PDA

View Full Version : wRHG Battle: Aiba (Ken_Rou) vs Lien (oltarius)



Ken_Rou
01-08-2016, 02:01 AM
My 7th, oltarius' 3rd battle. CrC would be appreciated!
“...So is he going to be okay?” I asked while sitting down in one of the chairs that were placed in front of the Emergency Room, a place where was cold and bland as ever. Apparently I’ve caused much more damage to Zackeroar in my previous altercation with him than I intended to…
It wasn’t on purpose, it was in the heat of battle. I could’ve been dead if I held back. I know Zack’s power is too much to be foolish enough to hold back. Still, it burdens me that I have caused pain to someone I call a friend.

The doctor had a smile on his face while he looked at me.

“Oh yes, he’s fine. To summarize all his injuries… A disturbed skull, a couple of bruises, and first-degree burns on his back. None of his injuries are lethal, thank goodness. He should be back to normal in about two weeks”

I let out a sigh of relief as I stood up to shake the doctor’s hand. Thank god, I haven’t dealt any serious injuries to him. I was prepared to kill myself if anything legitimate happened to him.

“Thank you Dr. Navarez. I was worried that we might lose a teammate” I said as I shook his hand.

“Quite. By the way Aiba, you need to take care of yourself as well. I know you had a longer time to recover, but you still had some near-fatal injuries the last time you ‘visited’ here. I know that you want to get back into action as soon as you can, but you can’t be pushing yourself this much straight out of recovery”

The smile he had on his face was gone, looking me straight in the eye with seriousness.

“Yeah… I should’ve known better”

Dr. Navarez sighed, and put his hand on my shoulder.

“You know that I care for your team. We’ve known each other for some time, and I can’t repay you enough for saving my daughter. All I can give you is my knowledge and the facility’s power. But there are limits to what current technology and medicine can do. So please be more careful”

“...I’ll try”

I was walking down the usual streets that are en route to the hideout, thinking about what to do next. Like the doctor said, I didn’t want to push myself too hard, but there isn’t a whole lot to do. My company knows that I’m on hiatus, and there is someone else taking my place temporarily as Manager. He really deserves that spot more than I do, and I don’t want to take the opportunity that he has right now prematurely. But now there’s really nothing to do for me… Maybe I should get rid of the tree that Vamprina brought. Seriously, I think that tree’s big enough to chip the windows on the second floor if it’s windy enough outside. And that thing is planted far away from the base.

Suddenly, I got a call on my phone. I pulled it out of my pocket, revealing the caller to be Charlie.

“...Fight or technology?” I answered, with the calls I usually get from him involving either someone wanting to challenge me or something like the microwave not working again. For a smart guy, he cannot handle his technology.

“Neither actually. Surprised?” Charlie replied jokingly.

“...I am. What’s up?”

“So I might have something that’ll help you get back to full health. You close to the base right now?”

“Yeah, I’m on my way back”

“Alrighty, hurry on back. I think you’ll like this a lot”

After the call, my thoughts were set on one thing; getting back into good condition. Even though I was able to beat Zackeroar earlier, it was because of my magic abilities. If Zackeroar was an Earth element, I would’ve been screwed in that situation. As much as being careful, I need to work on getting back in the game.

I returned home after about 15 minutes, and confronted Charlie about what he was saying earlier.

“So, what is this thing that you wanted to show me?”

“Oh yeah…” Charlie said as he pulled something out of a box that was on the kitchen table.

“Tada!”

The object in his hand looked like some sort of scroll, with the wrinkles and small tears in it proving that it was fairly aged.

“Dude… What is this?” I asked him as I couldn’t resist on making a weird face at him.

“Well, I know that you haven’t worked on boosting your magical abilities in a while, so I thought this would help you with it!” Charlie replied, with both of his hands on his hips and looking proud of himself.

I open the scroll, revealing the inscriptions in it composed of the language of the Rathunians, a small tribe in an eastern island who were known to be one of the five ‘innovators’ that originated magic.

“Where do you get this kind of thing?” I said as I started to translate what the scroll enlisted. I was fairly educated in the language, thanks to the master of my dojo using scrolls that also used the Rathunian language, though the ones I went through were easy enough to be understood by their children. The one in front of me has a couple of syllables that I wasn’t familiar with though. This might be a challenge… At least we have the magical powers of the internet. Hallelujah.

“zBay can do wonders my friend. And it wasn’t that expensive either. Apparently the price of these scrolls have gone down significantly in value ever since the RHG system became popular, because everyone has their variety of magic nowadays. Kids today grow up so fast…”

“You’re not that old either”

“...Are you trying to hit on me?”

I raised the finger on him, with an unamused look on my face. As Charlie laughed and left the kitchen, I sat down to the table to look through the scroll thoroughly. It seems that the scroll is focused on wind magic, since the syllable for “wind” pops up quite frequently. It’s a pretty lengthy scroll, so this might take a while to go through the whole thing...



“...*Yawn* Man this thing is harder than I expected”
It’s been around two hours since I started going through the scroll. I moved to one of the training rooms underground so I could try some of the stuff that was listed. The technique listed in the scroll, the Breeze of Ethenia(Translation courtesy of the online translator), is a technique that basically blows a huge amount of wind in the opponent’s way to either catch them off balance, or slowing projectiles down. There apparently is a record that it could completely stop bullets if done right. This will really come in handy if I can master it.

I started working on using the move about 40 minutes ago. The concept itself isn’t too hard, but putting enough force into the wind I use so I can actually push high-speed objects back was a bigger task than I expected. The blow is almost instant, and it is possible to keep it blowing for a while, up to about a minute, which is fairly hard to maintain. I’ve been using the drones down here to shoot various objects with increasingly heavier weight and speed, and the greatest thing I’ve been able to stop so far are metal BB pellets going 250 mph for 24 seconds.. Still, with bullets, my biggest feat so far is slowing down a 9mm bullet fired from a pistol enough to make it unable to penetrate the human body. It isn’t nearly enough though. If any of the fighters from the organizations that may be after us use any automatic weapons, which in most cases they do, this ability won’t be useful in it’s current state.

My phone rang again as I wiped the sweat from my face. After putting the towel I brought with me down, I answered the call, this time the caller being Zoe. Weird, getting calls from Zoe are so rare that I sometimes even forget that she even owns a phone.

“Hey Aiba… I think there’s someone who wants to challenge you”

“What? Why? And How? I thought RHG had me on hiatus”

“Not anymore. Ever since you went to the hospital with Zack, you’ve been made an active participant again. And this guy… He’s not normal”

“I’ve fought a gryphon, a duo of teenage zombies, and you. Opponents being ‘normal’ is the last thing I expect”

“I’m being serious! His way of fighting is… Maybe it’s easier to see for yourself. You’re scheduled to meet at the plains in half an hour”

“Got it. I have to say, I think this is the first time the organization made any kind of match for me. Everything else just… happened”

“I know the feeling… Anyway, good luck”

Great, a fight at the worst timing ever. And if Zoe is saying that this person isn’t normal, then this guy could actually be a threat… And plus, it might’ve been my fault for not fighting anyone for a while.
Sorry doc, but I have to do this.



