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iarentevil
05-31-2015, 06:42 PM
I lay stretched across the rooftop, enjoying the warmth of the midday sun. It had been a few months since I met Nhaleet, and I was almost surprised the boy had stayed this long given his previous nomad way of life. He’s adjusted well to living under my roof, and sometimes even ventures into town. I enjoyed having him around, despite having to scold him occasionally. It was a nice change from being alone most of the time.

Hearing the door open, I peeked over the edge. Nhaleet had come outside, looking around as if he were searching for something.

“Looking for me?” I called down, waving my hand. The boy looked up and gestured for me to come down.
“We need to talk.” I nodded and swung myself over the edge, giving my wings a flap when I was near the ground to slow my descent.
“What’s up?” Nhaleet hesitated, looking at the ground.
“I… I think it’s time I leave.”
“Mind if I ask why?” I inquired as I crossed my arms.
“I just don’t want to stay in one place for too long.” Remembering what had happened when I first met the kid, I nodded.
“Understandable. But before you leave…” I took a few steps and gestured for Nhaleet to follow, then began walking. “I think I could teach you a thing or two in combat.” I glanced at the boy, who seemed somewhat curious. “Don’t get me wrong, you fight well. But you’re also a bit… fragile.” I sensed a bit of anger radiate from Nhaleet.
“Are you saying I’m weak?”
“Oh, no no no, not at all. You’re just, well… You’re not the person who should take a lot of hits. Especially from opponents much stronger than you.” At first the pale figure scowled in offense, then nodded in agreement.
“Yeah, I guess that’s true.”
“Good to hear.” I smiled as I stopped. “Now, I’m sure you’re familiar with the term ‘sparring’?” Nhaleet went wide-eyed.
“You want me to fight you?” I nodded.
“And not to hold back. Any weapons are permitted.” The boy shook his head.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea. I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Don’t worry about it. I’ve been through worse, remember?”
“Yeah…” The boy sighed. “Alright, but first...” Nhaleet pulled out a small compact pistol and tossed it aside. “That’s one weapon I’m not willing to use against you.” I nodded and backed away, allowing my pale friend to strip himself of his colorful outer clothing to reveal the mottled grey uniform underneath. He then assumed a fighting stance.
”I’ll mainly focus on redirecting and deflecting attacks. Keep your eyes open for something useful. This will help you to be more observant. Despite your ability, you can still be caught off guard. You can also use your opponent’s maneuvers against them, or use them yourself later.” My friend nodded. ”Your move.”
Nhaleet circled me. I could tell the boy was calculating where and how to attack. I simply stood there, waiting for the first move. The attack came in the form of a rush, which turned into a roundhouse kick for the head. I ducked to the side, grabbing the boy’s ankle and tossing him. He rolled and jumped back up. He ran at me again, this time swinging a fist. I blocked the attack and delivered my own to the teen’s chest, causing him to slide back. Nhaleet fell to his knee, coughing and holding his chest. I approached him.
“Are you OK? I didn’t hit you too hard, did-” I was interrupted by an unexpected leg sweep. I crashed to the ground, and the boy placed his foot on my chest. I grinned. “Well done.” I received a satisfied smile from the boy. That’s not going to last long. I wrapped my tail around Nhaleet’s ankle and pulled it out from underneath him, causing him to fall. I then jumped to my feet and clamped my foot on the boy’s chest.
“Hey, that’s not fair!” he protested.
“You of all people should know that the enemy won’t always fight fair.” Nhaleet humphed.
“You got that right.” He threw dirt into my face and I stepped back, trying to rub the earth from my eyes. I felt a blow to my chest, then to my stomach. I held my ground, and keeping my eyes closed, I sniffed the air. I sensed movement to the left and heard a step. I followed it with a fist and hit my target, then followed in with a side kick. I followed the stumbling steps and swung my tail in their direction. Again I hit my target, but this time Nhaleet countered by grabbing it. I felt him try to pull me, but I gripped the ground with my feet. For a moment we had a little game of tug-of-war with my tail.
I wrapped the end around part of Nhaleet’s arm and yanked him towards me, my hand out ready to catch him. I caught him around what felt like the collar of his uniform. I decided to open my eyes, and blinked a couple times to help clear my vision. I looked at the boy in my hand.
“Even when I’m at a disadvantage, you still can’t seem to take me on. Honestly, I’m disappointed. I was expecting so much more from you.” I guess Nhaleet took that the wrong way. A scoul washed over his face, and he pulled out one of his kamas and attempted to slice my arm. I released him to avoid the blade. I know I said weapons were allowed, but I didn’t expect him to actually use them. I definitely didn’t expect him to try and wound me purposefully.
I summoned one of my swords into my hand and gave it a few twirls, then gestured for him to come at me. He quickly obliged, drawing his other kama as he lunged at me. He did a sort of spinning leap, his small scythes out to slash. I raised my golden blade, blocking the attack. He did another spin. I blocked the first kama, but the other slipped passed and nearly took off my hand. I dropped my weapon and clutched my wrist with an agonized growl. Before I could do anything Nhaleet gave me a kick to the chest, and while I was off balance he did another leg sweep. I tried balancing myself with my tail, but I ended up on the ground anyway. I rolled out of the way of Nhaleet’s foot and kicked it out from under him. While he was regaining his balance I got up and retrieved my sword. Nhaleet stared at me, probably trying to predict what I would do next. Then he rushed at me and took a step to the left. Expecting him to leap at me from an angle, I stepped to the left as well to dodge, but I was mistaken. He came straight at me and thrust his small scythe forward. I used my blade to block it, and I kicked him away. This was just supposed to be a sparring match, but it has turned into something else.
Nhaleet circled me again as I flipped my sword into a backwards position. I could see something in his eyes. Desperation. Determination. Anger. He was set on beating me all because of a few words. I frowned. This kid had a bit of a short temper, and I know from experience that can lead you into a bad spot. I think it’s time he learned that too.
He came at me again, the sunlight glinting off the blade as he struck in a downward sweep. I ducked, and as he swung at me again I flipped over him. As I felt my feet come into contact with the ground I turned. Nhaleet had already begun to rotate, holding the blade backwards. He was faster than I expected. I raised my arm to block it and felt a sting. I then grabbed his arm, spun around, and elbowed him in the clavicle. I grabbed his collar as I placed the edge of my sword at his throat. I held him there for a minute.
“You, young man,” I tapped the hilt against his chest, “need to control that temper.”
“You-”
“I apologize if what I said offended you. It was unintentional. Even so...” I let him go, “a fool is quick-tempered, but a wise person stays calm when insulted.” I looked down at my arm. His kama had slipped between my scales to the flesh underneath. Blood dripped from the wound, along with my sliced wrist. Something hard smacked the side of my head, and I blacked out.

