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Chamel
08-18-2014, 06:59 PM
So... This has been on hold for the longest of times, and I respect Devi greatly with how much patience he's had with me, and how much time he's given just so we could have a fair fight. You rock, man.

Anyway.

Chance Downtown, the blood manipulator, goes up against Stefan Norberg, also known as Light, the fallen angel.



When the clouds turn grey and begin to look heavy, rain is sure to fall.

Little raindrops pelted the sidewalk, painting it over quickly. The water pooled in the edges of the street, making streams that led down hill. It seemed peaceful, here in the middle of nowhere, with water running across the ground.

Against the grey scenery, Chance's hair stood out like a sore thumb. His black coat wrapped around his body, and he held a red umbrella over his head, preventing rain from touching his body. To his side, a man in a jet black, mechanical suit walked next to him. A single, jade green light shone from the middle of his helmet, and wires of the same color laced up and down his body. He, however, walked in the open, the rain splashing off the dark suit that surrounded his body.

The duo walked in silence, not a single word passed between the two; not even glances in the others general direction. They stared straight ahead, their sight fixed on the single, cement building at the end of the road.

As the walked along, the only thing that filled the silence was the rain. But it was clear that there was some tension. Hoping to break it, Chance turned his head to the pseudo-android.

“So, Cooper, I was th--” He didn't get much out before a suited hand rose, cutting his sentence short.

“Statement: No need to say anything, Chance. This is merely to test how well you have trained.” Bl.An.C, said, his monotonous tone seeming to blend with the bland weather.

Chance bit his lip and merely nodded, turning his head back towards the building. They weren't far off now, and the gentleman's heart began to race.

“Cooper, how much information do you have on this guy?” The red-headed man inquired, his accent becoming thick in his worry.

“Apologies: Sorry Chance, but this is to properly assess how you do in different situations, including one where you go in blind.”

As the words slipped through Bl.An.C's vocal processor, Chance inwardly groaned. Going in “blind”, as his friend called it, was one of his biggest pet peeves. He hated not knowing anything about his opponent, especially if he were being tested like today.. Could anything go right?

“Inquiry: Are you nervous?”

“Of course I'm nervous, Cooper!” Chance shouted, throwing one hand up to express himself. “I mean, think about it. I'm going up against some unknown guy, and my bloody life could be on the line!”

“Chance. Calm down.” The helmet to Bl.An.C's suit slid away from his face with a slight hissing noise, exposing his head to the elements. “We're here.”

The red-headed man glanced at his companion with a half-scowl, but quickly turned his sight on the large opening in front of him. He peered inside, taking a quick glance around the arena. It looked earthen, with spots of grass growing in random places; there were even several rocks ranging in large sizes laying around the place. What was more, was that the there was no ceiling, just a giant opening that let the rain in, turning several spots on the ground into mud pits. And just like most outside arenas, stone steps and seats surrounded it, now slippery and glistening with rainwater.

“An outdoor arena? In this weather?” Chance whined. “You've got to be bloody kidding me..”

Obviously reluctant, the red-headed man shrugged his jacket away from himself, swapping the umbrella from hand to hand as he did so. Bl.An.C looked on, doing as he usually did and inspecting the area; he seemed to do that quite a lot.

“So where is this bloke?” The gentleman asked, now dressed in an expensive looking, white suit, complete with matching trousers. He held his jacket, folded neatly, over one arm while his other continued to hold the umbrella over his head.

His companion's gaze swept over the area, taking in everything. “I don't know. I guess you'll just have to be patient. Just remember your training and I will see you afterward.” With those words, Bl.An.C's helmet concealed his features once more. “Continuation: I will, however, intervene if necessary.”

Without hesitation, a flash of blue erupted from his back, and he went soaring into the sky. His wing pack carried him to a seat around the stadium; one of the ones furthest away.

“Thanks, mate! I appreciate your care!” The gentleman shouted after him, knowing it was useless. Grumbling, he walked a little ways and stopped in front of a small rock placed against the wall. He set his jacket down on the stone and turned back to look out at the arena, trying to make a plan.

“Those rocks might be able to help me if he uses anything long range.. As long as it isn't explosive that is..” Chance muttered to himself, tapping his chin as he did so. It was ironic. He hated not knowing who he was going against, and yet he really had no idea how to plan.

“Bah.. Forget it.. This kind of stuff is Cooper's area of expertise...” He groaned, extending his arms above his head and stretching. His umbrella reached up towards the sky, and when Chance looked up, he smiled just slightly. The bright red over the grey background looked nice.

Taking the handle of his umbrella in both hands he spun it, sending rain drops flying in different directions as the material was struck with new ones. He felt like a child for a fleeting moment, but it soon disappeared as he remembered why he was here.

With a sigh, Chance held the umbrella steady over his head, squinting at the arena, still trying to formulate something that could give him an advantage. There was a large rock, one that was bigger than most the others, that could give some great cover if needed. Off to the side of it, there was a small quarry of much smaller rocks, which he was sure would somehow come in handy.

