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View Full Version : wRHG Tournament R1: Cruz & Zeno (Azure Kite) vs Zero (blakphoenix)



Hewitt
07-03-2013, 08:34 PM
Alright! Here's the first completed matchup for Round 1 of the Tournament. Here are the Stipulations:

Setting: A wizard once lived in this now crumbling brick-laden spire sitting on top of a hill in the middle of an abyss; a 100 ft drop into nowhere. It is said that the the tower itself was once a beacon of light that protected itself from danger. Now The Host has requisitioned this spire for his tournament and wouldn't you know, The Tower itself requires GEMS to power up...

Note to Azure Kite: When you make your post in this thread, you must choose FIVE of the SEVEN gems blakphoenix' character possesses. Those gems will be extracted from his sword and locked in an indestructible glass orb on the top of this tower and he will NOT have any access to those elements for the rest of the fight.

Update: Zero cannot use the following gems in this Round: Fire, Water, Wind, Lightning, IceHandicap: Azure Kite has locked 5 gems blakphoenix cannot use.
Antes: None for both sides
Bonus for this Round: Early Bird / First to Post their entry

Scoring:
- Votes are worth 5 pts. each.
- CNC-ing an entry gives you 10 pts. Detailed ones get an extra 5 pts. Maximum 3 CnCs per participant.
- Bonus for the Round is 20 pts.
- Fulfilled Antes give 10, 20, 30 pts. and lost 5, 10, 15 pts if failed depending on difficulty
- Judge's Blessing gives 15 points if entry caught the Judge's eye.

Here are the entries:

Cruz & Zeno (http://forums.stickpage.com/showthread.php?48890-Zenobius-Cruznik-The-Twin-Deities-of-Ezekiel)
Cruz's silver eyes shot open. Slowly, he got up, grass dryly crinkling at the movement. The sound set his nerves on end, his eyes looking around in question. This wasn't the cold, dark, slimy factory he'd just been in, where he was preparing to slaughter more men. This was a field... scratch that. This was a hill. Looking down, he could see the slope into what looked like a chasm. He slowly gets up, then grunts as his shoulder wound burns. "Shit... gonna have a rough time with this. Especially since it's my shoulder that's injured." Cruz shrugged it off for now, walking down the grassy hill to better examine the gulch. Once at the edge, his hand extends out trembling, and his sword forms, the black and red crystalline blade stabbing into the ground to give him some protection against falling. He took a quick glance down, trying to gauge the distance. "Damn, that looks like a long way down..." His voice echoed below for some time. For a moment, he did nothing; then he slowly begins climbing back up the hill, his sword fading as he slowly switched places with his brother, the one better equipped to understand just what the fuck was going on around here.

"It seems we..." Zeno said upon reaching back up, his head lowered as he took a moment to calm his breathing, "...have begun the tournament. That means we have to be wary at all moments, brother. We need to match with our opponent to the best of our abilities." He catches his breath back, and is somewhat amazed by the tower he sees. It glimmers slightly, radiating power. He was on the side that was currently bathed in the light of the sun, giving him a good view of it. Though portions of it crumbled, it was still a majestic piece of architecture, gleaming like a polished gem. "The things these humans design amaze me sometimes, brother... Wake him up, let him have a view of this as well. He deserves something nice to dream of every now and then." He chuckled as he felt the movements in the shared mind. After a few moments more observing, he stands and summons his own blade. Going unarmed was an ill decision to make. From the looks of it, that crevice circled the entire hill, effectively cutting off any chances of leaving this area without some type of assistance.

But the environment was of little consequence at the moment. No, at the moment, he needed to find his opponent. He was caught off guard by a sudden outburst of laughter. "Well, if that don't take the cake! My elements are missing! This is going to be interesting!" Zeno followed the sound of the voice carefully, going to the dark side of the tower. Sitting on the ground was a man looking at a short sword. His silvery hair blocked Zeno from getting a better look, but he had all the information he needed. This was a swordsman. That meant that he should take attempt battle first, as he had both ranged attacks, and better experience against weapons. Moving away from his hiding spot, Zeno calls out to the man.

