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View Full Version : Agent Chris (TyTheGamerGuy) Vs. Digkid (Digkid)



TyTheGamerGuy
07-31-2013, 04:14 PM
I challenged Digkid and we battled, and now that we're both done, here they are.
We had a minimum amount of words of 1500. Mine has 3,650, his had 1,651. Please vote fairly on both of our parts!

Agent Chris (TyTheGamerGuy) (http://http://forums.stickpage.com/showthread.php?73742-Agent-Chris)
September 15, 2013 3:05 PM

“In other news, five men have been murdered by a mysterious man. They were all brutally murdered, one with his head even being sliced in half. More news on this at six.” Dana Turner, the news woman, said.
Chris drove to the USTSA headquarters. He walked directly to Collins, knowing Collins would brief him on his mission. The mission, of course, would be going for this murderer. Chris hadn’t even been called, but he knew that Collins would have the mission already. He entered the room, seeing Collins sitting with a folder. Chris took it.
“I assume this is my mission?” Chris asked.
“Yes, it is. Everything you need to know is inside. Good luck” Collins answered.
Chris read through the file. He was going to be flying to Las Vegas, where this “murderer” was last seen. He was known as Digkid. Chris also learned that he always uses a pickaxe, an odd weapon of choice Chris thought. Chris would have his knife, pistol, and his M4. Digkid was known for being violent, and Chris was afraid that things could get out of hand with him. Chris would have a Jeep Wrangler for transportation. That was all of what the file said. Chris said his goodbyes and went home. He would leave the next morning.
Chris drove home in his Lamborghini. He got out of his car, locking it in the process. Chris walked to his front door and looked for his keys. They weren’t in his pocket, where they should be. Chris looked around. He then approached his car and saw them. His keys were sitting on the driver’s seat. He face palmed and grabbed the door handle. He pulled.
Locked. The car was locked and his keys were inside of it. His windows were also closed, leaving him no simple way to get the keys. Chris found a brick. He held it up and was about ready to break the window with it. He dropped it though, realizing now that he had a spare key next to the door. It was under a piece of tape, on the ground beside the door. Chris unlocked the door and entered the house. He grabbed the spare car key and unlocked the car, allowing him to get his primary car key. Chris now locked the car again. He went back into his house and put away his stuff.
Chris grabbed a granola bar and sat on the couch, watching television. The news was beginning again. It seemed that every time something important was happening in his life, the news was always on. Odd...
He watched for a moment and saw that they were talking about Digkid. Chris was interested by this. He learned that Digkid also, somehow, changed the ground. Digkid had made it rise. Chris was curious on how.
“I guess I’ll learn when I see him.” Chris said to himself.
He continued watching the news. Dana had finished talking about Digkid and a meteorologist was now talking about the weather. It would be sunny the next day. That’s all Chris cared to hear. He changed the channel. Some movie was on, and he decided to leave it on. Chris watched for a few minutes, but got bored of the movie and got his laptop. Chris did some research on Digkid and found out that Digkid had committed many crimes, including murder and destruction of towns and people. Chris learned that this wasn’t the first time he had murdered multiple people. That made Chris start to hate Digkid. The last guy he fought had murdered people, but it wasn’t on purpose. The demons did it. Chris decided that he wouldn’t let this one go. This one was going to face death.