Trying to make a plan was beginning to frustrate him, and his opponent being late wasn't helping either. A loud groan escaped his lips and he hung his head. He absentmindedly closed his umbrella, and set it next to his jacket, which was already soaking wet. It was then he heard the sound of heavy footsteps hitting the soaked ground. The sound of metal hitting metal clanged not too far from Chance's current position, and the gentleman turned towards it. All he could do was stare in awe at the sight.

A giant of a man was talking towards him; his size doubled Chance's own. What was even more impressive was the armor that actually fit him. The red-headed man had never seen someone so large, or covered in so much armor before; not even Bl.An.C could have been this covered.

“Mortal! Do you dare stand there and gawk at me like a child, or do you wish to introduce yourself?” The large man shouted, dwarfing Chance in size.

The red-headed gentleman shook his head and cleared his throat. “Chance. My name is Chance.” His voice seemed strained, and he still had not gotten over the immense size of his opponent.

“Chance. Greetings, you may call me Light.” With that, the large man bowed, but quickly straightened out again. “Now that introductions are aside, shall we begin?”

Before he gave Chance an opportunity to respond, he pulled a massive sword from a sheath that dangled from his hip. The sword itself was just as big, if not bigger, than the red-headed man, and Chance couldn't help but feel a little belittled and afraid.

“Alright, mate. I'll play your game.” The red-head responded, unable to help the soft shaking of his voice. He turned his body to the side and eyed the large man. “So sword play it shall be.”

Light let out a hearty laugh that caused the mud puddles around them to ripple. “Puny fool, you do not have such a weapon at your disposal.”

“Oh? Oh that's right! I don't! Silly me.” Chance mused, smirking as he brought his palm to lips. “One second, my dear.”

His mouth opened, exposing glistening white teeth. Within a fraction of a second, he brought them down upon his palm, easily breaking the skin as he did so. Red liquid swelled from the wound, and slowly dripped down the back of his hand, and even sliding down the sleeve of his suit. He followed up quickly by flicking his hand into the air, sending little red droplets flying up to meet with the rain.

With a snap of his fingers, the blood spun in the air, forming a small, crimson whirlpool. Chance looked towards Light, who was staring fixedly at the scene.

“And, here we are.” With another snap of his fingers, the blood formed into sabre, and placed itself into Chance's bleeding hand. The red weapon was pointed straight at his large opponent; the wielder with a wicked grin.

“What is this witchcraft?” Light shouted, anger apparent in his tone. “You walk hand in hand with the Devil himself!”

“Oi, mate. Enough. I don't work with the Devil. Sinning though, I can't deny.” The red-head chuckled, keeping his maroon eyes fixed on Light. “So are you going to make the first move? Or shall I?”

“Sinful fool! You will regret for giving me such a chance!” Light roared.

He took his sword in both hands and swung it over his head before arcing it down in a powerful slash. Luckily, Light's large frame and sword made his attack sluggish, and gave Chance enough time to counter. The red-head straightened his posture and placed one hand behind his back.

“En garde!” He shouted playfully as he parried the attack, lifting his own weapon above him in a defensive manner.

The larger blade struck his crimson sabre, sending chips of hardened blood flying in different directions. A grin spread across Chance's mouth as he used his free hand to brush aside a piece of wet hair from his face.

“My my, you are quite strong, you know.” He cooed, his arm shaking slightly as he struggled to keep the large blade from crashing down on him. This much power with just one stroke? This was going to be tough.

“Fool, you are only tasting a mere fraction of my strength.!” Light argued, taking a step forward and forcing his blade to cut deeper into Chance's. The power forced the red-head to take a step back, and to grasp the handle of his sabre with both hands.

Behind his playful grin, a tic formed in Chance's jaw. His arms were still shaking, and were beginning to grow tired the longer he stood his ground. His maroon eyes looked around the scenery, trying desperately to think of something that could save him. When he looked across the muddy ground, it donned on him how to gain the upper hand.

“Say, mate. Do you like mud baths?” The red-head asked through clenched teeth.

“What ridiculous question is this?” Light responded, clearly taken aback by the odd inquiry.

“Just wondering.” Chance chuckled. With one swift motion, he forced Light's sword away and sidestepped, grimacing as the blade grazed his cheek and went crashing into the mud.

Following up quickly, Chance tossed his sword at the larger opponent and snapped. With the cue, the sword reverted back to a liquid state and lassoed itself around Light's leg before he could react. With another snap of the red-head's fingers, the red liquid constricted around the armor, and pulled. Thanks to the slippery ground, the giant of a man's leg easily came out from underneath him, sending him splashing down and into the mud. Light let out a howl as he struck the ground.

Chance scowled as he regained his composition; looking down, he noticed mud had splashed onto his pant leg, staining the white material. “Oh for fuck's sakes.. This was bought just last week..” He complained, noting that it was now soaked as well.

“Impressive, small man!” Light roared from the ground, taking no care for Chance's suit. He stood himself up, once more towering over the red-head. “No mere man could have taken that without at least being cut in half!”