"Hello there," he calls. "I believe we are opponents." The man turns, revealing his appearance. Though he looked like a rather average male, his eyes caught Zeno's attention. Something about them sparked his interest. His opponent gets to his feet, swishing his sword around.

"So, that's what this is all about? Well, thanks for being so gentleman like. A bit rare nowadays." He holds his sword forward, aiming it towards Zeno in challenge. "I'd hate to have to kill you, so could we settle this with non lethal combat?" Zeno smiled slightly, and holds his own sword up as a form of acceptance. They hold the matching stances for a moment, before each assumes their combat position.

"I warn you, just because I won't kill you, does not mean you will go uninjured," Zeno says, slowly charging energy into his hand. "I'm called Zeno, by the way." He noticed a slight surge of power beginning to build near the silver-maned one's feet. He couldn't quite tell what was being planned, but it was sure to be fun.

"Zeno, huh? That's interesting. You can call me Zero." As he finished speaking his name, a wall of earth formed between him and Zeno, cutting either's line of sight of the other. Letting the energy in his hand fade, Zeno slowly moved towards the wall, trying to ascertain if there was anything to it aside from it being raised rock. As he neared it, a strange sense of unease filled him. He dropped backwards in a roll just as a cylinder from the wall shot out at him. It flew over him harmlessly, and he could see through the newly formed hole that Zero had placed his sword against the wall to cause it the portion to shoot. His sword was his strength. Now, he just had to find a way to exploit this.

His opponent had to have been listening to his footsteps on the grass to know where to fire, which meant that moving would give away his position. He doubted he'd be able to just dodge again if another piece of wall shot at him. He'd barely dodged the first, and that was only due to instinct. 'Well, this one is certainly entertaining. He is quite lucky our full power is unusable due to this mortal flesh...' Raising his right hand (and grunting due to the pain), Zeno aims at the hole in the barrier and fires a bolt of energy. He hears a slight yelp on the other side, and using the momentary distraction, he rushes forward, body low. Another cylinder of rock shoots above him, and this time, he actually gets a glimpse of Zero on the other side. Getting close to the wall, Zeno crouches lower, pausing to tense the muscles in his legs and leap up. Managing to land on top, he looks down on Zero, who looks up with a grin.

"Things are off to a bit of a rocky start, no?" he jokes as Zeno leaps down with a slash. Zero moves to the side, but brings his sword up to block the next slash. Unleashing an onslaught of precision slashes and thrusts, Zeno continues to push back Zero, giving him no opening for attack, but neither does he go for a lethal attack.

"That was a cute trick you performed," Zeno said between attacks, "But it was utterly useless, nonetheless." They continued like this, him attacking, Zero blocking, neither really gaining much of an edge, when suddenly, Zeno fell flat on his face. Something had tripped him, and sent his sword skittering away. He looked back, and saw that his foot had become entangled in grass that had knotted itself. He didn't get to ponder it long before he had a sword pointed in his face.

"Well, it seems my tricks are 'knot' as cute as you think. They just won me the battle." Zero smiled smugly at his apparent victory. Zeno, however, simply began to laugh. The sound of the laughter worried Zero, who took a step back when it began. "What? My joke wasn't that funny."

Zeno simply kept laughing, the sound going from pleasant to dark. "Oh, this battle is far from complete. You see, your arrogance shall be the premise to your downfall." The grass around his ankle slowly burned as he begins coursing with energy, which he places into his hand. Standing, his golden eyes gleam with a light that appears to be a bright darkness. "Truly, it has only just begun. Now, enough holding back, shall we? Show me your true strength, or else, I won't be able to help but kill you." Holding his left hand out, his sword reappears, shimmering with energy. He locked eyes with Zero, and it became blatantly apparent that his words were completely true. Sighing, Zero stabs his sword into the ground, the grass slowly crawling along it and into one of the gems. His hair, once silver, now began to flow with a green seen throughout nature. When he lifted his blade, it was no longer such, but instead, a whip covered in thorns.

