View Full Version : wRHG Battle #4 :: ErrorBlender VS THEFORCE

08-12-2013, 01:56 AM
Hey guys,
Its my fourth battle to date. The tournaments and spars are different...

So please give CnC and vote fairly.

THEFORCE's work (http://pastebin.com/wAAjNzEA)

My Work::

[TIMELINE :: Occurred before the The Host’s tournament and after the spar with Lucario. Take this as a week before the tournament and three days after the spar with the blue brawler.]

wRHG Battle # 4 :: Storm [ErrorBlender’s Bl.An.C. Versus THEFORCE’s Gem ‘The Jendoh’]

Lightning arced over the sky that illuminated the dark clouds which dropped a torrential rain down to the ground below. Thunder soon followed the flashes of light, its roars echoed throughout the hours of darkness. Underneath the blanket of gloomy shower was a mountain strewn with trees and shrubs. Leaves rustled around; disturbed by the winds that blew around them. Silhouettes of tall trees mark the skyline. Just below the copse of foliage, a dark figure scaled the mountain; he took each step carefully as he trudged on the slippery stone stairs. The rain made each step perilous as the last; one false move could mean a long way down. The figure’s green glow made him stand out from the forest’s darkness. Lines of green energy pulsated through key areas of his person: the forearms, his shoulders, back and legs; and each held a purpose that matched the reason for his very creation. One jade eye was placed in the very center of his face, surrounded by three grey rectangular locks that held the helmet in place.

The pseudo-android drew near the end of his journey upstairs. The water streamed down his helmet and body as he searched the area for his opponent. A flash of lightning had shed light for a second on the area in front of Bl.An.C..

In front of him was a massive torii; two huge posts rose from the ground with two horizontal beams spaced equally from each other at the very top. The topmost beam had shingles decorated onto it which made it seem like a long tiny roof. The torii stood a good eight feet high and spanned fifteen feet in length and was flanked by old wooden fences that stood five feet high. Bl.An.C. resolved to tread on towards the shrine at the end of the stone road. The android made soft splashes each time he took a step. As he approached the shrine, which was built very simply, he was greeted by two statues on either side of the road which resembled a lion sitting on an ornate pedestal. Each had their mouths wide open and eyes locked in a glare. Their appearances would look comical if not for the seriousness of their duty in which was to guard the shrine. From the center of Bl.An.C.’s singular eye, a red spot expanded itself until it tinted the entirety of the pseudo-android’s optic. Within Bl.An.C.’s internal HUD, he could spot several blobs of heat. Most were too small to even be considered human but one caught his attention. A red blob was layered in orange and then yellow colors and had the shape of a man sitting cross-legged on the ground.

“Query: Are you Gem?” The android said monotonously. The red in his eye shrunk back into the center and returned the all too familiar green glow.

The android’s auditory sensors could pick up the faint movement of the person behind the shrine. He heard the slight clang of steel as well as the figure stood up.

A form emerged from behind the small temple, his face covered in a gray cloth mask and hands covered in the same colored gloves. He wore a simple attire of shirt and jeans under a jet black raincoat but the way he held himself was a bit different from what you’d normally see from any man. Gem’s right hand grasped the handle of the blade sheathed within it.

“Yeah, I’m him. You’re Bl.An.C. then?” The masked man said simply, his cloth mask still dry from under the hood of his coat.

“Reply: Yes.” Was all Bl.An.C. said. The android motioned Gem to follow him through the rain and onto the stone path.

“So we start fairly… I like that.” Gem commended. The swordsman lowered his stance and clenched his sword tightly. “Good luck then for both of us.”

“Statement: Luck is abstract and means little. Skill determines the winner.” The pseudo-android uttered monotonously. The rain began to pour down harder and lightning flashed overhead.

The android stood straight and splayed out his arms. The pulsating green lines shone brightly until they flashed powerfully for seconds with a white light. Each forearm took seconds for the light to manifest themselves and coalesce into something solid. A black armguard formed onto his right and a cylindrical weapon on his left. The armguard buzzed to life and a katar-like blade shot out. The beam blade sizzled as raindrops fell onto it, tiny wisps of smoke drifted upwards and dissipated.

For a few tense moments, the two gladiators stared at each other, similar to the statues from before. They allowed the rain to fall down onto them, their breathing kept calm and stance unchanged.

All of a sudden, lightning struck the ground several meters away from their position. That was their cue.

