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View Full Version : wRHG Battle: Verde vs. Omega



Malacal
09-05-2015, 08:33 PM
omgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgom gomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomg.
The first round of the Gauntlet has arrived! So vote on these or something. May that something be CnC.

Malacal's Story (https://docs.google.com/document/d/12ceaGaaC0f29zEPaM8p_YV6tqnfi6wZ8vUYRE8dB9vo/edit?usp=sharing)
The smell of fresh soil and oxygen-heavy air polluted the megalithic greenhouse. A menagerie of plants grew, so many that the walkways were hardly enough for a single person. Although many seemed misshapen and mutated, as if they were failed experiments. It was in every essence, a jungle with a white plastic sky.

A single botanist, named Verde, resided in the midst of the flora. He sat before a desk made of bamboo and brightly-colored leaves were set up before him with complex equations written on them. His body was hunched over a seed. Everything was perfectly still. After agonizingly prying at it with a needle for what seemed days, he finally leaned back and let out a sigh of relief. As he did this his back popped a multitude of times, leaving him with a painful yet oddly relaxed feeling.

Then the gardener got up and went over to a cane-shaped plant. The plant’s blossom was bell-shaped and colored like a coconut. Verde took a cup made from bamboo and placed it underneath the curious plant. He then tapped the blossom briskly and brown liquid poured from it. He then took a sip. There was no mistaking it was coffee, but it saddened him that it was still room temperature. He knew better than to dwell on it though, as his plants would easily die if the coffee was boiling.

After his mostly disappointing cup of coffee, Verde took the seed he was working on earlier and placed it in a pot. It immediately went through most of it’s life before sprouting a single pea pod. Verde carefully pried it open to see that there were four peas inside. He gathered them in his hand and then put them inside a pouch.

It was at this point the gardener decided to go outside and test his peas. As he neared the door of the greenhouse, a cool breeze rushed over him. It was pretty obvious to him that the front door was opened, letting the cool air from outside in. Tentatively, Verde slowly approached the door. When he was fairly close, he looked around. He failed to see anyone here, but he knew nobody would just open the door for no reason.

“Greetings, mortal,” a voice from above boomed.

“God, is that you?” the botanist flinched as his heart skipped a beat. The idea that someone could be above him had never occurred.

“Indeed, I am,” a thunder strike sounded as the mysterious individual lowered himself to the ground.

Verde spun around frantically, “Oh my goodness, you had me thinking you were God.”

“I believe we’ve already established my status as a deity. However, my reason for being here is to give you an offer,” The formerly mentioned deity’s head was held so high that he could hardly see Verde past his nose, “You can either use your experiments to build me an army, or this place will be burned with you in it, serving itself as your funeral pyre.”

The tall yet thin figure, the black metallic skin, the red glowing eyes, the eight tentacles on his back, and the assurance of always being in control, there was no doubt in the botanist’s mind that this was Omega. He had been killed many times to just reappear a few days later, and he had killed dozens himself. A recurring thorn in the side of Earth as a whole. Here he was now, demanding him to make items for an army.

A bit of confidence built up in Verde, now that the jumpscares were finally over with. Most of this confidence was also built in anger. His experiments were not the toys of an egotistical child who wished to destroy any planet that didn’t revere him as a deity. That’s when the botanist reached for his peas from earlier, now might be the perfect time to test them, “Two things. One, if you even lit a candle in here you’re talking about a fire that would most definitely kill you, too. There’s so much oxygen produced from the plants here that it might as well be a bomb. Two…”

The gardener threw the pea on the ground and shielded his eyes as a bright flash of light came forth. The shouts of the king could be heard as he absconded. Running towards his desk, he acrobatically leapt over the venus flytraps and ducked under the strangle-vines that crowded his pathway. Then, he finally reached his destination and gathered a few seed packets.

He turned to his pursuer slowly approaching him. The way that the alien was hesitant to grip onto anything as he moved from tree to tree made Verde certain that his opponent was mostly blind still. So he threw a seed into the ground. This seed also immediately went through most of the stages of it’s life instantly, bamboo springing from the ground before then coating itself in a metallic covering. He then walked towards his opponent with a composed stride.

Once he was beneath Omega, the Verde took a seed out and threw it on the ground. He then spat on it. The seed grew to be a mighty oak beneath the gardener’s feet. After having rocketed sky-high, the botanist was now eye to eye with the dangling alien. The rod in his hands crackled with electrical energy as he swung it towards the warlord. A solitary tentacle from the creature’s body came to block the staff. As a result, Omega jolted and the blocking appendage froze as if locked in time while the rest of the body moves on. Verde tried to get another swing in while the alien was distracted by his pain. He went in for a jab only to feel something wrap around his foot and fling him over Omega’s head.