"Alright, then. No more holding back." Zero cracked the whip outwards, which Zeno blocked easily enough; however, it wrapped itself around his sword. Zero gave a yank, trying to bring his opponent to his knees, but Zeno didn't budge a bit, pulling himself. For a moment, they were locked, until Zeno held up his right hand and blasted him right in the stomach. Taking him off guard, he let go of his weapon, which Zeno took the liberty and pulling to himself. Uncoiling it from his own weapon, he throws the whip behind himself.

"I truly hope that is not the extent of your abilities," he said in a cold voice. "I would be deeply disappointed if it were so." He flicks his sword casually, then without even a slight hint, dashes towards Zero with a thrust. The green haired man raises his arms in defense, a tree appearing before him. Zeno's blade sinks deep into the wood, and he withholds a curse. Before he can attempt to remove the blade, trees surround him, caging him in. He sighs, then blasts the tree, freeing his sword. "Yes, Cruz, I know that if I chose to kill him this would be over quickly. I don't like killing though, not like you do. I want to enjoy the challenge of this. That means you won't be coming out, since you WILL kill him." He wanted to end this duel personally, and with his own abilities. He wasn't going to allow Cruz to convince him otherwise. Blasting through the tree, he shimmied his way between, only to find that the once grassy hill was now filled with trees and brush of all types. American Oak, Spruce, Maple, Cherry Wood, Gold Forsynthia, Red Chokeberries... It was a veritable forest now. "Well... this complicates matters."

He had no time to fully take everything in before he received a punch to the jaw that sent him flying backwards against the spire. The move was jarring, unexpected, and without honor. Zeno spit out a bit of blood, before looking for his assailant. Though his eyes scanned over all before him, he wasn't able to notice anything. On instinct once more, he moved to the side as what had appeared to be foliage smashed a fist into the stone, which was followed by a string of expletives. Taking the opportunity, Zeno fires several more bolts of energy into Zero's side, causing him to collapse in pain. Normally, he'd just end the battle there, but he wanted to carve the lesson into this one. Grabbing Zero by his collar.

"Time to redeem the honor you have lost, child." Zeno says, whispering into his ear as he throws him into the air, leaping to follow. His blade pulsates with energy, as he slashes horizontally along Zero's chest, blood streaming out. He follows up with a powerful downward slash that lets him greet the ground quicker, his blade embedding itself into the ground slightly at the tip. Zero's body still hung in midair for a moment, as if by invisible strings, before a cross shaped burst of energy exploded from his wound and blasted him into the spire, which shot him back outwards as if it had a barrier in place to prevent damage. The forest of plants slowly shriveled away, as Zero's power dwindled out of his body, his hair turning back to silver. His injury wasn't very deep, but the blast into the tower, as well as the blast back into the ground had left him quite injured. His body slowly begins to roll down the hill, building speed towards the plummet into the infinite darkness below...

...when he is caught and pulled up, Zeno pulling his limp form up with some effort. He tiredly looked at his opponent. "Why'd... you save me like that?" The answer came to Zeno, as plain as day.

