yes, the same one over and over again”, he mumbled.
“There is no need to have such nightmares” the woman replied, “you’re safe now, but tell me, why do you think you are Luther?”.
Shocked, Luther turned his head to the woman next to him. An horrible, malformed woman stared back at him, her lower jaw was missing making her tongue entirely visible. Her nose was partly misplaced showing a dark hole instead of a nostril. Her entire forehead far badly swollen, making her right eye barely visible. “Why do you think you are here Luther!”, her tongue moved as she spoke, splattering blood all over Luther.
Luther opened his eyes while gasping for air, sat up straight and looked at where once the woman was sitting on his bed. “Still having nightmares? “, the voice came from behind a tall wooden door, the entrance to Luther’s room. The room imitated a wooden cabin he used to spend time in when he was a child. The monotone voice, now known to Luther as The Operator. Asked Luther to make a drawing of a room he would feel comfortable in. With Luther being terrible at drawing, he was surprised when he entered the cabin for the first time, it looked exactly like he remembered.
“yeah”, Luther replied to the voice coming from behind the door, “the same on over and over again”. He stood up and turned on the light, now being able to see the interior of his room, Luther noticed he really made a mess this time.
“Still not able to fully control your Breath?”, the tall wooden door opened, a woman, similar as the one in his dream, stepped inside his room. “Thank god your face isn’t all messed up” Luther mumbled. “What did you say?” the woman asked, while stepping in the light coming from an old fashioned lamp which illuminated his room. “Nothing…” Luther replied. After years of training and adapting to the RHG training facility, he still wasn’t able to adapt to the women, the “Servants”, as the Operator would call them. They all were clones, according to his fellow training buddies, made from random female genetic material. When Luther asked the Operator why the Servants were all women, the Operator explained that female attention around the facility was necessary to keep the men at peace. Luther didn’t know why the men felt comfortable around the Servants. Ever since Luther’s first test, he kept having nightmares about them. The woman was around Luther’s age, maybe two or three years older. She had straight brown hair which reached just below her chin. Her blue eyes glanced at Luther, which made him feel uncomfortable. As all of the Servants, she had a mark below her ear. Similar to the one on his forehead. “the Operator told me to get you dressed for combat, since today is your first real assignment”, her voice was calming. Still relieved the woman’s face wasn’t horribly malformed, Luther replied “Could you please help me find my stuff, as you can see I made a mess again”.

Fully dressed, Luther stood next to the helicopter platform, which would take him to his first assignment. He still didn’t know what kind of assignment he would get, but soon he’d hear it, and accept it. Soon Luther heard the familiar sound of rotating blades. An helicopter approached the platform. While it landed Luther covered his eyes with his lower arm, due to the wind created by the helicopter. This helicopter wasn’t made for battle, it was a medical one, for transport. Luther recognized two of his comrades inside the helicopter, and started walking towards them. “Hey guys, what took you so long”. The two men looked at each other, then looked at Luther, one of them responded. “You’re kidding us right? We just came from the battlefield!”. Luther smiled and said. “Of course I am, ha-ha, now get your asses out of this chopper, I’m having my first assignment today”.
Luther entered the helicopter, he saw multiple wounded lying inside the helicopter. “Shouldn’t these guys get some medical attention?”. Luther looked behind him, the two men were already gone. A voice from the cockpit responded to his question. “They aren’t wounded Luther, they’re dead, now come over here and put on your headphones, I don’t feel like screaming today”. As Luther sat down and put on his headphone, the helicopter took off. “Luther”, the pilot said, “I’ve been told this is your first assignment right? First time on the battlefield? “. The pilot was nervous, but only the trained eye would be able to see this, not Luther’s. “Yes sir, I’m very excited, maybe even a little nervous”. The pilot smiled and said, “Well, you should be. Let me explain your assignment. For a few months we’ve been hearing static reports of a mole inside our corporation, look at this picture, it is your task to find him, and if possible, eliminate him”.
Luther looked at the picture, a young looking guy stared back at him, he had spiky hairs, and on top of that he was wearing an hat. His eyes were small and yellow and his nose and mouth were kind of big, which gave his face some sort of arrogant posture.
Luther grinned and said “stupid hat”. The pilot did not reply, but said, “I’ve heard he is already waiting for you inside some sort of old roman arena, I’m sorry to say this Luther, but I’ve got a bad feeling about this, are you sure you want to go there and face him one on one?”. Luther realized he couldn’t back down now, not after he accepted to join to corporation. “Yes, take me to him, I’ll call you when the jobs done. If I don’t call, you don’t return, simple as that”.

