View Full Version : wRHG Tournament R1: Todesberührung (Shadowkirby) vs Chance (Chamel)

07-08-2013, 10:03 AM
2nd Battle for Round 1 is up! Here are the Stipulations:

Setting:Ever since the robot uprisings, this abandoned automated slaughterhouse has just been sitting in the middle of this frozen wasteland for centuries. Until now. In this battleground, the inhabitants and workers have since left or deserted all operations and yet somehow, its tireless AI still works the animals there to death. Bodies of pigs, cows, and chickens messily litter the scene as pools of both wet AND dry blood are stored in vats all over the facility. Other than that, it's your standard factory with conveyor belts, narrow walkways, and machinery.

Oh yeah, and the workers once tried rebelling against the Mother AI of the plant, causing a huge explosion in the west wing...bringing quite the icy breeze into the facility, doubling it as a refrigerator unit. Power is shot and will occasionally flicker to life but not enough to sustain heat from within the factory.

Handicap: Chance (Chamel) can control blood...which the factory is thriving with. It's also freezing...which Todesberührung (Shadowkirby) is weak to.

Antes :
***Antes are Extra Challenges that add twice the points wagered if successfully pulled off. They come in 3 Flavors (Easy Medium Hard). No two participants can have the same kind of Ante.

Shadowkirby has initiated a Medium Ante: In addition to beating Chance, Todesberührung must also take on the Factory's Rogue AI (who will try to kill both competitors) and disable or destroy it.

Chamel has initiated an Easy Ante: During the battle, Chance's bi-curious sexual orientation must be explored, including why or how he is that way. Todesberührung must be made aware of this fact.

Bonus for this Round: Early Bird / First to Post their entry

- Votes are worth 5 pts. each.
- CNC-ing an entry gives you 10 pts. Detailed ones get an extra 5 pts. Maximum 3 CnCs per participant.
- Bonus for the Round is 20 pts.
- Fulfilled Antes give 10, 20, 30 pts. and lost 5, 10, 15 pts if failed depending on difficulty
- Judge's Blessing gives 15 points if entry caught the Judge's eye.

Here are the entries:

Todesberührung (http://forums.stickpage.com/showthread.php?43328-Todesber%FChrung-%28Deathtouch%29-V2)
Date: June 30th, 2025, 11:34 PM

“Congratulations newcomers and latecomers alike! You have just pledged your entrance fee of... your lives!”

That was the last he heard, he can still hear his voice echo within the vacant mind, then there was a flash, a sudden burst of light came, and he didn't time it right to see what caused it. Everything else was an outright blur, a fog of mystery that has hidden the answers he needed to understand, a feeble memory flying away like snow in the winds....
Our unlikely protagonist, Todesberührung, or Deathtouch, has awaken from his dreamless unconsciousness, only to reveal himself to be somewhere on an unknown frigid tundra in a middle of a heavy blizzard. Blanketed with endless snow, all he sees is the everlasting field of white sleet. Todesberührung, with limited eye vision due to losing his right eye to a bullet which caused his death, couldn't see through the endless rain of snowflakes, it has shrouded his only vision to identify his surroundings. All until then, he catches a faint and distant figure through the snowfall; seeing no other places around him to provide some sort of shelter, he ventured on to the mysterious building in hopes to find answers, the only thing that has evaded from him since the start.
The blizzard has begun to diminish as Todesberührung came closer to the shrouded structure, only to reveal as an abandoned slaughterhouse; the exterior of the factory is worn and rusted, the windows are cracked and fogged, and bordering the area are frozen decayed limbs and bodies, robot pieces and screws, and miscellaneous items, mostly buried within the snow of the frozen wasteland.

What has happened here? he thought.

This place is unknown to him, and if this is some kind of an ideal location for him to fight his competitor, then the Host has another thing coming. Todesberührung is unsure of himself if he should even enter the factory, noticing that it has been left untouched for years, but if the Host wants him to enter in order to achieve victory, then he has no choice but to enter. Before reaching to the handle of the door, he can faintly hear machines being operated within, not only that, he hears somebody within the premises. Hoping to get this “round” over with, he set foot within the interior of the factory.
He followed a bloody hallway with rotting corpses lying on either the floor or against the wall; there must be some kind of massacre occurring, and his opponent must be a crazed gladiator who's joy is to slaughter the innocent minds that are left working here. This theory seems implausible in which the factory was abandoned years ago, and the bodies are decaying with flies and maggots feasting on their flesh. He did see robot parts scattered around, so it's possible that a revolt has happened here before. Now this theory makes sense once he thought about it.
Todesberührung finally arrives in the main base of the factory; robotic butchers are seeing cleaving, gutting, and skinning animals carelessly, and stashing them onto conveyor belts that leads to another spot in the factory. Catwalks are seen above the robots and the machinery, hencing that there were once guards that watch a close eye on the workers, making sure that they don't either poison or possibly start a fight. Fresh blood drips from the conveyor belts as they make new stains onto the cold, blood-stained concrete floor; mercilessly chopping away as the robots were intended to do was a horrific sight.
Todesberührung searches around for his opponent so he can put a quick end to the round, then he heard some commotion up on the catwalk; a man in a classy tuxedo is evading attacks from a rogue robot, which it was attacking. He has seen this man before back at the warehouse, he seems to care less about the serious, yet life-threatening situation and just laughs it off, always smiling and chuckling, like a clown of some sort. He is seen telepathically pulling fresh blood from one of the vats stored under him and made himself a polearm-like weapon.

“Is that the best you can do? When's the last time you were oiled?” the red-haired man chuckled.

His eye caught the sight of Todesberührung watching them fight.

“Hey there, it's about time you've finally showed up. Heheh... I've been waiting around this dreadful place for you to come until this bucket of bolts appeared rogue and slashed at me, and now that you've shown up, we should introduce ourselves! But first...”

He hesitates and trips the robot, then using the blood from the vats to lower himself down. He then smiled and introduced himself.