Another roaring laughter escaped from the armored giant, and he picked up his sword again. All Chance did was stare at him, not yet done brooding over his ruined suit. He rolled his sleeves up to his elbows, caring no more of what might happen to the expensive fabric.

“Let's just finish this up, mate. I need a new suit.” A small scowl flashed across his features as he glared up at Light. “So. As we were, your move.”

“Well! I see this will take more than just my trusty blade!” Light held his sword out in front of him, and placed his other hand on the base of the metal. His hand drew across the blade as he whispered inaudible words under his breath. The sword slowly began to glow, casting small shadows into the puddles that surrounded him, and along with it his armor. Everything around them grew lighter, and a glow surrounded nearly everything. It was certainly a bright sight.

Chance narrowed his eyes just slightly, and watched with amusement as an even brighter light began to expand from Light's back, slowly spreading out and taking the shape of what seemed like wings.

“Now, mortal. We truly begin.” Light's armored hand slid away from the blade, and he grasped the hilt firmly with both.

The wings made of light that graced his back moved back and forth, slowly gaining enough speed to lift the large man a few inches off the ground. Once he was up, he let out a loud battle cry and sped towards Chance. The quick action caught him off guard; he didn't expect such a large being to be able to move swiftly, wings or not.

His thoughts scrambled as Light closed the distance between them within mere seconds. It took all his willpower to merely sidestep an arcing swing, jumping out of the way and slipping slightly in the mud. The onslaught didn't stop as the armored giant recomposed himself and swung his blade out to the side. Chance ducked, the blade swiping mere centimeters above his head. Red locks of hair floated right in his line of sight, and his body tensed in fear.

However, he was vulnerable in the this position, and the roaring giant brought his leg around in a powerful, sweeping kick that caught the redhead in the sternum. The force driven behind the blow sent Chance flying, his body skidding through the mud. He only came to a stop when he met the wall, hitting his back hard.

An exasperated grunt burst its way past his lips on impact, and he fell to his knees, falling face-first into a puddle of dirty water. His entire body was throbbing in pain, and a ringing noise filled Chance's head, obscuring any other sound or even a thought. Ragged breaths ripped their way in and out his lungs, each one filling his nerves with an immense amount of pain. He couldn't move, or at least he didn't want to, fearful of what was to be felt.

“Foolish.” Light said, who had made his way over to the fallen prince while he was dazed. He stood over the smaller man, wings of light clearly seen against the grey of the sky. “No sinful mortal could take me.”

Although it seemed boisterous, his tone was tinted with pity. Chance slowly rolled his eyes to look at the giant, who's massive frame was keeping rain from hitting him. He tried to move, but his muscles and bones screamed at him; he even already knew that he had several broken ribs, and definitely his left arm. It took every last ounce of willpower to lift himself up on one shaking hand, barely able to stand the horrid sensation that racked his body.

“There... There's nothing... That.. Pisses me off.. More..” Strained words escaped his mouth, but a coughing fit sent his nerves into a frenzy, cutting him off mid-sentence. The giant of a man merely stood over him, watching him closely as he struggled to finish. “Is being pitied..”

With a surge of energy, and against the will of his screaming nerves, Chance stood. He even surprised himself, but instead of showing it he stood up straight. It was then he noticed that there was blood dripping down his cheek, its source being a gash from when he rolled across the ground.

Damn.. I need to hurry.. His eyes darted towards where Bl.An.C was seated; he hadn't moved. With his left arm broken, and a few ribs too, it was going to be tough from then on, even more so than it already was.

“You still wish to continue?” Light inquired, lifting his sword threateningly.

The prince nodded, trying his best not to wince at the pain. While his left arm hung limp by his side, he used his right to point at the armored giant. “My turn now.”

Chance pressed his thumb and middle finger together, forcing the two to past each other to create a snapping noise. A ghost of a smile found its way to the red-head's features as the blood that once dripped down the side of his face was now peeling off of him in thin ribbons. Small, crimson strands laced through the air, floating gently around the muddy gentleman with no particular care for the rain that continued to fall.

“I see. So that's how it will be.” Something that sounded like a sigh came from Light, and he held his sword out in front of him, the point facing the prince. “Prepare, sinner.”

The gentleman prince widened his smile, and snapped. The strands of blood that once circled him began to spin around him vigorously, the incredibly quick movement whipping his mud-caked clothes around him. In the blink of an eye, the ribbons descended upon Chance, cutting through his clothes and without a doubt, his skin. Even under his armor, it was clear that Light was taken aback as he stood there. Chance cringed and gritted his teeth as the blood grazed his skin, opening small cuts all over his body.

A second snap stopped the whirlwind of crimson whips, and the prince still stood in place. Small cuts, barely as wide as a paper cut, laced over his exposed skin. His clothing was torn to shreds, with large pieces of cloth even hanging by a thread.

“There..” Chance said, his voice shaky as he still had not overcome the pain from the powerful kick. He sucked in a deep breath and stared at the armored giant. “I think we're at an even match now, mate..”

Now he really needed to end this, or he would pass out from blood loss. Luckily, this was just what he needed. However, Light roared with laughter, covering the the angelic carvings on his breastplate with his hand as he bent over.

