PDA

View Full Version : wRHG Battle: Mr. Alderday vs. Omega



Malacal
11-30-2014, 02:48 PM
It really is nice to be back. I would normally have a paragraph of fluff here but I have no idea what to say so... happy voting/reading/criticizing us/etc.!
Oh, and even though it's a month early, happy holidays.

12:30am

It’s the wee small hours in the middle of autumn. The air is dry and cool, and chilled leafs are piled on the sidewalk. All decent folk are asleep at this time, either that, or enjoying a drink at the local bars. Large buildings are scattered around almost every block for half a mile in each direction. One building in particular is a large hotel, and in it’s pent house glows a faint light shining through one of its windows.

Jean Alderday was on his quarterly vacation. He didn’t feel like dealing with the hassles of flying, instead, he felt like spending his time in the city, hoping to explore the public attractions that he was normally unable to do due to time constraints.

Jean was sitting upright in a king sized bed. He had given up on falling asleep that night. An ill-timed two shot espresso had taken over his system, and at that time, Jean was waiting it out by switching through the channels on the TV at the foot of his bed. Eventually, he shut off the TV and just laid down with not a single light in the room, eyes open, mouth shut, and arms spread out over the covers.

Seconds later, Jean’s eye catches a glimmer of light outside of the window. A moving glow seemed to be weaving around the large buildings surrounding the hotel. Jean then sat up and stared at the ball of light while it danced around almost playfully. It was very strange to witness, but at the same time, it was mesmerizing. As Jean watched, he had noticed something moving with it. To his shock, Jean spotted sleek, black appendages moving around from under the glow, gripping the various guardrails and ledges on the many buildings. Hesitantly, Jean got out of his bed, put on his clothes and coat, and headed towards the penthouse balcony while gripping a pistol that he had hid in his nightstand.

Jean leaned against the doors while watching the light from out the window, waiting for the chance to confront whatever that thing was.

“What am I doing” Jean thought to himself. “I have no clue what this thing is. I’m better off calling this in and having someone else deal with it, if anyone will believe me.”

Before Jean starts to walk back, he feels a thump coming from the balcony. Surely, Jean was not but ten feet away from the mysterious figure. With barely a thought in his head, he pushed open the doors.

Jean saw nothing, that thing weaving around the buildings had vanished. Despite this, Jean cocked his gun, and walked slowly out onto the balcony. Even with the deck well lit, he couldn’t see anything out of the ordinary. Jean slowly panned his head over from side to side, searching for that ominous glow. A subtle sound came from behind him, a noise that sounded a lot like the bending of metal. Jean quickly turned around, and was taken aside by the sight of two glaring, red eyes staring him down from the roof of the hotel.

The lights of the balcony revealed a jet-black, humanoid figure. The glow that Jean saw before was revealed to be coming from the halo like object floating from the top of the creature’s head. The figure simply stood there, and after a few seconds, it broke the silence.

“You are most fortunate to gaze at my significance mortal. You shall now know that I am nothing less than a god. That being said, I require something from you.”

The figure gracefully lowered itself from the roof and onto the balcony. It then started stepping regally around the side of the deck with one arm gliding against the handrail while it’s back appendages were trailing behind the creature like a cloak, but slightly hovered above the ground. It then stopped and turned towards the night sky with it’s halo now a faint golden shimmer.

“Before we continue, I feel entitled to at least let you hear my name. I am Omega, the esteemed king and god of many.”

“Well, I’m not completely sure how to respond to this.” said Jean perplexed “I should say that I am honored to- umm… meet you. Didn’t you say that you needed something from me?”

Omega turned around towards Jean with a smile, His tentacles were now raised above the ground at chest level. He continued to walk around the deck with his eyes on Jean and said “I am of need of your life force. It would give your life meaning to help me. I am a god of many like I said before, and I have used many other lives to prolong my own. Would you put their deaths in vain by denying this noble cause?

Jean walk along the same direction as Omega, keeping a distance between themselves. His eyes were locked on Omega as they circled around the deck.

“I’m sorry sir, but I must apologize. I’m not in the position to give away my… “life force”. Perhaps you can see to someone else for that.”

“You are not aware of your stance on the matter mortal, as much as you believe that you have an option here, I’m sad to address that you have no choice. So I ask you more bluntly. Will you give up your life force willingly, or will I need to take it from you against your will? I promise you, I will make the process slow and agonizing if I need do things my way.”

“I really hoped that you would have been more compassionate towards my volition, I’m astounded that you think I would simply comply with you taking my life all because of your nobility. I’m sorry, but I like I said, you will need to see someone else for that.”

Omega paused for a brief moment. His eyes faded into a more disappointed look, like a parent in disagreement with their child.

