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Aquila
05-28-2014, 02:25 PM
*Announcer voice* Ladies and Gentlemen! The battle you have all been waiting for. The debut battle between Abra the Genocide Magician and Vant Raslan the Ragestormer! Abra has the ability to use his deadly playing cards as he chooses, can summon minions from his fourth dimensional portal, and he has his malicious puppeteer shadow to help him. Vant uses his blade and shield of unknown origin to channel his rage into food for raging hot fires! Who will win, the magician or the knight? Let's get ready to rumble!
Vant marched through the park, his armor clinking softly and the sword and shield on his back caught the glance of many curious bystanders. “It’s a WRHG warrior,” a few whispered.

“Why is he here?”

“Is there going to be a fight?”

Abra was on the other side of the park, he had run into a dead end on searching for the organization. The driver had taken him simply to a branch base, and after razing it to the ground, all he had were encrypted files. So he decided to blow off some steam at Stickpage City, doing one of his magic shows for the pedestrians. Cards flew and danced in his hands, and with a clap they all disappeared.

Vant walked up to a man watching the show and tapped him, “What’s this?”

The man paused a second with shock then answered, “It’s a magic show. He’s good.”

“Magic? He’s a magician?” Vant’s sight redden and a snarl began forming on his lips. There were more than just the ones worshipping within the Tower of Magi? What demon does this foul beast sell his soul to? Abra finished his show and bowed. Everyone cheered and chipped in some change as he walked around to collect them within a top hat. He walked up to Vant and looked up.

He smiled, yet his tone was one of anguish, “Oh come on? Seriously?” The man standing next to Vant threw in a five dollar bill and bolted, “Thanks!” Abra called after and he looked back at Vant, “I’m guessing you’re not going to be giving me any money?” Vant stood there emotionless, “Thought as much.” Abra sighed and he threw the hat in the air, it vanished in a puff of smoke.

“So what is a monster like you doing here?”

“Monster? Ouch don’t you think that’s a little harsh? I’m just trying to make a living, no harm there right?”

“You are a monster.” Vant slid his visor down, “You are the harm, you are the evil, and it’s my job to purify the world of beings like you.” He drew his sword, the gold catching the sun, and he slid his shield on. He rushed for a shield bash but Abra teleported, when he reappeared he palmed the floor.

“Marionette, show time!” Vant watched in horror as a creature grew from the magician’s shadow. The abomination had four arms, and on each were crosses that had strings hanging from them. The face was adorned with a long nosed, bone white mask. Abra took his mask off and summoned a strong man, two clowns, and a knife thrower. Marionette took each of them under its control. The strong man wielded a great hammer, one clown had hatchets, and the other had swords. The two clowns went into a pincer formation and rushed Vant.

Vant lunged at the sword clown, easily piercing the clown’s heart, “Your little servants are too stupid to even touch me!” He roared, but as he tried to pull the blade out, the clown grabbed it with one hand, and it swung the sword with the other. The blade slid against the armor, and scratched Vant’s cheek. Suddenly he felt a heavy weight on his back and two hatchets dug into his back, piercing the armor. Vant roared and became encased in flames causing the two clowns to retreat. “You are a necromancer! A damnation! A bane on this earth. You are not human and must be eliminated.”

“Says the man who’s on fire!” Abra shouted back, “Stop calling me all these weird things. I was just doing a show and you attacked me.” He gestured at Marionette, “Keep your distance, let’s use the knife thrower.” The knives glinted in the air as it soared towards Vant. He didn’t even attempt a block and allowed the knives to ping off his chest plate. “Well then,” Abra took his mask off, “time to fight fire with fire. Marionette release the thrower.” He summoned a fire breather and reabsorbed the knife thrower. The clowns rushed Vant again and this time the strong man joined, creating a three prong charge. Vant casted a wave of fire to intercept them, but the fire breather casted his own wave and negated the attack. Vant charged straight at the strong man, closing the gap and negating the usefulness of the armor crushing hammer. He lobbed the man’s head off and turned to fight the two clowns. Suddenly he was hoisted into the air and he felt himself getting crushed within the bear hug of the strong man. Blood splashed onto his helmet and seeped through the visor. How can it still move? Can these possibly not be undead but puppets? Vant struggled.

