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View Full Version : wRHG Tournament R1: Kalena Eirwen (Lobotomizer) vs Pencillum (merich1)



Hewitt
07-09-2013, 08:49 PM
3rd Battle for Round 1 is up and it's the official undercard match! Here are the Stipulations:

Setting:The wizard that gave birth to Pencillium's powers was also once a great teacher and instructor of the pencil art. In this Abandoned School for Gifted Wizards, classrooms and staff rooms abound. Just imagine your typical school setting with 2 exceptions: 1) Pencilliums Magical Pencils litter almost every room as they are considered default office supplies in this place. and 2) The School is actually floating using high amounts of magic, 10,000 ft above the Earth away from prying eyes. It is not sitting on anything and just the school itself is floating so as a result, no decent earthen soil can be found (rendering Kalena's sword power useless).


Handicap: Pencillum (merich1) is in a place where his pencils are powered up and can't easily break or lose. The school is also devoid of any earth so Kalena (Lobotomizer) can't use her sword to manipulate it.

Antes :
***Antes are Extra Challenges that add twice the points wagered if successfully pulled off. They come in 3 Flavors (Easy Medium Hard). No two participants can have the same kind of Ante.

Lobotomizer has initiated a Hard Ante: Corvon was left at the Warehouse when you got zapped, stranding you alone. The school also has actually a defense mechanism that prevents interlopers, cutting off any magical essence surrounding it. Kalena and Pencillium must now deal with the fact that the entire school is going to fall into the earth in FIVE minutes. Even worse, one of the school's children is lost and hiding in the classrooms. So to summarize, you must a) save this child, b) defeat pencillium without Corvon, and c) somehow do it all within the span of FIVE minutes.

Bonus for this Round: Early Bird / First to Post their entry

Scoring:
- Votes are worth 5 pts. each.
- CNC-ing an entry gives you 10 pts. Detailed ones get an extra 5 pts. Maximum 3 CnCs per participant.
- Bonus for the Round is 20 pts.
- Fulfilled Antes give 10, 20, 30 pts. and lost 5, 10, 15 pts if failed depending on difficulty
- Judge's Blessing gives 15 points if entry caught the Judge's eye.

Here are the entries:

Kalena Eirwen (http://forums.stickpage.com/showthread.php?45403-WRHG-Kalena-Eirwen)All she recalled was the scene of the warehouse, bloodied with the corpses of many, its walls streaked with red. Then the worried expression of Corvon...and then...darkness.

When she awoke, it was in a modest, nondescript classroom of sorts. Wooden desks lined the area in a neat fashion, accompanied by chairs of the same material. Pencils lay on some of the desks, most contained in little plastic cups that sat themselves everywhere. Behind her was a line of glass windows, polished till they were almost gleaming from the ambient light, providing a wide view of the skies outside. The relative calm and eerie silence of the whole scene was a far cry from the previous, almost a tad disorientating to the swordswoman. For what reason would she be brought here? A twisted form of an arena? She briefly flashed a grimace. No doubt that would be the case. The way the tournament seemed to be held, she mightn’t be surprised if this was the product of the host’s convoluted sense of humor.

She gave a quick look around, her eyes darting left and right for anything that stood out of the ordinary. Nothing. Corvon seemed to be absent, but that would’ve been what she expected; a duel between two people against one could hardly be called one. Regardless, she still felt a slight pang of loneliness, briefly wondering what might have possibly happened to the mage.

Kalena closed her eyes, deciding on her next possible course of action. Finding her opponent would be wise, she thought. With her surroundings analysed to the fullest, she moved forward from her spot and to the door, her sword at the ready for anything that might possibly happen. Whatever the case was, she had to assume she would be against another gladiator this time, and she had no intention of hiding from her opponent. Her hand grasped the edges of the door and pulled it aside, letting it slowly slide open with a barely audible squeak.

But for all the stealth that she displayed, it was obvious that someone had been expecting her. The moment her head peeked out into the hallway, she felt her instinct screaming at her to pull back. This she did, and no more than a split second later did she see a thin projectile hurtle straight at where she’d been originally, whistling through the air past her.

She immediately spun around, placing her back close to the wall beside the doorway in anticipation for her opponent.

“That was a nice dodge. Very nice. I’d expect no less from my opponent.”

A distant drawl came from the hallways accompanied by rhythmic footsteps, but Kalena made no move to reply, gripping her blade all the tighter in anticipation for her enemy’s appearance.
“...no response? That is upsetting, knowing that you don’t appreciate some amount of banter in a fight.”

Her opponent spoke again, his tone a mock disappointment. The footsteps grew in volume and proximity, almost as if he was openly displaying his confidence through speech and gait. Foolish, Kalena thought, but she reserved her final judgement for when they crossed blades.

That opportunity arose when she felt his presence just behind the wall. She spun about, her blade gracefully swinging through the air at almost blinding speed. Such ferocity her initial attack held, that her opponent was compelled to take an instinctive step back and swiftly defend his side, but only barely.

But he was no more shocked than Kalena was, for what stopped her blade was no metal, but rather, a thin, wooden like object. Her blade, strong enough to cut through the sturdiest shield, yet stopping short against...a pencil.

“Surprised?” Her opponent commented dryly, though it was obvious that his own hand was shaking from both the impact and shock. The two took the opportunity from their locked weapons to examine the other. He was a bespectacled man with a comparatively thin frame, wrapped under the wrinkled folds of a casual shirt and pants. Nothing about him suggested his being a combatant, save for his controlled emotions under the stress of battle. What would have made this seemingly ordinary man participate in a slaughterhouse? Kalena thought to herself.