“My name, good sir, is Chance Downtown. Most people call me Fox, but I'd prefer to be called by my first name.”

Chance skims the undead for a bit, circling him around to get a better glimpse of Todesberührung. He kept a cautious eye on Chance to make sure he's not about to trick him. Chance then recognizes who he is and chuckled a bit.

“I see, you must be the infamous undead known for its touch of Death, what was the name again? Todes... Teedos... eermm.... gosh, it's hard to remember considering how long and complicated your name is,” Chance laughed.

“Wait... I got it!” he exclaimed. “It's Todesberührung! Now I remember!” Chance continued chuckling.

He finished chuckling, then continued chatting. He seems to appear more of a chatterbox and a fighter, but that's not going to let his guard down.

“It is an honor fighting a powerful zombie like yourself, especially the one whom everybody is chasing after! I'm quite thrilled, sir, but I am going off-topic. Since this is a tournament, I will tend to do my best to take you down to advance to the next round. It's my only purpose here, so I apologize for once we duel, I have to retire you from ever fighti-”

Chance was suddenly interrupted when Todesberührung set his hand onto his left should and rapidly threw him aside just in time when the rogue AI leaps onto him, landing the cleaver into his head. Todesberührung grabbed the robot and threw it across the factory, landing against the other working robots. The undead reached for the implanted hatchet that is lodged within his head, and slowly pulls it out; the wound that the hatchet dealt slowly healed up, but not noticing that Chance had the opportunity to strike him with his blood-made polearm. Using his instincts, he barely escapes the weapon, making a big cut on his side. He then dodges another swing from Chance, then takes a few steps back from him.

“My, you're quite fun to challenge, sir. I would applaud to your efforts in evading my attacks, but you see, I'm not quite done yet,” Chance chuckled before proceeding his barrage of attacks.

The AI rises back up to its feet and grabs the closest weapon he can hold; a meat-hook. It then charges at the zombie with rapid speed. Todesberührung sees both AI and Chance launching their assault against him and, at the precise second, he narrowly moves away from the middle as the two clash; the AI gored Chance's right shoulder while he knocks the robot back as he uses the polearm to push it away. They both collapse to the ground as Todesberührung ran somewhere around the facility; Chance got up, chuckling feebly, and cautiously pulls the meat-hook out of him.

“Heh... this guys... smarter than I thought...”

Chance skims his surrounding and there was no sign of Todesberührung; he must have hid himself somewhere, but he hasn't gone far enough. Chance quickly got up to his feet, holding the wound and struggling to get himself off the ground. The crisp air isn't aiding his wound at the slightest, each breath of wind sends his nerve cells wild; his own blood trickles down from his tuxedo, soaking in the fabrics. Despite his pain, he's still smiling, hoping that once this is over, he'll receive medical care from the Host, if he does hopefully. Unbeknownst to him, the AI has already left, possibly searching for the walking dead.
Todesberührung goes through hallways to other rooms, seeing an animal farm; pigs, cows, and chickens are seen freezing in the cold, some are bony and thin with barely any sufficient meat. A sad sight to say since this place was abandoned, no one cared to save the animals that were slaughtered in the hand of the AIs. Todesberührung ventured forth and came across the West Wing of the slaughterhouse; the wreckage is blanketed in snow; caused by the blizzard outside. It's doubling the refrigerating unit, making the whole factory freezing cold, which isn't good, even for him. Even though he can't feel the chill, ice or anything crystallized can be a big disadvantage for him.
He continued on and stumbled across a staircase, up to the second floor of the slaughterhouse. As he's about to climb, the AI leaps on to his back, bashing his head with a crowbar it found. Todesberührung struggled to remove the robot off, grabbing the head of the AI, then threw it off. It quickly got back to its feet and swung at him. Todesberührung barely misses the swings the AI is dealing as he ascends up the stairs.
Chance examined his surroundings in hopes in finding Todesberührung. He's slowly getting weaker by the minute since the cold air slowly inflicts the wound on his shoulder.

“Where could he be...?” he thought.

He searched thoroughly, hoping that he doesn't jump on him out of any suspicious hiding places.

“Come out, come out, whereever you are!~” Chance sang. “You can't hide forever.”

Chance then hears a disturbance upstairs, he peeked and saw Todesberührung fighting against the AI. He seems to be preoccupied in dodging its attacks that he never notices Chance from below. Both fought onto a hanging catwalk, hovering over big vats of blood; the same place that Chance fought against the AI.

“That is surely some irony I'm watching, but why wait?”

Chance liquefies his polearm into a small javelin, light enough to fly far in an accurate rate. He carefully observes their fight, watching where they're fighting, in hopes of striking at the dead man. He closes his left eye to earn an accurate shot, and patiently waits for the right moment. Todesberührung pushes back the AI from him to give himself some room. He hasn't been using his Death Touch ability yet, and possibly saving it as a last resort; no need to waste it.
At the perfect moment, Chance sought his chance and threw the javelin at Todesberührung, nailing him right at the knee. The crystallized blood javelin has weakened the undead, causing him to fall to his knee. Chance shout out in excitement as he caught him in a weak position.

“Haha!! Gotcha!” he exclaimed, then heads towards the stairs to finish him off.

The AI got back up, once again, and deals a blow to the head, knocking Todesberührung down on the catwalk. Chance finally reached up to the catwalk and observes the scene in front of him. It wouldn't be fair if the AI killed him, so Chance took the matters in his own hands and conjured a quarterstaff from collecting blood from the vats below. The AI notices Chance coming and strike him across the face, knocking out his tooth.

“Ouch... you know that hurts...” Chance smiled as he spat out blood.