When I came to my senses, I found myself holding Nhaleet in the air by his throat, hot smoke rising from my nostrils. His clothing was scorched and torn in various places, most revealing red underneath. I released him from my grip and stepped back as I felt my horns retract. The boy’s unexpected blow had made my instincts kick in, and I had gone into my Feral State.
“Nhaleet, I’m sorry, I didn’t…” He rubbed his neck and looked up at me. I avoided his eyes and looked at the ground, taking a few more steps back. “I’m so sorry.” I turned and flew off, back to my home. I landed in the back yard and made my way to a ring of trees. They were red Japanese maples, and in the center of the circle was a crescent-shaped pond, a weeping willow sitting at the center of the inner curve. It was a place I used to meditate and think, and to find peace. I sat down, bringing my knees up to my chest and curling my tail around me. I closed my eyes. I could have killed him. I sat there for a while, that thought repeating itself in my head. With a sigh I opened my eyes, and observed the koi fish. I recalled what my father had said a few days ago when I’d summoned him to discuss my condition.

You’ll never have full control.

“Draco...” I peered up at Nhaleet, who was back in his colorful clothing, then looked back down.
“What are you doing back here?” I asked nonchalantly. I still avoided his eyes, afraid of what I’d see in them. The boy placed a hand on my shoulder.

“I thought you could use a friend.” I looked up to see him giving me a kind smile. I half-heartedly returned it before looking back down.

“I’m so sorry. I never meant to-” Nhaleet moved his hand from my shoulder to his hip.

“Hey, it’s alright. It was my fault. I shouldn’t have attacked you like that.”

“Yes, but it’s my fault for not having control over it.” For a moment he was silent.