But that was no excuse to soften her blows. She pulled back for another swing, but no sooner had she done so did she see his hand twitch from the corner of her eye, and a sudden, sharp pain struck her shoulder, searing her flesh as an object struck deep into muscle. She bit back the pain, flinging her sword upward in a bid to catch her opponent as well. He leapt to the side, but it was fast enough to cut part of his shirt and skin, leaving a slight gash up his torso. Cut pencils dropped from a torn pocket, hitting the floorboards with a clatter.

“So...sharp enough to cut diamond,” he comments, stepping back a few to gain distance, “I, Pencillum, am pleased to meet someone this strong.”

Kalena does not pursue him, allowing him to prattle as she briefly examined her wound. A pencil stuck from her left shoulder, sending sharp shots of pain whenever she moved it. There was no doubt; her opponent was not to be estimated, to be quick enough to flick his own wielded pencil before her sword landed.

“But it will be four minutes,” he continued, pulling a set of pencils from within another pocket, “four minutes till I prove that I am far above you.”

“Four minutes,” Kalena murmured, her tone neither scoffing nor mocking, “would that be the case...”

“Four minutes. Well, three and a half, to be precise” Pencillum affirmed, before flicking his wielded pencils in a fan shape at Kalena’s direction. She rolled away just as quickly and back into the classroom, narrowly avoiding the projectiles as they struck the walls beside her with a sickening thud.

Under cover, she struck her sword into the ground, willing for the earth to grant her a shield and an opportunity. Nothing. Not even the quiver of her sword to signal the presence of earth. At that time it dawned upon her that the windows didn’t just tell her that the two were sky high; they were literally in the open air.

Almost as if on cue, a low chuckle came from the corridors, “No dirt to use here. Nope.”

She didn’t bother questioning how he had first hand knowledge of her abilities. All she knew was that she could no longer rely on the earth to protect her. Her eyes darted about the classroom, searching for something that might possibly help her in battle. Perhaps if there were earth to control, she might have had more than a few ways to deal with the lethal projectiles and her opponent. But without it, she needed something else. A shield.

Her eyes rested upon the wooden desk that sat next to her, polished and speckless. That would change soon. She swung her blade just under it, neatly chopping off its legs before grasping its underside to form a makeshift shield. Unwieldy, perhaps, but good enough for its purpose.

Pencillum, unaware of what was happening, simply strolled forward, pencils held between each finger. “Must you still hide from me? That makes for a bo-”

He failed to finish, because no sooner had he closed into the doorway did a giant plank of wood come crashing into him. He instinctively threw a few pencils that dug deep into the wood, but that was all he managed before the desk smashed into his torso, knocking the wind from his lungs.

“A...desk?” He managed, stumbling back from the impact before rolling away from a subsequent swing of Kalena’s blade. He’d expected a charge, but not one behind a shield of all things. His opponent...might just outsmart him, he realised.

He recovered, but Kalena continued to put on pressure, pursuing him with quick successive swings of the sword, each small in their arc, but also giving little openings for him to even scramble out of the way, let alone sneaking a single pencil in between. It continued for what seemed like over an hour, even if Pencillum himself knew otherwise. Like some deathly dance they moved, faster and faster, till their movements were almost a blur to any spectator.

But it had to end, and it just so happened that Pencillum felt his legs hit something. Nothing he could do could have possibly prevented it, and so like his sinking heart he crashed onto the ground, tripped over by - as much as he refused to admit - his own feet.

Like a guillotine blade her sword swung downward, ready to take his head apart. Time seemed to freeze in his mind as the gears spun in his mind, desperately thinking of some method that could save him from imminent decapitation. Banking his life on the one last pencil he held in his palm, he thrust it straight front of him with all the strength he had. Not at his opponent who could very conceivably block it, but rather her sword. The strong magnet in that very pencil made it home on the metal blade, knocking it off course as it struck.

Kalena winced as she felt her arm jar from the impact. She held her shield up instinctively, but even the wood couldn’t thoroughly protect her from the next pencil that struck it, igniting a small explosion that knocked her off her feet from the resulting shockwave. Even then she managed to roll back as she hit the ground, recovering with little damage.

“Law of conservation of momentum,” Pencillum muttered as he stood back on his feet as well, dusting off invisible dirt from his pants. A moment of thinking after, and he added, “three minutes.”

Kalena bit her lip, giving her shield a quick glance. For the damage it took, it held up well. Splinters lined the crater at its centre, as if something had just thrown a vicious punch into the wood, but it seemed to have enough integrity to bear a few more blows. Her gaze turned back to her opponent, just in time to see his hand twitch. She leapt to the side, but nothing happened. Nothing happened, because Pencillum hadn’t thrown a single pencil in the first place.

“Just joking,” he shrugged, before promptly bolting off to avoid Kalena’s next swing. But as much as Kalena pursued him, she was only so much faster than he was, and there was a gap of a few metres between them; a prime time for Pencillum to do his worst.

“Let’s start with the appetizer,” the pencil-user murmured, throwing down a group of pencils that fanned out infront of the swordswoman. She jumped to avoid the line of explosions that burst from below her, but that was his plan as well. More pencils flew at her and, being unable to dodge in the air, she held her shield up, letting the pencils strike harmlessly into wood.