"Because... we promised not to kill each other. I believe, though, that this concludes our battle." And with that, he summons his sword, and butts Zero in the middle of the forehead, effectively knocking him unconscious, and giving Zeno a break to nurse his wounds, and wonder at what challenge he'd face next in this tournament.Zero (http://forums.stickpage.com/showthread.php?64186-quot-Zero-quot-The-First-Element-(Ready-for-a-challenge-or-CnC))The floor was unforgivingly frigid and rough. It felt as though this place had been devoid of life for centuries. Zero could begin to feel his body waking up after his fun tag team with Cooper in the warehouse. He realized that his location was changed by the will of another but, he didn’t entirely care about what intrigue his new surrounding may have brought. With closed eyes he continued to rest on the icily cold stone floor, assuming that his opponent would be kind enough to wake him eventually. As his mind began drifting around the corner of consciousness and unconsciousness a very shrill shriek stalled his mind in the former. He opened his eyes expecting to see the unfortunate sight of his opponent making such noises. Instead he found, in front of him, a large black cauldron resting atop an altar, wooden bookshelves overflowing with tomes, a long wooden shelf which curved along the back of the altar and topped with different herbs. What struck him as the most interesting, he observed as he stood up, was a large egg which rested in a cushioned bedding behind the cauldron. The egg was cracked open along the top right side and a small, slimy, black and deformed bird head roughly the size of a human’s was sticking out. It was a newborn, that was apparent, and it was shrieking periodically, that was annoying.

“Ah, so you must be the new lead singer!” Zero joked in an attempt to ease his mind of the annoyance of this beast. He walked to the counter upon which it rested and observed the context of an opened book found to the egg’s right. “I could live thousands of more years on this planet and I will never be able to write this well” Zero thought as he admired the calligraphy on the pages. On the left page was a sketch of a decrepit bird-like creature with four wings and what looked like a double beak. Above the drawing were the words: “Demon-Avilon.” He looked up from the book to see the baby creature staring at him. It went to shriek again and Zero focused all his attention on its mouth, to his unpleasant joy he saw that the creature’s beak opened up to another layer of beak which opened after the first. Zero closed the bird’s mouth before it made too loud of a sound. He made a swift pivot as if motioning to a crowd behind him.

“Ladies and Gentlemen give it up for the Demon-Avilon!”

He spoke in a mock announcer’s voice as he pivoted to find that he did, in fact, have one audience member. Zero remained smiling while his and the Avilon’s eyes were on the newcomer, then each other, then back to the seemingly amused newcomer. His appearance wasn't too shocking which was a relief to Zero. This person seemed to be an average young Caucasian male with purple highlights in his dark hair and a scar on his nose. The most interesting feature of this individual was the golden color of his eyes coupled with a strange silver tattoo over his left eye. The Avilon let out a soft squeal as Zero let go of its beaks.

“Well that was sufficiently awkward.” Zero commented under his breath as the other person approached slowly. The room was roughly a hundred feet in diameter and lined with bookcases. The room had three exits, the doorway leading outside directly in front of Zero, a closed door to his right, and a staircase to his left.

“Hello there,” the person called as if speaking to someone in the distance, “so you’re my opponent for this round?”

“I suppose so…” Zero stated as the Avilon let out another shriek, “…unless you think it would count if we both killed this thing.”

“I would doubt that young one.” His opponent let out a faint chuckle while taking a few more steps forward. “The name is Zeno by the way.” He stated, taking a slight bow.

Following Zeno’s lead Zero took a slight bow as well so he wouldn’t run the risk of disrespecting his opponent.

“My name is Zero, pleased to meet you.”

Something about his opponent felt off, it was as if he was holding something back. Like a part of him was fighting against his will. His body rang with the sirens of conflict while his face remained content in the melodies of tranquility.

“So…” Zero started, realizing that they needed to fight at some point in order to continue in this tournament, “…What do you say we try to end this non-lethally?”

His opponent didn’t respond. Instead he stood there seemingly more interested with some other matter at the moment. Zero took this time to erect a wall of earth between them. He chuckled to himself as he walked up to the new wall.