The arena was huge, Luther never saw an arena this big. He remembered his history teacher explaining why these arena’s existed, for battle, for entertainment.
As he approached the centre of the arena, which was nothing more than a big circle shaped sandbox with big rocks, most were the size of a car, but a few matched the size of an house.
On top of one of these colossal rocks, he saw a figure, first blurry, but as the helicopter came closer, he saw that the person was wearing a red cape, and an hat. “There he is, good luck to you Luther”. The pilot landed his helicopter at the edge of the circle shaped arena. Luther stood up and said “remember, if I don’t call, don’t return!”.
As the sound of the rotating blades faded, Luther now realized there was no turning back, he had to face this maniac, this mole, this traitor. As he approached the man standing on the house sized rock, he realized how hot it was in the arena, he could feel the heat of the sand through his military boots. Luther was trained to bear hot and cold environments, but these extremes still made him feel uncomfortable. “And there he is”, the man spoke, as if he was performing for an audience, “Luther, the monster, the slave of the RHG corporation”. Surprised of the man’s sudden appearance Luther immediately switched to combat stance, putting his fists in front of his chin, while balancing on the front of his feet. “Tell me, are you a man or a slave?” The man spoke again, the voice came from behind Luther. Quickly Luther turned around, to see a young athletic man, only 30 feet away from him, wearing a cape and an hat, wielding a badminton racket. “What is this, some kind of joke?” Luther grinned, to mask his nervousness, “Why on earth are you wearing a cape?”. The man smiled, “pleasure to meet you to Luther, my name is Junmax, and as you can see, I’m wearing a cape, which stands for my superiority, now, tell me are you a slave, or a man?”. Luther was stunned by the weird questions this, Junmax, asked. “A man, and this man is here to end your days”. Junmax laughed and jumped on top of a rock beside him. “A man chooses, a slave obeys, you look an awful lot like a slave to me”. Before giving Luther a chance at responding to his question, Junmax lifted his racked, as if he was going to shoot a shuttlecock at Luther. “What are you going to do?” Luther asked, “Kill me, with shuttlecocks?”.

“What the f---“, A beam of heat smashes Luther to the ground. Blinded by the sudden explosion, Luther quickly covers his head while standing up again. On the ground lies a smoking shuttlecock. As the smoke of the explosion clears up, Luther immediately runs towards Junmax’s position, easily Luther jumps on top of the rock. “Where are you, show yourself!”. Another beam of heat answers his question, this time Luther’s body takes over, jumps in the air, just in time to feel the heat of the shuttle flying past his boots. A loud bang, a flash, just in time Luther manages to cover his eyes with his lower arm. A red cape, an hat, Junmax is now near Luther. Somehow the explosion tossed Luther towards him. “Get lost, Slave”. Junmax jumps and kicks Luther to the other side of the rock he was standing on.
Luther’s training taught him how to land on his feet by quickly turning around in mid-air. Though Junmax’s kick caused him to land rather unfortunate, smashing the back of his head against the hard rock. Junmax laughs, and sais “I have the feeling you wouldn’t even be able to defeat my master, you’re merely a slave with an ugly tattoo on your forehead, obeying your stupid orders, get up slave, show me what you’ve got!”. Luther is now frustrated, his head hurts, making him feel slightly dizzy. As he gets on his feet he notices Junmax is now charging some kind of spiked shuttlecock. This is my chance, he thinks to himself, focus, Luther, focus. ----A white glow shines upon the boulder Junmax threw at Luther. Luther closes his eyes, feels the boulder split in half as he punched through the centre of it. “This can’t be”, Junmax says, sounding surprised, “seems like you are a match for me after all, show me what you’ve got slave”.
Luther growls and charges at Junmax. Junmax raises his racket, but Luther is to fast, sending a wave of air towards Junmax, he manages to force the racket out of Junmax’s hand.
“f---Fuck” Junmax shouts frustrated, tries to turn around but again, Luther is too fast. Luther’s gloved fist hits Junmax’s lower jaw. Junmax gets tossed down the rock. As Luther looks over the edge to see if his enemy is still breathing, a gust of wind tosses him in the air.
As Luther flies mid-air he hears Junmax screaming “Slave! a man chooses, a slave obeys…!”
Just before Luther hits the ground and goes unconscious. An horrible cracking sound fills the arena.
A cold breeze touches Luther’s skin. He opens his eyes, it’s dark. The once fully illuminated arena was now turned into a desolate and cold desert. As Luther gets up, a sharp pain goes through the back of his head. Feeling dizzy, Luther stumbles towards the point where Junmax fell down.