“I see your plan, small one! However, do you really think that harming yourself can give you the upper hand?” He roared, quickly composing himself once more. “Let me show you why you no sinner is any match for me.”

The tip of his blade glowed with a harsh, black light. The glow slithered down the blade, reaching Light's arm, where it merely began to wrap itself around the giant's frame. All his armor became encased in that odd light, and it seemed as if it were sinking into the metal itself.

Sure enough, it was. The armor had become pitch-black in color, and the once angelic quality that came from it now possessed a dark aura; even the relics on his breastplate had become demonic. Now it was Chance's turn to laugh.

“Got a new look, did you, mate?” He chuckled, wincing slightly as his abdomen contracted.

“Enough!” Light yelled, brandishing his sword as his wings, that hadn't seemed to change at all, flapped behind his back. He was lifted off the ground, mere inches, rain continuing to pelt both men.

With one powerful motion of those angelic wings, the armored giant rocketed towards Chance, blade held out in an offensive manor. The red-headed gentleman smirked, and snapped his thin fingers. The blood that was dripping out of his lacerations shot forward and merged together, forming a rounded shield-shape before hardening.

The giant's blade struck the makeshift defense, sending maroon crystals falling to the ground. With this much blood at his disposal, Chance felt great, but at the same time he was growing weaker by the minute.

Another snap and the bloody shield liquified, and wrapped itself around the sword. Before Light could grab a better hold on his weapon, the blade was jerked from his hands and sent flying behind them. A mighty gust of wind blasted Chance's hair into a frenzy, erupting from the fallen angel’s wings.

Light brought his fist back, and snapped it forward with incredible strength. Out of fear, Chance dropped to the ground, narrowly avoiding the assault. Pain ripped through his torso. His body twisted sideways as he dodged a power-filled stomp; drops of muddy water splashed into the prince’s maroon eyes, and his vision went dark as he tried desperately to rub it free.

Chance took too long; an enormous hand seized the collar of his shirt and lifted him off the ground, leaving his legs dangling. He kicked out blindly, trying to push his opponent away, but his feet found only empty space. His hands scrabbled to try and pry his attacker’s hands free from his clothing, but with Chance’s lack of blood, and Light’s immense strength, it was useless.

The red-headed man blinked, unable to wash away the mud that was shrouding his vision. By now, he was feeling the full effects of his blood loss, and his body began to grow weak. His left eye fluttered, barely opening, but he could see Light. The giant’s fist was reared back, ready to deliver the deciding blow. Pain and agony were throbbing through his whole body, but it seemed to grow less noticeable.

That’s it. He was done. Chance couldn’t fight any longer. His single open eye shut slowly, turning his vision dark once more; his arms fell to his sides and his legs went still. The prince was unconscious.

The giant angel stood there without a word to say. The armor that he donned for battle faded back to its usual pale coloring as he stared at the passed out prince. Light lowered his fist, and loosened his grip on the smaller man. The motionless body sank to the ground, causing the muddy water around him to splash up and soften his descent.

“Foolish.” The fallen angel muttered under his breath, “To cause one’s self so much harm to try and simply gain the upper hand.”

“Statement: But he fought well.” The robotic voice turned Light’s attention on Bl.An.C, who had come down from his seat to retrieve his comrade. “Continuation: He does need practice though. He has become too cocky.”

Light nodded at this, his gaze lingering over the body. Rain continued to pelt the trio, all standing still in the middle of the coliseum. It wasn’t until an sigh passed through Bl.An.C’s vocal processor that the silence was broken, and the pseudo-android moved towards his unconscious companion.

“Statement: We should be going. This one needs rest…And a possible blood transfusion.” Cooper said, bending down to lift the limp body with ease.

“Will he be okay?” Light asked, taking a half step forward.

“Reply: He will be fine. His unusual power allows his body to heal cuts rather fast. He should recover within a few days.”

The fallen angel watched as Bl.An.C lifted Chance and threw him over his shoulder before walking off towards the exit. It wasn’t until then that he noticed that the rain was starting to let up, letting small rays of light break through the clouds.

What a fitting ending.


Google Docs Version (https://docs.google.com/document/d/1JiD4f-uMXJnliSJk9tX70wsBpBaOO14SoiaT1qAvPCY/edit?usp=sharing)


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This is my part, so yeah.. CnC is greatly appreciated ^^"

(I will set the poll up once Devi is able to post his story here.)

devi
08-18-2014, 07:08 PM
Alright! This is going to be fun.

Corrupted Blood

It was a windy winters night with the snow falling from the heavens slowly, ever so slowly unto the sleeping city. But not all of the city were asleep, there were two awake, two men about to fight it out in the city interlocked in deadly battle.

Light was walking slowly, step by step as his armor clanked for each step while snow fell onto his armor like leaves in autumn. His sword was as usual sheathed on his back as he takes step after step in the direction of where the street would take him.

As he walked, he noticed that every one of the doors in the city were open. “Foolish sinners.” Light whispers, disgusted, quickly eyeing the surroundings for any clue of what had happened. But no clues were to be seen just as he neared the middle of the city.