“I see, then I guess I should make your choice for you.”

Before Jean could take aim with his pistol, the tentacles on Omega’s back shot out towards Jean, six of them managed to wrap his arms and lifted him above the ground, making him drop his gun. Omega then slowly walked up towards him with a grin.

“I’ve seen how you mortals prepares your aquatic species for cooking, I believe the process involves a knife. I speculate that you can do the same thing to humans as well, although I may not know how the process works, I’m willing to start learning.”

Omega reviles another tentacle from his back, he purposely puts the appendage close to Jeans face so he can see as it hardens and forms a sharp edge. The tentacle then brushes against Jeans face, it then suddenly twists and cuts open a gash on his cheek. It moves lower towards Jean’s guts and then takes aim with the tip pointed toward his stomach. Before the tentacle struck, Jean’s coat tore open to reveal his extra two arms. He quickly grabs the appendage and sticks it through Omega’s shoulder, making Omega drop him onto the floor. As Omega clenched his shoulder, Jean grabbed him by the arm and flung him into the guardrails. Omega then lifts himself up with his tentacles.

You will pay for that mortal! No one has the right to treat me like this! What I was about to do to you will be nothing compared what I will do to you.

“You can call me Jean by all regards, although, most address me by Mr. Alderday to keep things formal. I would prefer if you would say my name instead of calling me mortal.”

“Well Mr. Alderday, I hope you have more tricks up your sleeve, otherwise, you might as well give in to me.

“I implore you to take my suggestions earlier before I cause a scene Omega, I am plenty strong enough to take you down.”

(Omega begins to laugh)

“Oh, you are so naïve. You think this is all I have to offer? I have lived over a millennium and have command millions! Look upon my glory and tell me that you spare a chance.”

Omega’s halo starts to shine harshly and then flies towards Jean’s direction. Jean avoids the attack by crouching behind a large pillar and letting the structure absorb the impact from the halo. Jean bolted off the rails and hopped down to the fire escape. He then kicks loose the escape ladder and rides it down until he hopes off onto a ledge next to a nearby window. Jean smashes the window and enters, only to find himself inside a utility room. Jean looks back to see tentacles gripping the window sill from the outside and runs into the hallway. Omega enters the room. He sees a canister filled with oxygen and yells out “I will see everyone in this building burn before you test me again Mr. Alderday!” Omega throws the canister into the hallway with Jean in it and summons a stream of fire. The fire hits the canister, blowing it up and setting the whole hallway up in flames.

Jean stands there surrounded by fire and watched as Omega leaves through the window he came in. Jean smashes through a nearby door; he finds a patch of weakened floorboards inside and breaks through it to get to the floor below. He pulls the fire alarms to signal everyone to get out, and then makes his way to the stairs on the other side of the building. When Jean reached the entrance to the staircase, a pile of rubble collapsed through the floor above, bringing the fire upstairs to the lower level. Jean climbed up the rubble and entered the stairs on the floor above. He made his way downstairs only to find a crowd of people pancaking at the bottom of the staircase. The exit outside was blocked by what could be assumed was some supports that came loose from the fire. Jean weaved through the crowd and tore apart the exit with his hands. As he made his way through the door, he noticed a slab of concrete was jutting out from the sidewalk and seemed to have kept the door shut before Jean stepped in.

As Jean made his way around the building to find Omega, he spotted him waiting for him on the other side of the sidewalk with his shoulder fully healed. They locked eyes and made their way towards each other. Omega launched three of his tentacles at Jean, knocking him into the road. Jean grabbed a stop sign and tore it out of the ground. Jean ran at Omega and swung the sign at him, only to have Omega grab it and fling Jean into the hotel building. Omega’s tentacles flew at Jean, but he swatted them away with the sign and jabbed it into Omega’s stomach. Jean then used the sign to flip Omega back into the building. Jean then stepped back and launched himself at Omega, trying to knee him against the wall, but Omega quickly recovered and moved to the side. Omega grabbed Jean’s leg and tossed him onto the other side of the street. Jean then fumbled onto the construction site next to the hotel with Omega behind him. Omega scurried towards Jean with one tentacle out to his side that was meant to impale Jean. Omega shot the tentacle at him, but Jean grabbed it and pulled Omega towards him, Jean landed a solid punch using two of his left arms to reel Omega in while using his two right arms to land the hit. Omega went flying back, but Jean still had the tentacle. Jean gripped the appendage with all four of his arms, and then swung Omega into a concrete pillar. Omega climbed to a ledge of the half constructed building with his tentacles. He used his powers to force one of the walls of the concrete building to fall onto Jean. Jean shielded himself as best as he could while being barraged with a downpour of bricks, but the assault was too much and was forced into the ground and was buried under the concrete.