September 16, 2013 5:45 PM

The plane had landed about half an hour before. Chris was driving his Jeep down the road, heading for a casino where it was believed that Digkid was there. Chris parked his Jeep outside of the casino in the casino parking lot beside an Audi R8 and a Volkswagen Beetle. He climbed out of the Jeep and entered the casino. There were slot machines everywhere, with people at every one of them. There were other places too. People were playing Blackjack, Poker, and some other games. Chris scanned the crowd, looking for Digkid. Chris didn’t see him. Just when he thought he saw him, someone bumped into him.
“Oh, I’m sorry.” It was a waitress. She had been holding a tray with kabobs on it, and some of them had fallen onto the floor.
“That’s fine.” Chris answered and took one kabob off the tray. “Thanks for the kabob.” He walked away and ate it.
Chris looked back to where the character that looked like Digkid had been, but saw no one. Chris cursed and started to walk around more. He looked more at each row of slot machines and poker tables. Digkid was nowhere in sight. Chris suddenly felt something press against his back.
“Who are you?” The person behind him said.
Chris started to turn around. “Don’t turn around, or I kill you.” The person said. “Now answer me. Who are you?”
“My name is Chris. And you are..?” Chris answered.
Chris looked down to his pocket to see if his pistol was there. It wasn’t, leading him to realize that the person had taken his gun. Now, he stood with his own gun pressed against his back. Was this Digkid? If so, that would mean he was hunted instead of being the hunter.
“I’m sure you already know who I am.” The person said.
“Digkid.” Chris answered.
“That’d be me. Now, give me your car keys to the Jeep.”
“How do you know that Jeep is mine?”
“Do you really think I wouldn’t pay attention to my pursuer’s car when I was being followed?”
Chris reached in his pocket, and instead of getting his keys, he grabbed his knife. Chris slid it out slowly and opened the knife silently. He turned quick and tried to stab Digkid, but Digkid was faster than he. Digkid was already mining down with his pickaxe at an amazing speed. He wasn’t very deep, so Chris could see where he was going by looking at the rising ground. Chris noticed that Digkid had left his pistol on the ground. Chris picked it up and rushed to the Jeep. He started it up and instantly began following the track.