Gem’s sword blazed an intense white. In one brief instant, the sword’s glow drained down the blade, rapidly descending towards the sword’s point. Upon reaching it, a bright beam of light exited the blade end and out onto the old path. The next thing Bl.An.C. saw was an explosion behind Gem and the same man rushed at him with blinding speed.

“A veteran of combat knows—“ Gem whispered to the rain, his body crashed through the raindrops as he passed them by. “—that you need both luck and skill to survive.”

The swordsman slammed the pommel of his sword squarely at the android’s chest. Bl.An.C. was forced back by the blow, the air knocked out of his lungs. Gem took another step forward, twisted in place as he lowered himself to a crouch and swung Homura in a wide arc. The ancient weapon struck the android’s head; sparks flew off the blade and suit. The attack left Bl.An.C. facing one side from the power of the blow and the strike even left a deep gash in the suit itself.

Bl.An.C., however, used this momentum to twist around himself, careful not to slip, and fire a continuous blast of cyan energy at his foe. Gem reacted quickly and deftly by bringing up the flat of his blade supported by his free palm to meet the energy beam. The swordsman was shoved back a bit but held his ground nonetheless.

“Observation: Gem is capable of some sort of propulsion. Also is knowledgeable in the ways of the sword and combat.” The android murmured but his voice was drowned out by the sound of the continuous torrent of rain and outbursts of thunder. “Command: Increase output by 50%. Halt beam afterward.”

The beam of plasma strengthened which took Gem by surprise. The swordsman lost his footing and staggered backwards. Bl.An.C. rushed forward with his beam blade ready to strike. Gem unexpectedly regained his footing faster than expected. The blademaster stomped his foot down to gain back his balance and swung his blade downward to meet the beam blade. Homura shone brightly. The next thing Bl.An.C. knew was that he met the Torii with his limp body. The android’s internal HUD was blinded and could see practically nothing for a few seconds. Bl.An.C.’s optical sensor slowly fixed the temporary blindness. The android looked up and saw Gem and his blade coming at him.

Gem yelled a battle cry but his downward slash missed by the mere inches, the android was able to dodge at the last possible second. Gem’s blade cut through the old wood easily, not one splinter escaped the slash. The android rolled to Gem’s side and swiftly swung the energy blade at the swordsman.

“Woah there!” Gem exclaimed as he blocked the android’s attack. “No killing right? Not your style?” He asked hurriedly, worried for his own safety.

“Statement: Never was but I could make exceptions.” Bl.An.C. responded coldly as he struck harder with the energy weapon. The Jendoh managed to block each one easily but the teenager felt his strength waning after each attack.

The torrent of rain bombarded the combat scene; the android kept his pace and flow of attack. The beam blade would strike and deal whatever damage it could. However, these melee attacks didn’t do the real damage; it was the plasma gun that did. In between beam blade and sword combat, a powerful blast of energy would cut in and Gem would barely be able to block it. Afterwards, the android would rush in again to swipe his weapon but the Jendoh had his own tricks, he released bars of light that exploded on contact. It only prolonged the fight and allowed Gem to breathe in between combat but the android was as relentless as the downpour.

The sight itself matched the night — Gem struck quick and fast, his lightning fast attacks were punctuated with the blasts of light Homura had produced at after each attack, but where Gem was fast, Bl.An.C. was unyielding. The android continued his onslaught, strike after strike, blow after blow, numerous and countless attacks like how the rain pelts the ground.

The fight seemed evenly matched; both gladiators accumulated wounds and scars. Gem had cauterized scars all over his body whilst profound lacerations decorated the pseudo-android. Bl.An.C. kept his flow, his strikes now cut through Gem’s defenses easier whilst the Jendoh simply kept up his guard. The android could not see his opponent’s face through the cloth mask but he could sense the swordsman’s worry.

Something at the corner of his optic snared his attention. Something flew by and set off alarms within the suit.

“Recognized energy signature detected. Initiating database comparison.” The suit’s internal voice repeated it a few more times.

Alice immediately came online in the com system. “Cooper! A suit just flew by!” She said urgently. “I have no doubts, it’s a blast android!”

Bl.An.C. stopped, those final two words echoed in his head. ‘The blast android?!’ He yelled in his head in disbelief. The swordsman noticed the hesitation in the pseudo-android’s movement and took the prospect to turn the tide of the clash.