It occurred to the gardener just how tall his trees were. This discovery came to him as he plummeted towards the earth like a meteor. Instead of dying, the botanist decided to throw down a seed. This time a cactus grew. He hit the cactus, feeling a prickly pain as dozens of needles were pinned into his body. Then he bounced off the cactus and hit the ground with no other injury.

As he stood up, a black figure landed in front of him. He immediately noticed that despite the paralyzing nature of his staff, all the tentacles on Omega’s back were fully functional again. The tentacles also decided to take revenge and they lunged forth. Verde pulled out yet another pea and threw it on the ground.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Omega was once again blinded by the flash of light. When he opened his eyes everything was blurry and difficult to see. It was exactly like going from a dark room to a bright room and then back again to a dark room. His vision slowly recovered, but by the time he could see again there was no botanist.

Omega needed to find his opponent, so he ascended up to the tallest tree in the building like a spider. When he stood at full length at the top, his head actually touched the top of the greenhouse ever so slightly. In return for this minor annoyance though, he could see everything in room. He turned around, looking down intently. But, his search was interrupted as a flame spread through the building as if from the mouth of a dragon.

The tree he was already about to fall as it’s trunk turned to ash. Alarmed, Omega ripped a hole in the plastic sheet covering of the building, and jumped out. His eyes were greeted by the jungle where Verde hid his work. Instead of really taking in the view though, Omega decided to be more preoccupied with getting off the top of the greenhouse. He ran and tumbled his way down, feeling melted stick to and weigh him down. He then reached the edge of the greenhouse and he jumped off.

The landing had no grace to it. Crashing onto his back, Omega reeled and convulsed in pain as his own metal skin dug into and rended his flesh. He tried to stand only to immediately fall right back down and feel the pain of blades impaling his backside again. So he got up and started walking on his tentacles like an insect.

A monstrosity approached. It looked like Verde, but it had been combined with the traits of a plant. Wings made of grass, a tail of vines, hands enveloped in vines of ever-changing size, and scythe-shaped spikes covering most of his body. As it approached, it shouted, “I gave up all that and you’re still not dead.”

A blood curdling screech could be heard through the forest as the botanist unleashed his despair and anger. Birds fled, and Omega took suit. He darted along the floor of the forest, seeking merely to get out. Verde took to the air. The floral monstrosity stayed close to the alien, clawing away blindly like a frenzied animal. Most of the swings were dodged, the rest rended at Omega’s back and his tentacles.

The fleeing king saw a light though, an escape. He leapt towards them as he felt his back disappear and his tentacles ripped from him. As the second to last tentacle was torn away, he stumbled into the light. He landed, and couldn’t move. In fact, he had no muscles to move with anymore. He was stuck there on the earth, able to do nothing more but wait.
The alien looked at the hellish nightmare that was the forest. The last few trees were now immolated. Out of this hell came his opponent. He walked over to Omega’s almost-dead body and shouted, “Now it’s time for you to di-”

The shouting was stopped by the botanist suddenly going stiff and falling on top of Omega as paralysis set in. Curses were spoken from the gardener’s mouth, “Dammit, I gave up everything in hopes I could stop you. Now all I’ve ever lived for is gone. I don’t even have the comfort of you being dead,” a brief pause occurred as tears gathered and dripped upon the alien, “And what about Haru and the others? God, why must my sacrifices lead to this?”

“That’s a good question. The answer is that you tried to attack me,” Omega then stretched his neck just enough so he could grab ahold of Verde with his mouth.

Verde’s voice became frantic, “What are you doing?!”

Omega pulled him back so that the two were face to face. He let go for a moment so he could impart his final words to the botanist, “Beg.”

“Oh god please don’t kill me-” his words were cut short as a torrent of fire came from Omega’s maw. The gardener’s face was first blackened, and then ash.

“Prayer denied.”