“Oh earth wall, where would I be without you?” He leaned his back against it and released a relaxed exhale. He could hear his opponent talking behind the wall to seemingly no one but decided to ignore it and continue admiring his earth wall. “All the people you’ve separated for me, all the houses we’ve built, and all the faces you’ve smashed. Good times earth wall. Good times.” Zero looked down at his sword which appeared in his hand while spoke. To his utter astonishment he saw that five of the gems in the hilt were missing. “That’s why I feel so weak. I wonder where they are.” The thought clicked in Zero’s mind, he decided to try and speak to his opponent again.

“Ok, so back to our ‘non-lethal combat’ discussion. I’d like you to tap on the wall once for ‘yes’ and twice for ‘no’.”

There was a loud bang on the wall that was obviously larger than a tap.

“Is that a ‘yes’?”

Zero was about to bring the wall down for this answer when a red and black colored rapier was thrust through the wall, sending pieces of earth all over the floor around the impact.

“Ah, so that’s a ‘no’?” Zero stood back from the wall due to this response when another area was pierced by the weird crystalline blade.

“Wait we didn’t have anything set for three taps!” The wall was then repeatedly impaled until it was blasted through. Zeno’s eyes and tattoo had switched shades of color and his demeanor seemed to be completely opposite of what he was earlier. By the time he broke through Zero was already on the staircase with the Avilon in one arm and the book about it in the other and he was still in view of his opponent.

“I think what we are suffering here is a breakdown in communication…and walls…you just don’t give me enough space, you know?” Zero remarked while making his way up the stairs. The feral Zeno heard his statement and began charging after him in a bloodlust. Zero erected more earthen walls off of each stair he hit while climbing the tower, hoping this would stop his pursuer and realizing with each loud crash that it wouldn’t.

By the time Zeno broke through the last wall he found Zero sitting on the floor in front of a case that held his other gems; the Avilon and the book were resting atop the case.

“I’m going to fucking scalp you! You smart ass!” Zeno roared and Zero gasped in shock. He knew his comments were aggravating his aggressor but, it was the only way for Zero to buy time to think about what the best way to fight his opponent was.

“Really?” Zero asked in a motherly manner. “You’re going to use that language in front of the child?” He gestured to the bird as he stood while also readying his sword. There was nowhere else to run since they were now on the roof of the tower. Zeno then fell onto one knee, letting out an exhausted breath.

“What? I'm not worn out!” He said aloud, “No Zeno, I can take care of this shithead!” He argued as he stood with the star symbol switching positions and his eyes changing colors. His red and black rapier disappeared as he stood in a recomposed manner with a smile on his face.

“I apologize for Cruz’s nature; he can be a bit unruly.” Zeno stretched out his arm towards Zero and an odd, crystalline, white and blue rapier appeared; it was pointed at Zero. “As for your earlier statement, I would enjoy ending this in a non-lethal manner.”

With his earlier suspicions now proven Zero readied his battle stance, legs shoulder length apart, sword at a 45 degree angle from his abdomen, and body turned with his left hip closer to his enemy but cheating out so his body was still in full view.

“Well, let’s get on with it then.” Zero smiled as he spoke to Zeno.

Zeno nodded then fired off a bolt of white energy from his off-hand which Zero dodged. The bolt dissipated as it struck the glass case. “Damn, I hoped that would work.” Zero thought as he swung his sword into the tower’s stone beneath them. Earthen spike shot out towards Zeno who gracefully dodged the projectiles while firing more energy bursts with each step he took.

“I’ll repay you in kind for that attack.” He spoke as he fired the bursts.

Zero didn’t have time to dodge again; he deflected the first few bolts but was struck by the last one on his right arm. The bolt tore through his jacket sleeve, sending a burning pain through that area.

“Can you feel the burn?” Zeno joked in a half mockery of his opponent’s behaviors.

“Hey! I make the jokes around here!” Zero responded with a chuckle. He enjoys good natured fights.

Laughing to himself, Zeno dashed towards Zero only to be sent flying farther than he intended. Zero used the ground to launch him towards the edge. As Zeno landed he noticed that vines were overgrown along the side of the tower. Before he could leap to his feet the vines lashed out and wrapped around his neck. Zero approached from behind and stopped a safe distance away.