September 16, 2013 10:35 PM

It had been almost five hours since Chris had encountered Digkid. Chris had followed for a few minutes, but Digkid went too fast and Chris lost his tracks. He must’ve gone deeper under the ground. Chris was sitting in a booth in a sports bar. A live poker game was on but he couldn’t hear it with the men behind him yelling at each other. Chris turned around.
“What’s the problem?” Chris asked the men.
He could only see three men, all looked stronger than Chris. They were standing in front of something, yelling at it. Chris went around them to see what it was. Standing there was a man, short and skinny. He had dark skin and he looked young. There was something on his back.
“This punk tried to pick a fight with me and my friends!” The larger man said as he punched the boy in the chest.
The boy coughed up blood after the hit. He was hit again, making him fall on his knees. The boy struggled to stand up, but was hit again. Chris was about to help the boy, but then he saw what was on his back. A pickaxe. Chris drew his gun.
“Digkid, stand up slowly with your hands above your head!” Chris said as he aimed his gun at the boy.
Digkid stood slowly and raised his hands. “Hello again. I see you found me...” He laughed.
Digkid pulled out his pick axe with one swift motion and buried it into the ground, instantly digging himself underground again. Chris shot down in the hole, but Digkid had moved out of the way. Chris cursed and slowly climbed down into Digkid’s hole. He made it into the bottom and discovered something. This was a house for Digkid.
He had paths going out in every direction and one lead to a very large room, one shaped like a living room. The room even had chairs made out of stone. This place was decently nice, at least, nice enough for a dirt home. Chris looked around, hoping to see Digkid. Then he heard something.
“He’ll never find me down here!” Came a voice.
Chris followed the voice and saw Digkid, standing in another room that looked like a living room. Digkid was whistling and sitting on a chair, playing with some gold coins. Chris slowly approached him with his gun drawn. Digkid stiffened.
“So, you found me?” Digkid said without turning around.
“It wasn’t that hard actually.” Chris answered. “What are you holding?”
“That would be gold coins. You know, that “gem” your species loves.”
“Why are you talking as if you aren’t human?”
“I am human, but your species is not. You are savages! All of you!”
“Well, do you want to know something?”
“What?” Digkid turned and looked at Chris.
“I’m one of the worst ones.” Chris smiled.
He shot three rounds into Digkid’s back. No blood came out, but Digkid let out a gasp of pain. Chris shot two more rounds into his back, though he still didn’t bleed. Digkid smiled, but some tears did flow down his face. He was obviously in some pain from the bullets.
“My skin is strong. A bullet isn’t going to hurt me.” Digkid laughed.
Digkid pulled out his pick axe. He rubbed off a piece of dirt, before lifting it with both hands. Digkid swung at Chris. Chris dodged, and Digkid’s pick axe dug itself deep within the stone of the wall. Chris laughed.
“Nice going!” Chris said and shot another round at Digkid, this one hitting his right wrist.
Digkid pulled out his pick axe from the stone. He swung at Chris. Chris moved, but the blade scraped Chris’s hip. Chris let out a loud gasp from the pain, but that wasn’t stopping him from fighting. Chris pulled up his gun, but Digkid threw it away from him. Chris punched Digkid, but it didn’t do much. Digkid tried to swing his pick axe at Chris, but Digkid accidentally let go of it and it was sent flying down one of the halls. Chris punched him in the gut. Digkid almost completely absorbed the hit. He hit back and Chris was knocked on the ground.
“Not so tough now, are you?” Digkid grinned.
“I could say the same about you.” Chris answered.
Chris swung his feet around and knocked Digkid to the ground. Chris rolled to the side and stood. Digkid began to pull himself up, but Chris acted quickly. He pulled out his knife and charged Digkid. Chris stabbed the blade into his back, and though it didn’t do as much as it would against normal humans, it did inflict plenty of damage to Digkid. Digkid let out a scream as blood finally rushed from his body. The knife was in as far as it could go. Chris pulled it out and stabbed again, this time more towards the center so he could possibly inflict more damage. The knife didn’t break a bone, but it did the same as the last time, entering his back enough to cause pain.
Digkid rolled to the side to get away from Chris. He struggled to stand, but did after two tries. Digkid pulled out the knife and threw it at Chris, missing by over a meter. Chris laughed about the terrible throw and retrieved his knife. Digkid was running in the tunnels, looking for his pickaxe. Chris caught a glimpse of Digkid and threw his knife at him. The blade had great speed and momentum from the throw, and it stabbed clean in Digkid’s shoulder. Digkid shouted again, but he still wasn’t very injured. Chris thought for a moment on how to kill Digkid. Then he thought of the perfect idea.
Digkid had retrieved his pick axe and now was slowly approaching Chris, the “blade” of the pick axe dragging on the floor. Chris ran to a nearby tunnel and picked something up, but he quickly hid it in his pocket. Digkid charged, but Chris avoided the attack and rolled to the side. The pick axe only hit air. Digkid was furious and ran at Chris. Chris grabbed a rock off the ground and held it in front of his own face. The pick axe swiped right through it and hit the ground in front of Chris, less than an inch away from hitting him. It had snagged a part of his pants and tore a hole in them.
“Dude, I liked these pants!” Chris said as he jumped at Digkid.
Digkid hit the ground, giving Chris the advantage. Chris jumped on top of him and punched him twice. Chris noticed the knife still in Digkid’s shoulder. He pulled it out and attempted to stab Digkid in the chest. Digkid blocked the hit with his arm, but the knife stabbed him in the arm, due to his hit. Digkid pulled out the knife and threw it far in one of the tunnels.
“Now, I’m really going to have to kill you.” Chris said, mainly to himself.
Chris slammed his elbow down on Digkid’s face. Digkid tried to hit back, but Chris was fighting too well for him to be able to fight back. Chris grabbed a rock and hit Digkid in the face with it. Digkid spit out blood, but Chris hit again. Chris was beating him senseless. Digkid was struggling to keep his consciousness. Chris put down the rock and began walking away from Digkid.
Digkid stood, but not with ease. “Is that all you’ve got?!” Digkid shouted at Chris’s back.
“No, I was just seeing if you wanted to try to fight me and lose, or just give up.” Chris answered as he grabbed his knife off of the ground.
Digkid was even more angered now. He grabbed his pick axe and swung violently at Chris. Digkid missed most of the hits without Chris doing anything, but Chris did have to move for some of them. Digkid was lacking energy, but Chris was still filled with it. Chris ducked down to avoid one hit, and in one motion he elbowed Digkid in the side of his gut, and then stabbed him where he had hit. Chris pulled out his knife and stabbed him in the stomach.
Digkid fell back and began crawling away. Chris kneeled, to see what Digkid was going to do. Digkid was searching the ground for something, and Chris was pretty sure he knew what it was. Digkid wanted the gun. But, Chris was one step ahead of him. Chris stood and walked towards him.
“Looking for something?” Chris asked as he waved the gun around on his finger.
“Are you gonna kill me with that, or are you gonna kill me like a man?” Digkid asked as he spit more blood. “I guess I’m the only man here.”
Chris grinned. “You’re not even a man yet, kid.” He sat down beside Digkid, who was lying down.
Digkid was suddenly filled with a small burst of energy, and he ran to his pick axe. He grabbed it and began digging again. He was going too fast for Chris to catch. Chris chased after him, but he was an incredible miner. Chris sat down with his back against the wall, but then something caught his eye. The two gold coins. He had left them.