As the AI got closer the Chance, he transformed the quarterstaff into small crystallized spikes and launched at it. The spikes burrowed deep within the robot, causing to malfunction, while Todesberührung pulled the javelin out from his kneecap. The wound regenerated and, from behind the AI, he pierced the javelin into the robot's head. Malfunctioning and shaking, the AI threw itself off the catwalk, falling into one of the vats of blood; the electricity from the AI caused the blood to burst into flames.
Chance got up and sees Todesberührung, standing and glaring, which got him to abruptly chuckle.

“You have really outdone yourself, fine sir! Truly, a wonderful performance you have done! I must say that you are truly bold. I'd applaud in your efforts, well done.” Chance smiled and applauded for him.

“Although,” Chance added, “since we've only taken care of the robot, we still haven't finished our battle. So, if you would ever so kindly, let us continue, and may the best man... or undead, win.”

The two stared each other off, and the fight continued. From under, Chance conjured spikes from the vats, and launched them up to the catwalk, right where Todesberührung is standing. He quickly moves away from them as Chance got closer to him. He forms the blood into an axe and swings wildly at Todesberührung. He fought back by dealing two heavy punches to the face and chest, knocking some of the wind out of him. Chance coughs and laughs as he sees him at the end of the catwalk.

“You fight bravely, but I don't think you can take me down like that. Look around you, there's blood everywhere, and once there's blood, I have full advantage against you! This is clearly my match to begin with! I'm sorry to say that you have clearly lost this round, and as for that, let's end this!”

He then charges at the undead in full speed, leaping over the spikes he made. Todesberührung looked around for some way to halt his attack, then realize that he's on the catwalk, if he can take it down, it will throw off Chance. So Todesberührung positioned himself and hangs his Death Hand in front of him. Chance stopped running and viewed his bizarre position.

“Todesberührung, mind if I ask what are you planning to do...?” he questioned.

He looks at Chance with his always deadpan expression, then answered.


Todesberührung strikes his Death Hand down on the catwalk, causing to rust and break in front of him. The bars that are supporting the catwalk grew weak and brittle to hold it up, causing it to casually tilt and fall. Chance sprints back and attempts to reach for the stairs, but ends up tripping on his own spikes, landing his right leg on top of them. The pain left him screaming in agony as the catwalk falls down upon the vats. The structure knocked some of the vats off, spilling the blood of slaughtered animals on the stained and frozen ground. The destruction formed a faint cloud over it before vanishing; viewing the sabotaged catwalk and Chance, who is now covered in animal blood.
Todesberührung leaps down to the wreckage and skims around, finding Chance lying unconscious, with a piece of the spike impaled within his right leg. It has seems that Todesberührung has won this round due to Chance being in a comatose state by the pain of the spike, and falling from a high feet. Todesberührung slowly leaves and heads to the door, but before he opens, he takes one last look at the slaughterhouse, perceiving the unsanitary conditions this place has wrought. He also took a final glimpse at the unconscious Chance, even though he's a chatterbox from the start, he had to admire that he's a well-fought gladiator; friendly, decent, good skills with his ability to control blood.
Finished examining the foul facility, Todesberührung opens the door and finally leaves this godforsaken wasteland. Wherever the Host takes him, he will be ready to take on anybody that dares crosses him. Nothing will prevent him from completing his journey.

Chance "Fox" Downtown (http://forums.stickpage.com/showthread.php?60177-Chance-quot-Fox-quot-Downtown)AN UNSETTLING START

-Ugh... This place reeks of death... The thought could not leave Chance's mind. No matter where he walked he could still smell that terrible stench. This factory was dirty beyond belief and dark brown stains littered the floor and walls. The last thing that he remembered was lying almost unconscious upon a beam in a warehouse, next he was here. Chance had no idea of just where exactly he was, other than in an old, run-down factory that contained little robots zipping around everywhere. The red-haired man tried continuously to try to find some good in the place, like how he wasn't too hot, or how under the cover of darkness he couldn't see anything grotesque.
-He eventually became lost in thought as he slowly found his way through the darkness. His concentration was so unstable that he didn't even notice when he kicked something. It didn't register at the first one, but the second one caught his attention. He felt around with his foot and stepped over whatever it was; Chance was too scared to want to know. The third time his foot caught on something it tripped him, and he fell to the ground with a thud.
-”Fuck! What the bloody hell is on this damned floor!” He yelled out loud, his anger somehow finding its way out. In that moment, the lights above him flickered, casting a quick and yellow glow over everything around him. What he saw deeply disturbed the red-haired man. Chance had tripped over the body of a pig, an empty carcass of a poor defenseless animal.
-”Jesus Christ...” He muttered, turning his head to the side and shutting his eyes tight to prevent vomiting. Chance was used to the sight of blood and death, but for some reason, this place really disturbed him. The light didn't last long, and went out a mere few seconds later. With a grunt, the red-haired man lifted himself up off the dirty ground and started his way through the darkness once more.