Vant immolated himself again, burning the fleshy prison to cinders and he successfully parried the two clowns’ attack. “You coward,” he pointed his blade at Abra, “Why don’t you stop hiding behind your puppets and fight me with honor! Or will you continue hiding behind that creature?” Vant goaded Abra, “Perhaps this is the only way you can fight, with the help of puppets and an abomination.”

Abra cracked his neck, “How dare you insult Abra, the genocide magician!” He waved his hand and Marionette sank back into Abra’s shadow and the three summonings disappeared. He drew his deck of cards and threw some at Vant.

Vant roared in laughter, “Do you think those slips of paper can do what steel cannot!” But he bit his words as he felt the cards sink in, he casted his shield and repelled the rest of the cards. He pulled the cards out and attacked Abra. He swung his blade, creating slashes of fire that flew at Abra. Abra spun out of the way, and threw more cards. Vant incinerated them with flame bolts and fired more. Abra’s cards blocked the projectiles and he created a card sword, rushing at Vant. Vant brought his shield up, and once he felt the clash of the sword he jabbed, but his sword was blocked by his own shield as a sudden weight caused it to sink. He looked up and he saw Abra in the air with another blade. Abra slashed again and Vant blocked it with his own blade. Abra spun, manifesting another sword which he struck upon the last one, he continued the combo, pressuring Vant to the ground. Enraged, Vant let out a pulse of fire and Abra’s clothes got set on fire. He quickly teleported into a nearby fountain and splashed around. He stood up, his pure white suit now singed and blackened. He waved his hand over the mess and it all reverted back to normal.

Abra charged again, and when the stab came, he dipped and caught it with his face, the blade pierced smoothly into the mask, splitting it, and slid into his face. He manifested two swords and held Vant’s in place. As the mask fell Abra stated, “You’re not the only one who can use fire.” And flames belched out of the portal. Vant brought his shield up and blocked what he could, but he felt the blaze against his arm, the hot metal burning the skin underneath. He drew his blade out and went for a slash. Abra blocked it with an X-guard but Vant’s rage made the swing beyond the strength of a man and Abra felt the ground beneath him crack before his knee snapped and gave way. Abra smashed against the floor and he saw a shadow cast over him. He warped away from the vicious stomp and struggled up. “You know I find it very unfair that you get to wear armor. Don’t you feel a little shamed to use protection against a man who has none?”

Vant huffed, “If you are trying to damage my ego to give yourself a better chance, you are gravely mistaken. This armor, this sword, and this shield all serve the same purpose.” He pointed his blade at Abra and let his anger channel through, “To exterminate evil!” He fired a blazing spear. Abra created a multi layered shield and watched scared as the spear incinerated one layer, then the next, and continued on, going through all 54 layers before hitting Abra in the left shoulder. He screamed in pain and summoned a squirt flower to dowse the flames. The gaping wound was red and puffy, and one could see that the spear drilled all the way through, his punctured collarbone was visible. There was no bleeding thanks to the flames, but it made the pain all the more excruciating.

Abra took off his mask with a shaky right hand, “Oh my god that hurt, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts. Am I going to lose? No! I can’t, I won’t!” He summoned all his minions and screamed, “Kill him! Butcher him! Wipe his existence off this planet!” The mob charged at Vant, who stood fearlessly in place. He poured out his anger and fire pulses of fire, but they were retaliated by the fire breathers. When the two forces clashed, Vant set his armor, shield, and sword ablaze, slashing and hacking away. But the blood of the dead weakened the flames and soon Vant was covered in blood, smoldering the fire. He was overwhelmed and fell to the horde. He was beaten and his armor was torn apart. His sword became bent and dull, and his shield became dented. He was butchered and chopped apart, until all that was left was his head. Abra walked up to the mutilated head and picked it up. He turned it so that it could “look” at the bloody mess that was its body, then turned it back. “I win.” He breathed, and he placed the head down. He looked up, took a deep breath and began laughing. He looked back down and enraged stomped on the head, till it too was nothing but bloody mush. He looked at his tigers and lions, “Eat him. Don’t even leave the blood in the floor behind.” He slowly began his trudge towards the WRHG hospital. “Abra,” he took of his mask, “Kadabra,” he spun it, and placed it back on, “Alakazam.” He smiled.