The sun glared down on me as I waited for my opponent to appear in the plains. It’s not like he was late or anything, I came early so I could feel the weather before going into battle. Unlike any of the encounters I’ve had before, I actually had time to prepare myself. It’s a weird feeling to be honest…

A shadow approached.

“...Was I late for the meeting? I could’ve sworn that it was supposed to be at 2pm today” The shadow spoke.

“No, you’re on time. I just wanted to come out early. It’s a really nice weather out today, y’know?”

“Indeed. It’s warm for an autumn day”

I looked up and saw the man, dressed up in a dandy suit and his hair tidied up. He seemed like any other businessman that you would see on the streets, except for the collar around his neck. The rust infested collar seemed off to me, like it seemed that he was a pet to someone…. Please don’t tell me he’s into that.

“I’m assuming you’re Aiba Kannagi?” The man asked, while taking out a comb from the breast pocket, and slicking his hair back.

“Lien, right? I guess this is where we fight” I said, letting out a sigh.

After being satisfied with the style of his hair and putting his comb away, Lien questioned me, with a mildly concerned look on his face.

“...You don’t seem like you’re up for this”

“I’m not. But I have to. It’s the only way that we can stay in the city safely”

“We? What do you mean ‘we’?”

“My group. We’re not exactly… clean when it comes to criminal history. So this is what we have to do. I’m assuming you’re the same way”

“What makes you say that?”

I pointed at the awfully colored collar of his.
“That thing”

Lien looked down, and continued to talk.
“Not exactly the same with you, but I can sympathize. We’re all bound to this place in some way, aren’t we?”

“Yeah, that sounds about right”

We quietly laughed together. This guy seems alright, even though I’ll have to put him down. Not “put him down” put him down, like knock him out… You know what I mean.

“So… Shall we?” Lien said, showing a grin while taking a stance.

“Indeed” I replied, pulling out my knife and gun.

We stared at each other, letting the wind blow hard enough to push the branches on the trees nearby. But despite that, everything seemed quiet. Very, peacefully quiet.

“Guess I’ll go first” I said quietly.

I shot at Lien’s feet, and Lien immediately backed away. I continued shooting at where he was trying to go, and sure enough, he wasn’t able to comprehend with it for long, eventually getting hit in the foot. It seemed that the bullet only chipped his foot though, and he was mostly unfazed from it.

“I’ve heard that you don’t like fighting upfront. Why don’t you come fight with your fists?” Lien said, mostly like a taunt.
“I’d rather not get hurt right now. I’m a productive fighter, y’know?” I replied, half jokingly.

“Have it your way”

With that quote, he was gone. The next thing I knew, I was in the air, feeling a moderate amount of pain from my chest. Lien instantly jumped above me, and slammed me back down to the ground, making me hit my back hard onto the earth, unintentionally letting out a large grunt.

(So, he can run fast. That’s gonna be tricky…)
I thought to myself as I got up.
What he probably doesn’t know is that I can sense what’s coming to hurt me, no matter how fast it is. It’s kinda hard to react in time when the person is about ten times faster than you are though. I might need to change that.

Right when I sensed the next threat, I emitted a wind barrier around me, with a tornado that centers me pushing out anything close to me, including Lien.
The suited fighter fell to the ground, taken by surprise.

“...Well that ain’t fair”

He tries to outspeed me again, but this time I teleported right before he could hit me, and slashed him in the back, leaving a nasty cut that went beyond the fabric he had on.
Surprisingly though, Lien looked calm, as if he expected this to happen. In fact, he had a smile on his face.

“Not bad. I guess your record doesn’t lie”

“Well, thank you kindly”

We dashed at each other once more, this time with me putting my gun away and him not using his speed. I went for a running knee, but he easily dodged it, going for a grab from my back. I turned around as much as I could in mid air and slashed at his face, which he barely managed to evade, having to move his arms back as he dodged. After temporarily retracting, Lien went for a one-two punch, both solid looking punches, but not fast enough to be unavoidable. After blocking the first punch, I grabbed the other arm that was intended to hit my neck, and threw him over my head.
Lien fell with a nasty thud onto his back.

“How in the hell…” Lien gasped out as he regained his breath.

“You’re not heavy. You’re probably lighter than I am to be honest with you”

After letting out a frustrated grunt, Lien got up and rushed at me again. But with all the punches and kicks in the world, he wasn’t able to hit me, and I slipped with some strikes of my own here and there. I was at the point that I was able to analyze what his techniques were, or rather, lack there of.

“...You can use your powers if you want to, y’know” I said as I backed away from the unorganized flurry of strikes. Lien was panting, with his head down and his hands on his knees, with a combined look of astonishment and anger on his face.

“You... asked for it!” Lien said as he raised his head.

He once again swung at me after taking a breather, with the same result as before. After he missed wildly with a punch, I went for a stab to his legs, but this time instead of the blade sinking into his skin, the leg was moved back far enough to make me lose my balance, and his retracted leg was lifted to connect to my stomach as I fell down. I immediately got up, and swung at him with my knife profusely, only to be dodged like they were in slow motion. An array of punches soon swarmed me, knocking me to the ground as punches connected to every inch of my torso.

It was strange that he could suddenly dodge my attacks, and can hit me with such succession, to the point that I couldn't sense it coming. I was assuming that it was one of his powers. But since he didn’t increase in speed, I assumed that he couldn’t use any of them at the same time.

After I got up, I immediately started to slash at him, and he retaliated. With that power-up, Lien was connecting a lot more punches than he did a couple of minutes ago, knowing where I was going to block. I went a bit more aggressive as well, with slashes ripping his suit apart and leaving scars. Eventually, we both backed up, both covered in equal amounts of cuts and bruises. I gotta say, he's good. Whatever the hell he's using, he's using it well. This could be quite the doozy.

“Well… I didn’t expect this to be so evenly matched. I underestimated you” Lien said, as he took out his comb once more to organize his now messed up hair, going in multiple directions.

“I kinda regret not reading your bio… It usually makes the fight a bit more interesting, but in this case, it’s just aggravating”

“Well, I guess that means I’m doing a good job… I’ll take it as a compliment”

After putting his comb away, Lien once again ran towards me. I quickly drew out my gun and fired at him, but his ability seemed to be capable of enabling him to perceive the bullets, which went past him like they were toy pellets.
Lien went with a kick to the midsection, which managed to get through my arms that used to block, landing staright to my chest. The suited man proceeded to throw a straight punch to my torso, which I responded by slashing at his knuckles, leaving a painful line across it.