But on the other side of the city was another man walking around, his name was Chance, the blood prince. He also walked slowly on the streets but at a faster pace than Light, whom he had no clue of was in the same city as him. “So I am to meet the man called the ‘fallen paladin’?” Chance says to himself out loud as he stops by a large X painted on the ground.

“Sounds easy enough.” He says again to himself as he looks around for his opponent. But he was nowhere to be seen, so Chance shrugged and lied down in the freshly fallen snow.

Light was confused at a seemingly endless maze of houses and buildings. But now he refused to walk in this ‘maze’ any longer as he unsheathed his sword. He positioned himself with his sword in the vertical striking motion aiming towards the buildings.

The sword slowly started to glow a golden aura as Light lifted his sword upwards and quickly with speed and strength downwards. The sword hit the ground hard causing the earth itself crack and shake while the cracks move from the swords impact and onto the city itself.

Chance feeling the shaking, he swiftly got up from the ground and hastily brushed the snowflakes. He quickly eyes the surroundings through the locks of his hair and sees the buildings slowly crackle and fall with dust slowly receding from them.

“And what is this?” Chance thought to himself looking at the dust clouds emerging from the rubble. And there he saw him, the knight with silver armor approaching him step by step. His size was immense compared to Chance and his sword was quite intimidating to just look at the size of it.

“So you’re the bloodmancer I am to face?” Light asks with a threatening tone as he stares at Chance with cold eyes while he sheaths his sword. The mist emanating from his helmet was melted by his icy words. “Why yes handsome.” Chance answers with a charming smile and tone. Light smiles an unseen evil smile as he raises his hand to invite a friendly handshake.

Chance smiles happily and gladly gives him one but he gets a nasty surprise. Light lifts Chance up with his hand and throws him overhead, straight towards the ground. Chance being completely at his mercy, for not being on his guard, was slammed face first right onto the ground thus breaking his nose.

Chance quickly got up from the ground, wiping away the blood from his nose and stared at Light. “Better to be ready you fool.” Light said aloud as he laughed out loud so his armor made loud clanking noises. Chance was at first mad at this but he simply grinned as he stood up straight and snapped his fingers.

The two then fell into deadly silence as the blood that had splattered on the ground and on Chance, started to float upwards into a huge bubble of blood in the air. “Now now handsome, that’s not a way of fighting.” Chance said with a big happy grin at Light, making the paladin feel uneasy at his smile.

The paladin simply grunted as he unsheathed his sword and let it hit the ground with a loud smash. The moment it did, the blood started to mold into shapes of people and land on the ground slowly. “Blood move: Blood clones” Chance said with a loud chuckle as the blood fully formed to look exactly like clones of the blood prince.

“More to punish you fool.” Light shouted as he charged right to him with his sword drawn. “Scatter!” Chance shouted as the clones moved away with a jump and as did Chance.

Light hit downwards towards the ground, completely missing the clones. He was enraged at this so he raised his sword and striked at the nearest one. It did not move or flinch as the sword cut right through him, causing blood to spread out everywhere.

The blood blinded Light as it covered his helmet and armor while Chance was moving along with his own plan. Light was quickly struck from behind as he was also punched in the face causing him to fall to the ground with a slam.

Light quickly wiped the blood away and got back up on his feet using his sword as steadfast. Golden angel wings grew from his armor as he flew up with one flap, as he looked downwards at his enemy.

Chance just stood there, watching Light flying upwards in the sky. Light took quick breaths while the lights illuminated his misty cold breaths. They again interlocked in deadly silence while as Chance’s clones gathered by him.

But quickly Light flew downwards with one wing flap with his sword sheathed, he quickly grabbed a clone by the neck and flew back up. The clone had no time to react as Light ripped its head straight off, tearing off the blood that held the clone together. The other clones looked in disgust and fear, quickly getting in fight or flee positions as Light dropped the lifeless blood body.

Light grabbed onto his sword and flew downwards again, aiming towards Chance. The clones swiftly reacted by getting in the way of Light. But it was all for naught as Light simply slashed through them all in one strike.

Chance seeing as this flying beast would kill him with ease, hastily started to run in the opposite direction of him with all his remaining stamina. Light started to catch up and lifted his sword upwards with extreme annoyance and rage fueling him.

Chance looked behind seeing the paladin being exactly right behind him, then at that deadly and precise moment, the paladin striked down with his blood stained sword on the blood prince with a loud battle cry. “Sins be purged!”

“Phew.” Chance whispered to himself while quickly running through the rubble of the city. “Thank god for that clone.” He says again, trying to catch his breath from his intense running. But no sooner had he stopped to rest, when he heard the sounds of loud blasts. “I guess I’ve underestimated his ability.” Chance begins sprinting away from the explosions, only for them to catch up to him.

Light flew right through all the rubble, following Chance. He quickly landed on the ground with a slam causing a extreme shake in the ruins. Chance felt this powerful shake shivering his body and stumbled to the ground. “No point in hiding blood prince!” Light roared aloud as he used to sword to shatter the rubble in his way, as he got closer and closer to Chance.