Omega made his way down to the pile of rubble where Jean once stood. He bursted out laughing for a good ten seconds, then faded into a chuckle. His tentacles dug into the rubble and pulled out Jean, looking slightly disoriented. Omega brought him up to his face still while chuckling.

“You are plenty strong enough to take me down you said, you thought that you could out best me. Well guess what Mr. Alderday; your attempts at denying your fate were folly, in the end, I will be taking your life force.”

Jean then grabbed at Omega. Omega’s neck with Jean’s top right hand, Omega’s right arm with Jean’s bottom right hand, and all of Omega’s tentacles on the left side of his back were being gripped by both of Jean’s left arms.

“You think I’m done with you Omega? Why did it take so much out of you just to beat me down if you were truly a god? I’m better than you, and I don’t need your special powers to win this, all I need is my strength alone to lay you out. You have brought the worst out of me; there is no way out of this.”

Jean strangled Omega making his let go of Jean. Jean slammed him on the ground and grabbed at all of his tentacles with all four of his arms. Omega tried to stand back up, but Jean then pressed his foot on Omega’s back and pulled as hard as he could. Omega’s tentacles were ripped out from his back, then discarded on the rubble and left to squirm. Jean stepped back for a breather to see his work. Omega was spread out in and in pain, Jean stood there for a moment, simply looking down on him like Omega was when they first locked eyes. Omega let out a furious grunt and summoned a stone spike out of the ground, and it impaled Jean’s bottom left arm. Jean crouch down on one knee, holding his arm in anguish.

Omega finally stood up, he turned his head back and had a sadistic grin running across his face.

“Oh Mr. Alderday, as much as I’ve enjoyed your company, I’m afraid that our time must come at an end. Don’t worry; after I kill you, I’ll put your life force to good use, I promise you. Now, how should I go about this?”

Omega looks around for a bit and sees a metal drum filled with iron polls used for supporting concrete on a ledge behind Jean. He walks up the ledge with a conformed posture and puts his hand on the drum. Jean struggles to move, the stone spike is going through his arm and the pain is intolerable.

“How do you feel about me pouring this drum of iron polls onto your back? Do you think they will go all the way through your back and pop out through your chest when I tip this barrel over you?”

As Omega started to move the barrel, Jean mustered the strength he needed to pull his arm out of the spike and jumped backwards. The iron polls impaled the area that used to be under Jean, protruding upwards like javelins in the ground.

“You know Mr. Alderday, I wasn’t asking those questions to be cruel, I was generally curious. You are a muscular man, maybe those metal polls wouldn’t have went all the way through your torso, but now we will never know.”

“Screw you!” Jean said angrily “When are you all of a sudden so collected?”

“I’ve come to admire you Mr. Alderday. I haven’t faced anyone on this planet who has lived as long as you have. Of course, that’s not stopping me from killing you. In the end, all that matters to me is your life force, and I will cherish every moment that I use it until it depletes. You should be honored to spend this much personal time with me Mr. Alderday, no one ever does.”

“I’m still not done with you.”

“Your very persistent Mr. Alderday, but for the last and final time, goodbye.”

Omega’s halo starts to glow heavily; it launches into Jean and knocks him back into the ground. Omega uses his powers to create a dagger made of concrete from his surroundings to form in his hand. He walks steadily up to Jean and tries to stab him in the head. Jean stops the dagger by grabbing Omega by the wrist, and pushing him away. Jean pushes himself up and staggers towards Omega with persistence. Omega runs at Jean and slams into his face using his metallic elbow. Jean spits out some blood and recoils back at Omega using a well-placed uppercut to his gut. Jean grapples Omega, flips him into the air and then grabs him by the ankles as he falls back down. Jean swings Omega around and lets out a hardy scream as he violently slams Omega’s body through the protruding iron polls.

Jean plops down onto the pile bricks, he sits while he tears off some of his coat to wrap up his arm and face. Jean sits there, staring at Omega’s impaled metal body.

“How do I explain myself after this mess. I’m bruised, cut up, and my arm is wounded. People are going to ask questions, and what will I have to tell? The lightshow earlier alone was hard to handle, but this…”

Jean picked himself back up and headed back into the hotel, minutes passed, a limousine had stopped next to Jean when he was finally back at the hotel.

“Mista Alderday?! Holy shit, wha’da hell happened to ya?! We got the call that the hotel you were stayin at caught on fire. We got firemen ta look allover tha place for ya but you weren’t anywhere to be found? We spent a whole lotta time lookin for ya, and now we find you are back at the hotel in a ghat damn wreck. Wha’da hell happened?!”

“I was in a burning building Mack, do you think I would look pretty afterwards?”