Vant stepped forth upon the charred ground in front of him. The smoldering pile of bones in front of him let him know he was on the right track. He hefted his shield and marched on. Carnage was on all sides, this was the site of a brutal battle. Vant stopped in his tracks when he saw a man standing in the middle of the road, surrounded by dead bodies. He was doing something, but Vant couldn't be sure what. Unsheathing his blade he stepped forward slowly. Taking each step carefully towards this unknown being. As Vant approached he started to make out details about the man. He was dressed entirely in white, with a white hat, gloves. His fine clothing didn't have a a smidgeon of blood anywhere on it. No ash, nothing. Confused, Vant continued forward, until he saw the man's face, well, what he could see of his face. The man wore a mask, a silly mask with a large grin. The man seemed to finally take notice of Vant's approach and looked at him.

"Another one? I thought I wiped you all out!" The man yelled out.

Vant kept his silence and continued a slow forward march.

".... You don't seem too fun. Don't you see what happened to your friends? Atleast make it entertaining..." The masked man continued.

"I have no friends, and even more these were no comrades of mine." Vant responded.

"Oh so you're not here to kill me? That's surpising. Pray tell what are you here for?" The man queried.

"Depends who you are, and that's none of your business." Vant countered.

"Abra the struggling magician at your service my friend! Would you like a show?"

Vant sheathed his blade,

"No thank you." Vant responded and continued on his way.

Vant passed Abra and walked on his way. Looking back over his shoulder he saw the man still standing there staring at him. Vant turned back around and was shocked to find Abra standing directly in front of him.

"Come on? Just one show?" Abra pleaded.

Vant looked back behind him to make sure Abra wasn't there before turning to answer his question.

"No." Vant replied.

"Please? Come on you'll enjoy it! It'll be fun! Come on enjoy yourself! You're just a stuck up bum ain'tcha?"

Abra was beginning to annoy him but Vant just kept walking forward, ignoring him. Abra kept up with him, further bothering him.

"Maybe I'll show you a card trick, or maybe a box trick! Maybe even a prop tri-"

Abra was silenced by a gloved fist to the face. Abra spun with the punch, his mask flying off. He caught his balance with his back to Vant.

"Now that was a warning. I would like to go on my way and find the cause for all this death around us." Vant explained.

"Well I guess your search is over." Abra replied as he turned to face Vant.

Vant drew his sword in a heartbeat and positioned himself into a fighting stance as he saw the man's face, if you could even call it that. It was a spiraling portal into nothingness. Abra began laughing at Vant's reaction before teleporting over to where his mask landed and retrieving it.

"You seem surprised!" He mocked as he covered his 'face' with the mask.

Evil magic was afoot, Vant readied himself to do what needed to be done.

"HERE'S WHERE THE FUN BEGINS!" Abra roared as he began tossing cards.

Vant raised his shield and blocked the cards as they slammed into him. They hit with much more force than he had anticipated. Keeping his shield up, he charged forth, ready to ram his opponent. Vant stopped when he heard a whistle behind him, turning he saw Abra had teleported to a different location and already had five more cards in his hand. As the mage threw them Vant charged. He slashed through the first of the cards and blocked three more with his shield. One card however got through and sliced through his lower right side. He felt the sharp pain and felt his anger building. He ran forward with renewed vigour, surprising Abra with his speed before slashing towards him with his sword. A stack of cards flew up to defend Abra from the blade and just barely managed to block the sword. Surprised that his cards could block a blade, Abra chuckled lightly. Anger still building, Vant felt his sword heating up in tune with his rage. The cards began catching fire as his sword burned through the stack. Abra teleported away just as the sword went through the last card, slamming onto the stone where Abra had just been.
Using reflex and instinct Vant spun, slamming his shield backwards with everything he was worth. His hunch correct, the shield collided with Abra's chest, breaking a rib with the sheer force. Abra fell to the ground, clutching at his chest. Vant stood over the mage and prepared to strike through his heart before a burst of fire exploded out of the magician's 'face'. The blast sent Vant flying backwards, where he landed hard on his back. His shield flew out of his grasp and landed with a loud clang a good distance away. Still clutching his sword, Vant stood.
Abra was nowhere to be seen, but Vant had a bad feeling about the situation. Suddenly strings began attaching themselves to Vant's wrists. Looking behind him, Vant could see Abra standing next to what seemed to be a shadow with four arms. The shade's only other identifiable property was the long nosed mask it wore on it's face. Vant tried to turn but quickly realized he had no control over his own body. The two walked towards Vant, circling around him to look him in the eye. Abra was laughing as his victory was secured.