When she touched down, however, she felt her feet slip. A look down, and it dawned upon her that Pencilum had sneaked in a puddle of water under her right after she had left the ground. She turned her body to the side, softening the impact by rolling instead, but by then Pencillum had gained more than enough distance from her, disappearing into another room to his right.

Kalena stood back up, but this time she was in no hurry to follow Pencillum. She knew he had every opportunity to continue pelting her with his pencils; locking himself into a confined place instead without a plan would be suicidal. That meant that he had a plan, and she wasn’t going to readily walk into a trap he had laid out for her. In any case, he had no place to run to, and all the less reason for her to rush things.

She swung into the room, half expecting a torrent of pencils her way, but nothing came. Not even a single sound heralded her arrival. The seemed to be a library of sorts, a larger room filled with bookshelf after bookshelf, stocked fully with colourful volumes that made the place unnecessarily cheery. At the same time she felt a slight unease. Pencillum could be firing from any angle and she wouldn’t know it, she thought to herself.

Nonetheless, she stepped inside and through the long line of bookshelves, even as her instinct screamed at her to do otherwise. Eerie silence continued to surround her with her every step, as did haunting shadows that flickered from under the bookshelves, further intensifying the tense atmosphere that hung above the room.

Eventually the bookshelves opened to the centre of the library, a slightly elevated circular area. Scattered about were a few books and pencils, but no part of it caught her interest. Instead, her eyes rested on a single, lone figure that sat on the floor, its head facing the floor. A...child? Kalena furrowed her brow, unsure of what to make of it. Something told her that pencillum had not gained shapeshifting skills, but then she had to wonder; why was there a child, in a battle arena of all things?

Gradually, the child lifted her head, and Kalena’s gaze fell onto the rope that tightly bound the child. The child’s look was that of confusion, of fright, seemingly unknowing of why she was here in the first place. Her mouth opened, but nothing audible came out, almost as if begging to be freed.

Kalena gave a slight grimace, torn apart by her options. That child had to be saved, but at the same time the bindings were a giant sign that screamed the word ‘trap’ to her. She quickened her footsteps, but at the same time held her shield up, her eyes sweeping about her flank.

But the little cautiousness she’d thrown away in her added haste was enough to cause an opening. No sooner had she approached the centre did she feel a sharp pain at her back, digging deep into flesh. She immediately spun about, putting her shield up and crouching to lower her target area. She could hear dull thuds as her shield strained against the impact of more pencils, but nothing else came.. Not explosions, not puddles of water. Nothing.

“I didn’t think you’d fall for it, but then again, you prided yourself in being a protector of people...or so it is written in your file.”

Kalena lowered her shield, to see Pencillum crouching atop one of the bookshelves in front of her, a smug smile of triumph forming on his lips. Had he not been in a most precarious position he might have spread his arms wide in a true villainous fashion, but a smirk would do for now.

"You would use a child for bait, of all things?" Kalena questioned, slowly standing up from where she was. It was clear that her tone was now much more hostile. Almost as if it were...disgust.

"i intend to be an evil overlord of sorts, so doing that is on par with what I expect of myself," Pencillum shrugged in a seemingly uncaring manner.

That was enough for Kalena to rush forward, slicing apart the bookshelf Pencillum was on in mere moments. The pencil-user stumbled in a bid to regain balance on the collapsing structure before leaping over onto another bookshelf, which was similarly demolished before he could have both feet touch the surface.

“Come on now!” Pencillum yelled as he leapt off onto another bookshelf, “surely you should be more concerned about the child behind you; I could shoot her any time!”

“You haven’t. Why is that?” Kalena challenged, unfazed by his words.

“Oh?” He uttered, raising both brows, “is that a challenge?”

Without warning, he flicked a pencil straight at the child. Almost predictably, Kalena stepped back to bat it away, but it merely dissolved into a jet of water that splashed over her and the child. Her look of puzzlement quickly turned to horror when her attention was back onto Pencillum, who held out four pencils, two on each hand. Sparks of electricity arced between the two in the middle, producing tiny, barely audible zaps in their wake.

He didn’t wait for a response. He gave the pencils a needlessly dainty flourish before throwing three of the pencils straight at Kalena. They were, very predictably, blocked by the shield she held, but that was all in accordance to the plan. Two were of the electric variety, but the third expanded into a giant sphere of absolute darkness, seemingly eating away at any bit of light that shone into it. Element of confusion. Like clockwork he proceeded to toss the final pencil into the same place, awaiting the final nail on the coffin.

Almost immediately the pencils laying around the room were brought to life; de-magnetised pencils that became attracted to the single magnetic pencil, hurtling straight towards their target with almost deadly accuracy and speed. There was no noise, no indication that the swordswoman had turned into a human-sized pencil-cushion. Almost like the perfect assassination.

Pencillum nodded to himself with a smile, noting the time that had elapsed. A mere three minutes and fourteen seconds. One minute and forty-six seconds left. A job well done, and well executed, he thought. Funny how a bit of hammering of magnets and some convincing of a fellow Pencillian could create such a magnificent trap. All he needed to do was to take care of the aftermath, and it was a job well done. All too easy.

Too easy. Those two words reverberated in his mind. Too easy? That can’t be right. His smile gradually faded as unease took over. Something was wrong, something...what was it? Why didn’t it feel like he hadn’t won yet? What made him feel that he hadn’t won?
It took him a few seconds for the answer to finally hit him, like the wave of a tsunami crashing against the shores of land; they were still falling. His gaze quickly turned to the sphere of black that remained in the air, unmoving, unfading. Could it be?