“Well I think that about ends our fight.” He spoke with a clear confidence. Zeno merely chuckled at his opponent’s statement.

“You really can be quite smug child.”

His body began to pulsate with highly charged fluctuations of a potent and powerful energy. In one swift movement Zeno sliced through the vines with ease and sprang at Zero who had lowered his defenses, despite Zeno’s warning. His piercing lash found purchase in Zero’s left shoulder and to follow up, Zeno placed his energized right hand on Zero’s chest, blasting him to the other side of the tower. Zeno landed with a dignified posture and rapier pointed at his opponent.

“I gave you a fair warning.” His tone was one that a parent gives a child who misbehaves rather than a fellow fighter. Zero sat up from his prone position and stabbed his sword into the stone with a smirk. A bright light shone brilliantly from his location, as it dispersed Zeno could make out his opponents new form.

“So you’ve stopped holding back? That’s good. It means I won’t have to run the risk of killing you so easily.” Zeno stated in a matter-of-fact manner.

The spires of earth that orbited Zero all stopped their motions, shifting into an arc formation over Zeros head and so their sharp ends were pointed towards Zeno. The two remained still for moments that seemed to last a life time. A breeze rushed over the tower as though to move the still air between the fighters out of harm’s way. The Avilon shrieked and the two warriors began their assault.

Zero launched himself forward while shooting the spires of earth at Zeno in an attempt to throw him off balance. It was to no avail as Zeno dodged past the flying earth spikes, dodging around all and using the last one to hop into the air. He swung his rapier downward as Zero slashed up, causing the blades to collide with an eruption of energies that repulsed both of them. Zero generated over-sized arms made of stone in an attempt to pin down his adversary. Zeno regained his bearing while still airborne and flipped onto the arm instead. He ran down its length and laid a successive combo of assaults on Zero who blocked each strike. Zeno noticed his blows effectively gaining an advantage as his opponent staggered to keep up with his furious yet precise strikes. He reeled back to ready a stronger attack, Zero expected another strike so he moved his sword slightly to stop the expected strike. Zeno landed a blow that knocked Zero off of his balance and followed that strike with a sweeping slash.

Though his blade did not draw blood, the force of the attack managed to bring Zero to the ground. He then unloaded a volley of energy blasts on Zero’s body. He stopped his relentless assault when he realized that Zero had brought up a layer of stone to defend himself. Zeno broke through the stone with ease but, his opponent was nowhere to be found. Before he had time to even assume Zero’s next move Zeno was shot into the sky from a blast of earth below him. Zero launched him from below the ceiling and chased his enemy into the air. The chunks of rock that flew with them formed around Zero’s sword, shaping it into a stone baseball bat, and he struck the helpless Zeno from above. The attack made him shoot towards the tower like a meteor; he crashed into the roof’s edge effectively damaging it.

Zero landed and was brought to a kneeling stance a few feet away from Zeno as his earthen form expired. Through heavy breaths he spoke to Zeno who was cringing in pain.

“So…now can we…stop?”

Zeno rose to match his opponents kneel. He coughed before letting out a very amused laugh.

“You’ve certainly got some fight in you young one, I’ll concede defeat.”

Zero laughed as he struggled to stand; Zeno came to assist him to his feet. As they shared in post battle dialogue the Avilon let out another shriek that was louder than all others. This caught the warriors' attention and as they stared at the creature the skies darkened overhead. The case which held Zero’s gems began to illuminate as the tower autonomously erected five turrets based on the gems which powered it. From the sky rained down a torrent of quad winged, bird-like, double beaked demons. The turrets began to emit elemental blasts at the winged monstrosities effectively silencing them with one blast each. Their sheer numbers overwhelmed the tower and a few began to circle above Zeno and Zero with a gluttonous hunger in their eyes. The two warriors looked at each other, drew their swords, and began fending off the assault.