After momentarily receding his hand, Lien kicked at my arm holding my gun, but I teleported behind him, low kicking the back of his knee to make him lose balance. After kneeing down, a roundhouse kick to the head landed directly on him. But instead of falling down to the ground unconscious, Lien did not move an inch. In fact, he was smirking. I didn’t understand why, until there was an increasing amount of pain to my leg, and noticed the fact that it felt like I just kicked a huge rock.
I couldn’t help but fall down onto my back and hold onto my leg in pain.

“That is so not cool!” I shrieked out, still holding on to my sore leg.

“Sorry, it’s kind of how I play this game” Lien said, chuckling while getting back up.

“I think you realized that I fight like an amateur. And you’d be right. You have the upper hand when it comes to fisticuffs. So the only way that I’m going to win is by using my arsenal to the fullest. And if I’ve read my material correctly, I recall that you haven’t even used your other weapon yet”

I slowly got up, trying to make a smile on my face without showing too much pain.

“Well… Let me answer that question” I said softly.

I raised my hand into the sky, and a few seconds later, my electric spear landed into my hand, electricity crackling and sparking as I grasped the weapon firmly.

“Mikatsuchi… The blessing of the thunder god…” Lien said to himself softly.

“Well, you asked for it” I said to him, gesturing him to come over. “Come get some”

Lien charged at me upfront, swinging a fist at my face. I blocked the shot with the tip of the spear, hitting the blunt side of the blade. The vibration of the weapon was enough to determine that his defensive powers were still there. Even with Mikatsuchi, it would be hard to break through his shielded body.
The suited warrior went for another punch to my midsection, but before he could land it, I low-kicked his knee with the back of my foot. He lost his balance, and his fist barely hit my jacket as he awkwardly stepped behind me. He tried to swing at me rapidly, only to be blocked or pushed away by my spear.

"Here's the good thing about my weapon. Against normal people like you, it makes fighting while conserving energy really easy for me. You on the other hand, seem like you're using double of the energy I use to get a quarter of results I'm getting. I suggest investing in a weapon in the future, maybe something that'll compliment your skills. Oh wait, you don't have any"

If you don't know me by now, I talk a lot in fights to create a pace. It's weird, but the more anger you have, the less analytic you get about the situation. And sure enough, I was pissing him off to the point that he was merely chasing the sight of my shadow out of sheer anger. After chasing me around like an idiot in an attempt to land a strike for a minute or so, he apparently saw a chance and tried a big boot on me, but I easily moved out of the way, making him stumble with his back to me.

"Oh, you almost had it. You gotta be quicker than that" I teasingly said.

Clearly frustrated, Lien look around quickly, only to be greeted by a spear thrust to the torso. The weapon had enough force to send Lien flying a few feet backwards. I continuously thrusted my weapon, keeping him in mid-air by using wind spells as the spear stung on the suited man's body. Lien fell down with a huge thud. Surprisingly though, he had literally no stab wounds.

"34 strikes, and not a single opening on your skin. That's really something Lien, like seriously, my arms are acking like no other right now"

As Lien got back up slowly to his feet, he ripped the remains of the upper half of his suit off of himself, revealing a muscled up torso.
“You… You have no idea… who you’re messing with…” Lien said, panting as he managed to emit words.

“Well frankly, I don’t care too much. I’m most likely gonna rot in this city anyway… Might as well make it worthwhile. Now stop whining and get your ass over here” I said bluntly.

Lien bursted out, and ran as fast as he could. I stood my ground, holding my prized weapon high. As Lien threw another normal punch, I blocked it with Mikatsuchi once more, making his fist emitting a humongous cracking sound. What I didn’t expect was that I felt a huge amount of pain in my stomach. The bastard punched me with his other hand. And it wasn’t just an ordinary punch. He used his powers one more time to get me with all he had. I kneeled down and grabbed my stomach in pain, coughing up blood as my head touched the ground.

“Game… over…” Lien said weakly.

As I lifted my head up to see the man who had knocked me to the ground, I noticed something different about him…
His left arm was missing.

“You… sacrificed your arm… for this?” I said, wheezing from the pain.

Lien dashed and kicked me in the stomach, making me twist and land on my back hard.
I looked over Lien’s legs to see the now disconnected arm on the ground, still mildly bleeding.

“I won… It’s all the matters” Lien said, showing signs of pain as he clutched onto the stump of his arm.
He stomped on my stomach hard repeatedly, making me cough up some more blood.

"You know, for a second.... I thought, I wouldn't stand a chance against you. But look at the turn of events now! You on the ground against a guy who barely knows how to fight. Who's the better fighter now, huh!?"

He continued to beat on me with kicks and stomps, in a truly unpolished and inelegant way, like how kids would fight on the street. I couldn't move my body as it became swollen and badly bruised from the attacks, with the punch from earlier leaving me in complete shock. So this is what being lynched is like... God, I truly hate people that fight like thugs.

What he didn’t notice though, was that a faint blue aura started to surround me. As the kicks became numb to my body, I was able to concentrate enough to focus all my power to me.

"Your journey ends here!" Lien yelled out loud.

As he went for a final slam down to my stomach, I activated Soul Form, with the impact of the aura that was emitted from me blasting Lien away. I stood up slowly, with the bruises and the spilled blood vanishing from my body.

“Your stomps really hurt, you know… I was thinking about giving you the win, but it seems that you dug your own grave Lien. Prepare yourself”

With that, I was gone from the sight. The next thing Lien felt was a strong blow of wind from seemingly out of thin air. The blow caused him to be lifted into the air, and got under him to blast him with my newly acquired skill once more time. Though the spell is usually defensive, it could also be used to blow opponents in the direction I pleased. As the suited man hovered in the air, I activated a spell that summoned a tornado that consumed him, ripping his skin into shreds. I also added a hint of electricity into the tornado, zapping him as he whirled around in the windy hell he was trapped in. After the tornado faded away, Lien fell towards the ground, only to land on the blunt end of my spear, letting out a humongous crack.

Lien wobbled off the spear, seemingly paralyzed and lifeless. He was still breathing, though he was in a critical state. As soon as Soul Mode went away, the pain to my stomach caused by Lien came back immediately. Goddamn, injuries usually don’t come back for a while, but this guy… his punch was something else.

After reporting into RHG and requesting immediate medical support for Lien, I called Dr. Navarez to let him know the details.

“Damn it Aiba, I told you to take it easy!”

“Sorry doc, I couldn’t turn it down… It was the only way I could stay around”

After sighing, Dr. Navarez questioned
“So, did you win?”