But it was too late for him to even process the possibility. Before he could even make a single movement, the gleam of metal shot through from the darkness, cutting through the bookshelf that he stood on. He could only give a choked gasp as gravity took hold, sending him collapsing onto the floor along with the split bookshelf. The next thing he saw when he recovered from his daze was the figure of Kalena, rushing up to meet him. He hastily grabbed a pencil, any pencil, from his pockets to defend himself with, but the instant he raised it to his side, it was split into two by the shimmering blade that the swordswoman held, dropping onto the floor with a resonant clatter..

“Cutting through all that is temporary...Like the halberd and shield,” Pencillum gulped, watching the transient blade stop just within an inch of his neck.

“Do you submit?” Kalena murmured, her glare so piercing that it felt like a separate blade stabbing into his soul.

“I...” He paused when he saw the blade slowing fading away. There was a chance, he realised in his persistent mind. As the blade melded to non-existence, he withdrew a final pencil and flicked it straight at his opponent’s head. The pencil of improbability; the last opportunity for him to turn the tides. The same pencil promptly burst into smoke before turning into a rose, nestling comfily in Kalena’s hair.

“I...surrender,” Pencillum spoke with a withering sigh, slumping against the demolished bookshelf in resignation. But no sooner had he done so did Kalena move to grab his collar, lifting him upright with a single hand.

“What you did was foolish,” she spoke through gritted teeth, “to use a child...have you no shame?”

“I never intended for her to run into danger in my plan. She was safe. I even made sure she wouldn’t see the blood. She was, after all, a fellow pencillian,” Pencillum replied.

“And what if that plan...failed? What then?”

Pencillum averted his gaze, trying to think of a possible answer. Nothing came up. Not a single, snark filled reply. That was because he never had a backup plan. He was too caught up in his own genius to think about what would happen if things went awry.

All of a sudden, a loud, metallic sound could be heard, almost like the the giant grinding of gears. For a moment, the two felt themselves almost lightweight and floating in midair. With another, piercing click that resonated throughout the university, the feeling subsided, and the room fell to silence once more.

“...forty-seven seconds.” Pencillum sighed, “I’d thought they’d forget.”

He was promptly dropped onto the floor, but he wasn’t in the mood to complain and risk another blade wound. Instead he just stared at the floor, occasionally glancing back at where the child was.

“You bore no ill will, but your actions were nothing short of foolish. Plans will fail, and your pride stopped you from expecting those failures. You risked losing your own life...and that child. To what end?”

Kalena turned her back on him as she slowly walked into the dark sphere, now slowly growing translucent. She cut the ropes that held the child and lifted her up almost in a tender tender. The child was too confused to object to being carried, only staring back at Pencillum with blank eyes.

“CONGRATULATIONS TO KALENA EIRWEN FOR WINNING THIS ROUND’S MATCH!”

The blaring announcement was followed by monotone, lifeless clapping that seemed to come from the ceiling, almost as if they were mocking rather than congratulating. Kalena only stared at the ceiling with a disgusted look, then turned back to Pencillum.

“You are far from the ‘evil overlord’ that you wish to be. I pray for your sake that you never end up on that path.”

Her words were short, but the implications were obvious enough that he needn’t ask. Gradually the lights of the library dimmed, and like the closure of the stage of a show, turned off with a soft, barely audible click.

This was a long ride. It was hard to get motivation to write, but I’m surprised I almost managed to reach four thousand words. On a single battle with only a few turning points, I almost wonder if I hadn’t unwittingly padded it up with overly flowery speech.

To be honest, most of this was contrived and thought of on the spot. There wasn’t much to work on with Pencillum, so I started him being a smug snarker and branched off from there to someone who was clever, prideful to a fault, yet also had his own morals. The child being convinced by her fellow countryman to play hostage was the only way I could think of not having Kalena go “hey, I hear a child crying. Must save”, as was in the original plan. Finally, I figured Pencillum would have known the precarious position he was in given his intelligence, and so basically had him be the timer for the match, just to help readers along. In the end Kalena never knew, but everything went well so...

In any case, I just wanted to make a short talk about how I went with the story. Whether you felt it was forced or well done, I would appreciate your comments or critique, and how I could possibly improve.

Once again, thank you for reading my work, be it for the tournament or just for enjoyment. To my opponent, I give thanks, and encouragement to the rest of us to follow through with the entire tournament.