Dry hot air, golden sand on the ground, not a town in sight. Yep, you guessed it I am in the middle of a desert, looking for an oasis. So, how did I get into this situation? It's quite simple, I got the *go-somewhere-far* mission from my leader. I hate dry places but I have no choice, the objective is somewhere here, I think. I've been out for at least a week now, more or less. My water is out two days ago. Fortunately, I brought half of my Saguaro Seeds for an extra amount of water.
"Running out of breath I suppose?" I heard a voice called at me.
I turned around and something blinded me. I don't know what it was, but for sure I know that it's not one of those flashbangs.
"What's wrong? Cat got your tongue?" he said at me.
I tried blocking the sunlight in order to see better. What I saw answered my question. The blinding light was caused by him. How? Well, he is one big guy, in an armor. Wait, is that armor? It doesn't look like it. From my point of view, it looks like the armor is stuck on his body. Well, no matter, all I know is something's about to happen.
"Do you even talk?" he asked me.
"Oh, yes I can." I answered.
"Do you even know how to respect?"he asked again.
"Does it matter?"I asked back.
"You insignificant fool, you dare speak in that manner in front of a god!" he said to me although I didn't take it seriously. No one else can claim that they are a God, only He can. I started to chuckle but I tried hard to hold it back.
"You shall be punished, you're a disgrace to mortals as well as to the RHG community."he said to me.
"RHG?! So I'm right! You're here to challenge me."I exclaimed.
"Challenge you? You must be mistaken. It is you who is challenging a god. I pity you."
he said to me.
Right at that instance, I felt the ground shook beneath my feet. The air crackled around me. Then, water came straight up from the ground. Geysers of cold water sprung in between the two of us. Guess what I did next. Of course I drank the water, I couldn't stop myself! I'm thirsty.
"Stop fooling around."he commanded me.
"I'm thirsty and thanks for the water."I said with a little bit of gratitude.
I guess he found it annoying. He lashed something at me. It's a tentacle! My reflexes saved my life, I ducked at the very last millisecond. That was dangerous.
"Impressive." he complimented me.
I brought out my Grass Blade. Ain't no talking to this guy. I rushed towards him with a nice speed. The dry air stung my face. Ouch.

He isn't guarding. I have to be cautious. I swiped my weapon at him, but it got blocked by a circular thing. I don't know what it is. Is it a ball? Nope, it's not a sphere, just a flat circle. A blade? Nope, it's not sharp.
"It's a halo."he said.
"You're reading my mind." I said.
"You're too obvious." he replied.
The halo tilted downwards letting me fall to the ground. The force was too great to resist. I saw a knee fly towards me. That's gonna leave a mark. I went flying on the air due to the knee attack. Something grabbed my feet. It was him, another tentacle. It twisted me on the air, then slammed me on the sand, then twisted me again, then slammed me again. It twist and slammed me repeatedly, my body aches and my face was itchy because of the sand. I couldn't do anything then I realized something. I started to fight back. I grabbed a Zapboo from my pocket. I already have a plan, hopefully, it'll work. I sliced the tentacle holding my foot. It was easy, just like chopping an octopus. I rushed at him again this time with a club. I smacked the club to him, again, the halo blocked it. My Zapboo broke in two, however it was part of the plan. The broken piece fell towards him then as I predicted, he got electrocuted. Metal is a good conductor, I thought. He fell facedown to the ground. Smoke emitted from his body.
I thought it was all finished so I started walking away. After I took a few steps something stabbed me through the hips. Blood poured down on whatever punctured me. I followed the source of the sharp thing. It was from my opponent's tentacle. He released it and I kneeled on the hot sand, holding my wound. The pain was excruciating. I feel weak. I searched my pocket for a lotus, however I remembered I didn't pack any. I never knew I would be in such situation.
Then, something hit me on the head. It was that freaking halo again. I fell down on the ground, almost unconscious. My vision got blurrier and blurrier. I almost felt defeat but then I remembered I still have one final trump card. Should I really use it now? The side-effects are too risky but it's only what I have left, the Pill.
A foot stomped on my head. I screamed in pain.
"Now, time for you to be smited mortal." he said at me.
"All hail Omega."he added.
I got no choice, I have to use it. I grabbed the Pill from my pocket and ate it. Taste like Bitter Gourd, blech! Oh, what was I thinking.
And then suddenly, wings sprouted on my back. It stabbed through Omega's metal legs. He jumped back away from me, and landed on a foot and a knee.
I stood back up, now with a new body. Vines on my hands, and for some reason I feel like my breath is the worst-smelling air in the whole world. I've become a mutant myself. I can tell from the expression of Omega that my appearance is unbearable.
Instantly after that, my mind went blank. Yes, blank as if you became lost deep in your thoughts. I caught a final glimpse of reality, then, it was gone. It must be an effect of the pill I guess.
Time passed, I don't know how long. I gained consciousness again. With conscious I mean, in reality. I found myself lying on the ground, on a forest. How did a forest end up here? I've been asking that question to myself since then. But then, I remembered about my opponent. I looked around for any sign of him. I spotted him also lying on the ground. A pool of blood, he lies at. Oh, what have I done? I killed an opponent, this can't be. My mind was flabbergasted of the thoughts.
Finally, I decided to bury the dead body of my opponent. I gave him a funeral on the waterfall of the forest. I felt sorry for him. I guess everything is a part of fighting, winning, losing, surviving, dying, what a chaos this is. I came to take a sip of water on the river and store some water for myself. I left the Forest at my back. I looked back and say at the softest of my voice the words, Rest In Peace Omega. While I walk away, the mystery of the death of my opponent remains on my mind.