Chance quickly scurried over to a nearby reception desk in a building that resembled a hotel and hid behind it. But this was a mistake; Light saw Chance run into the wreckage and charged straight for him with his sword raised.

“Not here. I won’t die here!” Chance whispered to himself as he snapped his fingers and stood up with a determination to fight. “Fool!” Light shouted as he struck downwards with his sword on the wounded Chance. But it was a trap; Chance’s blood flew straight into Lights helmet as he missed Chance and smashed his sword into the desk thus crushing it.

Chance took this opportunity and kicked Light straight in the crotch. They both stopped their movements in silence as Light shrieked with pain. “JODER!” Light shouted loudly in pain while he fell back, covering his crotch as a reaction from the immense amount of pain. “Wish I didn’t need to do that sweetie, but I had to.” Chance said with a big grin, wiping away the sweat trickling down his face.

But then Chance’s right arm just suddenly flew off in a bright flash of light. Chance howled in the sheer force of pain overwhelming his body causing some parts to go completely numb. Light was pointing his point finger at Chance as the brightness receded “You… fucking… sinner!” Light bellowed as he got himself up while he made grunting sounds from the agony that still had not subsided.
Chance fell down to his knees as he pressed his left hand on the wound. Light slowly walked over to Chance as his armor clamored loudly, step-by-step. Light pointed at Chance again with his right hand as he got brighter and brighter and poof. But the light beam shot right by Chance instead.“

You could have killed me… why not?” Chance questioned, still prepared for death. “I might have use of you in the near future.” Light answer with a dark smile behind his bloodstained helmet. “I would never help you.” Chance answered angrily at this notion. “We’ll have to see.” Light replied while turning around, picking up his sword and slowly walking away from the wounded blood prince.

“Another mistake paladin!” Chance shouted as the blood on the ground transformed to clones and started to attack Light. After and each every attack, the clones dispersed into blood while Light was hit with seemingly endless kicks and punches.

The clones continued their everlasting combo but Light didn’t fight back for some reason when he was right enough powerful to. “Is he holding back?” Chance thought to himself as the side effects of the bloodmancing kicked in. Blood started to drip from Chance’s nose as he lost his concentration from the extreme headaches he received.

Every single of the clones disappeared again into puddles of blood while Light slowly got himself up from the ground. Some weird yellow strands shining brightly seemingly incapacitated Light’s arms. “We’ve both have been suffering some side effects have we not?” Light struggled to speak as he coughed up a dark colored blood.

Chance attempted to stand up again but he was disoriented by the headache and fell down to the ground face first while Light lifted up his sword so the tip touched the fragile roof. “Rest… in… pieces.” And Light striked down with his golden blood stained sword.

The blood prince… is dead at last.

The quality of your story sends shivers down my spine Chamel, will be fun to see who wins ;)

acutelatios
08-20-2014, 08:08 AM
Okay, I haven't CnCed for a heck of a while, so I'll just go ahead and give you guys some to get me warmed up~

[Chamel]
Ohh~I definitely enjoyed yours! It was action packed, the fighting choreography was nice and the descriptions was great since I could view the whole story in my head~

The storyline was rather fun; I really liked that you showed that Chance was definitely at a disadvantage and was not strong enough to beat Light. I mean I was a little worried about Chance when he lost and was concerned when Bl.An.C didn't jump in like, "Wait, is he going to help him or something? Um, Tinman your guy's going to die...just thought you should know, in case you're busy with playing Fruit Ninja or something!"

In the end, I'm beginning to question Bl.An.C's testing methods...

Anyways, overall the story was enjoyable and I quite liked it. You have come a long way from the first battle I ever read from you~

However, I felt that the battle sequence didn't really feel...desperate, enough? I dunno. I mean, I know should feel something about Chance's well-being and all in the fight, but I just didn't. I felt like some of the sentences just went on for too long, or had too much (what I felt were) unneeded descriptions. I learned that if you're writing about something quick and exciting then you have to have short sentences. Avoid writing it too long, and only add details of what you need to have the readers focus on in the fight. That's my experience at least, and also a tip that was given to me by a friend of mine a long time ago; it helped improved my stories a lot but it took a few tries to get that right blend of action and description in the scene. I hope that helps you too~

Also some other things. I thought that the beginning was rather, long? I don't know. It just didn't sit right with me. Like I know you're trying to set up the mood and all, but the walk felt dragged on and so did the waiting for Light. I know that sounds weird given that that's how it's probably supposed to feel, but the thing is that for the beginning a story it needs to hook in the readers. You need to have them curious about something to make them continue reading. Even a few sentences would be fine just as long as you make it interesting. I guess it's also sort of like a report, in that it's recommended that you have to lay down the main focus of your piece in the intro and then expand on it in the following main body paragraphs. This fight, for example, you could start with something about how this is Chance's test of his skills. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't describe the environment or the mood, you can easily slip it in somehow.