Pencillum (http://forums.stickpage.com/showthread.php?57869-Pencillum-quot-The-Lead-quot) The battle was almost over. Only a few thugs remained, valiantly fighting to the end, hopelessly outmatched. Finally, the last of the thugs disbanded and retreated into the shadows.
"Congratulations newcomers and latecomers alike! You have just pledged your entrance fee of...your lives!" boomed a disembodied voice.
Somehow, I don’t like this, thought Pencillum.
Utter silence ensued for about three seconds, then a huge tesla cannon that looked like something straight out of the movies descended from the warehouse’s ceiling. A large blue beam blasted out at the nearest gladiator, a pretty young woman wielding a sword. The beam enveloped her, and when it dissipated, the woman was gone. Not a single piece of evidence was left that would have proven she was ever in the warehouse in the first place, save for the piles of defeated thugs around where she had been and a few earthen abnormalities sticking out of the floor.
A few gladiators backed away in shock. The machine paid them no heed (obviously; it’s a machine, after all) and blasted a second gladiator, this one appearing to be a magician horrified at the carnage around him from the massive brawl. By now a few gladiators had already began nervously looking back and forth between the cannon and the door with a hole in it.
The cannon turned toward Pencillum, and seventeen pencils went straight down its end. They seemingly had no effect, and a large blue beam blasted through him.
Everything went blue, then changed to nothing.
Well, not quite nothing. Pencillum still felt a slight tingly sensation on his right hand. I’d recognize that sensation anywhere – it’s the same sensation as when Novroc teleported me to the Stickpage dimension. So it’s only a dimension teleport, not a true Tesla beam? Huh…
The nothingness around him dissipated and revealed an empty classroom. Pencils and scrolls were scattered around the room. A lone cauldron sat on what apparently used to be the teacher’s desk, along with a primitive livestreamer-like device.
No way… not the Lost Abandoned School for Gifted Wizards… that’s been lost for fifty years!
He remembered his teacher lecturing the class about it in the third grade. “Well, the Lost Abandoned School for Gifted Wizards is just that. Lost. About forty-five years ago, it was still running perfectly. One day everyone there teleported back to Pencil Island saying that it was beginning to get unstable, and it was starting to move. Of course it’s still out there somewhere, the magic’s enough to keep it running, but because it was moving, we don’t really know where it is, so we can’t teleport back, because of Pell’s Law of Teleportation, of course.” How did the Host find it? he thought with wonder, then stopped.
Well, no matter. The only reason the Host would teleport me here is because either there’s an enemy here I’m supposed to defeat, or…
His heart sped up as he realized what the other possibility was.
…this is the battleground for my first round battle!
He dashed out of the room, and in his haste to find his enemy, he tripped over a chair leg and went flying into the air.

“Corvon. Stay here.”
“More bloodshed? Surely you don’t expect the purpose of the Host teleporting us here to be to fight a battle…”
A withering glare, and the magician stopped.
“Stay.”
“You’d best be careful…”
“I can take care of myself, thank you.”
She left, leaving Corvon standing there, still wondering if it was a good idea to let her go on alone.

Pencillum dashed out of the room, and his haste to find his enemy, he tripped over a chair leg and went flying into the air, directly towards the wall. Expecting a hard landing, he braced himself, and when none came, he realized that the wall was actually made of a bubble-wrap-like substance. Ahh… good designing by the wizards, I suppose.

Kalena strode purposefully down the hallway, seeking out her opponent. A loud series of CRACKs were heard from behind her. She turned around and saw a teenage boy embedded inside the wall.
“Huh. Well, this is interesting…”

“Huh. Well, this is interesting…” said a hard, yet melodious voice.
Pencillum would have jumped up about five feet into the air had he not been stuck in a wall at the moment. He merely stayed stuck for about three seconds, dumbfounded, before slipping out, standing up, stretching, and suddenly realizing that the first gladiator to be zapped, the young woman, was standing in front of him.
“Er… hi.”
“You are part of the system, aren’t you?”
“Well, um, yes, but – “
DANGER INCOMING! screamed a voice inside his head, and in one fluid motion the woman drew a sword, whipped it at his neck, and stopped with a dull THUNK as it slammed into a pencil. Another pencil was flipped at the woman’s shoulder, and in turn, it was slapped away by her sword.
Pencillum, still with a pencil in his right hand, stabbed that at the woman’s other shoulder, but that was blocked yet again by the woman’s sword. Another slash with the sword, which Pencillum dodged and retreated from. The woman now stabbed her sword hard in the floor, waited expectantly, and… nothing happened.
“No earth here, it’s not going to work,” said Pencillum, with a smile.
A slight pause for reality to sink in, then:
“How do you know – “
“I read the character profiles. Unlike some people…”
“I thought only the Writers could view the profiles.”
“Oh, I can be very… convincing… at times, when it comes to information. Or you could say that my Writer is… rather weak.” He chuckled, then looked up at the ceiling nervously. A small fracture in one of the ceiling tiles began to appear, for apparently no reason. His ghost of a chuckle disappeared.
“Erm… actually, on second thought, I take that back.”
Another pause, then Pencillum leaped back into the fray, now wielding a pencil in both hands.
“Oops, I just realized that I forgot to introduce myself,” Pencillum said casually, as he slashed at Kalena’s face. She blocked with her sword. “My name is Pencillum – “ – a jab at Kalena’s shoulder, which she dodged with ease – “and I like pencils.” The sword-and-pencil fight continued, neither side gaining an advantage. “So what’s your name?”

“So what’s your name?” the pencil fighter asked, a foolish-looking smile on his face.
“Kalena Eirwen. Although it is not important. Why are you in this system that mindlessly sheds the blood of its participants?”
“I wish to train my abilities against… better, more powerful opponents.” Another pencil slash, easily turned away.
“Train… for what?”
“Why, for world domination, of course!”
“So you are evil…”
“In a sense, yes.”
“Then you must die.”
Pencillum sighed, blocking a sword strike without looking. “If you must.” He hurled a red-tipped pencil at the hilt of the Sword of Truth. Realizing what the pencil was made to do, Kalena jumped back, dropping the sword. The pencil soared between her hand and the sword and exploded when it hit the wall.
The sword fell to the floor, blade pointing down. Almost in slow motion, it sliced right through the floor and fell towards the earth, ten thousand feet away.
Both fighters watched the sword fall, Pencillum in amusement and Kalena in horror.
Almost a full five seconds passed before Pencillum leaped at Kalena, pencil in hand. He pinned her against the wall and put the pencil to her throat.
“I have you now,” smirked Pencillum, in almost a perfect Darth Vader voice.