“I suppose that’s true…” he finally said, sitting next to me. After another moment of silence he gave me a playful punch on the arm. “Hey, how about we go inside? We can get patched up, and maybe have one last meal together before I leave?” A sting rang up my arm, as if to remind me of my bleeding wounds.

“Alright.”


A couple of hours later, I walked outside with Nhaleet. I nudged him with my elbow and gave him a small backpack.

“Some food for the road. There’s a few other supplies in there too.” He slung the pack over his shoulder.

“Thanks.” He glanced at the setting sun, then at the dirt road. “Well, guess this is goodbye.”

“Not goodbye. Just until next time.” He looked up at me with a grin, but that quickly faded. “Hey.” He looked at me as I grabbed his shoulder and gave him a gentle shake. “You’ll always have a home here. Don’t forget it.” The boy smiled.

“How could I?” I smiled back as I let him go. He turned, took a couple steps, then turned back. “Draco?”

“Yes?”

“Thanks. For everything.” I gave him a nod, and he began walking away again.

“And try to stay out of trouble.” He looked at me over his shoulder with a grin.

“Can’t make any promises,” he replied with a shrug. As he left, the setting sun turned him into a silhouette. I watched him leave until he was out of sight, then turned with a sigh and went back inside. I’m going to miss that kid.

.....Nhaleet sat on the roof of the house around noon, pondering his next move. It wasn’t his house, but rather a draconian’s, aptly named Draco. The clone didn’t mind spending time with his friend, but he was starting to get a little bored while cooped up in the house, rarely let out because of those that would hunt him down. And that thought gave him an idea. What if he were to attack them head on? What if he wanted to bring the fight back to them?

.....Mind made up, he decided he was going to do it. He would fight them, or die. A life spent in fear was not equal to a life spent free, and how could he prove to the world that he was no lesser being, in spite of his cloning process? With this thought, Nhaleet realized that he wasn’t entirely sure as to what was right to do; he was just trying to rationalize himself into it.

.....The test subject pondered for a while, but still couldn’t figure out what to do. The moon started illuminating the forest with its glow, so he dropped softly off the roof into the grass surrounding the small house and walked inside.

.....It wasn’t a large house, only a couple bedrooms, a bathroom, a main room and a kitchen. The inside of the house was much more cheerful than the outside, mostly due to the light smell of freshly brewed tea that was always in the air. Nhaleet had never had tea before he moved here, but now he was addicted to the stuff.
There was someone on the couch in the main room drinking some of the freshly brewed tea. Draco is six and a half feet tall with blue scales. He has wings sprouting from his back and he has a tail growing as well. The draconian has four claws instead of five fingers and a sharp row of teeth, with a pair of incurving horns on his head. At the base of his skull his spine extends out and down his back, extending along his tail which was wrapped up at the base of the couch, lying on the wooden floors. Draco’s feet are like a bird’s. His eyes are aqua green, and a red gem implanted in his skin sat in between and above them.

.....“Hello”, Draco greeted the clone.

.....“Mmh… hello…” Nhaleet responded, distracted by his thoughts.

.....“Are you okay? Something seems to be bothering you.” Draco looked at the boy quizzically.

.....“Yeah, I was just wondering… well, what my next move was.” Nhaleet answered, staring off into space.

.....“Thinking about the future? Not like that is anything new. What is it this time?” Draco had a blank look on his face, betraying no emotion.

.....Nhaleet glanced at Draco, trying to find the right words for what he wanted to say next. He settled on “I want to go back, I want to destroy them.”

.....“Why is that? Why do you want to destroy them?” The response was curious, neither malicious or excited.

.....“Because, what they do is wrong, it’s evil. They don’t view their subjects as people, only numbers to be destroyed when the results come in. It isn’t science; it’s homicide with a bonus.” Nhaleet was getting angry even talking about it. His face was starting to get red and steam was practically flowing out from his ears.

.....“Let me guess, you’re going with or without me, right?” Draco let out an exasperated sigh. “Not much I can do for it then, I can’t go letting you die so soon after I saved you, can I?”

.....Nhaleet grinned at his friend “Well you could if you really wanted to, but I don’t think that’s the case. It’s right up your alleyway though, protecting the innocent and whatnot right?”