“An opening!” The swordsman slashed at the android’s face and connected with a powerful strike of Homura at Bl.An.C.’s gut. The swing had glowed powerfully with light and exploded on Bl.An.C..

The android was flung towards the torii and crashed onto one of the old fences. Bl.An.C. fell on top of the old barrier on his back; and felt that he was moving. That last attack was too close towards the android’s eye. Bl.An.C. could feel the irregular movement of the board of wood under him as it passed by step after step down; he then realized he was sliding down the mountain. “Calculation: At my speed and acceleration, I would reach the foot of the mountain in less than two minutes…”

The android gazed at the still standing torii and witnessed a powerful white explosion that could be compared to a strike of lightning. From there, his optic zoomed in and saw a fleck of movement. It was Gem riding on one of the fences.

“Observation: Gem holds the power of light in his sword. Also shows signs of panic during combat but shows the tactical knowledge on how to deal with situations.” The android told himself as he stood carefully on his fence.

Something bothered Cooper though… it was the figure from earlier.

“Cooper! A suit just flew by – I have no doubts, it’s a blast android!”

‘Are you mobilizing, John?’ Cooper wondered but he pushed the thought away for the meantime.

Bl.An.C. balanced himself on the fence by spreading his arms wide. A crash nearby alarmed the android to Gem’s presence. The swordsman was standing, albeit a bit shaken but gripped his sword tight. His hood was now behind him, the rain began to soak the mask.

Gem leaned towards Bl.An.C., and swung Homura at neck height. Bl.An.C. ducked and attempted to strike back with the beam blade. The Jendoh evaded the strike but almost lost balance. Gem moved further away from the android.

Gem lowered him to a crouch and him and his fence sped up, accelerating faster than Bl.An.C. and he took the front. Surprisingly, the Jendoh faced the android as he sped downwards and swung his blade, multiple times at the air, with each time, Homura flashed brightly. Beams of light escaped the sword’s tip and were flung at the pseudo android’s direction. The android did his best to swerve in different ways to avoid the attacks. Powerful blasts of light scattered debris into the air, dirt and stone showered down the slope along with the soaking rain.

The Jendoh began to glow, a white light emanated from his person. Each strike began to speed up and it would only be a matter of time before it would be every second that Gem would be spurting out deadly beams of light. The android had time against him.

Bl.An.C. found it hard to target the swordsman, the light itself emanated from Gem made it hard to lock on and other than being occupied to not to be a target but his optics did find something useful; a thick tree branch overhanging the side of the staircase.

“Statement: Worth a shot,” He told himself. “Calculation: ETA to the foot of the mountain: thirty seconds. ETA to the branch: thirteen.”

Gem was closer now as Bl.An.C. gained in on him. Bl.An.C. stared at the swordsman in defiance. He had to make a move before he was blown out or they lost stairs. A flash of light coated the android’s shoulder and soon materialized a single missile pod.

Gem saw the android ready his weapon and he simply gripped his sword tighter and braced himself. Light began to flow from the sword handle to the blade itself. Homura grew brighter and brighter with each passing millisecond.

The seconds passed by, droplets of rain trickled down the android’s optic as he aimed for one last strike before Gem’s attack.

Bl.An.C. fired, the metal rocket left the pod and out towards Gem. The swordsman veered to one side to dodge, his sword lost its glow almost immediately. He faced the direction of the ordnance and brought his left arm to shield his head. The rocket exploded in the steps before the swordsman.

“Oh crap!” Gem yelled as he was flung upwards and slammed his face onto the nearby branch. The Jendoh flipped head over heels in mid-air, face splintered with wood. The swordsman opened his eyes and flashed in front of him was a light that emanated from an android’s glowing fist.

“Statement: Game over, Gem”

The fist struck the swordsman directly into the gut and his breath knocked clear out his lungs. Gem was thrown down to the foot of the staircase, dropped down like a ragdoll until he finally stopped with his back on the ground. He slowly lost his glow and a sharp pain struck him like the lightning that cracked overhead, his wrist was broken.

Homura stabbed the ground near him.

The android touched down close-by, the fire from his wing pack died out as he approached the Jendoh. Gem was about to sit up when Bl.An.C. stepped on his chest and placed the end of the plasma gun near the masked swordsman.

