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Thread: Ron Feretta

  1. #1

    Ron Feretta

    Name: Ron Feretta
    Title: The Stone man
    Age: 25
    Race: Human
    Height: 6'2" ft
    Weight: 220 lbs
    Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
    Sexuality: Pansexual

    Spoiler for Abilities:


    Spoiler for Stone Body Style:


    Spoiler for Physical Techniques:


    Spoiler for Weaknesses:


    Spoiler for About/Story:


    Spoiler for Personality:


    Spoiler for Appearance:


    Spoiler for Demo:


    Battles: None for now.

    Points:
    Wins:
    Loses:
    Forheits:
    Draws:

    Spoiler for Former glad #2:
    Last edited by Madness_Brothers; 03-21-2017 at 05:34 PM.

  2. #2
    Gold Member RichardLongflop's Avatar
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    You don't have human as strength so don't have it as a weakness please, it's just weakness filler. It's a given that, since writers are human and the majority of characters are base human, that- unless specified otherwise, in say, the weakness section- then characters being human is a given, along with all the weaknesses and strengths that go with it. Is adrenaline forfeit? Intelligence? I always find the weakness section is like the abilities section. You put the abnormal in there. Human is normal. Pet peeve rant over.

    Blame Vern for this post.


  3. #3
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    So this is your new character. You shall forgive my honesty but quite frankly I do not see why you would lock away your previous character only to have him replaced by this. It feels as if this one was rushed out a bit without any double-checking or second thought.

    I'm sure the others will give you an elaborate explanation of every little flaw with every little detail so I'm not going to bother with that. Allow me to just "briefly" touch on my biggest qualm with this character, and that is that none of this seems to belong together. Every section feels as if it belongs to a different character.

    If you aren't familiar with the term "toolbox character", a toolbox character is one that has a set of powers, equipment and/or skills that do not seem to belong together. They lack a unifying theme or idea as a result, and lose their identity as a character. To give you an example of this ; A character that can manipulate all kinds of metals around him is a nice concept and has a theme that works; We've seen this in the likes of characters like Magneto. If this character would now also have the biology of a wolf, a shield that is also a gun, and a spear that is also a ballistic nuclear missile (I wish I was making this up), then you have at your hands a toolbox character.

    And that's the big problem with this character. None of it seems to fit together, even less with your backstory. The weaknesses just feel like they're kneecapping your character instead of being actual weaknesses that make sense to the character.

    I think that what a toolbox tells us is simply that the character's author is unsure what they want with this character and instead make sure they cover as many avenues as possible. So all I can really tell you at this point is to just look at the critiques you('ll) get here, consider them, then sit down and think a bit about what you want with this character. Forget not that we all start somewhere and that it is good to remain humble and simple in your character design when you begin. You want someone who fights using electrokinesis? Make them a streetwise punker who fights using a metal rod because it conducts electricity. You want someone who shoots cannonballs? Make a big, hulking pirate-esque character who literally carries around a 12-pounder and fires it at his foes. You want a rich, distinguished character that is clever? Make them completely stuck up with themselves or completely spoiled, have them fight using some kind of fancy rapier-umbrella made of mithril and have them wear a fancy tophat and talk really fancy and stuff. Limit yourself to a simple idea then let your imagination run wide. You'll come up with something clever and even if it's not the freshest thing it will be yours and yours alone.

    There's also a lot of things in this character profile that are never explained and leave us very confused as a result. Things such as the cannonballs, or the fact that they used to have electrical powers or what the company they run is about and why Kalm gets in charge at such a young age when his parents are still alive and why his brother would murder him over it and why this and why so many other things.

    All in all this could use some improvement, and it's a bit sad but I do feel as if this is a step in the wrong direction after Klaus even though you didn't really do much here as of yet. But such missteps are part of the learning process, so don't let this get you down.

    Alas I have digressed enough. Onward to the road of improvement with you I say.

    Quote Originally Posted by Floppy
    Blame Vern for this post.
    I take full responsibility.
    Last edited by Vern; 11-08-2016 at 03:21 PM. Reason: Taking responsibility.

  4. #4
    Quote Originally Posted by Vern View Post
    So this is your new character. You shall forgive my honesty but quite frankly I do not see why you would lock away your previous character only to have him replaced by this. It feels as if this one was rushed out a bit without any double-checking or second thought.