While Kalena had been fighting with Pencillum, Corvon was looking around.
Stupid School for Gifted Wizards. Thank goodness it’s abandoned now. If it hadn’t been for them we would have won the Multidimensional Wizardry Championship, School Division! Them and their idiotic Perpetual Pencil Motion Machine!
He looked around a bit more.
How obsessed are they with pencils anyway?
Dozens of pencils littered the room, each with different colored tips. I’m guessing all of them do different things.
He continued to look around for several minutes before he had an odd feeling.
I don’t know. This just feels… weird. Like Kalena is in danger or something.
Well, there’s no harm in investigating, is there?
He stepped out of the room, looked down the hallway, and saw a fairly odd-looking teenager holding a pencil to Kalena’s throat. Her sword was nowhere to be seen.
“I have you now,” said the teenager.
You know what, I’m interfering…

A blue bolt of energy slammed into the pencil fighter’s pencil, knocking it into the wall.
“What?”
“Yahoo,” said Corvon dryly, without any hint of excitement.
Another bolt of energy slammed into Pencillum, blasting him backwards and into the wall.
“You’re all clear, kid,” muttered Corvon to Kalena.
“What?” was the response.
“Sorry. I had to finish the scene.”
Pencillum slipped out of the wall and ran quickly down the hallway, Kalena in hot pursuit. More bolts of energy were launched, which slowed Pencillum down as he dodged them. He reached the end of the hallway, turned the corner, and disappeared.

Kalena sped down the hallway after Pencillum, trying to catch him and…
Wait a second. What exactly am I planning to do when I catch him?
She tried to stop, but she tripped over something and flew into the wall…

Pencillum tore across the corner, then stopped. Let’s see if that pencil on the ground I kicked up can trip her. If the trip pencil doesn’t work, I’ll ambush her.
Kalena tripped over the pencil stuck in the floor and flew directly into the wall…
Okay, the trip pencil worked.
…went through the wall…
Er… okay, that’s even better.
…conjured a sword from nowhere…
What exactly is she going to do with that transient blade?
…and sliced through the air with the sword, and disappeared. Two hands clung onto the bottom of the human-shaped hole, and a split second later, Kalena stood in front of Pencillum as if nothing had happened.
“You cut through your momentum. Impressive.”
“Er, Kalena?” called a voice from down the hallway.
“What?”
“Your momentum wasn’t the only thing you cut.”
“So…”
“You also cut through the magic surrounding this place and keeping it 10,000 feet in the air.”
“But that’s just a small cut in the side!”
“Oh no, don’t forget about Pfleffley’s Law. If any part of a magical barrier is cut through, the entire barrier is considerably weakened.”
“So that means that…”
“Yep. Not good.”
A loud, long creak was heard, then a crash. Pencillum landed with his feet on the roof; Kalena and Corvon bumped their heads on the ceiling.
Flicking a pencil at Kalena, Pencillum smiled. “The very laws of physics are on my side!”
Kalena managed to dodge the pencil. Aaagh, I can’t keep this up for long. I hope that sword’s arriving soon…
At that moment, another crash was heard. A sword hilt burst through the floor, followed by the rest of the sword, followed by a circular piece of earth.
“What? But – “
“My sword needs only to stab itself into the ground for me to be able to control the earth. Now, goodbye. Your bloodthirsty evil must be stopped.”
Kalena grabbed the sword, pulled it out of the earth, and in one swift stroke, swept the pencil fighter’s head clean off.
“Phew…”
“Er, Kalena?”
“What?”
“You know, we’re still falling…”
“Right…”
“Congratulations! Kalena Eirwen wins the round,” boomed a disembodied voice. Again, a Tesla cannon descended from the ceiling.
“Now this, my friends, is a REAL Tesla cannon,” laughed the voice. “Mwahahahahahahahaha!”
The expressions on Kalena and Corvon’s faces turned from relief to shock, and then to sudden fear.
The ghost of the Host’s laugh echoed through the hallway as the Tesla cannon blasted, which was made more creepy because it should not have echoed, given the design of the hallway. “…haha…haha…”

“Wow.”
“’Wow’” is a nice word for it.”
“Yeah. How much did it cost to do this?”
“I don’t know, ask the finance guys. All I know is that this baby is a freaking flying drone tank. With extra weapons and stuff thrown in.”
“That’s pretty impressive.”
“Yeah. Hope the politicians like it.”
Suddenly, a sword fell through the air and impaled itself on the ground.
“Wait. What?”
The sword began to rise up as the ground rose with it.
“What in the name of…”
“Whoa…”
The earth continued rising.
“Hey, whatever. As long as it doesn’t hurt us.”
“Good point. Should I call in the politicians then?”
“They might be unnerved by this… earth abnormality, but… sure.”