“Command: Surrender or I burn your face with plasma.” Bl.An.C. said coldly. The jade eye blazed furiously as it stared at the downed swordsman. Raindrops pelted Gem’s mask, soaking it even more. You could make out his grimace from the creases of the cloth mask.

“I surrender.” Gem said grimly.

“Statement: Good.” Bl.An.C. stepped away from the swordsman to allow him to stand. “Query: How’s the hand?”

Gem sheathed Homura in his satchel and slowly stood up as he massaged his broken wrist. “Not too good,” he said weakly. “Nice fight by the way.”

“Query: I’ve read in your file that you are willing to protect this world. That true?”

“Yeah. I owe it to my grandfather.” Gem straightened up but he let out a groan of pain. “What’s it to you?”

“Statement: If you’re willing, I will call upon you to aid me in a struggle to keep this world safe.” Bl.An.C. said vaguely. “Continuation: You need not worry of how I will contact you. If you choose to answer then I will be waiting. Good night.”

The Jendoh looked curiously at the pseudo-android. Bl.An.C. turned his back to Gem and flew off into the night.

Lightning arced overhead.

[B][Epilogue – The Dawn of Darkness]
“Query: Alice, did you trace the suit?”

“Of course I did. It is east of your position. I am sending you the coordinates.” Alice said.

“Statement: Thank you.”

The android was just above the treetops as he flew by. A map popped up in the suit’s internal HUD traced with the path used by the target.

Bl.An.C. followed the path and soon reached the end of it. He landed into a cluster of trees and hid behind the thickest one. He peered in one side; his optic sensors took in whatever it could see.

The android saw a steel fence surrounding what looked to be an elevator. Two figures stood guard by it; both had three glowing icy blue eyes.

‘What is this, John?’ Cooper thought. ‘Are you that mad to continue that plan of yours?’

“Request: Alice, confirm these two if they are indeed copies of the Blast android.” Bl.An.C. asked through the com.

A moment of radio silence had occurred before Alice had responded. Bl.An.C. waited patiently behind the tree, half expecting the two androids to have noticed him.

“Coop. They are. He even sent me an encrypted message…He’s insane… he’s modified the Blast Android.” Alice had a tone of worry in her voice. “He’s already in mass production.”

“Statement: Call in the Protocol, Alice. We’ve got our first target.”

Hope you guys liked it. I really appreciate CnC, so if you have the time please do so. :D

08-12-2013, 02:41 AM
I'm going to give a very detailed CnC. The first sentence didn't exactly draw me in; there was a little thing about your style that's different from other writers. You used "which dropped a torrential rain down to the ground below", and that does get the meaning across; but it doesn't flow very well. The focus of the first, long sentence was almost entirely on the black clouds instead of the torrential rain, which could make us forget the importance of rain. How about "as a torrential rain poured down to the ground below" instead?

As for the second sentence, ...

All right, I can't keep this joke up anymore. But yeah, the first few sentences weren't as poetic as most of your other descriptions are.

Overall, the pace of the battle was relatively constant, but there was one paragraph that didn't obey the same structure:The torrent of rain bombarded the combat scene; the android kept his pace and flow of attack. The beam blade would strike and deal whatever damage it could. However, these melee attacks didn’t do the real damage; it was the plasma gun that did. In between beam blade and sword combat, a powerful blast of energy would cut in and Gem would barely be able to block it. Afterwards, the android would rush in again to swipe his weapon but the Jendoh had his own tricks, he released bars of light that exploded on contact. It only prolonged the fight and allowed Gem to breathe in between combat but the android was as relentless as the downpour.

This paragraph gave an analysis to the reader as to how much damage the blade would do; what you could have done was instead describe the melee more. You opted to save time/words by giving an explanation of what the melee attacks would do, but the rest of the time, you instead described how effective or ineffective the attacks were. This broke the pattern and that didn't exactly glue me to the screen.

Other than that, I can't find anything else. Nice job.

Alright, I'm going to say I enjoyed this one more; maybe it was the style, or the mood.

However, that isn't to say that it was flawless.

There were several sentences that could have been "better" (just IMO). For example, he remembered about his own family from the first paragraph, could have been simply, he remembered his family, or even, remembering his family.

It was also something you didn't take advantage of; Gem has a very troubled background, and you mentioned it from the very start. I'd like to make a suggestion: What if Gem was so troubled that his history was revealed in flashbacks as the fight progressed? These flashbacks could have affected how the battle went, either ending with him sparing Bi.An.C. or losing because of his flashbacks.