“I know Mista Alderday, but yer arms a mess! You look like you’ve been in a damn stampede.”

“What do you honestly expect? That I was fighting a robotic space god or something?”

“That’s not funny Mista Alderday, will you please git in da car now, we need to get you to da hospital.”

Jean got in the car; he almost dozed off the moment he sat down. The early morning light was especially harsh on his eyes, and there was nothing more that he wanted to do but go back to his house and sleep after a visit to the doctors. As the limousine passed by the construction site, Jean looked out the tinted window to find Omega’s body missing. Not one trace of him was left, not even the tentacles that Jean had ripped off of him were there. Jean knew that he wasn’t dead, but was somewhere out there. Hopefully he went after someone else and was through with Jean, but still, a hint of doubt still lingered, one day Jean may find him again, and next time, it might not end in Jean’s favor.

End.

Mr. Alderday was strolling through a town. The town in question had flat low-ceiling buildings, so low to the point that children were climbing atop them. Furthermore, the buildings were made of clay and mud bricks and they were practically next to each other. Mr. Alderday swears it wouldn’t be too hard for even his bulky and clumsy body to get to the top of one of the buildings and jump around for awhile, but that may completely ruin his reputation.

Around the town, was an ever expansive desert with sparse amounts of cacti sprouting out of the ground. Many of the cacti had rocks in them and were knocked over, probably from kids and teenagers screwing with them. It was also not unusual to see the loose golden-brown sand get picked up by fierce winds and create devastating sandstorms.

Mr. Alderday called his guards to his side. All ten of them quickly responded and surrounded him with guns drawn. Guards were amongst the things that Mr. Alderday always had with him, never leaves home without them. Especially so when he was in a place famed for drug cartels, so today he brought extras.
After his guards reported what they’d scouted out, Mr. Alderday made his way to the center of town to see quite a sight; a fountain was firing spouts of water high into the sky. It was obvious to anyone that the town must’ve been built around a natural spring despite this being a desert town. As to why the only vegetation was cacti is a mystery.

Then, an even rarer sight came to greet him. Eight tentacles pierced into two adjacent buildings, four into one and four into the other. Suddenly, a humanoid creature descended from the sky and nearly crashed into the ground before stopping a mere inch away from the sand, supported only by now significantly shorter tentacles.

“W-w-w-what the hell is that THING?!” One of Alderday’s guards immediately shot two bullets at the creature, one bullet missed and landed an inch away from the creatures foot and the other harmlessly slid along it’s metallic head. The guard then dropped the gun from the kick on the gun and him not having a good grip.

After the guard’s nervous shootings, a tentacle yanked itself out of a wall and extended outward. It reached it’s destination and pierced the offending guard’s chest and continued to slither through until his screams of terror ceased. The other guards immediately cocked back their guns before Mr. Alderday commanded, “Hold your fire! Our match hasn’t begun yet.”

The guards saw that the creature was not attacking and they stood prepared, but did not point their guns. The creature then planted it’s feet in the ground and stood at an impressive height above everyone there, it’s height was made less intimidating by the fact that everyone was obviously much wider in the shoulders than it. The creature then introduced itself, “It was quite brave on your part to allow me to choose our battleground Mr. Alderday, my name is Omega. Although, if you’d like to refer to me as God then go ahead.”

Mr. Alderday managed to keep a straight face as Omega claimed himself to be a god. He would normally order drinks in a scenario like this but there wasn’t really anything but water here and Mr. Alderday didn’t know what metallic tentacled creatures drank. In fact, the only thing he knew about tentacled creatures is that they are frequently featured in animated cartoon pornography, and that may be a biased view point of view. Instead he went with the politest response he could think of, “Greetings, Omega. Are there any preparations you would like to make before beginning our business?”

Omega grinned in amusement, “That’s a unique response; most would run in fear after what you have just witnessed, while others would attack in total viciousness. And to answer your question, I have one preparation I’d like to make.”

After a few seconds, a golden object came out of the sky and wedged itself into the ground after it collided with the earth. Omega then bent over and pulled the object out of the ground with some difficulty. The object in mention was circular and had eight tentacles that slithered from the center outward and gripped the edges; it was Omega’s signature weapon, the Omega Halo. It shined with brilliant magical energy and many bystanders were both terrified yet in awe of the spectacle they were witnessing.

Mr. Alderday once again tried to keep a professional appearance in spite of everything, and this time no guards decided to shoot. Mr. Alderday then thought about his surroundings, although this place was famed for crime and drug cartels it didn’t seem right to endanger the citizens, “I must say that was quite the display, Omega. Now one more question before we begin, won’t some of these bystanders get killed during our meeting here?”