Scores will be tallied and calculated at the end of the round.

Vote fairly!

Rochedan
07-04-2013, 06:29 AM
Both stories were a good read.
Azure Kite's story was in my opinion more clear and I could really fantasize about the environment where the battle took place.
Blakphoenix's story was at first very interesting, but as the fight moved upstairs I couldn't really imagine how the room/roof? looked like. Also the continuously switching from Zero's and Zeno's perspective annoyed me. I mean you could've named him something else to make things clearer.

My vote goes to Azure Kite

Seriously guys, the humor in the stories was a good addition

Codincx
07-04-2013, 08:03 AM
Surprisingly alike, both were excellent. I prefer blakphoenix's since it was more... interesting...
Well anyway, really great work. It won't be a big difference in votes at the end, I'm sure. It all gets to personal preferences.

Chamel
07-04-2013, 08:28 AM
I agree, both stories were rather exceptional and exciting.

I enjoyed the fight from Azure's story quite a bit, but Blak tied the little Avilon into his story rather well and humorously.
Blak, you portrayed Zeno rather well, but Cruz could have been a bit more violent. Azure, you were almost spot-on on character portrayal, so kudos.

My vote goes to Blak however, his word use and choice seemed to add a different sort of thrill to the story, keeping the reader on their toes. Azure, you did quite well in that department as well, but their could have a been a wider variance in your word choice.

Great (and rather amusing) reads from both of you.

The Strongest
07-04-2013, 10:48 PM
I can't speak for the portrayal of either of the characters, but I can say that I immensely prefer writing to be done in past-tense. Both slipped into present-tense at times, however, but blakphoenix's entry did it significantly less.

I liked Azure Kite's usage of the setting for the fight itself more, his writing did give a rather more interesting portrayal, I think, but overall I liked blakphoenix's use of it more. Especially because of the way that he ended his piece. Bolivian Army Endings are always fun.

In fact, I liked Azure Kite's way of doing the fight more than blakphoenix's. It just felt more...fighty. Not sure. The moves were better.

But I found blakphoenix's little lines to be better, and I liked his ending more. And he didn't use the present tense (as much).

ErrorBlender
07-04-2013, 11:10 PM
For both works, I loved reading them. I did notice a few tense errors but nothing nitpicking could get rid off...

Azure's part had a nice flow to it and added a bit of imagery that made it nice. Overall a good story.

blakphoenix's work, to me, had more oomph to it. Everything was described nicely, the battle itself was great and the ending was was awesome. It left a cliff hanger that would leave us teetering at the end of our seats wondering what those birds could actually do and how the duo [or trio since Zeno is actually two people] would handle the legion of carnivorous birds.

blakphoenix takes my vote for this round.

merich1
07-05-2013, 09:21 AM
Azure Kite: At the beginning and at the end, you seemed to switch back and forth between past tense and present tense. Otherwise, pretty good.

blakphoenix: The beginning was... kinda abrupt. Maybe it's just me, but it just didn't feel right. I loved the humor in the middle of the story, and the battle was fun to read. The cliffhanger was good.

blakphoenix takes my vote. I guess it's just... I don't know, like ErrorBlender said, it kinda had more "oomph" to it.

Xate
07-05-2013, 11:16 AM
I really want to CnC, but with all of you "hogging" all the parts...Well, I can't say much else. Other than the parts below. XD
blakphoenix got my vote. Let's see...He has a good plot: The addition of the "Demon-Avilon", more jokes (good ones, too) and his battle seems "more intense" (Reason: His fight is in the tower, therefore more descriptions; Zero's fight included a "wall lover" scene, chase scene and the main fight scene (Did I forget the epic open ending?)) His descriptions are good (I suck at this so nothing more to say)

Azure...You're pretty good with descriptions, I can tell, but...there's not as much "scenes" as blak in my opinion. His "main battle" was more intense, though mainly with his Earth element (Alright...Let's see...Earth Spires, Earth Wall, Earth Spikes, Earth Arms, Earth Bat. Wonder if there's anything else?; while yours put more emphasis on his Nature Element (With only THREE moves: Knot, Whip and Forest. Seriously?). And I know you put in jokes, but they can't be as good as the original, right? *snickers*
Overall: blak's plots and humor won me over. When it comes to descriptions...I suck, so don't mention that part. That's it for my CnC-ing.