.....“We both know that you want to protect them just as much as I do” Draco sighed again “However, you also have a different motive, Revenge.”

.....“Maybe a little bit, but it really will help those stuck inside” Nhaleet said with a grim expression.

.....Draco squeezed the bridge of his nose with his fingers, “Well, what’s the plan?”

.....Nhaleet smiled crookedly, “Plan? We go in the way I left, the front door, except this time with explosions. A lot of explosions, Oh! And don’t forget the fire. You are half dragon after all.”

..... Draco chuckled, “Rawr”.

.....They showed up to the facility the next day, after they had time to prepare. Draco didn’t need much, as he already had his weapons on him at all times. Nhaleet had acquired some supplies that they might need; a pistol on the forefront of that list.

.....“How’d you afford any of that anyway?” Draco asked when he saw the small bag of supplies.

.....“Who said I bought them?” Nhaleet responded jokingly.

.....Draco sighed, upset that the clone had stolen from the town, but was relieved that he had something to defend himself at a range. There was nothing stopping the enemy from using ranged weapons, so it would be safer if they both had a way to defend themselves at a range. The half-dragon had his fire but Nhaleet had no way to fight without them without an actual weapon unless they were right next to him.

.....“Well, are you ready? The entrance is directly ahead, and we need your fire to get through it” the clone looked at his friend.

.....“As ready as ever I guess, we won’t get a second chance I know that much” the draconian responded.

.....“We won’t, and they already know we’re here. They have security alarms within a 3 mile radius around the lab.” Nhaleet told Draco.

.....“So that’s why you couldn’t sneak in” the response came.

.....“You can sneak out, because then they don’t know where you went after you left the radius, but when inside they always know where you are.” Nhaleet said matter-of-factly.

.....They came up to the door, and there was no small amount of guards in front of it. They were in full military vests and each one held an assault rifle, a shotgun, and a pistol. They wouldn’t be able to move very fast, but they were armored like tanks.

.....“Halt, this is private property, you need to leave” the leader said. They were all looking strangely at Nhaleet, they knew he looked familiar.

.....“Oh, I already know all of that. I used to live here after all.” Test subject #21 had returned, and he nodded at his half dragon friend, who subsequently shot fire at each of the guards.

.....“Too bad armor doesn’t block heat” the clone said, to no one in particular as the guards screamed in agony, being cooked alive inside their already hot vests. They would survive, barely. Nhaleet didn’t want to kill the guards; they were just doing their job. What he did want was the people running it all to die.

.....Draco then shot a light blue fireball at the door, the superheated ball of air melting through the door. There were even more guards inside. Nhaleet started dashing through all of them, finishing people off with one quick hit to a vital area. Before any of them even knew what was happening, half of them were down. They all swung around to aim at the test subject, starting to open fire, but he was already back in the middle of them. They couldn’t shoot at him because they would hit their own allies, and Draco was there too, hitting and kicking people. Many of them dropped their weapons and ran, some started shooting indiscriminately, hitting no one but other guards. The clone and half dragon wove through the enemies and had them all finished off before ten minutes had passed.

.....“Why are they so weak?” Draco asked.

.....“They may have gone through a lot of training, but not a single one of them had been in an actual fight. There is no replacement for experience, and they had none. The base has been too safe for too long” Nhaleet answered.

.....They went deeper into the facility, meeting only very limited resistance; the defense had all been spent at the front door. They let the scientists go, most of them had been forced into this position; they had actually wanted to help science. What they got was human testing and experimentation, and they couldn’t back out of it.

.....They got to the middle of the facility, where all the test subjects were held, and started releasing them.

.....“So nice of you to drop by” a voice came from behind them.

.....That voice… Nhaleet whirled around and came face to face with the boss, the person who ran everything in this facility. Nhaleet’s threat died down when he saw the hundreds of guards behind him. So they didn’t use everyone at the front door...

.....“Well I wish I could stay and catch up, but my friends here will make you feel right at home. Maybe even get you to come back.” The boss nodded to his guards and they all rushed forwards, and the boss himself disappeared. Nhaleet drew his daggers, knowing that if he used anything less than lethal force, he would end up dead. He looked over and saw that Draco had drawn his weapons as well, putting them together to make a dual bladed sword, similar to a staff, but sharp.