Omega’s grinned widened like the Cheshire Cat, but his eyes narrowed at the same time with pride and Machiavellian pleasure, “Mr. Alderday, it seems you’re new here.”

Omega took a few steps forward and maneuvered himself atop the fountain while continuing his speech, “The whole point of me picking this town was so that everyone here would die! If they run from town they perish in the desert, if they stay then the ensuing chaos will kill them all!”

Omega began giggling, it didn’t even require eyes to see that Omega thought himself to be clever for setting up this massacre.

“You’re sick,” Mr. Alderday realized that this battle was no longer a formal arena-based battle, he and everyone here was in danger. He didn’t need to keep a professional appearance before Omega anymore, so he did what was natural to him in this situation; Mr. Alderday proceeded to reveal his four arms and he pulled out his pistol and a cell phone. After dialing a few numbers and shooting a few rounds he ducked behind a building and called his employed bodyguard’s organization, “Hello? This is Mr. Alderday speaking.”

Omega was slow to react to the situation, mostly because of it all being so sudden; he was especially surprised at seeing Mr. Alderday’s multiple arms. His reaction was so slow, in fact, that after his laughter only one guard was still visible. Omega’s laughter stopped immediately and his grin turned upside down. All eight of Omega’s injected themselves into the terrified guard before him, they then split apart making it look as though the guard had exploded.

“Yes, turns out that battle I was supposed to have in the desert turned into me finding a psychopath,” Mr. Alderday poked his head out from behind a building to witness the guard exploding. He then fired two bullets at Omega, one dented the creature’s abdomen and the other bounced harmlessly off his shoulder. Mr. Alderday slid back into his hiding place and switched out his ammo clip.

“I do believe it would be for the betterment of all mankind if we blew him to hell; if you would send in reinforcements it would help a lot.” Mr. Alderday continued speaking on the phone. Shortly after he ducked back, he saw four tentacles launch past the building; afterwards followed Omega who stopped to look directly at Mr. Alderday. Omega dropped his feet and literally hit the ground running. With the Omega Halo in hand, he dashed forth and swung the weapon towards Mr. Alderday.

“You’re making me pay at such a dire time?! … Okay fine, I have a debit card with three million- give me a second” Mr. Alderday reacted just in time to catch the halo before it hit him. After wrestling back and forth, Mr. Alderday found that Omega was stronger than the average human, but it was laughable in comparison to his own strength.

After shaking him about for a few seconds, Mr. Alderday threw Omega to the ground. As Omega tried to get up, Mr. Alderday jumped and landed full force against Omega’s stomach. The sheer weight of Mr. Alderday’s body easily cracked the metallic skin of Omega. While screaming in pain, Omega stabbed Mr. Alderday with all of his tentacles and struggled to push Mr. Alderday off of him. After his getting Alderday’s feet on a solid surface away from his own body, Omega pulled himself across the street using his tentacles and ducked behind a building.
Damn, Omega was still lamenting over his wound. Mr. Alderday was significantly stronger than he expected and that layer of muscle helped protect him from the normally, flesh-destroying power of Omega’s tentacles. Plus those guards will be an annoying factor…

Just as life would have it, a guard appeared atop the building nearby and revealed a Gatling gun with three barrels. After a short heat up, the gun blazed to life and Omega reacted just in time to pin himself against the wall of the building he was next to and avoid any match-ending injuries, but his right leg was now badly damaged; the most he would be able to do after this was limp.

After the revving of the Gatling gun stopped, Omega flung himself into the air and did a back flip. While observing the ceiling of the building below, he found the guard with the Gatling gun fleeing to another building. Omega entrenched tentacles into the mud bricks around the guard and he pulled himself at his absolute maximum speed before crashing into the guard, leaving a hole in the guard’s chest. Unfortunately for Omega, this did not help his right leg in any way.

Meanwhile, Mr. Alderday continued calling and trying to position his guards for combat, “Alright, I’m back. Now, I’ll call one of my servants to send you money and you send them down to my location.”

Mr. Alderday then hung up and directed two guards to near him and the remaining five atop buildings with heavy weaponry. As to where they got this weaponry… well, let’s just say this town has no more problems with drug cartels. As they moved into position, Alderday called his butler, “Hello? My journey? It’s turned into the saving of an entire town. Speaking of, I need you to call the men who employ our guards. Oh, and order the big guns.”

The screams of a guard confirmed the location of Omega, the remaining guards positioned themselves. Four stationed themselves on each corner on the roof of the building and two stood in front of Mr. Alderday. Mr. Alderday was standing in front of the door before hearing a deep metallic voice, “Fools.”