Again, the second and third paragraph didn't take advantage of the situation. The tone wasn't light enough to make the reader think carefully on what had happened; training for a week nonstop. And it wasn't heavy enough to make the reader understand the physical pain he had to go through to train nonstop for a week. You could have been more descriptive or depreciative in those paragraphs, but this is just my opinion.

As for the fight... it's something I notice about everyone, the fights seem to contain the most descriptive words and least descriptive sentences in the whole passage. What does that mean? Well, when we write about the fights, we use big, descriptive adjectives, that should make the story better; but for some reason, it doesn't. Why?

It's because we don't take advantage of the epicness to expand upon it. Every single action you described in the battle would have been an epic move in a movie; but are we seeing a movie or are we reading a passage? I think you should take care to portray epicness in the words as well as in the action; right now, the sentences you use just don't do the awesomeness in the actions you describe justice. Try and make both the actions and the words that describe the actions epic. Then, you shall be a truly professional level writer.

The above two paragraphs pretty much sum up what I think would make your battle even better. Yeah, that's a load of harsh CnC, but really, it's because I love your style so much its a shame you can't be perfect at it.

Having read through both battles, my heart goes out to TheForce's writing, but my mind tells me ErrorBlender's was more skillful (even if I like TheForce's style more). So, I'm going to refrain from voting on this one.

08-12-2013, 11:58 AM

CnC is appreciated~

08-12-2013, 07:20 PM
Alright, we can now vote. Thanks Mecha-Hewitt.

Please vote fairly and, if you can, provide CnC as Wyrmspawn had done.

08-13-2013, 09:41 PM
So... is Gem going to be a new character with new powers or is he going to retire?

08-14-2013, 08:03 AM
So... is Gem going to be a new character with new powers or is he going to retire?

I don't plan on making a new character yet. But this is definitely Gem's last battle.

08-14-2013, 08:12 AM
I don't plan on making a new character yet. But this is definitely Gem's last battle.

Hey, I might ask Gem to participate in the endgame of the Observer Protocol. Would it be alright with you when I call on him to help?

08-14-2013, 08:18 AM
We should advertise this fight more. It was a battle of superior skill versus superior setting... the fact that Gem was fighting his last battle lent a lot of strength to TheForce's writing. But ErrorBlender definitely wrote well, so it's really hard to decide between you two. We need more opinions.

08-14-2013, 11:25 AM
Hey, I might ask Gem to participate in the endgame of the Observer Protocol. Would it be alright with you when I call on him to help?

It will be alright, I guess.

08-14-2013, 12:22 PM
My vote goes out to Error. His battle, I felt, was superior in all fields: word usage, setting, flow, description, that "Call in the Protocol" line all good.

Error, I know I haven't ever actually gone through and CnC'd your writings, but I'm going to slightly begin doing so here. Let's get started:

It would appear that Wrymspawn has covered, quite humorously, all of my immediate CnC for you. That one paragraph did keep up with the flow of the story just not the overall style. That's just about everyting! :D

Bl.An.C. stared at the swordsman in defiance.

Wha...How? Lol! I don't understand!

Lightning arced over the sky that illuminated the dark clouds which dropped a torrential rain down to the ground below.

This sentance, while cool sounding, is kinda awkward. After reading the entire piece I looked back over your first sentence, which is supposed to be your hook, and thought "...Meh? This could be worded better." I believe it has to do with the overload of subject/location changing. You could have separated these out in to two sentences, each with more description and preformed the famous "Double sentence hook!" (insert epic music here). That's just one suggestion, but I'll also leave an example of how this sentence is wrong. "I vicariously ingested the vibrantly decorated cupcake which was set on the brown porcelain and golden decal plate on the table I sat at." I'm not sure how accurate that example is.....I may have gone overboard....

Leaves rustled around; disturbed by the winds that blew around them.

Word variation is always nice. Actually that first "around" could be taken out. It's whateves doh homes.

The next thing Bl.An.C. saw....The next thing Bl.An.C. knew...

I think those are the only two in this piece. I'm certain I've seen this phrasing some of your previous writings. No note for this, just thought I'd bring it to your attention.

Now I could continue, since no writing is perfect, but I think I'll begin a bit of CnC on THEFORCE now.