-Walking through the darkness, a small hint of light shone through rubble and cast a soft glow around him. Chance chased the speck of light, excited to finally see some form of illumination. The shapes of bodies of various animals became visible as the Chance neared the lights. A sudden breeze of cool air caused a chill run down his spine, but he continued. As he neared the source of light, he spotted a hole in the wall, one that was just big enough to slip right through. Chance took the opportunity and wiggled his way through, popping out on the other side and into a different room.
-Luckily there was a large hole in the ceiling, letting moonlight slip into the room. The red-haired man sighed with relief as he stood up straight and dusted off the grime that had collected on his suit.
-“Damn,why exactly did that young lad have to pick such a dirty place?” Chance muttered to himself, walking towards the center of the room. “He couldn't have picked a nice beach in Hawaii? Or maybe even a cabin in the Himalaya's would have sufficed.”
-Underneath the light of the moon, shapes and even slight colors began to appear throughout the room. A single color caught his attention however; there was no mistaking the distinct maroon of the crimson liquid he loved so much. Vats filled with blood circled the room, several puddles were either still wet or completely crusted over. A smile played on the edge's of Chance's lips while he took in his surroundings.
-“This place is already starting to liven up.” He chuckled. His slight laughter echoed throughout the room, and it only grew louder as he took in a deep breath of fresh, blood-scented air. The smell was intoxicating for Chance, and if he wasn't careful, he could go out in a full rage before he even met his opponent. That reminded him, where was his opponent?
-No sooner had the question popped in his head had footsteps begun to ring through the room. Each step seemed perfectly in step with the red-haired man's heartbeat, and it felt eerie. Chance spun in circles trying to find the approaching person, his suit coat floating gently after him. It wasn't until a soft blue glow illuminated a partial part of a machine that Chance finally saw him. The tall man slowly, almost reluctantly, into the moonlight. The red-haired man faced him, and noticed several off things.
-The soft blue glow was emanating from the man's right arm, or more appropriately, around the palm of his hand. Chance had to use nearly all his willpower from vomiting; the man's entire right side of his body seemed to be misshapen and torn. A bloody hole was placed where the eye should have been, with pieces of rotten flesh slightly peeling off. Atop his head was a mess of curly black hair that didn't seem to fit his image. As for his right leg, it seemed to be mangled, but on closer inspection, one could see teeth marks where it was eaten. His clothes weren't exactly “up-to-par” either. He wore a long trench coat with the right sleeve torn off. Same with his right jean-leg; it was tattered and nearly completely torn to pieces up to the thigh. Underneath the trench coat was a simple grey tee.
-The biggest thing that caught Chance's attention however, was the pale, grey skin. This time, Chance grimaced as he realized one important detail: the man before him was probably dead.
-”Christ, mate. Are you dead?” The red-haired man asked, pointing a finger towards his opponent. He was curious, but there was no need to be rude, so he quickly withdrew his finger, looking away embarrassed.
-The man before him didn't say anything, only a mere nod of the head to prove Chance's theory. The pale-skinned man didn't change his expression, nor did he move; it didn't even seem like he was breathing. Chance nodded back slowly, an eyebrow raised in suspicion.
-”And what's with the glowing palm?” He shot another question towards the mangled man, keeping his eye brow raised in suspicion. Something about the grey man told Chance to keep his guard up. However, something also told Chance to approach the man, and so he did. Step by step, the red-haired man approached the dead being, each step echoing off the nearly impossible to see walls. As he neared, another chill swept over his body, making Chance's spine tingle. He shrugged it off before standing in front the man, holding out a hand to shake.
-”The name's Chance, mate. What might be yours?” Chance chuckled curiously, his right hand extended in greeting. The man did not shake his hand, the now see-able runes still softly glowing.
-”You may call me Todesberührung.” The large man replied, his voice scratchy from well, being dead.
-”I can't pronounce that, so I'll just call you Todes.” Chance chuckled, drawing his hand back. “So I have one more question: Do you have any special powers?”
-Todesberührung looked around before setting his sight on a carcass of what looked like a cow. He stepped closer to it, the runes around his palm glowed just a little brighter. The pale-skinned man bent down and merely tapped the dead body. What happened next, Chance would never be able to forget. The body of the poor heifer slowly crumbled away, leaving nothing but a pile of dust in its place. Chance turned away and shut his eyes for the sight was too much. He hated the sight of animals dying; he hated it more now that he knew they could crumble away.
-”That was... Rather interesting, mate. And you seem to be rather interesting yourself.” Chance let loose a nervous chuckle as Todesberührung stood back up, his height adding a little more to the red-haired man's fear level. “I must say, I never was one for curly hair, but you seem rather fetching in it.”
-Chance's chuckle almost sounded worried, but a quick look around assured him that he was safe amongst the vats of blood. He crossed his arms and stared at Todesberührung, still trying to figure out the man.
-”Is there anything interesting about you?Like is there maybe a relationship for the dead man?” Chance stepped closer the Todesberührung, grinning slightly. He caught something peculiar however; the glow to the runes seemed to be dimmed slightly more than before, but slowly regaining its brightness.
-The grey-skinned man merely stared at him, an almost quizzical yet knowing vibe coming off his being. Todesberührung slowly nodded and walked back towards the red-haired man, the light blue glow fully illuminated once again.
* - Fuck... Guess I'll actually have to fight him... What a shame, he seems interesting... Maybe if... Chance let the thought of a little secret flow his mind, a soft chuckle escaping his lips. He gave one last quick little grin towards the dead man.
-Let's get this over with... Chance cracked his knuckles and raised a single hand over his head, and snapped.


* - The sound of the snap echoed off the walls and various objects in the room, making it the only thing audible in the dark place. At first nothing happened, making the room awkwardly silent. It wasn't until Chance snickered that all hell broke loose.
* - The vats that lined the walls suddenly erupted one by one, spewing crimson blood that almost seemed black, across the cold surface. Blood quickly surrounded Todesberührung, almost nearly collapsing onto him and hardening into one, large scab. Crunches and cracks resounded off the hardened mound, slowly crushing its victim.
* - "Dear me, what a shame. I thought this man would have been a bit more exciting than that." Chance tsked, crossing his arms and pouting in disappointment.
* - It wasn't until the red-haired man had begun to walk away that large cracks were starting to appear on the large scab. At first they were silent, slowly breaking pieces off, but as the fissures became more apparent, the noise they made grew louder. The sound caught Chance's attention mid-step, causing him to stop abruptly and look back over his shoulder. A grin slowly spread across his face, his white teeth gleaming in the soft light of the moon.

