View Full Version : Grand Canyon Poem

06-23-2008, 11:03 AM
I hope you know what the Grand Canyon is, lol. I wrote this in class, aobout 30-45 Mins. Most of it is actually based on what I've seen atnd done at the Grand Canyon, so it may seem a bit random, lol.

The Deep, Empty Chasm
The wonderful, great bowl
The Giant Canyon of our south
The Graceful Desert soul.

A Vulture flies across
A squirrel up on a rail
Tourists try to snap the sunset
But just to snap and fail.

The boy gets his Ocarina
The girl buys her T-shirt.
They end up on an unsafe path
Mom hopes they won't get hurt.

Pack Mules walk up
Others clot down.
Tourst hop on their saddle,
Then they turn around.

The sun walks to the west
The sky paints the floating clouds
It sets an airborne artshow
For everyone in the crowd.

Now we're on the bus,
Ready to go away
I know I will come back
I can't wait for that day!.
Thar u go!

Meh, it aint bad.

I've been told I need to add more symbolysm... I agree.

I'm 13 =P

06-23-2008, 12:46 PM
it's pretty good. I didn't like the second verse that much, but the rest really captured the mood of the grand canyon.

06-24-2008, 02:50 AM
I like it, its pretty much the treuth.

06-24-2008, 11:08 AM

Yah, I just realized the second stanza kinda... yeah.

06-25-2008, 06:26 AM
Tourists try to snap the sunset
But just to snap and phail.

This is an EPIC sentence.

This poem is quite good, I really like the first verse. If I read it, I really feel like I'm in this canyon, I hope I get to see it one day 'cause I live in Europe.

06-27-2008, 02:11 PM
Lets hope that was aimed Trypheon.