View Full Version : Egoist Black

09-14-2013, 10:17 PM
Name: Egoist Black (Mostly know as Black)

Age: 21

Gender: Male

Weight: 189 lbs.

Height: 5'11

- Abilities:

Wavelength - Black's eyes can function on two wavelengths changing colors accordantly. The purple wavelength allows Black to divert energy to up his movements and sharper his reflexes. The red wavelength allows Black to divert energy to up his endurance and durability.

Burst - By focusing energy into his mechanical hand Black can increase it's destructive power. When used smoke is released from the exhaust on the back near the forearm. The move has a short duration of one minute and a cool down of thirty minutes. Black can force a Burst but then his life becomes in danger and forcing it twice is fatal.

Wave Burst - Black's last resort and final move. It uses all his magical power and has a short duration on two minutes. Wave Burst allows Black to use both his Wavelengths and Burst at once. However because it uses all his energy once it's over he is vulnerable to attack if his enemy is still standing.

- Weakness:
Black's main weakness is his strength, his mechanical hand. Because of it's structure Black's energy is easily wasted. This is a major problem and it is unfixable. With Black relying a lot on his energy for fighting it's easily wasted making his tire out faster than normal people.

- Story:
Black was born and raised in Japan living the hard life of an abandoned African American child at an orphanage. During his childhood Black was an angry and violent kid that people dismissed as a problem child. Because of this Black thought he would never get adopted until one faithful day and older man spotted him in the orphanage. Once they locked eyes the man immediately adopted him. Under the guidance of his foster father Black achieved as serene heart and subdued his anger. However one day when he was training with his father a storm rolled end and struck down a tree landing on Black.

Because of the accident Black now has a mechanical claw instead of his right hand. Still Black trained and loved his father until his father died of old age when he turned 18. Leaving everything behind Black traveled the world as a mercenary for hire dealing death as the punishment for anyone who disturbs his sense of justice.

- Personality:
Black sometimes comes off as cold and arrogant because of his emotionless gaze but he's a passionate individual. Even if it's rare for his facial expression to change he's a emotional person. Still in battle he has a calm heart and always fights with his head no matter how involved his emotions are. Black's mantra is "Serenity calls to my calm heart," it helps him focus and somehow allows him to fight with more ease.

- Appearance:

Black is a young man of average height with dark skin and short silver hair. He has bright emerald green eyes with a small scar above his left eyelid. His right hand is replaced with a mechanical black and red claw with five tiny exhaust near the forearm. He normally wears a black vest with red pants and a dark purple scarf.

- Demo:

"Happy birthday dad," said Black as he kneeled at his foster fathers grave. "Today makes you 75 doesn't it?"

Black stood as he dusted of his pants and sighed as he looked at the setting sun. Every year on his father's birthday her would return back to Japan to leave flowers at the grave. He cared for his foster father a lot and coming to see him on his birthday each years was the least he could do. After leaving his father's grave Black went into town to grab something to eat like always. At this time of day only bars were open so Black chose a bar and ordered a sandwich.

"Ya don't drink boy?" said a gruff voice.

The owner of the voice was a ruff looking man with scars that decorated his body. Shirtless and in cut off jeans the man scowled before downing his drink in one swallow. Black pretended he didn't hear the man in hope the man would leave him be but it seems that was asking to much as the man questioned him again.

"I don't drink," said Black.

"I've seen your face before," said the man. "let me see your right hand boy."

Black sighed, he had intentionally hid his right hand in order not to get attention but it seems this mans was insistent on seeing it. Pulling his right hand from his vest he let the cold steel of his mechanical hand lay on the table as the tender returned with his sandwich. Black ate his food as the man examined his hand in silence.

"Relax boy I ain't looking for trouble," said the man.

"That's good for you," said Black.

"Name's Hagus," said the man.

"Egoist...call me Black," said Black.

"I don't know if your looking for work but I have a job," said Hagus.

"Details?" asked Black.

"I can't pay much but the local orphanage in this area..." Hagus hesitated before going on, "Well the head master is giving the children here more than a hard time ya see."

"How much do you have?" asked Black.

"Three hundred for now but-"

"I'll do it," said Black.

"For only three hundred?" asked Hagus.

"This is also a little personal," admitted Black.

"You hired a mercenary?" said an elderly voice.

A old man with a long white beard dress in black robes stood behind Hagus. His eyes were wide as if he had just learned he was dying. Launching from his seat Black's mechanical hand radiated with purple energy as smoke released from the small exhaust near the forearm. The old man stepped back but is was too late as Black's mechanical hand pierced the man's chest. Coughing up blood the mans eyes rolled to the back of his head as the last of his life faded away. Letting the lifeless body fall to the ground Black turned to leave before Hagus called to him.

"Relax boy," said Black. "That one is on the house."

- Battles: None

- Points: 0/0

09-15-2013, 03:09 PM
Okay cool~ I like it :D

BUT (Hehe... Butt...)~

-In your demo, i appreciate your use of dialogue greatly, but is there such a need for so much? Most of your demo was speech, but you could have diversified your talents (or lack thereof...) by going into detail about the surrounding area and whatnot.

-Why did Egoist call Hagus 'boy'? Typically, bartenders are older people (except in night clubs of course) so it just didn't make too much sense to me... Oh wellz~

-You could have gone into a little description about the basic attack in your demo. I get that it was pretty straightforward, but something could have made it more enticing for the reader, rather than just a 'Oh look, a man, stabby stabby, oops he died' kinda thing.

I like it nonetheless, and I'm especially in love with his name :3

09-15-2013, 05:22 PM
Yeah detail work has always been a problem with me that I'm still working on so I'll remember that.
-Egoist calls Hagus 'boy' in a sort of unintentional mocking way because Hagus kept calling him boy throughout the Demo- again I need to do more detail work lol