“I did. They’re taking the guy I fought away, maybe to your place. I’m guessing your hospital is the nearest one that doesn’t kill their patients with stuff other than what they’re in the hospital for”

“Alright… Just be careful. Please”

After hanging up, I slowly made my way back to the base, with the pain of the fight still dragging me significantly, even with the Soul Mode handling the pain at the moment. He was good, just got too cocky. I guess I better watch my back against opponents more. I sure hope he’s okay though, I kinda had a hard time hold back. Anyway, I won. That’s what matters at the moment. I can rest, just a bit more.
After about 20 minutes or so, I reached the base, and eventually, my room. All I wanted to do was lie down and slowly feel my energy be drained away.
Charlie knocked on the door as I leaned on the wall.

"So bud, was the scroll useful?" He asked.

"You're not going to ask if I'm doing alright?"

"Even if you were heart was ruptured, you wouldn't tell us jack shit. Remember Yun's fight?"

"True... I could have like, a fractured ribcage or something like that. Nothing a good night's sleep can't fix right?"

"Yeah, no. We're getting your ass to a hospital. Anyway, was the scroll useful?"

"Kind of. I mean, I didn't use it the way I was supposed to. He didn't use a gun, and it was a relatively short fight"

"And I heard you handed his ass to him on a silver platter. Short and sweet, it's the best kind of fight that you could want. Anyway, let's get going. If you hauled yourself this far with a broken ribcage, you can walk another 30 minutes right?"

"God, you're an asshole sometimes" I said as I panted.

Charlie lended me a shoulder as I regain my stance to walk. Well, I guess a lecture from doc again it is. I should probably say hi to Zack while I'm there too... And Lien if he's there. Wow, I don't think about myself that much.


Two days passed since the battle, with me ending up staying at the hospital, since the fracture was complicated and required surgery. It was then though, that I heard that Lien has deceased, shortly after being transported to the hospital.
Apparently, it was not the injuries from the fight that proved his demise. It was an assassination, with the culprit still unknown.
Man, I knew the collar of his was fishy. I guess wherever he was from doesn't consider failure and survival in the same picture. The sheer thought of making it alive after losing would've been the death of him.
After the surgery, I got permission to go outside, so I could visit Lien's grave. The cemetery wasn't too far from the hospital, it was in walking distance. As I stood before the crudely made grave of Lien, rain began to fall. The wooden cross with his name sunk into the dirt deeper as I shed a tear.

The burden of someone dying from your actions is strong. But in the end, the only one who will take care of you is yourself. I knew I didn't have a choice, or I could've been the one 6 feet under by now. It's the cruel nature of RHG. Still... his death had put a huge hole in me that I can't cover.

I took out Lien's tie I picked up after the fight, and tied it tightly onto the cross. As I walked away, the rain became stronger, with me hoping that it would wash away my sorrow somehow.


"It's freaking hot today, amirite?” I call out as I walk towards my friends. Beads of sweat raced down my back as the sun continued its relentless assault on my body. Not that I particularly mind, but did the one day that I go to meet my friends have to be so damn tiresome?
“About time man, you realise that we had to endure this while waiting for your fat ass to move right? How long does it even take for you to wake up?” My friend called back with a toothy grin across his face… Huh? What was his name again? Oh well, today’s the day that we get to go out and explore the city. I really can’t wait! I can’t let this opportunity go to waste; I’ll show them all my cool side today for certain!
“Hey, how about we go grab some ice-cream first? I’ll even treat you guys for waiting on me” I reply, waving at the group. I’ve been saving up money specifically for today and I’m ready to completely let loose and have the time of my life!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The pale-grey ceiling was all that Lien saw upon awakening.
”What was that? Normally it would just be a random dream… but I felt as if I really had seen those people before. Perhaps it was a memory from the past?” He contemplated as he left his bed and began preparing himself. The words and the world in the dream were far too detailed for a random dream, and normally Lien would have already long forgotten about his dreams. In fact, if he tried concentrating even harder, Lien remembered about the rest of his ‘dream’. He could recall events that happened afterwards and how the rest of the day played out.

”Huh. It seems that my memories are slowly coming back to me. If I keep trying, maybe I’ll be able to remember everything,” Lien thought. However, he reminded himself of the metallic collar attached around his neck. Before he could further continue his train of thought a letter that appeared far too familiar caught his eye. Walking over, he picked it up and opened it up. As predicted, it was a letter announcing his next battle.

“Yo! How’ve you been? You probably understand the way things work around here now so I’ll skip the introduction and get right into the juicy details! Your opponent today is Aiba Kannagi! Some guy who’s too pussy to even fight with his own hands. I mean seriously, using 3 weapons is really pushing it. Well either way, you’re the one that has to fight him. Although, he’s got a pretty good track record so you’re really going to need good luck for this battle. You’ll find him in some generic abandoned hotel or something. Well, cya~”

Lien instantly threw the letter into his bin and began to leave his apartment. As he reached the door, thoughts of his dream still lingered through his mind. What if he could regain all of his memories? ”But what good would that do for me now? If I was some sort of pacifist then I might as well kill myself right now. Then again, is there any real value in living this life? Hand frozen on the doorknob, he kept wondering what it would be like to regain his memories. Would his world even change that much?
“Tsk. For now, trying to remember my old self would just waste too much time.” Lien said as he turned the doorknob and walked outside with the details of his dream slowly fading away.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The note’s description of the battle area was as minimalist as usual, so Lien found himself going through each and every ‘abandoned hotel that he could find. Every one of them was somehow exactly the same. A grey, double storeyed building standing alone on a street. With broken windows, flaking wallpaper and a completely desolate first floor, they were almost screaming ‘I’m haunted!’ Two spiralling staircases on opposite ends of the floor connected the first floor to the second, with each leading to a separate hallway that connected at the end. Lined along the hallways were doors that lead into a single, empty room that was 4 metres wide, 4 metres long and 2 metres tall.

Being abandoned and all, Lien wondered if the rooms would be opened or locked and to his surprise, upon turning the handle the door opened up with ease. This continued onto the rest of the doors for the rooms. Entering them and going through the rooms was surprisingly exhausting, and by the 5th building Lien was almost prepared to just go home and come back later. He had entered the final room on the second floor when he heard a door open from the floor below.

Immediately kicking into action Lien hastily assumed the identity of the person under him, focusing on his legs he dashed silently along the hallway and reached the stairway down within a second. If this really was his opponent then Lien would have to bring him down hard and fast, and if it was a stupidly brave civilian, then the RHG organisation would have to take care of it. Without giving the person a chance to retaliate, Lien decided that he would rush in and break their neck with a single punch.

Lien didn’t bother to fully examine the person before attacking; he simply reached the first floor and leaped forward against the person. Shifting his focus into his arms and boosting their hardness, Lien slammed his fist against the persons head.

At first Lien was almost prepared to leave the building then and there, however his attitude soon changed to cautious as he realised exactly what he had punched. The ‘head’ had become hard and metallic. Looking again, Lien noticed that he had in fact hit the blade of some sort of spear, the first of the three weapons? Returning his focus into his legs, Lien leaped backwards, landing a good five metres away from the person.