September 17, 2013 7:00 AM

Chris woke up from his slumber. He had fallen asleep with his back against the wall. The gold was in one hand, and his pistol was in the other. Chris stood up and put the gold in his pocket. He held his pistol at his side, ready to shoot any movement. Chris wandered through the maze of tunnels, getting more confused with each turn. There were too many tunnels. Chris decided to go back to the room he had slept in and wait for Digkid.
It didn’t take him long to realize that he was lost. Chris couldn’t find the room, but he did find another room where he could stay. This new room had a bed, some columns holding up the ceiling, and a chandelier. Surprisingly, all of it was made from either stone or dirt. Chris realized that Digkid was indeed, a great miner, but he quickly shook away the thought because he needed to focus on the fight. Chris lied down on the bed and pondered how he would kill Digkid.
Suddenly there was a crash from somewhere close. Something came flying at Chris, and Chris jumped off the bed to avoid being crushed, much like the bed he was lying on. He looked and saw a very large rock on top of the bed. Chris sighed, out of relief that he hadn’t been crushed. Digkid ran at Chris.
Chris jumped to the left and pulled out his pistol. He shot three rounds into Digkid’s chest. Digkid fell on the ground. Some blood leaked through his shirt, but not as much as it should have. Chris slowly approached him. He held the gun aimed at Digkid’s head.
“Do it! I dare you!” Digkid shouted at Chris.
Chris was tempted too, and even began to pull back the trigger. Before Chris could pull it all the way back, Digkid rolled over and stood. He swung his pickaxe at Chris. Chris ducked down and punched Digkid in the gut. Digkid pulled by and slammed the handle of the pickaxe into Chris’s right shoulder. It was a hard hit that knocked Chris to the ground. Digkid then swung the pickaxe down at Chris. Chris rolled like Digkid had to avoid the hit. The pickaxe stabbed into the ground, giving Chris just enough time to stand and charge Digkid. He ran passed Digkid and hit Digkid in the back of the head with his elbow. Digkid was barely harmed by the hit.
Digkid pulled the pickaxe out of the ground and swung it at Chris. He missed by a long shot. Chris grabbed a handful of small rocks off of the ground and dove to a spot a few feet away, for an advantage. Chris got Digkid’s attention and threw the rocks at his face. All of them hit and Digkid rubbed his face to rid the rock and dirt. Digkid ran at Chris, now raged more than before. Chris hid behind a stone column. Digkid swung his pickaxe at the column. Chris dove out of the way quickly, leaving Digkid to be crushed in the dirt and stone that was sure to fall on him. After the dust cleared, Digkid was nowhere in sight. Chris held his pistol, now with two rounds left in the magazine and one in the chamber, and searched the heap of rocks.
Suddenly Digkid threw Chris down on the ground. Digkid punched him in the gut as Chris hit the ground. Chris thought fast and swung his gun at Digkid. The barrel slammed against Digkid’s forehead. Digkid fell to the side, screaming in pain. Chris stood quick.
“It seems I’ve found your weakness.” Chris said as he slowly backed away.
With ten feet between the two, Chris brought up his gun and shot another round at Digkid. The bullet entered Digkid through his left shoulder. He cried out from the pain. Chris began to think if killing Digkid here and now would be what he should do. He came to a conclusion. Yes. That was the thing to do. He held up the gun, aimed directly at Digkid’s head.
Digkid moaned and sat up. Chris hesitated for a moment. He knew he could win, but he was interested on why Digkid was still fighting. Did Digkid not know that Chris could? For a second, Chris even wondered if what he thought was true.
Digkid stood up and looked at Chris, who now had his pistol holstered. “Why haven’t you killed me yet?” Digkid asked, curious about this situation.
“I always believe in a fair fight.” Chris answered, motioning for Digkid to pick up his pickaxe.
“You know, you still have my gold.” Digkid said as he quickly grabbed his pickaxe and swung it at Chris.
He swung violently. There was great force in each swing, but almost no accuracy, what-so-ever. The pickaxe dug into the wall, but Digkid pulled it out again and swung more. Chris combat-rolled across the floor and stood with his knife out instead of his gun.
“Let’s settle this. Now.” Chris said.
Digkid ran at Chris. Chris hoped that his new idea would work. He pushed the knife forward when Digkid got close. Digkid stopped in his tracks. He dropped the pickaxe. The metal could be heard hit the stone floor. Digkid fell to his knees. He looked down, seeing the knife impaled in his chest. It had gone right through, to his heart. He fell on his back, the knife still in his chest. Chris watched as blood poured from Digkid’s body and covered the floor. The lifeless body lay with the pickaxe beside.
Suddenly the words “YOU WIN” appeared in front of Chris’s eyes. Everything went black and Chris was back in the real world. He took off the simulator and left the room. He had been brought into the room in his sleep, along with Digkid and put on the simulator. Everything that had happened in the morning and day of September 17 had been fake, no, simulated. Chris exited the wRHG building with the pride of victory.