Omega used his earthen manipulation to create four holes slightly thicker than his tentacles in the ceiling. He then extended his tentacles upwards through the roof and they shot outward to hit the guards atop the building. He than dragged the flailing bodies to the center of the roof. Underneath them, the roof twisted and shaped itself into a large hole with sharpened clay blades stretching like stripes across the void surface, waiting for their first victim to be sliced. The blades’ wishes were fulfilled quickly as Omega yanked the guards through turning them into fleshy blobs on the floor of the house.

The guards near Mr. Alderday immediately ran for the hills when their eyes beset upon the display Omega had created for them. As they fled, Omega’s voice remained in it’s metallic sound, “Do they not appreciate my art?”

Mr. Alderday had seen some disturbing things throughout his life so he was mostly unaffected by the display. So Omega pushed harder, or at the very least tried to slow down the fight so his leg could fully heal, “You’re next Mr. Alderd-… what the hell is that noise?”

The rapid chopping of wind reverberated through the sky as a helicopter flew in to the vicinity of the town. Mr. Alderday felt like a god for a brief moment, It looks like I win, he thought to himself. It only occurred to him after the thought that he was smirking. He decided that since he was smirking he might as well seem smug and simultaneously answer Omega’s question, “Reinforcements”

At this point the sand was whipping up and Mr. Alderday moved out of the way and Omega stood in the same spot, but was using his elemental manipulation to keep sand out of his eyes. Then the helicopter came into view to reveal six men, all wielding miniguns. They all opened fire at once and Omega pulled himself through the window off to the right. Unfortunately for him, Omega’s left leg fell off from the sheer power and number of bullets.

Omega swung through the town in between the closely-packed buildings, his leg leaving a trail of blood. Omega had also dropped his halo when he began running, or more swinging, through the streets. Damn, my leg is gone, I have a hole in my stomach and I’m fighting a squad of minigun-wielders. What the hell have I gotten myself into? Omega began cursing the predicament.

In other parts of the city, Mr. Alderday jumped into the helicopter. Upon seeing Omega had left his halo in the building, he commanded one of the guards to bring it with them. After the guard retrieved the halo and got back into the helicopter, they took off.

From their heights in the sky, it became apparent that everyone had taken shelter or fled out of the city. With some searching, they eventually were able to find and follow the blood trail Omega had left.

Unfortunately for them, Omega was prepared for them. As they neared the building he was in, Omega jumped out and propelled himself into the air with some help from his tentacles extending to their maximum. He had put enough force into it to launch himself far above even the tallest buildings in the town. Right as the hired guns spun their weapons around, Omega attached his tentacles to the bottom of the helicopter and swung below them. Once he was directly beneath the aircraft, he pulled himself to be right next to the helicopter. Then thrust a single tentacle through the bottom and continued piercing until he hit the device on the helicopter that rotates the blades.

Then the helicopter began tumbling down to earth, rolling through the air as a bird with clipped wings. Right before they collided with the ground, Mr. Alderday jumped out and landed on the top of a building.

Omega was not pleased to say the very least. He was so upset in fact, the only thing he could say was, “WHAT THE HELL?!”
Omega kicked, as much as someone with only one leg could, out from underneath the helicopter. After the helicopter crashed, Omega turned and began to climb the building Mr. Alderday was on.

“You have caused me great pain, Mr. Alderday,” a claw appeared over the edge of the roof. Mr. Alderday hastily prepared his pistol while in the prone position. Mr. Alderday was bleeding and scraped all over from his jump out of the airplane.

“And for this pain you have caused me, I will bring you the same pain tenfold!” Omega dragged himself atop the building. Then he supported his body with his tentacles and slowly limped towards Mr. Alderday.

Mr. Alderday was too disoriented to be able to aim. His vision kept sliding and blurring, making it impossible for him to use his gun. As he waved the gun around, Omega grabbed Mr. Alderday by the hair and pulled upward while saying, “Get up, on your legs!”

Mr. Alderday managed to balance himself on his two feet, although it was obvious that Omega was faring far better than him. Omega’s speech continued, “This… this is for your insolence!”

Omega injected his hand into Mr. Alderday’s chest like a surgeon with decades of experience. The wailings of agony that one only experiences once in a lifetime pierced the air as Mr. Alderday’s vision began to fade. Omega then spoke with a sadistic glee even though he was exhausted, “Haha! You’re dead! I’ll see you in hell a few millennium later!”

With his last remaining strength, Mr. Alderday grabbed a hold of the arm that was partly inside of him and he planted his weapon inside the crack in Omega’s gut. The next few words that came out of Mr. Alderday’s mouth had gasps and coughing of blood in between them, “I’m… not… dead… yet……bitch.”
Like a metronome the gun sounded off six times in a perfect beat before stopping. And both Mr. Alderday and Omega’s bodies hit the floor.

Capn Squidy
11-30-2014, 05:24 PM
Let's see how all this pans out!