“Well then, that was quite the entry. I take it that you’re my opponent?” The stranger grinned. This statement blew all doubt from Lien’s mind that this was just an ignorant civilian. The boy looked like he wasn’t too much younger than Lien was, yet his ashen hair stood out like a sore thumb.

Eyeing him down, Aiba only appeared to wear normal clothing: an average jacket over a hoodie over a shirt with some jeans and sneakers. Nothing special, and the only suspicious thing that Lien could notice on the boy, aside from his ashen-grey hair was the strangely-shaped spear at the boys’ side, was a kukri knife and its sheath strapped to his side. The third weapon was probably concealed within his clothing.

Removing his focus from his legs, Lien could feel his ability shut down.
”Damn it. I thought that would be the end of it, but I guess a battle would never be that easy.” Lien thought, clicking his tongue.
“Yes. My name is Lien, and I was called here to be your opponent today.” He replied, once he regains usage of Aspect Booster, he regains the ability to choose between attacking and retreating.
“Oh cool, I was wondering when I would find you. Well, you certainly look… odd.” Aiba joked with a smile as he scanned Lien up and down.
“Is that so.” Lien replied again. Although he needed to stall Aiba, there was no need for any small talk.

“So, um. Do you want to start fighting or something?” Aiba asked. Standing around doing nothing while your opponent is visible is certainly strange.
“I believe that would be the most effective course of action at the moment.” Lien bluntly answered.
“I see, I see.” Aiba said, clearly contemplating whether or not to attack.
“Well, here I come!” Aiba shouted after another moment of thought. He dashed forward and immediately thrusted his spear towards Lien’s chest. With the gap between them almost instantly disappearing, Lien instinctively activated his ability.

Focusing on his arms and increasing their speed, Lien attempted to grasp hold of the spear. However, the moment his hands came into contact with the shaft, the spear suddenly shot backwards and just as suddenly reappeared in front of his face. This lead to Lien once again moving his arms upwards in an attempt to catch the strange weapon, but the moment he touches the spear it retracts in a blur and reappears in front of its original target.

Caught off guard, the spear managed to slip through Lien’s defence and it pierced through his suit. The spear not only bypassed Lien’s defences, it lodged itself sharply against his ribs. However, it was not the pain of being stabbed that caused his body the most pain. Before it was stabbed into his ribs, Lien noticed a spark around the spear and upon being stabbed an electric current surged into his body, causing every cell to scream in agony. He instantly lost control over his ability, and as if he had stepped on a land mine Lien felt as if his entire body had blown up. His arms went numb, his legs become paralysed, his vision became blocked by infinite dots of white and his torso burned with the heat of an inferno.

The pain overwhelmed him and soon Lien found himself collapsing onto the floor, unable to move a single muscle. His respiratory system shut down alongside many of his other bodily functions, leaving Lien as a convulsing mess on the ground. Like touching an electric fence, his body violently shook as pain continued to flood his senses. If one shallow stab wound could do this much damage, then what would have happened if he was stabbed repeatedly, or if it pierced his body even deeper? Although the wound was shallow, a small pool of blood began to creep out from under Lien.
“Are you … it … seems that … won this battle … don’t you think?” A voice shot through his broken hearing, although much of it was muffled by the loud ringing sound Lien almost immediately filled in the empty spaces.

Lien greedily gasped for air as he slowly redeveloped his ability to breathe. He needed and wanted as much of his life-saving oxygen as humanly possible. He briefly wondered what Aiba was doing during these moments, but when Lien finally regained control over all of his senses and looked around, he noticed Aiba calmly standing a few metres away, spear still in hand.
“Listen. I hope that exchange proved to you the difference in our abilities. I don’t want to cause any unnecessary injury to you, and especially not death. You now know first-hand how painful an electric shock is. That is also nowhere near my full strength, and in the worst case scenario, I will not hesitate to go all out on you.” Aiba explained. His tone wasn’t condescending, but rather sympathetic. Lien could tell that Aiba wasn’t a person who could murder one or two people at the drop of a hat, and Lien could also tell that he might be able to use this against him.

Slowly standing up, Lien once again looked over Aiba. This time, he noticed that the spear was in fact emitting some sort of electrical charge around itself. The slightest cut caused such agony to him and yet, even though Aiba was in full contact with the electrical spear he showed no sign of pain. Even stranger was the fact that Aiba’s hand, which was currently directly holding the spear wasn’t even remotely burnt or affected by the electricity. So even if Aiba had some inhuman pain tolerance, there should still be signs of burns or anything, but clearly Aiba had control over some sort of mystical ability.


Restarting his Aspect Booster and focusing on the strength of his legs, Lien was determined to finish the battle before Aiba had a chance to reveal anything else. He still had one shot at quickly finishing the battle and he wasn’t about to let it slip out of his hands. Before he would allow Aiba to react, Lien kicked the ground and flew forward. A brief image of Lien flickered where he originally stood, and when it had disappeared Lien had already reached Aiba’s side. Allowing a small window of time to pass, Lien intentionally let Aiba dash backwards and thrust at him with the spear.

With another dash and flicker, Lien reappeared above Aiba and shifted his focus from his leg into his fist, also increasing its strength. Shooting his fist downwards, Lien placed all of his bodyweight into the strike and prepared to destroy Aiba and the ground beneath him. However, all he destroyed was the floor beneath leaving a small crater behind.
”Damn it. How many more powers does this guy have up his sleeve?” Lien bitterly thought. Already Aiba had shown high levels of proficiency in at least one out of three possible weapons, the ability to resist electricity (or perhaps something even further advanced) and now teleportation… No wonder the note said that he would need good luck in order to win.

At the last moment Aiba disappeared completely from view, managing to both dodge the attack and retreat to a safe distance.
“Whoa! Calm down there. Didn’t you listen to a thing I said!?”Aiba exclaimed. His words echoed around the empty hotel for a short while before he was rushed by Lien again, darting forward with his arms enhanced. However the spear stopped Lien from advancing with its superior reach and he was forced to back off in order to think. For now, he needed time to properly rest and analyse the situation in order to determine his next move. Lien once again focused on his legs and kicked the ground, causing him to dash away.

Temporarily retreating, Lien leaped up onto the staircase and travelled across the second-floor halls. Picking a random room, he entered it, shut the door and deactivated his Aspect Booster. All of which had happened in under 3 seconds. Aiba should still be dazed from the action and contemplating his own course of action. In the meantime, Lien himself required a plan.
”Taking his knife and other weapon into consideration, Aiba still has his teleportation and electrical ability. So my best bet would be to ambush him when he comes looking for me. However, that spear of his is annoying as well. Not to mention the state my chest is in right now as well.” Lien argued. He began hearing footsteps from across the hall, meaning that Aiba had chosen to follow him upstairs.