Digkid (Digkid) (http://http://forums.stickpage.com/showthread.php?74023-Digkid-(challenge-me))
A man looked over his assignment one last time before heading down into the canyon. The man was Agent Chris, an agent that worked for the USTSA. His assignment was to track down and arrest a 15 year old kid that was wanted in connection to several murders. The kid’s last known location was at the bottom of this canyon. Upon getting to the bottom of the canyon the man spotted several moles sleeping around a kid wearing a blue baseball cap and baggy shorts. ‘What the hell.’ thought the agent as he got closer to the kid and the group of sleeping moles.
Suddenly one of the moles got up and started to chitter noisily. This woke up the other moles causing them to chitter away in great panic. The kid woke up in an instant to try and calm down the moles when he noticed the agent. “Who are you?” asked the kid.
“I am Agent Chris with the USTSA and I need to take you in for questioning,” said the agent.
The kid looked at his stupidly as he started to try and calm the moles down. Chris started to tap his foot. “You are Digkid right?” asked the agent.
Digkid nodded as he calmed the moles down. Chris drew his Colt 1911 .45 handgun and pointed it at Digkid. “Come with me,” said Chris.
Digkid shook his head and said, “I have to look after my friends here.”
The agent shot his gun once into the air as all but one mole fled. Digkid got mad and picked up the last mole holding it like a baby trying to calm it down. “Come with me,” ordered Chris.
Digkid shook his head as he set the mole down and drew his pickaxe from his back while saying, “I’m not going with you. Not after you scared my friends the way you did.”
Chris aimed his gun at Digkid. “Drop the weapon now,” ordered the agent.
Digkid shook his head as he prepared to leap at the agent. “Last warning or I shoot,” warned the agent.
Digkid took one step forward as the agent shot, aiming for Digkid’s left shoulder. The mole that was still there leapt up and intercepted the shot. The mole landed with a thud to the ground dead as Digkid and the agent looked at it. “Stupid animal,” said the agent as Digkid dropped his pickaxe and ran to the mole tears welling up.
Chris laughed as Digkid looked at the agent. “ You killed him!” accused Digkid.
“So I did. That thing just got in the way anyway,” said Chris.
“You will DIE NOW!!!” Screamed Digkid in pure rage as he picked up his pickaxe and charged the agent.
The agent backed up in surprise from the charge and fired three shots off. The shots were aimed for Digkid’s chest but just barely missed as Digkid leapt forward pickaxe swinging towards the agent. Chris jumped to the side firing the last couple of shots from his gun. The shots missed as Digkid dug into the ground with his pickaxe disappearing instantly underground. Chris reloaded hid handgun and put it away drawing his custom M4 carbine. ‘Where did you go,’ thought the agent as he looked around. Feeling the earth start to shake slightly underneath him, he jumped away just in time as Digkid appeared out of the ground where he was standing a second before. The agent aimed and started shooting at Digkid as a wall of earth shot up protecting Digkid.
“What the hell,” exclaimed Chris as he looked at the earthen wall lowering his weapon.
Digkid walked around the wall laughing, “Surprise I have earth control powers.”
Agent Chris aimed his weapon but the earth rose up from both sides suddenly forcing him to drop his weapon and jump back. His weapon was crushed as Digkid laughed. “Were you using that?” laughed Digkid as he ran forwards his pickaxe raised. Agent Chris drew his pocket knife and flicked the blade open as Digkid swung his pickaxe at the agent’s head. Chris stepped to the side and stabbed Digkid in the side as he went past but drew only a little blood.
Digkid laughed at that as he put his hand to the wound. “Surprise I have very thick skin so it will take more than that to st…” Digkid was cut off as Chris punched him in the face. Digkid was knocked down and spit out three broken teeth as the agent ran away. Digkid threw his pickaxe at the agent. The pickaxe missed and impaled itself into a canyon wall and cracked. The agent saw the crack in the pickaxe; he drew his handgun and fired a single shot at the crack in the pickaxe. The pickaxe handle shattered from the head and fell to the ground. This made Digkid very angry as the agent then turned his gun toward Digkid and fired three shots at his head. Digkid ran right at the agent as one shot hit him in the ear, causing it to bleed profusely, while the other two just missed.