As for the waiting of Light, it was weird. Well actually, I guess I'm more iffy with Chance's battle planning. Like he was thinking of how to deal with his opponent and then gave up; I didn't think he'd try again later or get annoyed by it when he wasn't doing it anymore. I dunno, I got caught off guard when I didn't get any reason why he did it again, and in the end it just seemed weird. I guess I just got confused when it said "making a plan was starting to frustrate him" 'cause I thought he was already done planning XD

Besides that, I was pretty happy with this and I really liked it~

Great job Cham~!
o w o


[Devi]
I have some good news and some bad news. Good news is that I had fun reading your work~! The bad one is that I was enjoying it for the wrong reasons~

Sorry deary but for this story I have A LOT to nitpick, but it's okay~you're improving and I'm going to help with making you improve even more, if you so wish to read my CnC of course haha~

Anyways first off, I like the beginning. And by beginning I mean the first paragraph. It was a nice start and got me into the story, but unfortunately it didn't last long. The following paragraphs were alright. I mean I was wondering why all houses had open doors, but I guess that wasn't really a main focus, and wasn't really going to be a plot point. I dunno, it's just weird. 'Cause when writing descriptions, you need to have a reason why you emphasized an aspect of the environment in particular to both the characters and the readers. There has to be a reason for the image and parts of the environment you guide them through. If it's just to set up an eerie mood then it's fine, but you could have also included other descriptions of how the place looked like. Maybe the city was old and deserted, if it was then you could describe broken windows, or some buildings where the roof had fallen in, or how some of the streetlights were busted and half fallen over, or how some plants had begun to break through the cement. You don't have to add all of that, but you can see what I mean right? Yeah, that's something to keep in mind~

Also something that had been bothering me throughout the story; you seem to like to describe walking a lot (ex. step by step)...and also Light's armour clanging. Now it's good to give the readers an image of your character, but the repeated occurrence of it throughout the story is really unnecessary. Like once is enough, especially for the walking. Avoid describing it as "step by step" because the readers get it; he's walking. Try to describe it in other ways next time~! That also goes for the armour thing~just avoid saying that it's clanging 'cause the readers also know that that's what sounds the metal armour makes~

There are also a lot of parts where you change tenses. Like in the beginning, you set up that the story is told in a past tense before writing something like "says" or "whispers", which are present tense, I believe. It's just really minor, and it happens to the best of us. Just remember to read over your work a few times, or have someone else read it over for you, or read it out loud~it really helps out~

Another nitpick is how some of the dialogue of different characters are placed in a same paragraphs. Again this is a nitpick, but usually when it's a different character speaking or thinking, they are spread out in their own paragraph to avoid any confusion with the reader and help in making things easier to read. Now, it just happens a few times in the story so this is just something to look for and keep in mind in future stories~

And in addition to that is you also seem to use words rather repetitively. Like in the beginning you used "slowly" a lot and some other words in other places. Like my comment with the walking description and armour, try to avoid using words in the following sentences too often. Instead, reword the whole thing so that it means the same thing you want, and it doesn't seem repetitive~

The battle in itself was sort of weak, in my opinion of course. I mean the choreography was pretty neat, and I did enjoy it to an extent, but it was really shaky and sort of confusing. There are some sentences that described something like an action, but either there wasn't any reference to it before, or didn't give enough description of the scene to really make it exciting, or lacked any reasoning to it to have it make sense to the reader. Like when Light chased after THAT particular Chance, it was odd. You could easily say that that Chance looked off, or had too many Chances surrounding him, or he actually ran off and all the others covered for him, or Light just followed his gut or had a feeling about it; it would have made more sense as to why he did it. Just things like that help us readers to see what the characters see and understand what they think~and that makes us enjoy it a little more and want to keep reading~

Going from that, I just got to say that the story as a whole was bordering "telling and not showing". Because, well...in some parts you seem to outright point something out than describing it. Which usually has more of an impact. It made the story rather, uninteresting as it went on. Not that much though, but it took me a while to focus and finish it up.

Though this is something in writing that gets better with time and experience. You got to start describing things more; make it something that you want the readers to get immersed with. Sure it's just a short story, but make it more fun and colorful and descriptive. Have the readers understand how a character thinks and feels, give them the reasons behind their actions. Put the readers into the scene (that goes for you as well) and guide them through the happenings of the story; immerse them in the story. It'll take a while~but you'll get there~

Overall, you got a lot to work on, but you did pretty well~ with all my nitpickiness, I do have to say that it was a fun read~

Just keep in mind what I said here for next time~alright~?

Great effort Devi~~
o w o

In the end I'm choosing to vote for Chamel~

Good luck to both of you though~and I hope my CnC helps you two in future stories~

*huggles you two*
> w <

Crank
08-26-2014, 09:48 AM
Chamel:

Very interesting story! Like acute, I was a little thrown by Bl.An.C.'s lack of intervention until it came full circle and observations of the scene felt bizarre when it didn't wind up mattering. Like, I think that's it's good to showcase your setting, but if you highlight what's not important you're going to keep your audience waiting for something that ultimately won't, and while you can play off that quite well if it's an urgent situation that doesn't pull though, it would need to stay important.