“Dude, listen. I really don’t want to kill you, but if you keep remaining this stubborn then I’ll have to teach you a lesson.” Lien heard Aiba call out alongside the first door down the hallway opening. Hopefully, it would take Aiba another minute or two to reach the room Lien was resting in.
”The moment I hear him outside, I’ll kick the door down and charge at him.” Lien decided. If he was fast enough, then Aiba wouldn’t have enough time to react and attack with his spear.
”Alright, let’s do this.” Lien confirmed. The footsteps were now coming closer and closer. Each creak meant even less time was left until Aiba would arrive.

Finally, the footsteps stopped just outside the door to the room Lien hid in. Standing in front of the door, Lien prepared himself to activate his ability. On the other side, Aiba would presumably be reaching his hand slowly towards the handle… As fast as he could, Lien focused on his legs and felt their strength increasing. Next he would jump towards the door, kicking down both the door and Aiba behind it. However before he could jump up and enact his plan, a thunderous bang echoed throughout the entire hotel. Several more followed, and instantly the door was riddled with holes.

Initially puzzled, his confusion was soon answered as he soon heard the metallic clang of an object hitting the ground; obviously the empty gun shells from a gunshot. At this point, there was no use even trying to figure out how Aiba knew that Lien was waiting for him behind the door.
”Well at least now I know all three weapons of the weapons that Aiba possesses, but the kukri knife is still left unused so I’ll have to be careful with that” Lien thought. He couldn’t be too sure about Aiba’s true strength, but at least in the current, cramped area the use of the large spear would be limited by a certain amount.

“See? If I had waited for you to be in front of the door you would be dead right now. Are you sure you want to continue this?” Aiba explained, kicking down the door. With him now blocking the entrance, the only option left was to continue the battle within the room, unless Lien wanted to risk slipping past Aiba’s defence but there were too many unknown variables that would lead to his defeat.
“I appreciate your generosity; however I cannot leave this building without your head.” Lien replied.

“I suppose I’ll have to incapacitate you first then.” Aiba sighed, raising his gun he continued his hail of bullets. Although Lien could see the general trajectory of the bullets from the angle of the gun and dodged each bullet as they came out by kicking the ground and flying across to the other side of the room. However, because he was so preoccupied with dodging the bullets, Lien failed to notice Aiba summon his Mikadsuchi and raise it in the air.

Expending his cartridge, Aiba tossed his gun back into the hallway and simultaneously pierced his spear into the ground. Immediately he let out a continuous current of electricity that spread out in a dome, frying almost everything it came into contact with. Obviously Aiba was somehow immune to the damage whilst Lien was once again shocked with what felt like the intensity of a thousand lightning bolts. His focus also took a nosedive and Lien began falling to the ground as his enhancement dispersed. A familiar sense of numbness entered Lien which Aiba instantly took advantage of.

Dashing forwards, Aiba performed two quick jabs to Lien’ face, then a roundhouse kick to the shin as Lien reeled backwards, Lien then launched into the air with an uppercut directly aimed at his solar plexus. Continuing his assault, Aiba raised his leg and buried it deeply into Lien’s stomach and sent Lien flying towards the wall. However Aiba wouldn’t end it at that and teleported behind Lien as he flew backwards. Aiba finally finished off the combo with a tornado kick that smashed Lien back into the hallway.

Slumping onto his knees, Lien’s breathing was haphazard due the combo and his vision began to blur. His eyelids felt like lead and none of his limbs responded. He could barely make out the sight of Aiba walking towards him. Aiba had regained his spear and held it firmly in his left hand and was prepared to end the battle by paralysing Lien into unconsciousness.

Towering over Lien, Aiba thrusted his arm forward, bringing the spear towards Lien’s chest. The battle would have ended there if Lien had not recovered enough to focus and reactivate his ability with its counter reset. Increasing the speed of his arms, Lien quickly pushing Aiba’s hand to the side, he then grabbed Aiba’s wrist and pulled him in. As Aiba fell forward, Lien slammed his fist deeply into Aiba’s neck. Finally being hit with a blow, Aiba flew backwards and smashed against the wall in. However, Lien was on his knees and couldn’t fully commit to his attack. So not only did he deal only a fraction of the damage he should have and not produce a shockwave, Aiba was able to quickly recover from the damage.

“Whoa, that sure packed a punch, but listen man. You can’t beat me. Again, I’m not even going all out right now. If I wanted I could just infinitely electrocute you not only with Mikadsuchi but with the electricity that I can generate. There’s no need to push yourself this far, I’ll give you that your attacks are powerful, but against a skilled opponent like me. Well, your simple attacks aren’t going to do much.” Aiba explained, extending his arm out to Lien. Again, Aiba’s sympathetic nature honestly made him appear far too kind-hearted to be a RHG. Without answering, Lien raised himself up slowly as if in an act of submission towards Aiba. Then, without warning he leapt up and charged at Aiba.

Using a storm of straights, Lien continued pounding away at his opponent at super-speed. However, Aiba skilfully dodged every strike that Lien sent, although for every strike that Aiba dodged Lien would launch the next one slightly closer to his body until Lien could finally pummel Aiba in the solar plexus. The moment Lien’s fist connected with the material on Aiba’s hoodie a familiar boom sound occurred as the shockwave of the punch rippled through Aiba’s body as Aiba was send flying back against the wall. However, in exchange Aiba had released a razor-sharp gust of wind that sliced through Lien’s suit and cut into his torso.

Yet another power to be added into Aiba’s arsenal and another power that Lien would be forced to overcome.
“I apologise, but I have no intention of leaving this building while you are still alive, Aiba.” Lien responded to his collapsed opponent, while the sudden feeling of his blood trickling down his chest surprised Lien to say the least. The cut left a large stinging sensation and it was a weird experience for Lien. Being able to look down and see a horizontal line of crimson traced across his stomach. After staring at the wound for a while, the pain began to kick in and Lien fell down to his knees, attempting to clutch his stomach to ease the bleeding. Although it wasn’t comparable to being electrocuted by Mikadsuchi, the experience was similar to having a knife pierce your skin and cut all the way across your stomach. The stinging sensation only intensified and the wound began to throb faster and faster. Slowly, he was beginning to feel a bit colder than before.

In the meantime, Aiba was too injured to respond or even listen to what Lien had said. His face clearly showed what level of agony that he was in due to Lien’s blow. Coughing up splatters of blood and tightly clutching his chest, Aiba was forced to lean back against the wall. He obviously couldn’t breathe and at the very least his lungs had been punctured by his ribs. Staring directly into Lien’s eyes, Aiba began unsheathing his knife.
“F-fine then. *cough* l-let me show you s-something *cough* r-really int-interesting.” Aiba said, now standing up straight. He finished unsheathing his final weapon, taking out his kukri knife; Aiba began being enveloped in some sort of blue gas. He then noticed Aiba’s jagged breathing gradually returned to normal, and the fist shaped imprint on his chest restored itself to the point where it looked like he was never hit at all. Then, in negative correlation to his health, Lien noticed the kukri knife begin to rust.