Verde wanted me to give a warning that he switched to first-person view. I'm not sure why he needed to impart this knowledge to the masses, but he told me to so I did.

TheChosenGamer
09-05-2015, 08:49 PM
I changed to 1st person perspective to be more descriptive and narrative of the details :3 just so you know.

Kamiroo Wolf
09-05-2015, 08:56 PM
I changed to 1st person perspective to be more descriptive and narrative of the details :3 just so you know.

Well this fight helped me make up my mind about ONE thing =_='

Anyway, great work both of you, but this one goes to Malacal's Omega. First time actually reading any of his work, actually.

"'Beg'" got me.

Malacal
09-05-2015, 08:58 PM
I changed to 1st person perspective to be more descriptive and narrative of the details :3 just so you know.

Hmm, I don't see how It would make things MORE descriptive. In fact, it's harder to explain certain things without both perspectives. But, I can see a few advantages of first person.

TheChosenGamer
09-05-2015, 09:09 PM
I can already see the future......... Me Losing.

Kamiroo Wolf
09-05-2015, 09:53 PM
I can already see the future......... Me Losing.

Do more research on the skill levels of your opponents BEFORE you accept challenges; nobody is going to rip on you for turning down a fight. Study literary techniques that can improve your writing. Don't be afraid to write long stories(so long as their good).

You said you were working on a new wRHG character? Finish THAT first and take your time with it. It's never too late for a clean slate(rhyme not intentional).

Urako
09-05-2015, 09:58 PM
Okay guys, I know i'm not the best out there, but I do have something to say about each of your works;

TheChosenGamer: You outright skipped the climax of the fight by having him black out and not telling us what happened. This is by far the worst problem. But besides that, Omega didn't seem quite like he usually acts. He waits for Verde to drink water out of a spring and while he does insult him, he doesn't even try to attack him during the perfect opportunity that Verde created. Why did he even create the spring in the first place? It didn't hurt Verde or hinder him in any way. Omega also compliments him after he dodges one attack. Bravo Verde IRL me could probably do that.

Malacal: If the trees and plants created enough air to make the place explode, then why didn't it explode?

TheChosenGamer
09-05-2015, 10:30 PM
Do more research on the skill levels of your opponents BEFORE you accept challenges; nobody is going to rip on you for turning down a fight. Study literary techniques that can improve your writing. Don't be afraid to write long stories(so long as their good).

You said you were working on a new wRHG character? Finish THAT first and take your time with it. It's never too late for a clean slate(rhyme not intentional).

I did not say I was going to create a new one. I only said I'll revise my character.

Malacal
09-05-2015, 10:31 PM
I can already see the future......... Me Losing.
You gain wisdom, child.
Actually I'm 15, so you might be older than me. Still calling you child either way.
Anyways, i'll drop some CnC your way so you actually get something out of this.


Alright, your main problem is everyone's main problem, dialog. When starting out my best suggestion for dialog is simple: Don't. You should use it as little as makes sense. Also, imagine with me for a second two men, standing in front of each other, saying the following.
"You need to pay your rent."
"Oh, how much?"
"You've missed two months, you idiot. So now it's $1100"
"Okay, I don't have any checks right now, let me go to my bank and get some."
So, here you understand the situation. Now tell me, what do you know about the characters? The answer is that Bob (the second guy) is really bad at paying rent. Which really, doesn't show his character much at all despite the fact that 4 lines were exchanged. Also, these had no facial expressions, movement, tone, or any vibe to them. They're statues standing across from each other in mindless banter.
So my advice is, have them do something. Have Bob hang his head and speak softly, maybe he stares at feet more than he does look someone in the eyes. This makes him seem like a more subdued individual. This gives him personality, which is sorta the point of that section of the profile. Also, with this alot of your dialog will make more sense, as some of what Omega said seemed completely unreasonable due to having nothing to really be provoked about.