Win or lose, I can at least say that I had a good time.

Cavaliere
12-01-2014, 09:44 PM
Interesting tales from both of you. I have gained some insight into both characters, particularly Omega. In the end, though, I'm going to have to side with Malacal. His descriptions and action sat better with me, and it was through his story that I got the better view of the power of both Omega and Alderday. Squidy, while you definitely entertained, you story had one major issue: consistency. The tense varied between past and present on an almost paragraph-by-paragraph basis, the characters do somewhat uncharacteristic things at times (sudden civility on Omega's part and not reacting to a being that would frighten most people on Alderday's), and at one point you gave stage directions (Omega begins to laugh). If I could offer a tidbit of advice, it would be to choose a certain style or theme and stick with it for a more cohesive tale.

Thank you both for going to the effort to write these. Good luck!

Chamel
12-01-2014, 11:45 PM
[Post Reserved for CnCing.]


**If I recall, would this be your battle debut? Well done for a first time, man!**


“Jean Alderday was on his quarterly vacation. He didn’t feel like dealing with the hassles of flying, instead, he felt like spending his time in the city, hoping to explore the public attractions that he was normally unable to do due to time constraints.”

This section/paragraph felt like it could have been switched up a bit to make it flow better. For example:

“Jean Alderday was on his quarterly vacation. He didn't feel like dealing with the hassles of air travel, but instead he decided to take his time and explore the city. He hoped he could even visit some of the local attractions; something he was typically unable to do because of his busy schedule.”

~

You seem to have a problem with commas and comma splicing. Most of your longer sentences consist of anywhere between three to six commas. I'm sure using commas correctly just comes with time, but you still need to be careful. A surplus of commas, like you have presented on multiple occasions, can cause some rather choppy reading. It disrupts the flow of the story significantly, and it isn't all that appealing to be seeing a comma after maybe every other third word. Just a warning for the future~

~

Another thing that you tend to do is create short sentences. They aren't as pronounced as the comma splices, and they don't affect the story as much either, but they definitely provide feeling to the story. Take for instance a fast-paced action scene. That's when you want the sentences to be short, to make sure the reader can feel the quick movements in the writing. While in slower scenes, like a quiet walk through the park, would require more drawn out sentences. Sentence length allows the writer to manipulate how their stories are read, and it's important to learn the basics of this.

~


“What am I doing” Jean thought to himself. “I have no clue what this thing is. I’m better off calling this in and having someone else deal with it, if anyone will believe me.”
Hmmm...I think that this short little paragraph could have been left out; it's a little confusing. I realize that you say “Before he starts to walk back...” in the beginning of the next paragraph, but I think that this could have been taken out for the sake of your story's flow.

~


“Jean slowly panned his head over from side to side, searching for that ominous glow.”
Could have been worded better.

~


“His eyes faded into a more disappointed look, like a parent in disagreement with their child.”
Perfect. I loved this simile. It was short, concise, and conveyed the right amount of emotion.



NOTE: Unfinished. I'm trying to nitpick, and it's taking me some time. I need sleep, so tomorrow afternoon I will try and finish this~ And then I will go through yours Malacal. Both good stories, peeps!

Malacal
12-02-2014, 09:39 PM
I have (finally) read Squidy's story and I must say a few things about it.
Firstly, I love the take on Omega. This is fairly close to what I originally had in mind actually. I thought some things were stretching the foreign feel a little (the fish fileting thing), but otherwise, I'd say you out did my own character. I also love the uses of elemental manipulation, some of the ideas were quite interesting uses that I doubt I would ever consider, so of course in future combats I will rock some of these ideas,

Secondly, you were missing quotation marks at one point and had a few typos here and there. I make sure to have someone else read my story before hand or just not work on the story for a day so my mind's auto-correct wouldn't be an issue. Quite seriously, your brain will be like "Oh, I meant to put 'was' there," and you'll read the sentence with the added word. Damn you auto-correct!

Thirdly, the paragraph where it was, "Jean does X to hurt Omega. Omega does Y to hurt Jean. Jean does Z to hurt Omega" bothered me. I mean, what I said was an exaggeration, obviously, but try to fit in two or three complex or compound sentences in there to help your flow. Otherwise, you get that awkward fight scene in the movie where there are only sound effects and no music or crowd cheering someone on; you get a choppy feel.

So yeah, there are my two cents.

Capn Squidy
12-03-2014, 02:24 PM
This whole wRHG thing; it's been really interesting and engaging. I plan on taking your critiques to heart, and I will do some studying to work on my writing.