"Before I win, how about we see just how strong you are? Hmm? Sound good? Alright!" Abra exclaimed with great enthusiasm.

Pulling a deck of cards forward, he summoned them into the air around him. The cards morphed into tiny knives floating around the mage. Soon the knives began floating towards Vant, circling around him in the air. He grit his teeth as he felt the first small blade dig itself into his flesh. As soon as that blade stopped another began. The pain was nearly unbearable as the third and fourth blades dug themselves into Vant. He struggled to regain control of his body, but to no avail. His frustration began to grow, as did his rage. Vant's eyes lit up to a bright orange as his inner berserker was activated. Vant's strength increased with every blade that dug into his body. He pulled at the constraints holding his body from him. The shadow seemed worried, but Abra took no notice. Vant struggled to move his sword towards Abra, pulling with all his might. He got a response. His arm moved, very sluggishly towards the man, making a very nonlethal slashing motion.

"We got us a fighter! Quick, Give him a hand with that sword!"

The shade made some motions on the objects it was holding and Vant's blade turned towards his sheath. As the motion continued Vant continued struggling. Right before he sheathed his sword, he let his rage consume him. The sudden burst of strength caught the shade off guard and Vant swung his blade upwards, he felt his own sword collide with his own flesh and bone. The blade digging itself into his left armpit. He ignored the pain and felt his arm rip and tear, feeling the last bit of flesh slice off as his arm disconnected from his body. Suddenly he was free from the shadow's magic. He was bleeding out quickly, but that didn't matter. Vant slashed forth attacking Abra with all he was worth. Abra knew that at the rate he was losing blood the warrior wouldn't last long. Vant slashed through card after card as they rose to defend their master.
Abra teleported behind Vant and morphed a set of cards into a long blade.

"Abra..."

He grabbed Vant's right shoulder and plunged the sword into Vant's back, watching it poke through the front of his armor.

"Kadabra..."

Vant collapsed to his knees, gasping for breath. Sensing that his enemy's time was near, Abra knelt before him.

"Alakazam... Rage doesn't win fights buddy. Good try though!" Abra explained.

"Rage...?"

Vant's remaining hand was suddenly around Abra's throat,

"You have no idea what rage is." Vant whispered, his words dripping with anger.

He raised his face and looked Abra right in the eyes. Vant's eyes were literally on fire, flames flickering out of his eye sockets. The air around the two began heating up. The hand on Abra's throat suddenly felt like it was made of brimstone. Abra tried to teleport away, but everytime he tried Vant would go with him. Vant's entire body was now on fire. Abra was confused, from the amount of blood he had lost and the damage done to him he should be dead, but the warrior just refused to die. The grip on Abra's throat tightened as the air around them began to heat up. Abra began creating swords left and right, stabbing them through the warrior's body. Vant ignored them. Vant stood up, still holding Abra's throat, feeling the air around them become a swirling inferno. He pulled Abra close as the mask melted away, revealing the portal beneath. He could hear Abra's screams as the flames swirling around them began melting off his skin. Vant felt his own armor beginning to melt as Abra's screams turned to gurgled moans as he choked on his own liquified flesh. The last thing Vant saw was Abra's skin melting off to reveal bone, before Vant fell unconcious. When he awoke he was healed. His left arm back where it belongs. His stab wounds gone. Vant stood and looked around. He saw his sword a good distance away, the glint of his shield a little farther. He looked back where he had been lying, a pile of scorched bones all that remained of Abra, the genocide magician. Vant took a deep breath and continued his quest to purge the world of evil.
This is MicVeir4's WRHG: http://forums.stickpage.com/showthread.php?84576-Vant-Reslan-The-Ragestormer

Veir
05-28-2014, 04:33 PM
Nice battle. May the best writer win.