.....Nhaleet was angry, they had tricked him. They had gotten the better of him and even snuck up on him when he didn’t notice. He ran at them and started slicing right and left, getting angrier and angrier every second, so angry that he didn’t notice more guards had gone after the big target. He didn’t see anything except red, both in his vision and in the red coming out of his enemies’ throats after he slit them. He didn’t notice his friend fall under the onslaught. He just kept going after one thing, the death of his enemies.

.....He didn’t notice until after the fight had ended that his only friend was among the bodies of the dead. He looked around and saw the devastation that they - that he - had caused. He vomited, the green mixing with the red, swirling together. Another color joined soon, the clear liquid of the clone’s tears. In his want of revenge he had killed his best friend. It’s my fault that Draco is dead he told himself.

.....At that moment he realized that there was one thing he could try, it was a long shot, but it was his only chance at saving his friend. This facility had a machine that cloned living beings based on their DNA. He would know from his own personal experience. If he ran out of books to read, they would let him read research notes sometimes, and they even let him access the cloning machine notes one time, he knew how it ran. He cleared out his eyes and walked to the machine and gathered the supplies he would need. He went back to the body of his dead friend and extracted blood with a syringe, placing it into a test tube and carrying it back to the machine. He then took a gurney back, and loaded Draco’s body onto it. The skin has to come from somewhere after all; the machine couldn’t just create it. He put Draco’s body onto the cloning machine and put the blood sample into it, and pressed the button that would start the cloning. It would take some time, but it would probably work.

.....Nhaleet left, he went back to Draco’s house to collect his things and leave. He didn’t know where to go, so he just set off in a random direction. He knew one thing; he wouldn’t seek revenge from this group of people anymore. His anger and want for revenge had come very close to killing his best friend, and he hadn’t even realized until after the fact.

.....When Draco woke up the first thing he saw was a note that said “I’m sorry.” He went back to his house and saw another note saying “I’m leaving now.” The half-dragon had a lot of questions, he remembered dying, how was he still alive?

Kazumi
05-31-2015, 11:15 PM
I like iarenevil's idea of busting through the research facility with draco and burning everything with fire and explosions. I enjoyed reading it until the ending. Draco died... just like that? even so, I enjoyed it.

As for GeneratorRexDragon's part, to be honest, I thought that this will just be a linear sparring match but it turned out pretty interesting. And that tear jerking scene of Nhaleet saying goodbye is just so... tear jerking lol.

I enjoyed both of it but my vote goes to GeneratorRexDragon

iarentevil
05-31-2015, 11:45 PM
I like iarenevil's idea of busting through the research facility with draco and burning everything with fire and explosions. I enjoyed reading it until the ending. Draco died... just like that? even so, I enjoyed it.

It was supposed to be sudden, to show nhaleet's blindness to the event. He didn't notice that his best friend had died because of his anger.

Hewitt
06-01-2015, 02:32 AM
Oh god, I can't take it. Someone finish where I left off. I honestly tried to finish it but I just gave up.


My original disclaimer applies as before: Unless you want to defend yourself, do not answer my questions. Answer them for yourself.



.....Nhaleet sat on the roof of the house around noon, pondering his next move. It wasn’t his house, but rather a draconian’s, aptly named Draco. The clone didn’t mind spending time with his friend, but he was starting to get a little bored while cooped up in the house, rarely let out because of those that would hunt him down. And that thought gave him an idea. What if he were to attack them head on? What if he wanted to bring the fight back to them?

Your pronouns are fucking everywhere. You are using the same pronoun to describe 2 people and then you screw it up by the end. Who is the he that is cooped up in the house: Nhaleet or the Friend? Is the Friend, Draco? Because if he is we never know that. It might be a 3rd person who happens to be staying at Dracos. Who is 'them' all of a sudden? I thought there were only 2-3 people in this house.


.....The moon started illuminating the forest with its glow

So the moon was just unplugged this whole time?


.....The inside of the house was much more cheerful than the outside, mostly due to the light smell of freshly brewed tea that was always in the air. Nhaleet had never had tea before he moved here, but now he was addicted to the stuff.

If the tea is freshly-brewed, how is it always in the air. And how is freshly-brewed tea suppose to be cheerful? He's addicted to it, so what? Also from the way the sentences are structured, it seems that the addiction has nothing to do with the cheerful environment.