Mal, I really liked your story. Like you said, you out did my own character and added some unique ideas that I plan on incorporating into my wRHG. I was unsure at first in my wRHG page about my character being able to call for military vehicles and having armed guards while sporting abnormal physical strength and having two extra arms, it seemed a bit overpowered; but you rocked it hard enough to where I can keep that a thing.

I don't really have much CnC to give you on your story. I'm sifting through your part again to look for nitpicks, and I'm coming short.


"Especially so when he was in a place famed for drug cartels, so today he brought extras."

you should probably swap "famed" for infamous.

I will continue editing in more nitpicks as I find them.

Malacal
12-06-2014, 11:08 PM
I suggest those who wished to nitpick my story finish doing so... I don't want to leave with a word's worth of critique from this, I know I'm not that good.
Plus, there is something inherently wrong with winning with the only vote cast.

Crank
12-06-2014, 11:29 PM
Ah shoot, I forgot the deadline for this was creeping up. I'll cast a vote after I get some sleep and if I don't have time to drop some CnC when I do it before work, I'll for sure do it Monday.

EDIT:
My apologies, this entirely slipped my mind yesterday.

Capn Squidy:

It's already been mentioned, but I think the biggest draw from your stories was the Jean action Omega action. What I mean by that is just an over use of using the names, like the sound runs try and rapidly becomes repetitive when it's used so often in a small area. To help you better visualize:

As Jean made his way around the building to find Omega, he spotted him waiting for him on the other side of the sidewalk with his shoulder fully healed. They locked eyes and made their way towards each other. Omega launched three of his tentacles at Jean, knocking him into the road. Jean grabbed a stop sign and tore it out of the ground. Jean ran at Omega and swung the sign at him, only to have Omega grab it and fling Jean into the hotel building. Omega’s tentacles flew at Jean, but he swatted them away with the sign and jabbed it into Omega’s stomach. Jean then used the sign to flip Omega back into the building. Jean then stepped back and launched himself at Omega, trying to knee him against the wall, but Omega quickly recovered and moved to the side. Omega grabbed Jean’s leg and tossed him onto the other side of the street. Jean then fumbled onto the construction site next to the hotel with Omega behind him. Omega scurried towards Jean with one tentacle out to his side that was meant to impale Jean. Omega shot the tentacle at him, but Jean grabbed it and pulled Omega towards him, Jean landed a solid punch using two of his left arms to reel Omega in while using his two right arms to land the hit. Omega went flying back, but Jean still had the tentacle. Jean gripped the appendage with all four of his arms, and then swung Omega into a concrete pillar. Omega climbed to a ledge of the half constructed building with his tentacles. He used his powers to force one of the walls of the concrete building to fall onto Jean. Jean shielded himself as best as he could while being barraged with a downpour of bricks, but the assault was too much and was forced into the ground and was buried under the concrete.

Don't feel too bad about this, a lot of people have similar issues but once you know what you're looking for it helps lessen how often it occurs. Considering this was namely with the names, the easiest way to do this is plug in traits of the characters in their place, so long as their already established. Mixing it up helps keep a flow going on.

Jean then used the sign to flip Omega back into the building. The mutant then stepped back and launched himself at 'God', trying to knee him against the wall, but the metallic being quickly recovered and moved to the side.

Just make sure nothing's getting too overused!

Other than that I very much enjoyed your story!

Malacal:
I hate to say it, but I really didn't feel much urgency in your piece. While I understand that lots of damage is being done, your reader is only going to process what the characters respond to.

Then the helicopter came into view to reveal six men, all wielding miniguns. They all opened fire at once and Omega pulled himself through the window off to the right. Unfortunately for him, Omega’s left leg fell off from the sheer power and number of bullets.

To really deliver things you need to utilize the impact behind that and highlight the aftermath. I can say Jim got slugged in the face, but until I bring up the gash leaking from his swollen cheek where Hervey's wedding ring carved across it, it'll just be a degree of eh. The damage and destruction are what sells the action, as well as the emotion that occurs in their midst.

Then the helicopter came into view to reveal six men, all wielding miniguns as though they were vowing his demise with each pound of steel. They all opened fire at once like an execution but Omega pulled himself through the window off to the right. The noise of the sheer gunfire was deafening, but beneath it the shrill scream of metal scraping metal was unmistakeable. Fluids splattered as the sheer power and number of bullets hacked Omega's leg away at the thigh, and if he didn't think he already was a God, he would've given one thanks for his inability to feel the mind-numbing excruciation that would've surely done him in.

That was the main issue I had with yours, but it was still quite a good read!

Something you both seemed to miss out on though, is just a general chaos factor. Both of you had this take place in a very public place, and while to the gladiators it could just be another Tuesday, but people will panic if their world crumbles around them, especially in such an unpredictable way.

Again though, nicely done to the both of you!

It's a shame there weren't more votes though.