“You will die for breaking my pickaxe!!!” screamed Digkid as the earth started to shake.
This caused a landslide from one of the canyon walls that buried the agent. Digkid then laughed as he saw this.
“That’s what I call rock and roll,” laughed Digkid as he then went to get the handle to his pickaxe.
The agent had rolled away from the rockslide in time and was hiding behind it but his handgun had been buried. ‘You’re going to pay for that,’ thought Chris as he climbed to the top of the rock pile. Digkid was still laughing to himself as he turned his back on the agent unaware he was there. The agent then silently ran up to Digkid and flicked the cap off of his head. Digkid turned around slowly and jumped up when he saw the agent alive. The agent then kicked Digkid in the gut. As Digkid bent over in pain the agent landed an upper cut that sent Digkid flying back.
Digkid lands on his back hitting the wall of the canyon. The agent ran after Digkid as he got his knife out. Digkid got up slowly holding the handle of his broken pickaxe like a baseball bat as the agent stabbed him in the chest. Blood started flowing out of the wound as Digkid brought the handle of the pickaxe down onto the agents left shoulder. The agent grunted in pain but his shoulder did not break for the bullet proof vest he wore absorbed most of the blow. The agent the retaliated by braking Digkid’s left arm.
“What the hell man?!” screamed Digkid as he kicked the agent in the crotch.
This caused the agent to double over in pain giving Digkid enough time to run away. Digkid then ran to the canyon wall where the head of his pickaxe was stuck in the wall. The agent got up and ran after Digkid. Turning around, Digkid raised his right hand, which had the broken pickaxe handle in it. The agent ran forward as Digkid raised wall after wall of earth to stop the agent but he was to fast as he kept running towards Digkid determined to take the kid back to the USTSA. “Your mine kid,” said Chris as he ran toward Digkid.
“I don’t think so,” said Digkid as he closed his eyes and made two walls of the canyon fall down onto the agent.
Miraculously the agent had managed to run right down the middle of the canyon floor and avoided getting crushed by the falling canyon walls by millimeters. Digkid opened his eyes and stared wide eyed as the agent kept running toward him.
“That’s not possible,” exclaimed Digkid as he fell to one knee starting to feel exhausted from his wounds taking their toll on him and the amount of energy he used to cause the canyon walls to fall.
Agent Chris ran up and punched Digkid with an uppercut to the face which broke his nose and lower jaw. Digkid then swung the handle of his pickaxe at the agents head. Chris caught the pickaxe handle and threw it to the side. Digkid then kicked out with his left leg but the agent stopped it with his left hand and broke it. “Give it up punk,” said the agent as he brushed some dust out of his short brown hair.
“Never!” cried out Digkid as he caused the dust that the agent had just brushed out of his hair to fly into his right ocean blue eye and blind him with it.
“I’m going to take you in punk weather you like it or not,” said the agent angrily.
“I am never going with you,” said Digkid as he looked up and saw the head of his pickaxe stuck in the canyon wall.
“Any last words punk before I take you in?” asked Chris as he pulled out his hand cuffs.
“Yeah, you could look up asshole!” yelled Digkid as he used the last of his energy to make the pickaxe head fall out of the canyon wall.
Chris looked up just in time to see the head of the pickaxe fall from the canyon wall and impale him between the eyes. “That was too close,” said Digkid with a sigh of relief as agent Chris slumped over dead.
Digkid then pulled the head of his pickaxe out of the dead agent’s forehead with his right hand. After doing that Digkid crawled over to the handle of his pickaxe and collapsed from the exhaustion of his fight and slept deeply as the moles who ran away scared earlier came back and surrounded Digkid. One of these moles had Digkid’s blue baseball cap on and went to lie down on the kid’s chest to sleep.