“Now, I bet you guys are all wondering what this “super-vehicle” looks like. Well, we have the prototype with us right now. John, if you please…”
The massive tanklike vehicle flew towards the podium, hovering above it, and stopping.
All of the politicians in the audience applauded. There were quite a few shouts of “Wow!” and “Whoa!”
The sky darkened.
“Was that supposed to happen?”
“No…” muttered John, looking up at the sky. “Oh. My. God.”
Now the audience was screaming. “What is that?” “I don’t know! Some kind of building?” “I think it’s a school!” “Falling from the sky?” “I don’t care what it is! RUN!”
All the people present scattered and ran for their lives as the Lost Abandoned School for Gifted Wizards descended upon the secret military base…

Pencillum groaned groggily. “What happened?”
“Oh, Kalena cut your head off.”
“Er…”
“Yeah, you lost. But on the bright side, we’re pretty good healers.”
“Thanks, then.”
“Fear not,” boomed the Host’s disembodied voice. “You still have a chance in the Loser’s Bracket.”
“Loser’s Bracket?”
“Well, that’s a bit harsh, now that I think about it. How about, ‘You still have a chance in the Non-Winner’s Bracket’?”
“Er, okay. How does that work?”
“All will be revealed in due time. In the meantime, I suggest you rest up and train some more. To be honest, you were beaten pretty badly this time.”
“Gee, thanks for the compliments,” muttered Pencillum dryly.
There was no response.
“Oooo…kay…”

Kalena and Corvon materialized in the Victory Room, still mildly confused.
“Okay, I was kidding about that being a real Tesla beam. Welcome to the Victory Room.”
“Oooo…kay…”
There was no response.
“So…”
“You didn’t have to barge in and save me like that. There still was a… large… chance that I could save myself.”
Silence.
“Okay, fine. Thank you.”
Corvon smiled for the first time in what seemed like years.

A low growl.
“Fly, boy, fly…”
Boy, are they going to like this, thought the Host.

Chamel
07-09-2013, 09:45 PM
Merich:

Your story wasn't horrible, but I feel that you being matched with Lobotomizer kind of freaked you out a little and maybe discouraged you. But that shouldn't get you down (keep that in mind that no matter who you are against, don't freak out and back down, do your best) There were some things that really bugged me though, though some are of lesser importance.

1. Why did you switch viewpoints so much? It became confusing as hell to tell what was happening and to whom. Stick with just Pencillum's viewpoint and work things in. I can understand maybe a short paragraph at mlst to switch, but that many instances wanted me to quit reading. Stick to a single viewpoint, work it, and use it to your advantage.

2. When the whole place starte gurtling to Earth, you didn't give any description of change of gravity/increasing velocity/anything necessary to describe how they reached the ceiling. All you told us was that Kalena and Corvon(?) talked amongst themselves and then they hit their heads on the roof with Pency (new nick) landing on his feet. After that, it seemed like a normal battle ~ you should have gone more in depth about how some factors were changed; IE: Would their balance be off, would it be harder to move because of force, etc.

3. Your dialogue needs some improvement. It seems to be too quick, too choppy, and too frequent. Thinks like "Ooo...kaaayy..." and "So..." aren't really necessary and/or 'neat', so to speak. It makes it seem sloppy and makes the reader want to skip through it to get to the juicy tidbits lying in there. Same with thoughts. The constant sight of italics (obviously used for thoughts...) makes it untidy. Cut down on dialogue and focus more on description of the scenery around your character, appearances, feelings, etc; it interests the reader more if they can picture a person/setting in their mind.