There was someone on the couch in the main room drinking some of the freshly brewed tea.

Call it a den. A living room. A rumpus room. A tv room. A sitting room. ANYTHING but a main room. Wtf is a main room.


Draco is a hottie ~<3

There was really no reason to describe Draco, because they seem to be well-acquainted so he already knows what he looks like. Describing a character for no other context than forced exposition is stupid.


.....“Yeah, I was just wondering… well, what my next move was.” Nhaleet answered, staring off into space.

.....“Thinking about the future? Not like that is anything new. What is it this time?” Draco had a blank look on his face, betraying no emotion.

LOL. Feel free to imagine this scene right now. Go ahead. Nhaleet is being a retard not making eye contact. Draco is being a retard not reacting. This is a puppet show; their talking but not looking at each other in any way. Maybe the picture worked so well in your anime-addled head, but if 2 emotionless retards are going to converse with each other like this, then maybe you should just have them skype each other instead.


.....“Why is that? Why do you want to destroy them?” The response was curious, neither malicious or excited.

How is a response, curious? How is it malicious? How is it excited? See, you're telling us the way of speech instead of describing how he raises his eyebrow, how a matter-of-factly plainly stated his words were, or how he might have squinted if not for his stern disposition. These are the things we Show people to let them know our characters are curious.


.....“Because, what they do is wrong, it’s evil.

Because something wrong can't be evil?


They don’t view their subjects as people, only numbers to be destroyed when the results come in.

How are numbers, destroyed exactly?


His face was starting to get red and steam was practically flowing out from his ears.

This is so humorous. What he's suddenly like a cartoon character now? All the serious tone is now gone, defused by this zany characterization.


.....Nhaleet grinned at his friend “Well you could if you really wanted to, but I don’t think that’s the case. It’s right up your alleyway though, protecting the innocent and whatnot right?”

I thought he was "steaming", srs, mad. Why is he being playful friendly, now?


.....“Maybe a little bit, but it really will help those stuck inside” Nhaleet said with a grim expression.

Why would he be grim about talking about the prisoners. Does he wanna rescue them or not? It's like he doesn't fucking care and maybe he really doesn't and just wants revenge, but he's a genius. He should know how to hide these things well.


.....Draco squeezed the bridge of his nose with his fingers, “Well, what’s the plan?”

With his fingers as opposed to what?


..... Draco chuckled, “Rawr”.

Try chuckling with "Rawr". Go ahead. You can't do it.

Vern
06-01-2015, 05:33 PM
Fun battle to read, my vote will be going out to G.R.Dragon though.

I enjoyed readin the battles, the simple writing and simple story are fun to read from time to time ^^. Dragon's getting my vote because while Iarentevil's piece was on a similar level, it was much much less of a battle, and much more of some standalone work describing how Nhaleet tries to wrap up loose ends but fails, really, I'm not seeing the "vs" part :).

As for feedback, I'm not the best person to give you substantial feedback right now since I really don't have the time to go through your works as thoroughly as Hewitt (or any of the others) do right now, but theirs is much better anyways so yeah. Just don't let their... /critical attitude/ put you down, they're just pointing out the flaws, and if you really wanna improve then just take it as it comes and try to learn from it however "mean" it may seem, it doesn't all need to be sugar and sunshine when you're aiming to become the best ;).

Hewitt
06-01-2015, 09:46 PM
Feel free to dispute if any. I'm open for discussion

and i dont CNC anything that's not posted here so tough luck to the other guy

Chaotic Penguin
06-01-2015, 10:56 PM
Wait. Draco's stuff... wouldn't it translate the BB Code into the forum from Drive? Just paste it into the spoiler, that would make reading it much easier.

Vern
06-02-2015, 01:10 AM
I do wonder, why do people seem to have so much issues with google docs? Like, I don't mind it, in fact, I love it :I

Hewitt
06-02-2015, 01:49 AM
I love it. I just cant view them 90% of the time im on this forum

GeneratorRexDragon
06-02-2015, 12:25 PM
LOL That's what I told him.

RichardLongflop
06-02-2015, 04:40 PM
I may use google docs for writing but I'd always post the raw versions in spoilers, like with my previous battle.