A silhouette lies in the sand. It’s dark, but Luther notices the abnormal position of the silhouette. Luther notices something floating towards him, immediately he gets back into combat position, just to discovered it’s only a hat, carried by the cold air. Suddenly filled with grief, Luther falls on his knees. A blue glow shines upon the silhouette. Revealing Junmax’s face, staring towards Luther.

kingkickass2013
03-17-2013, 07:14 PM
JUNMAX what are you doing, another one? what was wrong with the last one you made?

Bladed Fire
03-17-2013, 07:42 PM
The name "Tenderwilly". I decided to change...
Since Tenderwilly or what he like to name himself hate that name I typed(personal error), I changed to Luther Wright.

Rochedan
03-18-2013, 04:59 AM
How on earth did I just get -1 vote; first I had three, now I have two.

Rochedan
03-18-2013, 09:52 AM
Did entire thread just bug, or what is going on, It says the thread was made today.

Bladed Fire
03-18-2013, 06:04 PM
Not again.... Why you change your name to Rochedan... I will not make a new poll anymore.

Bladed Fire
03-18-2013, 07:29 PM
No. I changed to a new thread cause ZRochedan don't like it. Anyways, congrats for Rochedan winning.

kingkickass2013
03-18-2013, 07:32 PM
Well I really thought Junmax had this due to more action, but the victor ended with Rochedan.

Bladed Fire
03-18-2013, 07:50 PM
That's why I lose. Too much action, insufficient description of background, grammar errors which I rarely have it and bad intro.

kingkickass2013
03-18-2013, 08:28 PM
I have now learned off of your mistakes, and now shall use them in my fight against Luther (if you want a little info on the story PM me)

Bladed Fire
03-18-2013, 08:32 PM
Lol. Don't tell me you're gonna fight all the wRHG in the same time.

kingkickass2013
03-18-2013, 08:37 PM
I'm currently battling BOTH Aiman and Luther at the same time, I LOVE MYSELF A GOOD CHALLENGE.

Rochedan
03-22-2013, 01:05 PM
Can I count this as a win, there haven't been any more votes since two days ago.

kingkickass2013
03-22-2013, 01:07 PM
Sorry Rochedan you're gonna have to wait until the time is up.

Rochedan
03-22-2013, 05:53 PM
Sorry Rochedan you're gonna have to wait until the time is up.

Waiting, an ever-lasting igronerense of fun
Shouldnt post ive xconsumed alchohol

Chamel
03-22-2013, 06:24 PM
Wait, are you drunk?!

EDIT: Didn't CnC anything

Rochedan - Really need to work on spacing. The text was right next to each other, and was hard to distinguish who was talking at times. You also need to revise for some smaller errors that can take away interest. And remember, keep a good plot, stick with it, and give it "life" (or detail)

Bladed Fire - Spacing was better than Rochedan's, but your story didn't seem to have a very good plot. Too much action with little description, and it seemed to jump around way too much. Like an ADHD squirrel on coffee. Haha

But both stories were decent, but could obviously use work.

Rochedan
03-23-2013, 06:35 AM
Wait, are you drunk?!

EDIT: Didn't CnC anything

Rochedan - Really need to work on spacing. The text was right next to each other, and was hard to distinguish who was talking at times. You also need to revise for some smaller errors that can take away interest. And remember, keep a good plot, stick with it, and give it "life" (or detail)

Bladed Fire - Spacing was better than Rochedan's, but your story didn't seem to have a very good plot. Too much action with little description, and it seemed to jump around way too much. Like an ADHD squirrel on coffee. Haha

But both stories were decent, but could obviously use work.

Thanks, you're the first to actually give us some advice, I really appreciate it.
Maybe I should work on spacing a bit more, but to be honest I like this style myself (the same as you read in books)

PS: Yes I was pretty drunk and bored. (wrote that with my smartphone)

_Ai_
03-23-2013, 07:04 AM
Thanks, you're the first to actually give us some advice, I really appreciate it.
Maybe I should work on spacing a bit more, but to be honest I like this style myself (the same as you read in books)

PS: Yes I was pretty drunk and bored. (wrote that with my smartphone)

Hardcore. I can't do that with my phone lol.

Chamel
03-23-2013, 06:49 PM
Well props for being able to do so, haha