”So is this the final trick up his sleeve?” Lien asked himself. Although by this point, he wouldn’t be too surprised if Aiba could create a tornado or something.
Then, as if on cue a massive gust of wind appeared around Aiba and pushed Lien backwards. Hidden within the gale-force currents were razor winds that cut deeply into Lien’s clothing. Putting his arms up to defend himself, Lien managed to cover his torso from damage but in turn his sleeves were shredded and his arms covered in cuts. Blood began to drop down from his now bare arms onto the floor, staining it in his crimson essence. However, even though he had protected his body the wind was still pushing Lien backwards and he was not only losing his footing and balance, but he was starting to slightly hover in the air. The moment that Liens legs left the ground, Aiba rushed forwards knife in hand.

It was probably something to do with the mysterious gas surrounding him, or perhaps it was because he was now using his main weapon, but Aiba appeared to move faster and hit harder than when he was wielding the spear. First he lunged forwards against the still unbalanced Lien and attempted to plunge the knife deeply into Lien’s intestines. Gritting his teeth to endure the pain, Lien took his arms off of his stomach and in a flash barely managed to dodge the blow to the side by grabbing Aiba’s wrist and once again dragging him in for another attack.

However the moment Lien started pulling Aiba in, Aiba teleported behind Lien and quickly raised the knife in the air to finally cut down his opponent. Anticipating this, Lien spun around and caught the hand in the air; withdrawing his free arm backwards Lien thrusted his arm forwards again landing it square on his chest. The small room shook as if hit by a tremor, and yet Aiba didn’t so much as wince.

Lien still held onto Aiba’s arm so he decided to try again. Not even half a second had passed before Lien punched Aiba again, this time he released his hold on Aiba in order to see if Aiba would still be knocked back. Again, Lien’s attack caused a small tremor and it lead back to have the same results. Also noticing this, Aiba simply stood back and stared at Lien.
“See? It’s futile. My soul mode not only powers me up, but it grants me regeneration and makes my magic abilities far stronger than before. Also, considering the state that your arms are in… I suppose it isn’t easy swinging them around left and right, correct? ” Aiba said, opening up his arms as if inviting Lien to come and attack. Even Lien’s enhanced attacks barely fazed him anymore and he was correct in assuming that the cuts on Lien’s stung when swung. Although the air felt like it was biting into Lien’s flesh, he continued trying to hit the open Aiba with a large combination of strikes, but it became ineffective against Aiba’s new strength where every strike was rendered null and void by the Soul Mode.

By now Lien was unsure whether the building or Aiba would fall first as every strike that hit Aiba caused the building to shake more violently than the last. Moving back a few steps and gasping for air, Lien stared forwards. He had not even made a dent in Aiba’s body and Aiba himself wasn’t even panting. A kind of pitiful situation, Aiba extended his arm out one last time.
“Look I don’t know why you’re so obstinate about this, but come on, let’s just end this battle.” Aiba said with a smile. At this point, Lien’s arms felt like lead and he could barely even feel them. Not to mention the sheer amount of blood that Lien had lost this fight. Although there was no major source of injury, all of the cuts and pain ended up accumulating into quite a large chunk of damage.
“I apologise again, but my answer is still no. I will leave his building with your head, Aiba Kannagi.” Lien replied.

With all his might, Lien forced his arms to move again and pulled back his right arm as he ran towards Aiba. Caught off guard, Aiba sent forward a stream of electricity towards Lien in order to paralyse him again. However, by now Lien had come up with a slight solution to the problem. At super speed, he raised his left arm to intercept the current. The moment he touched the lightning, his arm felt like it had been thrown into an inferno. The pain began to creep up Lien’s arm as his muscles began contracting uncontrollably. However, Lien continued pushing o through the crippling pain as he moved in front of Aiba.

From there, it appeared as if time had slowed down. Lien only had a fraction of a millimetre before the electricity would travel from his left arm to the rest of his body, but it was that small window that he obtained by intercepting the current that allowed him to land this strike. As he began losing control over the left side of his body, Lien struck Aiba’s chest. Half-way through the punch, Lien focused deeply on his arm and changed its enhancement from speed to strength, further multiplying the damage. Before he could allow Aiba to retaliate, Lien’s fist broke through Aiba’s healing aura and powered up body to cause Aiba to stumble backwards. The resulting shockwave exploded outwards and shattered the glass window behind Aiba. Crumbling down into millions of tiny particles as Lien took the chance to continue the combo with another powerful right aiming for the exact same spot. However, he no longer attacked at super speed and the electric current surged through his body before the attack could land, spreading the pain throughout his being.

Although Lien had hardened his skin cells which also increased his electrical resistance, the electricity had already moved around his body. However, if he could endure one second of intense muscle spasms then he could finish the battle.

A battle of will, Lien fought to stay standing in spite of his failing body while Aiba fought to recover from the unexpected attack. Lien grinded his teeth and clenched his fists as hard as he could. It wouldn’t take more than a second for the electric current to exit his body; however every millisecond was prolonged to an eternity of pure agony. But Lien wasn’t the same as at the start of the battle, although brief he had experienced the electric shock and by now he had mentally prepared himself to brace through the pain. He forced himself to retain his focus on his arms and at long last, when the pain began to subside, Lien continued his onslaught. Although he hadn’t regained complete control over his body, Lien regained enough to move his limbs around. Aiba was still dazed Lien followed after him, fists raised once more. However, Aiba too had recovered enough to respond to the situation, and he summoned Mikadsuchi along with his knife.

Lien punched forwards again, aiming for the same area as before with his right hand. Aiba in retaliation used his kukri knife to stab at the punching hand. The knife lodged itself into Lien’s fist but Lien continued pushing forward. The knife was able to cut through his skin, but it was stuck in there as Lien’s fist continued. Blood splattered across the walls of the room but Lien only focused on attacking now. Winning the battle of strength, Lien’s fist still hit Aiba at full force. Aiba’s internal organs had not fully recovered from the previous strike and this attack only further damage them.

Then Lien sent his left hand flying forward. Aiba countered this by thrusting Mikadsuchi into Lien’s guts. The two struck each other simultaneously as Lien’s fist audibly crushed Aiba’s bones, lung and heart whilst Mikadsuchi punctured itself into Lien’s intestines. Electricity now endlessly flowed into Lien’s body frying him inside and out.

After that exchange, Lien quickly lost consciousness from pain and from blood loss. Upon waking up, he was in a strange car and covered in bandages. Even twitching a finger caused him to experience unspeakable pain. Looking around, he recognised a familiar face.
“Oh! You’re awake now? Well, first I’d like to congratulate you on somehow managing to kill that guy, and I really hope that my hint helped you out in doing so. Anyways, that guy was really something special I mean a magical ninja soldier! But you won’t have to worry about it. Well, I guess I’ll see you next time then, Subject 11630” Lien heard as he returned back to his dreams.