* - "Good, a real fight." He chuckled, turning around to face the mound of hardened blood once more.
* - The mound before Chance slowly dissolved, leaving a pile of dust in its place. In the center stood Todesberührung, who was simply stretching out his body. Something caught the red-haired man's attention: the soft blue glow coming from the dead man's palm was dim.
* - Just as I thought, he has to charge it up before each use. Chance thought to himself as Todesberührung stepped away from the dust.
* - Chance snapped again and let a large wall of blood crust in front of the grey-skinned man. It took a second, but starting from the middle, it slowly turned to dust. Todesberührung stepped through the opening and continued walking towards Chance.
* - Perfect. Guess I'll have to try a different approach... Chance smirked slightly as he formulated a plan, letting Todesberührung draw closer.
* - Step by step, the tall, dead man got closer, the blue glow slowly getting brighter as his dangerous touch regenerated its power. A flash of certainty sparked in Chance's eyes, another soft smile playing on the edges of his lips. Todesberührung was dangerously close now, a mere nine feet away from Chance.
* - Let's go. Chance commenced his plan, raising both hands high into the air, his sleeves falling to his mid-forearms. One snap from his left hand. Blood spun rapidly about the room, several small, crimson tornadoes rising up from the puddles. Todesberührung continued his short journey towards Chance, but was stopped abruptly. Looking down, the dead man saw a dark red puddle grabbing at his foot.
* - "Better hurry, mate." Chance chuckled, snapping with his right hand. This time, several whips of crimson liquid shot and solidified into crusty spikes, turning the spirals into deathly weapons.*
* - The blood still hung to Todesberührung, and as he struggled to get loose, the spinning spikes neared him, becoming dangerously close.
* - "Ladies and gentlemen! Time for the finale" Chance laughed, striking a pose of which resembled a Hispanic dancer. He clapped twice and snapped with both hands, a large grin spread mischievously across his face.
* - At once, the spirals stopped in the spiraling movements and froze, every single crusted spike facing towards the trapped Todesberührung, who still didn't seem worried. In an instant, the spikes shot forward pierced the dead man's body, his body jerking around from the excessive movements. Todesberührung grunted as a spike skewered him through the stomach, picking him up off the ground. Several other spikes had found their way throughout his body; one had pierced his back and erupted out of his shoulder. Another had stricken his legs, the bloody spike breaking through both knee caps.
* - The light flickered above Chance, drawing his attention for a split second. When he looked back towards his opponent, he grinned at the sight. Todesberührung looked almost like a giant voodoo doll, complete with matching skin color. The dirty yellow light bathed the dead man, and shone on the crusted spikes that were pierced throughout his body. The dead man did not move, and his head was hung as a spike protruded from his neck.
* - "What a shame." Was all Chance said. He pretended to pout as he snapped once more. The signal brought Todesberührung closer, the blood elongating to fulfill its silent command. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were almost letting me win, mate. You're too strong, too unique, to be taken down like this." Chance chuckled, taking a step closer to his opponent.
* - Todesberührung didn't budge, keeping his head down low. It was almost saddening for Chance to see him taken down so easily. The red-haired man now faced the pale grey man, sadness flickering in his eyes, keeping in tune with the yellow lighting.
* - "If only we could have finished this like gentlemen, mate. If only..." Chance sighed and stepped closer, grabbing Todesberührung by the chin gently and lifting up his head slowly. The dead man did not move, no emotion, no expression, nothing. It saddened Chance, so he gave the man a respectful goodbye. Standing on his toes, he paused.
* - This almost feels wrong... He thought as he hesitantly placed a soft kiss on Todesberührung's cold, colorless cheek.
* - "Why..." The sound surprised Chance, causing him to yelp and fall back in surprise. He fell tailbone first onto the hard floor, and to make matters worst, the lights flipped off again.*
* - "Why..." The voice came again. Chance looked up to see Todesberührung looking down at him, his right cheek illuminated slightly by a mixture of moonlight and the glow from his runes. His expression was still blank, but there was something in his voice that unsettled Chance.
* - "Oh thank God..." Chance muttered. As he stood up, he realized just how thankful he was for the dim lights, for he knew his cheeks were nearly as red as his hair.*
* - "Why did you kiss me..." Todesberührung's scratchy voice rang through Chance's head as realization kicked in. Chance covered his mouth and glared; why HAD he done it?
* - "I have my reasons." The suited man replied, his voice slightly muffled by his hand.*
* - "What are they." Even with no emotion behind that scratchy voice, Chance sensed a curious and intruding tone.*
* - Chance smirked, slowly removing his hand from his face, his thoughts searching for those very reasons.
* - "Well for one, you would be quite cute if you were, ya' know, alive." He chuckled, though the joke didn't seem to get any reaction out of Todesberührung.
* - "Why..." The dead man interrupted. Chance thought that the man in front of him was pushing for an answer as to why he thought he was cute, so he complied.
* - "Well curly hair, strong build, deep voice. I kind of like it." Chance replied, crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow.
* - "Why..." Yet another question.
* - "Okay look, if you're wondering why I like it, don't bother. Now if you're wondering why I'm bisexual, now that's another thing."
* - "I never asked that." Todesberührung replied.
* - Chance's face lit up once more. He had rushed into the questions out of sheer embarrassment.
* - "If you must, go ahead." The dead man's voice seemed patient behind its monotonous originality, and it nearly surprised Chance.
* - Why is he asking all those questions? Is he trying to restore that death ability of his? Chance thought, but a quick glance at the runes glowing brightly changed his mind. Let's see exactly what he's planning. Who knows? Maybe it'll be interesting.
* - "Well you see, the reason I am what I am, is because I can. Besides, there's enough of me for both sides, am I right?" Chance chuckled, trying, yet failing, at trying to be suave. "It's because I don't see why everyone can't just love each other LIKE a lover, you know? I treat, and hit on, men and women equally, simply because I believe in equality, no matter how you look at it."*
* - Todesberührung seemed to mull this over in his head for a considerable amount of time, never once taking his eye off of Chance. The stare with that one white eye made the suite man feel queasy; from both the gore of his missing eye and the piercing gaze the only good eye gave. The dead remained silent however, making Chance wonder exactly what he was thinking.
* - "Happy, mate?" The red-haired man asked impatiently. All these questions were really starting wear his patience.
* - "Ecstatic." Todesberührung replied. His expression remained stagnate, yet the joke made Chance chuckle.
* - Caught up in his laughter, Chance failed to realize that Todesberührung had grabbed a hold of one of the spikes with his right hand. The spike disintegrated from his neck quickly as the glow began to fade, but not severely. Todesberührung worked quickly, keeping sure that Chance stayed busy with his laughter; his hand almost a blur as it struck each spike individually, each one slowly dissolving from his body.
* - "That was a good one, mate. You sure are fun--" His compliment was cut short when he realized Todesberührung dropping down from the bloody holdings. Unfortunately, he realized it too late, as the dead man suddenly appeared in front of him. Chance tried to yell, but was suddenly stopped as Todesberührung shot his left hand forward and gripped the suited man's face, silencing the yell.
* - "You laugh too much." Todesberührung pointed out, his scratchy voice almost eerie at such a close range.
* - Chance stood there in the dead man's grasp, terrified as he realized just how close to death he really was; figuratively and physically. But something surprised the suited man. Why had Todesberührung grabbed him with his left hand instead of his right? Was he merely toying with Chance? That's when a though struck the captured man; Chance looked towards Todesberührung's left hand, and though muffled, burst out laughing at the sight. The glow about the dead man's palm had all but gone dim.
* - "My point proven." Todesberührung said scratchily, clearly trying to buy time until his power regenerated. Chance noticed this and took his chance.
* - The red-haired man continued to laugh as he grabbed Todesberührung's arm with one hand, and snapping with his free one. Blood erupted between the two, creating a blade that shot up and neatly sliced the dead man's arm off at the shoulder. Todesberührung stumbled back in expressionless surprise and gripped at his shoulder; all the while Chance, who was still laughing loudly, ripped the hand from his mouth.*
* - "Well played, mate! Well played indeed!" Chance called from the other side of the wall. His laughter sounded off nearly every wall, including the blood-manufactured one between him and his opponent. What struck Chance as weird was that the hand of Todesberührung, which he had no idea why he was still holding, seemed to pull towards the direction of its owners. With a chuckle, he released the appendage and watched be musingly as it stuck to the wall trying to get through. "Though I know now how to defeat you!"
* - Chance snapped, blood swirling about him in a defensive manner. With a second snap, the crimson liquid closed in on the man, making a shell about him; Chance then proceeded to approach the wall that he had constructed. Pounding could be heard from the other aide, but why pound on it when you could walk three feet and go around it?
* - "What're you doing over there, mate?" Chance called quizzically while stepping closer to the barrier. His curiosity was getting the best of him, which could mean trouble.*
* - No less than a second after he had gotten close, a fist burst through wall, scattering dried chips of blood everywhere. The assault surprised Chance, and yet he expected it. Todesberührung continued, thrusting his left arm through the man-made wall, runes ablaze with light. Gripping Chance by the face, Todesberührung pulled with all his might. The suited man couldn't but yell as his face, followed by the rest of his body, was slammed into the barrier and eventually crashing through to the other side. The dead man proceeded to pick up his victim by the neck and raise him high above the floor; Chance didn't move.
* - "Pathetic." Todesberührung muttered scratchily, his expression never changing.
* - The dead man slammed his helpless victim into the ground, the force creating a spider-web of cracks across the metallic flooring. The overhead lights flickered shortly, and shorted out once more. Surprisingly, Todesberührung stood there, his left hand engulfed in shards of scabbed blood that etched up to his mid-forearm. What the hell was happening?