Chamel
05-29-2014, 07:11 PM
MicVeir gets my vote on this one:


-For starters, your piece seems terribly rushed. There is actually quite a bit of good content that could have easily kept the reader interested, had you not quickly changed scenes. It confused on a lot of instances, and I had to go back and re-read several (more than I would have liked) sentences just to figure out what had happened/was happening. I suggest taking your time, and spreading out the action/interactions slower. Make it an enjoyable read, but not one that either blows right through the story, or takes the reader forever to finish.

-Your descriptions are... Pitiful.
--For goodness sake, learn to work on your scenery descriptions. Where are the characters? What is the weather like? What time of day is it? Etcetera. Little things like that can change how the battle plays out. For instance. If they are in a playground, for instance, one warrior could easily maneuver between the structures, using them as cover. If it were, say raining, use that as a way to make a warrior slip and fall, leaving them wide open. Even the time of day! Night time, and even dusk, can make visibility little to none, and thus possibly giving one of the warriors an advantage.
--Another thing, work on your descriptions of how characters interact. And pay attention to physical details. What is the other's stance like? What emotions do they seem to be portraying with their body language? Any noticeable features? Not just a quick summary of what they look like. Don't be afraid to go into detail; give the reader something to imagine. Along with this, actions themselves. One thing that really stuck out to me was the use of "he summoned a firebreather" and "he absorbed the knife thrower". But... But how did he absorb them? You want the reader to pick up on how your character works, without them going back and reading your character before every fight. It becomes a nuisance, and frankly, usually isn't worth anyone's time. So stay on that. DON'T BE AFRAID TO GO INTO DETAIL. IT'S WORTH THE EFFORT.

-Another item that seemed to present itself, was your vocabulary use... There were several points where you could have easily swapped one word out for another, and made it not so repetitious. Like in one paragraph, where Abra was throwing the cards at Vant, you used the words "card", "sword", and even the variation of sword, "blade", a little too often. It can confuse the readers, and it doesn't really look the best. I'm just bringing this up because I felt like it could really help you. I'm not saying, however, that you didn't show a good use of words, it's just that it could be better.

All-in-All: You did well, and I see quite a bit of potential in you as a writer. So keep it up dude, and listen to what some of the other veteran writers have to say, even if it isn't for your work! They know best!


-One of the biggest issues you seem to face is your sentence structure/length. Sentences can vary in length, depending on the mood you want to portray, r how much information you feel is necessary to write; but your sentences are short throughout the whole read, and it’s somewhat aggravating. Try varying the length on your sentences, and put some of them together; I guarantee that it will flow much smoother when someone reads it.

-Small, rather easily overlooked, grammar mistakes pop up here and there, but it isn’t anything a little experience and quick nitpick can’t fix. Even if you think you’ve done well, sleep on it and come back to it the next day and try again. You’ll usually find something that doesn’t sit right and you’ll want to fix it.

-I feel like you had good interactions between the two characters, and I liked the little sudden reaction you gave to Vant when he saw Abra’s “face”, good on you.

-One, quick, other little thing, is that you switch from short, word-filled paragraphs to large, blocky paragraphs filled with nothing but action. If you can find a way to balance these two qualities out, you could do pretty well.

All-in-All: It was a pretty decent read, and like with 6A, I see some pretty good potential. Keep it up.


To both of you:
It was a splendid first battle! Keep writing and working on improving, good job.

Aquila
05-29-2014, 07:45 PM
Lol i like my nickname 6A. Thanks Chamel, i'll be sure to revise my battle against Majin

Munisylc
05-29-2014, 10:46 PM
Writing-wise, I'd have to give it to MicVeir, but gladiator-wise... well... I can't really tell...

Aquila
05-29-2014, 10:51 PM
Lolz we're tied, i feel like my head is gonna pop from the suspense lol. This is a lot of fun, and MicVeir4 is a great writer. So i say if i lose or win, it's still a great battle.

Veir
06-02-2014, 03:12 PM
Lordy we're still tied? Wat?

Aquila
06-02-2014, 03:16 PM
Lol, are you thinking that you should be ahead?

Veir
06-02-2014, 03:22 PM
Lol, are you thinking that you should be ahead?

I figured one of us would be ahead but not tied lol.

Aquila
06-02-2014, 03:23 PM
Bravo to Vant Raslan and MicVeir4 they have won their debut fifght, beating me and Abra.