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View Full Version : Azure Kite (Bek) vs sadads (Erik)



Azure
12-27-2013, 10:59 PM
Well, due to scheduling, sadads was forced to forfeit our battle. So, here's my battle. (https://docs.google.com/document/d/1et_dcMDDyzOo_19QvBXUrZHMCFN61CB7sxFtxdm8Apg/edit?usp=sharing) Now, the reason it's a link is because I much prefer my Google Drive's fonts over this site's, so no copy paste.

Crank
01-04-2014, 12:39 PM
First comment's overdue, but solid story Azure! It had good voice and tone and whatnot, but there were a couple little things that stuck out at me. Before Erik introduces himself, he's Birdman, but also referred to the birdman. Little bit redundant, especially because I feel like Bek's clever enough to mix it up a little more than that, and I know for sure you are. It'd be like someone named Guy and calling him just the guy on the side. It's no biggy, but it stood out to me a little.

Second, Bek really did dominate the fight. Nothing wrong with that in it of itself, but at times Erik seemed sucky with the contrast.

"Since when did monks use hammers?” Bek asks nonchalantly as the whip wraps around his waist. He feels a strong pull, but remains in place grinning.

“How… how are you staying right there?” Erik sputters out. “Your strength can not be that great!”

You have no idea the little girly wrist flick that went through my head with this! Even if Bek can take the shot, you can still use what's around him to show that he's opponent isn't, well, a joke.

"Since when did monks use hammers?” Bek asks nonchalantly under the ear-popping crack of a whip, shredding his shirt and it wraps around his waist. He feels a strong pull, but remains in place grinning, as his blood drains.

“How… how are you staying right there?” Erik sputters out. “Your strength can not be that great!”

But yeah, that's all that really stuck out to me like that! Very nice story, I'll look forward to the next one!

huntsman21
01-09-2014, 12:37 PM
.hack GU guy, Kite frustrates me in the battle on the third game, but still pretty cool! also really like the battle ^^; pretty cool :p