* - A series of slow clapping noises emanated from the corner of the room, which was mysteriously shrouded in opaque shadows. Emerging from it was a slender man, whose red hair shone lightly in a mix of flickering yellow light, and the bright moon light coming through the hole in the ceiling.
* - "Looks like you fell for it, mate." Chance chuckled. His voice seemed almost strained as he tried to control the madness as it pushed to overtake him.*
* - Todesberührung did not respond, nor did he move as the blood held him in place. However, he locked his gaze with his suited opponents.
* - "Aren't blood doubles just exquisite? I certainly think so." Chance edged closer step by step, careful not to get within the reach of the dead man's right hand. "But unfortunately for you, I just realized something. Something rather important, I should think."
* - Chance continued to chuckle, his laughter growing in a near-hysteria state. He snapped; the expected command brought blood from behind him to shoot forward and wrap around Todesberührung's right wrist, taking the shape of chains. Another snap; more tendrils erupted from the various pools scattered about the room and found their way to the dead man. Each one wrapped around a body part, and forced Todesberührung to his knees. Chance was barely holding on to his sanity as the scent of blood grew stronger than before.
"I'm not into necrophilia, mate." Chance chortled, raising both hands and snapping. The blood chains brought Todesberührung flat to the ground, his back nearly being impaled on one of the sharp pieces of metal from the impaired floor. Blood swarmed over the dead man's body, save for his right hand, and completely engulfed him.
* - "See you in the afterlife, mate. Maybe we could get a bit jiggy with it once we're both there!" Chance laughed hysterically, gripping at his head. The madness was starting to overtake him; he needed to get out of there.... And fast.
* - "It's bloody cold!" He yelled as he left the room, the light flickering on and off briefly.*
- He left Todesberührung there, in his bloody little cocoon, the man's right hand unable to make contact with the barrier. He was trapped with no way out, his only company the small little AI units that zipped by every now and then. The only light was that of the broken lights over head, and the moonlight that never seemed to end. He had been defeated, yet spared; abandoned, yet saved. He had lost. But then again, life is a game of chance, isn't it?

Scores will be tallied and calculated at the end of the round.

Vote fairly!

07-08-2013, 11:46 AM
I'm going to say something about multiple aspect of your entry. This is all based on my own opinion. It's up to you to use it or not.

The first thing I thought about your lay-out: "Why did he put the text in the middle of the page?".
I think it's unnecessary. Maybe you thought it looked good, but in my opinion you should just use the regular left-sided sentences.
In my opinion the use of Italics + "" is a little bit too much. I tend to use italics for thoughts only and when somebody speaks I use the "".