You could've done that angle with Cooper's lack of stepping in, just by showcasing Chance's concern with it, or having him direct his gaze or thoughts to the man.

One last thing, I think all your dialogue might've taken away from the battle. Sword-fights aren't like gunfights, I don't have time to shout intimate details about my adversary's mother as I hide behind cover, it's all very close, very personally, and very quick. That being said, I do like smack talk and back and forth, but I do think that you don't have the time deliver long lines in that level of urgency.

As an example, here's the time it took between the agreement to battle, to where the blade actually came down:

“Chance. Greetings, you may call me Light.” With that, the large man bowed, but quickly straightened out again. “Now that introductions are aside, shall we begin?”

Before he gave Chance an opportunity to respond, he pulled a massive sword from a sheath that dangled from his hip. The sword itself was just as big, if not bigger, than the red-headed man, and Chance couldn't help but feel a little belittled and afraid.

“Alright, mate. I'll play your game.” The red-head responded, unable to help the soft shaking of his voice. He turned his body to the side and eyed the large man. “So sword play it shall be.”

Light let out a hearty laugh that caused the mud puddles around them to ripple. “Puny fool, you do not have such a weapon at your disposal.”

“Oh? Oh that's right! I don't! Silly me.” Chance mused, smirking as he brought his palm to lips. “One second, my dear.”

His mouth opened, exposing glistening white teeth. Within a fraction of a second, he brought them down upon his palm, easily breaking the skin as he did so. Red liquid swelled from the wound, and slowly dripped down the back of his hand, and even sliding down the sleeve of his suit. He followed up quickly by flicking his hand into the air, sending little red droplets flying up to meet with the rain.

With a snap of his fingers, the blood spun in the air, forming a small, crimson whirlpool. Chance looked towards Light, who was staring fixedly at the scene.

“And, here we are.” With another snap of his fingers, the blood formed into sabre, and placed itself into Chance's bleeding hand. The red weapon was pointed straight at his large opponent; the wielder with a wicked grin.

“What is this witchcraft?” Light shouted, anger apparent in his tone. “You walk hand in hand with the Devil himself!”

“Oi, mate. Enough. I don't work with the Devil. Sinning though, I can't deny.” The red-head chuckled, keeping his maroon eyes fixed on Light. “So are you going to make the first move? Or shall I?”

“Sinful fool! You will regret for giving me such a chance!” Light roared.

He took his sword in both hands and swung it over his head before arcing it down in a powerful slash. Luckily, Light's large frame and sword made his attack sluggish, and gave Chance enough time to counter. The red-head straightened his posture and placed one hand behind his back.

It makes the battle come off as a secondary thing instead of the key to their interaction, which damages the suspense.

“There..” Chance said, his voice shaky as he still had not overcome the pain from the powerful kick. He sucked in a deep breath and stared at the armored giant. “I think we're at an even match now, mate..”

Now he really needed to end this, or he would pass out from blood loss. Luckily, this was just what he needed. However, Light roared with laughter, covering the the angelic carvings on his breastplate with his hand as he bent over.

“I see your plan, small one! However, do you really think that harming yourself can give you the upper hand?” He roared, quickly composing himself once more. “Let me show you why you no sinner is any match for me.”

“There..” Chance said, his voice shaky as he still had not overcome the pain from the powerful kick. He sucked in a deep breath and stared at the armored giant. “I think we're at an even match now, mate..”

Now he really needed to end this, or he would pass out from blood loss. Luckily, this was just what he needed. However, Light roared with laughter, covering the the angelic carvings on his breastplate with his hand as he bent over.

“I see your plan, small one!” He roared, quickly composing himself once more. “Let me show you why you no sinner is any match for me.”

Maybe that's still a lot of time Chance doesn't necessarily have, but it's much less that he was wasting a second ago. The way I see it, the more dominate your situation, the more of a chance you have to speak but if someone else is desperate, they won't give it to you either. The only contrast is if they're in a submissive(?) state where they really have no say.

Like, if someone's holding a knife against my throat, I'm not exactly in a position to argue, but if I'm bleeding out on the ground with a rock within my reach, I'd be much more inclined to capitalize on their distraction.

Again though, very nice!

Devi:
I think you had a really interesting story as well! I personally feel that the main think lacking was purpose though. I could never really tell the motivations for any of the characters which makes them in turn hard to rally behind. Even if the two are simply scheduled to battle, there is an underlying reason as to why they're in that situation and the choices they make while in it. Every choice we make has one reason for another, but it felt like Light and Chance were just going through motions. Dive into their minds and show your readers what they're feeling to make them understand, otherwise you just have a list of questions that become unanswered by the end.

I think that purpose would plug the holes for a much of what acute indicated. If there's a reason why Light is seeking Chance in particular, you have the bones to the plot, and then Chance's angle can help flesh it out. From there, you can use cause and effect to steer your story, as well as elements from the setting and that sort of thing. Also, reasons as to why they're fighting help explain why they behave the way that are during it and the choices through it.

I think once you breach that and enter your characters, minds you could easily reach a whole new level.

Good job!