EDIT: Wow. I made this? :D Lots of brainstorming+re-reading involved. And why did I think that this is a Curb-Stomp Battle anyway? Oh it is, but with the wrong person XD

Azure
07-05-2013, 11:18 AM
Well, it appears it's my loss. Oh well, always the Loser's bracket. Good luck next round, blak. Also, try not to mix up characters then. XD

Oh, and just because, I'll explain my tense usage: writing out a battle only in past tense isn't very fun, since it makes it feel like it's already happened. If you don't add present tense, you lose character's reactions to things. Plus, dialogue becomes confusing since they say it like it IS happening when it already did, like a recap. Anywho, that's just a little quirk of mine.

Xate
07-05-2013, 11:21 AM
And then I might face you and "Time to go home...D:"

Chamel
07-05-2013, 11:23 AM
Don't think of it as a loss, think of it ad a way to improve. We've given some insight into your (few) weakpoints, so simply focus on that and improve!

Xate
07-05-2013, 11:24 AM
AKA: The plot? And also, can anyone help with describing? I suck at that.

blakphoenix
07-05-2013, 01:12 PM
Well, it appears it's my loss. Oh well, always the Loser's bracket. Good luck next round, blak. Also, try not to mix up characters then. XD


Haha! That was well played friend, well played indeed. Good luck to you too in the next round Azure. Believe me, unless you stay in the winners bracket (which you totally have the skill for) and we fight again, I won't mess up any more names. XD

Shadowkirby
07-05-2013, 02:32 PM
I like both entries, but what really got my attention was blakphoenix's entry.

I'd admire Azure Kite's entry, but to me, it seems a bit simplistic. At times, it doesn't give that much depth and just goes to the point with any build up, although there was, but I don't think it's enough.

Blakphoenix intensified the battle, it was as much fun reading it while imagining the scenario.

saintmccaw
07-07-2013, 11:38 PM
Blakpheonix: You have my vote because your story had abit more momentum and I liked your pacing and flow abit better. I feel that your plot was fantastic and the birds part was simply awesome. You snagged my vote, but my critique would be to work on how characters converse: That was the only flaw that I could find that wouldn't be nit picking. Keep it up!

Azure Kite: I loved your story aswell, but it just seemed... Clunky. The descriptions were good, but the follow up would leave me with a sour taste in my mouth. It seemed as if when one thing happened, there would need to be a moment to cushion it so then it didn't come up like chunky peanut butter. If you would have had a more concentrated flow in your words, I'd have voted for you. Keep on writing, cause your story was still awesome. It is like when you pit up a Spetsnaz and a Navy Seal. They are both so bad ass, but eventually one is gonna win because of one thing.

blakphoenix
07-07-2013, 11:56 PM
How my characters converse? Is there a problem with my dialogues? I'd like it if you could elaborate on that a bit. :)

saintmccaw
07-08-2013, 01:21 PM
It just seemed forced some of the speech. It made me think "now who the hell would say that?" Not neccesarily their meanings made me lose alittle immersion, but the phrasing just seemed heavy handed.

blakphoenix
07-08-2013, 01:31 PM
Ok. I think I can dig it. Thanks for that. :D

saintmccaw
07-08-2013, 07:59 PM
No problem, you CnC so you can help people improve. CnC's taught me alot about what I was doing wrong, so if I can help out some other people... Mission complete!