Sentence build and flow of the story

Shorter sentences! I've seen multiple sentences with two or more commas in them!
This makes it hard for the reader to understand what is going on. For example:
Todesberührung searches around for his opponent so he can put a quick end to the round, then he heard some commotion up on the catwalk; a man in a classy tuxedo is evading attacks from a rogue robot, which it was attacking.
It needed to overread this multiple times just to find out what was going on exactly. This really created unnecessary pauses.

Overall grammar and point of view:

Frankly this is my personal point of weakness. I'm not a native englishman or American. Nevertheless I'm going to say what I thought was wrong or could be improved.
Let's start with the grammar.
He is seen telepathically pulling fresh blood from one of the vats stored under him and made himself a polearm-like weapon.
"He is seen", did your character see this happen before in the warehouse? Is it happening right now? Wouldn't it be better to use a more simpler sentence?
Let me try it. --> " Todesberührung saw the man telepathically pulling fresh blood from the vats stored underneath him. The man made himself a polearm-like weapon."
In my opinion this is easier to read. At Least it is to me.

Now let's talk about the point of view. Sometimes I have the feeling you are talking as an "all-knowing writer". Who just observes the two gladiators and narrates about what they're doing. Then suddenly you switch to Chance's or Todesberührung's point of view. This also made me overread sentences and created unnecessary pauses.

Plot and story-build

I think you did a good job on the introducion. But the fight came way too fast in my opinion. Perhaps Todesberührung should have explored the scenery a little bit more before barging inside the factory and finding Chance fight with the Robot (which appearance you could have described better in my opinion).
The ending was an anticlimax to me and kind of disappointed me. He fainted by one spike through his leg?
The overall plot wasn't bad but you could have been a bit more creative. I think the rogue could have been more mysterious instead of just a plain fighting machine.

Don't think there's nothing good about your story, you did a great job. If I had to give you some sort of indication of how much I like it. I'd give you a 6,5.
That was all, I hope you could respect it. Now let me tell you why I voted for Chamel and not for you.

Chamel's lay-out kind of bugged me. Although I had less problems tolerating his lay-out compared to yours.
Chamel's introduction really got me interested. I could really visualize the dark hallway with the dead animals.
The character description of Todesberurhrung was splendid and I actually felt the interest towards the dead-man as Chance did. (Not the bisexual interest of course). The story had a better flow but on the other hand also had me over reading sentences from time to time. Especially the part where Chance created a wall of blood between him and Todesberuhrung. I got confused when he suddenly said there was a wall, because I thought he just used some kind of blood sword to chop the dead-man's arm off. All in all my vote went to Chamel because of the better story flow/description and overall plot. That's all.

Both stories were awesome, and I am looking forward to the next rounds!

EDIT: Who is haihaikami9000? valid voter?

07-08-2013, 07:35 PM
Chamel: I really like your story for a multitude of reasons. One, I like how your character is multi dimensional and you opened him up.... somewhat (a critique would be that you could have been alittle bit more tact with it, and I feel that you could have really kicked ass if you paid more detail to that part because that ante for you was a plus.) Your flow was unstoppable, carried momentum well, and I feel that you possess a very important trait that The Organization also has; You portray the other character very well. For all these reasons, you snagged my vote. However, I am just saying that either one of two things happened. Either, like me, you use word and one push of the enter/return button and on the forum it doesnt amount to an actual enter. It is hard to describe, but since you since with some things it fell off and you started a new paragraph below it I think you didn't intend for that. Or! You simple enter shift like I did. Either way, I really don't give a damn but it can really kill a story for some people to read one paragraph for too long. Good job, dude.

Shadowkirby... Rochedan really covered most of my grievances about commas and such. However, I believe that your story was pretty good too. Some sentences seemed alittle meandering/ odd. An example would be: "The Dovahkiin jumped up into the air as a machine flipped on and gave a forceful kick to his stomach." To me, whenever 'as' and 'and' come together, it creates some sort of a speed bump and makes me stop, reread, and then continue. It is simply too much information too quickly. A better example would be using adjectives to cushion the transition between different actions. "The Dovahkiin jumped into the air gracefully as a machine flipped on, delivering a painful, swift, menacing kick to his stomach." It just makes it sound alittle bit better and gives readers a moment to completely understand the situation. However, after a reread or two I found your story to be great. Unfortunately, because of the rereads and some parts of your style... I just had to side with chance. Luckily, all the fights in the tournament so far have been close and this is certainly no exception. Keep it up, you are a pretty good author.

07-09-2013, 10:59 AM
Both of these stories were quite entertaining to read, but my vote is going to our little underdog Chamel.

Shadowkirby: I was enjoying your story and how you portrayed the environment at the beginning. It was once the A.I fight popped up that I feel your story suffered slightly. I think that without this particular Ante you could have made an amazing story. Also there was not enough build up and suspense for me, personally, so I felt your battle started and ended a bit too quickly much like what Rochedan said (He kinda covered everything). Regardless, I can see why your opponent was given the upper hand in this battle; you've got some skills yo!

Chamel: Nice. I enjoyed your portrayal of the battle setting as well. I really enjoyed how you used the occasional power surge to flicker lights on and off for suspense. Everything was going great until you got to your Ante too. It was handled well, I just felt like it was an "Ok children, it's time for Storytime!" kind of addition. I would have liked it more seamlessly woven into your story, but other than that it was great!

07-09-2013, 11:48 AM
Why do I get the feeling that the odds are now against me?

07-09-2013, 08:05 PM
EDIT: Who is haihaikami9000? valid voter?

Anyone can vote in this, not just participants. He might be a lurker for all we know.

07-10-2013, 12:29 AM
Shadowkirby: 0%
Chamel: 6%

Shadowkirby: 0%



To be honest, I have never, and I mean NEVER, earned this less votes ever! Just looking at the zero percentage is like somebody forcing a spear through my heart and have me violently exploded into a billion bloody pieces. There's no way I'm losing that bad!