"Right at that instance, I felt the ground shook beneath my feet. The air crackled around me. Then, water came straight up from the ground. Geysers of cold water sprung in between the two of us. Guess what I did next. Of course I drank the water, I couldn't stop myself! I'm thirsty."
This is the best part of your story. It had description, it displayed character, and it was funny. Thing is, it could use improvement.
Right at that instant, the ground shook and the air crackled around me. Then, geysers of cold water sprung straight up from the ground between the two of us. I decided that the next course of action should be to drink the water. Because hey, I'm thirsty!
Now that I've done the kranhk, I should probably explain what magic occurred here. Here it is, I combined sentences. If you have multiple thoughts about one occurring event, you should try to consolidate it into one sentence. Don't get crazy though, you don't want to have to receive CnC on separating sentences too.

"Instantly after that, my mind went blank. Yes, blank as if you became lost deep in your thoughts. I caught a final glimpse of reality, then, it was gone. It must be an effect of the pill I guess.
Time passed, I don't know how long. I gained consciousness again. With conscious I mean, in reality. I found myself lying on the ground, on a forest."
This has "No" written all over it. It feels like a lazily rushed finish, and I'm the one who said I might need an extra day. You never, ever, ever, want to just be "and then shit happened, and everything was okay."
What shit happened? If you really want a "and then I blanked out," you should switch the perspective to the opponent or a bystander. Ooh, that's an idea. I could write a first-person battle from the perspective of a bystander. That could be interesting.

My final piece of advice is to slow down the pace of the story (taking my advice on dialog will help with this). Like, read a few of Vern's works (or wait for his newest one when the clan battle is unleashed, I got a sneak peak and it is awesome), they're very slow pace and it really provides a unique feel that emphasizes meaningful dialog and characters, which are traits that are lacking in the wRHG battles generally.

EDIT:
Malacal: If the trees and plants created enough air to make the place explode, then why didn't it explode?
"basically" was the key word in the sentence where Verde spoke. I kinda wanted it to be realistic. After all, if Verde lived there with such high oxygen, he'd be dead. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oxygen_toxicity)
So, I had to balance realism with what I said, and just having everything be set ablaze super fast. Like, almost as fast as Omega saw the flame, the tallest tree in the greenhouse (which was made by a guy who can create full grown oak in a single second) almost immediately fell down. Plus, in the very next moment the plastic covering over the greenhouse was melting.
So yeah, that's my logic. Is it somewhat faulty? Possibly, but it works.

TheChosenGamer
09-05-2015, 10:36 PM
for those of you who are expecting the climax(the mutated Verde vs opponent) I did that on purpose. After finishing my demo 2 part 2 you'll understand the true abilities or should I say hidden, of Mutant mode. Oh and Mal, I'm just 14 so you have the right to call me a child

Malacal
09-05-2015, 10:49 PM
Okay guys, I know i'm not the best out there, but I do have something to say about each of your works;

Oh, and another thing. Urako, don't be afraid to challenge those of higher skill about pieces of their writing. I still make silly mistakes (most of which I tried to fix this match.) And, if they offer a counterpoint then they either refuse to learn, or they impart knowledge to you in the process. Today I am the former.


Oh and Mal, I'm just 14 so you have the right to call me a child
...I honestly don't know how to respond to this. Like, I didn't expect you to discriminate against yourself because of age. In fact, most people just accept that I call them child, even if they're 5 years older than me. But if you insist, you are now my child. Who's the mother? We don't know.

TheChosenGamer
09-06-2015, 05:59 AM
Oh, and another thing. Urako, don't be afraid to challenge those of higher skill about pieces of their writing. I still make silly mistakes (most of which I tried to fix this match.) And, if they offer a counterpoint then they either refuse to learn, or they impart knowledge to you in the process. Today I am the former.


...I honestly don't know how to respond to this. Like, I didn't expect you to discriminate against yourself because of age. In fact, most people just accept that I call them child, even if they're 5 years older than me. But if you insist, you are now my child. Who's the mother? We don't know.

Huehuehuehuehuehue

Malacal
09-14-2015, 06:51 PM
Ah yes, I can feel the salt against me from PitchEnder. His singular vote against me displayed so heavily to spite me. It preceded his better knowledge to vote fairly. Whatever shall I do with this terrible curse of bias?

Oh yeah, win anyways.

Good job Verde, I hope to see you improve.