Crank
01-11-2016, 07:42 PM
Both of you, please PM me if I space out and forget to CnC this on Friday, don't want you guys getting missed

ErrorBlender
01-11-2016, 07:44 PM
Both of you, please PM me if I space out and forget to CnC this on Friday, don't want you guys getting missed

:( You missed mine and Arch's.

Crank
01-15-2016, 01:52 PM
Error! You commented and didn't vote? Maaaaaaan

Anyway!

Ken:

So I just want to open with your opening. Might be personal preference, but it just sounded a little... off, I guess. 'I asked' sentences just feel weird to me to set the setting with, at least that in depth. I think that I feel that way because for the most part, your sentence is going to be connected to the question. Like, the action drags out until it's completion.

“...So is he going to be okay?” I asked while sitting down in one of the chairs that were placed in front of the Emergency Room, a place where was cold and bland as ever. (Aiba now seated)

“...So is he going to be okay?” I asked while sitting down in one of the chairs that were placed in front of the Emergency Room. (Aiba now seated) The place was as cold and bland as ever.

Feel free to dispute me on that, but that's the way it looks in my mind's eye. On the topic of dialogue, using stronger words than 'asked' or 'said' can help you out too, especially when you've got a lot of talking going on. I don't mind talking myself, but it helps a lot with tone.

“Thank you Dr. Navarez. I was worried that we might lose a teammate” I said as I shook his hand.

“Thank you Dr. Navarez. I was worried that we might lose a teammate” I murmured as I shook his hand.

“Thank you Dr. Navarez. I was worried that we might lose a teammate” I mentioned as I shook his hand.

Next up, although it's pretty generic, try work on describing important things a bit more. With your opening of Lien, I don't really get much detail about him. He's just some dude in a suit. Does anything stand out about him?

Admittedly, there isn't much description about the guy on his profile, but you can still highlight things.

I looked up and saw the man, dressed up in a dandy suit and his hair tidied up. He seemed like any other businessman that you would see on the streets, except for the collar around his neck. The rust infested collar seemed off to me, like it seemed that he was a pet to someone…. Please don’t tell me he’s into that.

I looked up and saw the man, dressed up in a dandy suit with his midnight hair tidied up. He seemed like any other businessman that you would see on the streets, except for the collar around his neck and the fact that he probably couldn't drink yet. The thing was coated in a layer of rust so thick you'd think it was a pre-apocalyptic artifact long after the end of the world. At least it made his sandy brown eyes pop... but please don’t tell me he’s into that.

Even a little bit can go a long way.

Next up, if something is weird, highlight it (also watch out for rapidly repeating words).

I shot at Lien’s feet, and Lien immediately backed away. I continued shooting at where he was trying to go, and sure enough, he wasn’t able to comprehend with it for long, eventually getting hit in the foot. It seemed that the bullet only chipped his foot though, and he was mostly unfazed from it.


“I’ve heard that you don’t like fighting upfront. Why don’t you come fight with your fists?” Lien said, mostly like a taunt.
“I’d rather not get hurt right now. I’m a productive fighter, y’know?” I replied, half jokingly.

I shot at Lien’s feet, and he immediately backed away. I continued firing at where he was trying to go, and sure enough, he wasn’t able to keep up with it for long, eventually getting hit in the foot. It seemed that the bullet only chipped it though, and he was mostly unfazed from it.

“I’ve heard that you don’t like fighting upfront. Why don’t you come fight with your fists?” Lien said, mostly like a taunt.
“I’d rather not get hurt right now. I’m a productive fighter, y’know?” I replied, half jokingly.

Personally, I would be so pissed if I shot you and you were fine!

I shot at Lien’s feet, and he immediately backed away. I continued firing at where he was trying to go, and sure enough, he wasn’t able to keep up with it for long, eventually getting hit in the foot. It seemed that the bullet only chipped it though, and he was mostly unfazed from it. His stoic expression was a lot closer to stepping on a rock in boots than getting freaking shot. Heck, would it have killed him to at least give me a barefoot Lego?

“I’ve heard that you don’t like fighting upfront. Why don’t you come fight with your fists?” Lien said, mostly like a taunt.
“Maybe because I shot you and you're fine,” I replied, half jokingly.

Similarly, if something highly sucks for a character, especially the narrator, show that some love too.

With that quote, he was gone. The next thing I knew, I was in the air, feeling a moderate amount of pain from my chest. Lien instantly jumped above me, and slammed me back down to the ground, making me hit my back hard onto the earth, unintentionally letting out a large grunt.

With that quote, he was gone. The next thing I knew, I was rushing through the air with no wind in my body an immense pain replacing it. My entire torso burned like the sun as my foe instantly jumped above me and slammed me back down to the ground. It must've looked like I landed on a land mine the way the dirt exploded around me, with the last of anything in my lungs exploding out in a grunt.

The final two things I've got are work a bit more on your turning point, and you're endings. Turning points are pretty major to me, so by all means take it slow and showcase all the details, and with the ending, don't rush it. I know you have a long story, but the speed at which Lien's death was discovered and over with really made it seem to not matter to Aiba, despite it actually saying it did. The more important something it to a person, the more it should be to your reader. Give it the time it needs, even if you do it in a separate story or fight.


EDIT: Alright, I did other things after eating.

Anyway!

oltarius:


I don't really have any italic/bold type stuff for you, but there were a few concepts through your fight that I noticed. For one thing, I know you have a stoic character, but your story still felt a bit too dry. It was difficult to really get into because of that, which in turn made it difficult to invest in either character. Things may be chill on the outside, but you can still show the interior with thoughts. And if you can't do it with Lien, you can still show Aiba.

Speaking of him though, with all the (I forget the one-word that sums this up) explaining he does to the situation, it kinda feels like he's talking down to the reader, kinda like you're getting lectured at school for things you already know. Similar to the first one, it makes it difficult to bond with the character, and due to Aiba's refusal to kill, it Fatalities the suspense to a degree, especially if you forget that Lien'll die if he loses.

Lastly, and this is going around, but the ending felt like 'Eh, no big deal'. Up until things started with your demo, Lien never killed anyone. He's 19, and as hell on earth as that last year was, he only just started becoming directly responsible for people's deaths. Specifically via murder. It just feels like it should still be heavy, but instead it's as airy as a balloon floating into the atmosphere. It's delivered with a sense of chill from that one guy (who's evil, so I'll give you him), but it really doesn't seem to effect Lien. He just sleeps. It negates the climatic nature of what happened before it and cancels the impact.

I think you did a great job with your flow and choreography, but those were the things that felt off to me.


All things considered though, great job to you both!