Rochedan, I admire your CnC, but your criticism has torn my entry limb from limb!! Everyone looks up to your criticism, and immediately votes for Chamel. I fear that if this keeps going with every battle, I might lose all respect and dignity from everybody. I know I'm overreacting, but shit man, you would feel the same way if you earned exactly NO votes at all, no matter how hard you tried! I know I have lost a few times before, but at least I had votes, at least I had somebody supporting me, this time it feels like NOBODY'S supporting me. This is only the first round, and already I'm losing BIG time!

I'm just... j-just... I- I can't-


If anyone needs me, I'll be somewhere dark and depressing, while being infested with spiders.

07-10-2013, 12:40 AM
Oh, that's right. I forgot about this impact: One person's CnC can affect other people's view on the work. And I'll add mine later. (I still haven't voted)

07-10-2013, 01:10 AM
I'm just... j-just... I- I can't-

I cannot comment on the entries themselves yet, however it's just been discovered that 2 of Chamel's voters are the same person! They have been banned for attempting to tag-team you. Even if it is just a misunderstanding and they are different people, I cannot allow their votes without reason. Therefore, those 2 pts will not count on Chamel's side.

07-10-2013, 01:23 AM

Rochedan, I admire your CnC, but your criticism has torn my entry limb from limb!! Everyone looks up to your criticism, and immediately votes for Chamel.

It´s easy to CnC on somebodies mistakes rather than the things they did good. I just tried to give you my opinion on your story so that you could improve your next ones.
It´s pretty childish of you to start blaming it on me for your 0%. I mean, I don't think anybody reads comments before reading the entries/voting. Perhaps I might have put you in a bad perspective or anything. But if Chamel's story also had "flaws" that I could spot then I would have CnC on that too.

07-10-2013, 09:58 AM
I liked both but Chamel's did describe everything more thoroughly and I could have imagined things much better in his. Both were excellent pieces of work and I really enjoyed each of them.

In ShadowKirby's work, I could see Chance's ingenuity with the use of the blood around him and and detail in the factory. The story plot was simple and the battle did pretty well with everything in it. How Todesberührung won was realistic of him and I liked how it went around.

In Chamel's work, I loved how the atmosphere was played out. How Chance used the vats of blood but I felt that Todesberührung could have done a lot worse to Chance. Either way, the battle was good and I liked the story that came with it due to the Ante.

The Organization
07-10-2013, 02:45 PM
I'm focusing on story structure for the both of you, since the both of you have pretty good writing skills and grammar.
Shadowkirby: The main problem was that there was way to much exposition. While it maybe necessary to explain why things are happening mid-story, an over abundance of exposition consistently drops the reader out of the story and makes it harder to suspend disbelief. It also makes it harder to read.

He followed a bloody hallway with rotting corpses lying on either the floor or against the wall; there must be some kind of massacre occurring, and his opponent must be a crazed gladiator who's joy is to slaughter the innocent minds that are left working here. This theory seems implausible in which the factory was abandoned years ago, and the bodies are decaying with flies and maggots feasting on their flesh. He did see robot parts scattered around, so it's possible that a revolt has happened here before. Now this theory makes sense once he thought about it.
Had you stopped before the bolded section and either added more description, allowing the reader to come up with these assumptions themselves, it would have them become more engaged in the text.
If you were trying to outline Todes' thought process then use of italics or thought quotations would allow to get a similar effect without all the verbose exposition.

Overall, you handled the interpretation of the Ante and the setting well, but the overuse of exposition killed the flow and engagement for me. Substitute exposition with description and allow the reader to come up with their own ideas, but drop as many hints as you can to steer their mind in the direction you want.

Chamel: I was fine with you until I hit the part about the Ante. It was carried out well and you transitioned from it back into the fight nicely, but it felt shoehorned in. The transition into it was sudden and disconnected me for a second because there was very little set-up. Chance went from beating him, to feeling sorry for him, to kissing him which seems out of character considering how disgusted with Todes he was in the beginning. A better way would've been to draw out the fight and have Chance play with Todes a bit more, similar to how Bugs Bunny would play with Elmer Fudd. Chance already has the battle advantage so he doesn't have to go full insane on Todes from the get go.

Also from a fight perspective, giving Todes more of a chance(no pun intended), would have increased the tension and suspense in the battle.

In summary, pretty good if a bit one-sided fight, but the Ante was really the weak spot as it seemed to be extraneous. Integrating it more with the battle would have made it a lot more effective.

07-10-2013, 09:10 PM
And so, everything worth CnCing has been taken.

07-11-2013, 01:21 AM
And so, everything worth CnCing has been taken.

CNCing doesnt hav to be unique. You see comments on animation threads all the time: "Needs to be smoother" happening when anyone posts. Are they unique?

There's also tons of battles in this tournament not this one. Pick one, or two or three, or all, say what you want, and have fun

07-20-2013, 11:22 AM
Onto the second request =o another two intriguing reads, but I have to agree and apologise that just about everything I picked up has been mentioned already.
Overall, I think Shadowkirby's piece suffered most from exposition - it's fine to simply show the reader what's happening, and explaining the 'how's and 'why's of everything apparent can detract a bit from the story. The plot wasn't so bad at all though, and the middle of the fight developed pretty solidly. The dialogue was well-placed, though perhaps a little lacking in personality, and the descriptions through the intro especially set a good mood. The ending was played fairly well, but again, less explaining and more showing how Chance was incapacitated would've made for a more striking finish.
Chamel's story was a lot more expressive with the characters and their abilities, although lessened in that Todesberührung wasn't portrayed to have much of a chance at all. I personally would've skipped out on that Ante entirely - it felt alien from the rest of the piece, but was still a wide stretch better than anything I can come up with. Save for those points, the intros for both characters were kept interesting, the attacks were dramatic, and the simple stratagem at the end made for a fine climax.