Ok, if you read that THEFORCE then you'd better prepare your bladder for imminent release! (I love invader zim)

Your fight was pretty good, but the first thing I noticed with your writing as i read through it was your use of the "action but response" style.

Gem was able to avoid the white plasma, but the hot beam blade of Bl.An.C's have cut Gem badly.

That's just one example, out of many, that isn't too terrible; it just shouldn't be used with such repetitiveness.

The setting for your scenario was kinda just there. I mean unless your trapped inside of a blank white room with the walls closing in, the setting should have some interaction with the writing; it adds a level of cinematic flair to any battle that just....well it's just fine.

Like Wrymspawn said, and I quote incorrectly for 'the lulz', " Gem has a very troubled background..blah blah blah..What if Gem was so troubled...blah...his history...blah...flashbacks as the fight progressed...blah...blah...Gem should eat bacon during the fight."
Essentially you start your story with this allusion to his past then drop it like it's hot. If you had used that storyline, much like how E-blendah used his to give your character the edge in his story which is a plot development I don't like but approve of, then your story would have felt more like a story rather than "We came, we saw, we fought, I won."

It seems to me that while all the stories/battles on the forum are beginning to evolve as the wRhg flourishes yours just wasn't up to their standard of storytelling. I think I'll leave the rest of the CnC work to the others that view this good battle though, I seem to have used all my serious points for the day on "Faux pas Mixer's" CnC and for that I apologize.

I enjoyed both and feel I have properly, less than adequately explained myself; points for me! I eagerly await your next wRHG and may consider challenging him THEFORCE. As for you Eberrorlenderer....You know where we stand... -_-

08-14-2013, 05:11 PM
You sound so menacing Blak, I feel intimidated D:

But yeah... Vote goes to E-Blends. Away from a comp so a detailed CnC is out if the question from me ;n; (for now)
Bith of you should read the CnC from Blak-Burd and Wyrmspawn doe. They are helpful :D

08-18-2013, 06:55 PM
Alright~ I know I said that I'd read these days ago, but with RL stuff and my own writings that I had to attend to, I kept pushing reading each of these battles back. Now I finally have time and I'm getting around to it, so here we go~

Error: After reading your battle I finally understand what Wyrmspawn and blakphoenix are talking about when it comes to that particular paragraph. I agree with Blak that it is a good paragraph, it just didn't keep up the style with the rest of the piece, and I would say it's because of the semi-switch into present-tense, and the use of the word 'The' at the beginning of nearly every sentence. You also kind of switch into present-tense a few times (not many) throughout your entry. I noticed them because I, too, make that mistake, and I've been trying harder to catch them.

I don't know if it's just me, or maybe I'm not such a good writer/reader, but that opening sentence that both Wyrm and Blak have trouble with doesn't really bother me. IMO, it's a quick sentence that describes the setting of the sky and its actions. When I read it I placed pauses in certain areas for a more dramatic effect, which I'm guessing other's didn't do. However, their suggestions do hint that that was what they thought could help it; more pauses. And I agree that some pauses worked, and others didn't. So my own personal critique to add would be that there were commas placed strangely into certain areas, while others could have used more of them.

Your descriptions in setting placement and actions are awesome, and I could definitely imagine everything that was happening. I enjoyed the length of the whole battle entry as well, including the epilogue that continues into O.P. storyline. ^^ I highly enjoyed it, and overall it was a good fight.

THEFORCE: My major critiques have to do with grammar. There are a few paragraphs where I notice the overuse of personal pronouns, and a few times I had to re-read to make sure I understood who was where and doing what. And I noticed that you used the word 'Resemble' multiple times, and I don't think that was the word that you were looking for. Resemble means that something looks like or seems like something else, and I think the word you were trying to use was 'Assemble', or maybe something else. But I don't think Resemble was right.

In the first paragraph, you put the words 'best friend' into quotation marks, and I don't quite understand why. Were they sarcastic quotes? Fašade quotes? Speech quotes? I don't know, but I do think that they were misplaced.

And finally, you switched from present-tense to past-tense multiple throughout your piece as well; much more in your case. There were even a few instances where they changed in a single sentence, and that can distract a reader during the imagination process.

It was good read, and I liked how easy the battle was set up between the two gladiators. The setting was simple and described quickly, but I don't consider that a merit in your writings.

I enjoyed both, but I like Error's a bit more, so my vote goes to him. ^^ Good job, both of you.