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New Generation
07-29-2008, 07:59 AM
I cut you up like a pig! jk ^^

Anyways I started writing a book, strange style of a poem and personal life experience:


Dark Cut

Introduction:

My name’s Dave, I’m 15 years old and I’m pretty scared of dark places, but I try not to think about it most of the time. I suppose it all started when...


Chapter 1

It was 12 pm; I usually go late to bed because I like playing games a lot. Actually I play them all day. I don’t really do revision when I get upcoming tests or even try to do my homework. I’m kind of a lazy boy, one of those British lazy boys who don’t do anything, just get back from school, sit at the chair and start gaming.

Oh yes I nearly forgot, I want to tell you about my horrible day I had just after I had my fifteenth birthday. It was at night, the moon was bright, shining inside my room luminously. My room was small and tight. I woke up from the noise that was coming from outside. I stood up too look curiously outside; the road was lit and glittering with light. I saw a shadow, swiftly flying past my eyes. I got horrified while my heart started pumping tensely. I ran off to bed, and covered myself. I always thought it would protect me but I was wrong. There was something there, something bad. What in the world could be doing here at such a late night? I tried not to think about it. But it kept haunting me, those red horrifying eyes looking at me while flying past. It looked as if he wanted me inside himself. I finally went to sleep, but I had dream, a very weird dream of lightning, thunder and the graveyard. There were people rising from the graveyards. And that shadow appeared again and said to me “Come join us!” “We want your blood!!!”
I woke up from the shock I received, panting hard. “Well, that was a weird dream, but I’m sure it’s not real...” I said, but I was so wrong...

It was 9:00am. I woke up to brush my teeth and get some nice breakfast for myself. I turned on the computer, surfed the internet for a bit and then started playing games. The usual routine I have. And I totally mean what else can you do, computers are awesome. They take up so much personal time that you even forget to do something you wanted to, like go to a shop or even meet up with friends. It kind of separates me from socializing, but who cares. If I like playing, and I will continue playing!

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I haven't started learning GCSE English properly yet but I've learned somethings and wrote a short Horror Story for assessment. Go easy on me...:Cry:

‹berschall
07-29-2008, 08:40 AM
Ew. It's so dry and all, has no deeper stage or metaphors, not even comparisms or anything that makes it interesting to read, no, it's just the story straightforward hurling even the key-events right into my face without any interesting elements.

New Generation
07-29-2008, 09:25 AM
Well..... eh.. *cough*... nothing to stay expect this is the beta... and I haven't started learning GCSE yet.

Raffi
07-29-2008, 09:27 AM
Use Thesauruses when making stories. They shall ALWAYS help.

Cizzil
08-05-2008, 10:27 AM
yeah try to spice it up bit, right now its too dry

New Generation
08-05-2008, 10:47 AM
This is like 7 days old... >.>

zymn
08-05-2008, 11:03 AM
you mean people will comment on crap like this but won't comment on my story?

geez...