Chamel
07-31-2013, 08:52 PM
For Ty:

-Okay bro, WAAAAAAY too many commas/splices. You can connect a lot of those sentences with conjunctions. However, in some instances throughout your piece, you overused some conjunctions like 'but' and 'and' (Lol) Maybe rewording some of the sentences would help you connect them better and make them flow easier. Get it?

-Your range of vocabulary seems... Limited; as if you are only allowed certain words. For instance = 'gasped'. Instead of 'gasped' you could have used 'drew in a sharp breath of pain' or something like that. To grab a reader's attention, widen your vocabulary so it makes them visualize different scenarios. There are different severities for each word, and you can use that to your advantage. Like 'breathed' can be changed to 'sucked in a breath. Little varuations like that can go a long way!
HINT: THESARUS

-Your description skills are rather mediocre... You need to describe the scenery a bit more. Like when your character pulled up to the casino, what were some more sights and sounds he could see/hear? Anything interesting that might also interest the reader for a split second? You had simple stuff down pat, like the Audi R8 and the Lamborghini, but were they black and white? Colored? Did their engines pur or were there any malfunctions in the systems? DESCRIBE YOUR SCENERY with more effort and it can help you big time.

-Okay, so you did alright on the word count, but that doesn't matter. Quality over Quantity: one of your closest friends when it comes to writing. Draw your scene out and don't rush it (unless it's extremely unimportant, like picking up a penny or some shit). This kind of adds on to the whole description scenario. Describe, Take Your Time, Accomplish. Three easy steps!! :D


~Hope I helped. Digkid, you're up next when I can read it. I'll vote then!~

Dig:

-Bro, you have my vote. For a few reasons. You used the single to your advantage and it spurred Digkid's rage, which was good. Your description of your surroundings was better (but still needs work, read above about scenery).

-However, unlike Ty, you needed to use more commas rather than less. Find little areas (like after 'surprise' on several occasions) and fix those.

-Dialogue spacing. It doesn't [always] come after a short paragraph. I'm still working out quirks with my dialogue, but I can help you a bit. If there's close to a paragraph of words, don't end it with dialogue. It makes it seem a little sloppy. Try starting a new paragraph with sometimes, followed by the way they said it and maybe a small action. [Sometimes you can continue the sentence too]

-Me and you both need to work on something: Nitpicking. Going in and finding small mistakes; they can mean a lot. Some small grammar mistakes, misspelled three-lettered words, etc. Find those and fix it, it helps.

~~Good job both of you! Digkid gets my vote however. I hope I helped in some way or another~~

Nightlock
08-01-2013, 02:13 AM
Ty, your story was full of stop-and-go portions in the midst of the fight that were hard to look over. So and so did this. Such and such happened. So and so was angry. You can easily combine the sentences to keep the flow, and add description to keep the length. There were also some improbable events that occurred that kind of irked me, like a 15 year old inside a Las Vegas casino, but the ending kind of fixes that... somewhat. I did enjoy the outcome, and the semi-twist ending, so kudos for that. ^^

Dig, I felt that your battle was a more likely scenario. There a number of typos, but that could easily be fixed with some proof reading. Though your fight wasn't as intense as Ty's, I would have to say that between the two, you had the better entry.

My vote goes to DigKid. ^^

Mattkoiz
08-07-2013, 08:59 AM
My vote goes to Ty. The whole situation reminded me of how a real action movie like James Bond or something like that would work. Both of the characters interested me in this part. The best of course was the true fight of when they were in the tunnels.
Digkid, Yours didn't interest me very much. The way you had Chris die in your story was sorta... lame. I thought that you should have it a little more "actiony". The way he died because of a falling pickaxe was not that cool, to me.
Good luck to both of you in your next battles.

buckethead
08-07-2013, 08:15 PM
What do you know it's a tie

Hewitt
08-07-2013, 08:38 PM
Congratulations guys!

TyTheGamerGuy
08-07-2013, 10:47 PM
Thank you, Hewitt. I'm actually really surprised that three people voted today. It's sorta funny actually. Well, good job and good luck in your next battles, Digkid.

Hewitt
08-07-2013, 11:08 PM
That is three more people than what is usually around tbh. We don't get much voters in thsi section unless its a Tournament match. 6 people is alot trust me.

TyTheGamerGuy
08-07-2013, 11:33 PM
Well, that makes me feel me special. I'm so happy I could just rub that rabbit until the day I die.

buckethead
08-08-2013, 12:06 AM
Good luck to your future battles ty
And don't forget to update our scores in the hall of warriors