4. Closer to the beginning, I noticed you used parantheses; DON'T. "(Obviously; it's a machine after all)" ~Completely unnecessary and loses points. This and capitalizing 'CRACKS' are both unnecessary. Using the parantheses is usually a note from the author, and how often do you see those? Almost none. I may be wrong about that, but from the countless books I've read, the authors have very seldom used parantheses, so a note of caution: Don't use them/They aren't necessary. And the 'CRACKS' just annoys me... Maybe use Italics?

~~~

Overall your story was pretty good (excluding a few grammar mistakes here and there) ~ decent flow, okay description, pretty good character use, and I thought you did rather brilliant in character portrayal. Unfortunately my vote goes to Lobotimizer. Even when faced with a hard ante like hers, she handled it well and made good use of her surroundings, characters, etc. Good job though!

saintmccaw
07-09-2013, 10:40 PM
Chamel got it pretty well, but if I have anything to input it'd have to be that your writing was alittle confusing all together to me. I personally use first person because it is the easiest for me, allows me to inject humor without completely defusing the situation, and it is easy to describe what a character is doing/thinking, and if your character is intelligent he/she can still tell what his/her opponent is thinking. I do like how you add in little tid bits, like Pifflewiffle's volley ball law or whatever. Gotta admit, that was kinda funny. Or like in your battle with Chamel how you used the Pencillian army. But, you have to ration out how you use that so it can really pay off. Keep it up.

I hate to potentially kiss ass, but I loved your story lobotomizer. From what I read, your story was great to me and I couldn't even really nitpick. Great job.

Rochedan
07-10-2013, 12:07 AM
Two awesome stories from two good writers. Merich I think you did a great job given you had to battle the most experienced writer in this tournament (or am I wrong?)

My vote goes to Lobotomizer.

thrustister
07-10-2013, 01:26 AM
I think Kalena with because swords look better than pencils but yes I know the pencil is not a average pencil but still...swords are better.

Rochedan
07-10-2013, 02:30 AM
I think Kalena with because swords look better than pencils but yes I know the pencil is not a average pencil but still...swords are better.

My reaction
http://www.gifsforum.com/images/gif/wtf/grand/colin_farrel_wtf.gif

Xate
07-10-2013, 02:38 AM
I think Kalena with because swords look better than pencils but yes I know the pencil is not a average pencil but still...swords are better.
His quote AND sig result:
http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lcpb2qrOlg1qzz1t6o1_400.jpg

The Organization
07-10-2013, 05:05 PM
Lobotomizer: The story was pretty well-done and engaging but the weakest part were definitely the introduction and the scene where Kalena manages to get out of Pencellium's trap. It seemed extraneous as is; if the intent was to link it to the preliminary narrative then omitting it or elaborating more on the transition would have had a stronger effect. Also, there is a slight contradiction here:


All she recalled was the scene of the warehouse, bloodied with the corpses of many, its walls streaked with red. Then the worried expression of Corvon...and then...darkness.

When she awoke, it was in a modest, nondescript classroom of sorts. Wooden desks lined the area in a neat fashion, accompanied by chairs of the same material. Pencils lay on some of the desks, most contained in little plastic cups that sat themselves everywhere. Behind her was a line of glass windows, polished till they were almost gleaming from the ambient light, providing a wide view of the skies outside. The relative calm and eerie silence of the whole scene was a far cry from the previous, almost a tad disorientating to the swordswoman. For what reason would she be brought here? A twisted form of an arena? She briefly flashed a grimace. No doubt that would be the case. The way the tournament seemed to be held, she mightn’t be surprised if this was the product of the host’s convoluted sense of humor.
If all she recalled was the warehouse, how did she remember that she was in a tournament? Although it seems obvious, this is a valid question posed by your intro. So it would have been better to omit it all together. Also, I hate to nitpick but mightn't is an improper contraction.

At least to me, its left unclear how Kalena managed to survive Pecellium's trap, so having Pecellium realize that the trap failed based on a mistake he made rather than the fact that the match was still continuing would have had a bit stronger effect.

Overall, the transition intro does not seem to be needed and can either be omitted or beefed up with more description. The climax where Pencellium traps Kalena is great but leaves a bit of plot-kai/slight deus ex machina in how she turned the tables on him.

merich1:
how did Pencellium know Kalena's earth ability, but not her name?


I don’t know. This just feels… weird. Like Kalena is in danger or something.

“You’re all clear, kid,” muttered Corvon to Kalena.
“What?” was the response.
“Sorry. I had to finish the scene.”

Kalena sped down the hallway after Pencillum, trying to catch him and…
Wait a second. What exactly am I planning to do when I catch him?
She tried to stop, but she tripped over something and flew into the wall…

Pencillum tore across the corner, then stopped. Let’s see if that pencil on the ground I kicked up can trip her. If the trip pencil doesn’t work, I’ll ambush her.
Kalena tripped over the pencil stuck in the floor and flew directly into the wall…
Okay, the trip pencil worked.
…went through the wall…
Er… okay, that’s even better.
…conjured a sword from nowhere…
What exactly is she going to do with that transient blade?
…and sliced through the air with the sword, and disappeared. Two hands clung onto the bottom of the human-shaped hole, and a split second later, Kalena stood in front of Pencillum as if nothing had happened.
“You cut through your momentum. Impressive.”
“Er, Kalena?” called a voice from down the hallway.
“What?”
“Your momentum wasn’t the only thing you cut.”
“So…”


your story started off strong, but it seemed to collapse as it neared the end.
The first quoted section seemed like an excuse for Corvon to come back into the battle which was both seemingly random, and a way of saving Kalena from a corner. Either keeping Corvon in the fight or having him already observing the fight before Kalena was in trouble, would make it seem more natural.

The second quoted section was a bit confusing because of ambiguous speakers and,“Sorry. I had to finish the scene.”, doesn't seem to fit in the context of the dialogue.

the third quote was a lapse in pov. You went from 3rd person pov to having Kalena as the narrator for a bit. trying to catch him and…, with the ellipses signifying a lapse of thought of the narrator. Introducing Kalena's thought right after it makes it seem like she was narrating in the first place.

In the fourth quote, you completely lost me. The narrator is completely ambiguous at this point and its hard to stay engaged due to the drastically shifting points of view. Switching points of view is a very risky maneuver, its better to use it sparingly.

The ending seemed disconnected, and felt a bit rushed with the pace going all out of sorts.

While the story was interesting, the glaring narrative issues made it hard to follow and removed me from the story. Restricting your point of view and streamlining the story would have worked more in your favor. I find that an outline of the key events and parts of the story, and working outwards from there would allow for stronger story structure.

Nikx232
07-12-2013, 08:48 PM
Let's start with Lobotomizer. The first thing that I had noticed is that your hook was a bit weak. To be honest I felt exactly like Kalena who just woke up from her daze with no explanation (however that might be my mistake for not reading the first fight and all the details). Second, because I've seen your writing style before, I have noticed a lazy trend of writing (however, I can understand due to lack of motivation the laziness ensues).

Other than those things, good job on characterization as always and awesome detail in your fight. Hope you can break the spell of being unmotivated.

On to my favorite guy of this battle!
Now the reason I like your writing piece better is because of nostalgia. I can see all the parts that I used to struggle in with my writings before. Listen, keep up your writing and be discerning of the tips people give you and you will improve quickly. I will look later, but if there's any continuing story of your character, I'd love to see it sometime. (I'm kind of a story nut)

Out of professionalism, I have to give lobotomizer my vote, but don't let this battle get you down and next time you write, be confident in your piece because it will show in your writing.

Good luck in your future battles!
Nikx232