    I'm sure the others will give you an elaborate explanation of every little flaw with every little detail so I'm not going to bother with that. Allow me to just "briefly" touch on my biggest qualm with this character, and that is that none of this seems to belong together. Every section feels as if it belongs to a different character.

    If you aren't familiar with the term "toolbox character", a toolbox character is one that has a set of powers, equipment and/or skills that do not seem to belong together. They lack a unifying theme or idea as a result, and lose their identity as a character. To give you an example of this ; A character that can manipulate all kinds of metals around him is a nice concept and has a theme that works; We've seen this in the likes of characters like Magneto. If this character would now also have the biology of a wolf, a shield that is also a gun, and a spear that is also a ballistic nuclear missile (I wish I was making this up), then you have at your hands a toolbox character.

    And that's the big problem with this character. None of it seems to fit together, even less with your backstory. The weaknesses just feel like they're kneecapping your character instead of being actual weaknesses that make sense to the character.

    I think that what a toolbox tells us is simply that the character's author is unsure what they want with this character and instead make sure they cover as many avenues as possible. So all I can really tell you at this point is to just look at the critiques you('ll) get here, consider them, then sit down and think a bit about what you want with this character. Forget not that we all start somewhere and that it is good to remain humble and simple in your character design when you begin. You want someone who fights using electrokinesis? Make them a streetwise punker who fights using a metal rod because it conducts electricity. You want someone who shoots cannonballs? Make a big, hulking pirate-esque character who literally carries around a 12-pounder and fires it at his foes. You want a rich, distinguished character that is clever? Make them completely stuck up with themselves or completely spoiled, have them fight using some kind of fancy rapier-umbrella made of mithril and have them wear a fancy tophat and talk really fancy and stuff. Limit yourself to a simple idea then let your imagination run wide. You'll come up with something clever and even if it's not the freshest thing it will be yours and yours alone.

    There's also a lot of things in this character profile that are never explained and leave us very confused as a result. Things such as the cannonballs, or the fact that they used to have electrical powers or what the company they run is about and why Kalm gets in charge at such a young age when his parents are still alive and why his brother would murder him over it and why this and why so many other things.

    All in all this could use some improvement, and it's a bit sad but I do feel as if this is a step in the wrong direction after Klaus even though you didn't really do much here as of yet. But such missteps are part of the learning process, so don't let this get you down.

    Alas I have digressed enough. Onward to the road of improvement with you I say.
    S: Well, as you say, yes he has the vibe of a toolbox character. In fact this wasn't my idea, it was from my brother. The main concept is that with each story or fight we make, then he would progress. Ditching some of his previous abilities and/or weaknesses and gaining others. (just like a video-game, how "Unique") I was in disagree with this, but then I got no more choice and post this. Don't worry, This would be just a "character filler" after all, I'm gonna write a lot of stories to convince my younger bro and modify it to what I want in a character, but please be patient.

  5. #5
    Return of Asshat Supreme 969_DoomsDruid_969's Avatar
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    Wait, so as to the verbal nonsense. That means he has one person he could never defeat.

    I would fucking annihilate him in a 1v1. He would die as soon as I entered the fucking room.

    I am a quality shitposter(and Magnificent Bastard). You, on the other hand, are a shit-quality poster.

    Spoiler for Writing Motto:

    Spoiler for me:

    (made a wRHG)
    (wants to join a clan for the time being)

  6. #6
    Seņor MemeBar Alphaeus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 969_DoomsDruid_969 View Post
    Wait, so as to the verbal nonsense. That means he has one person he could never defeat.

    I would fucking annihilate him in a 1v1. He would die as soon as I entered the fucking room.
    You and Mulicully.

    Most truthful statement ever XD!
    My wRHG Canon: The Remarkable Life of Altaer
    "oh fuck yeah, taco, you've been naughty" ~ Vorpal
    "" ~ Index
    Spoiler for More stuff:

  7. #7
    The Grand, Exalted, Etc. Malacal's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alphaeus View Post
    Mulicully.
    ...Do I have to take away your breathing privileges?
    Full Title: The Grand Exalted Invincible Supreme Potentate and Honorary Spokesman for All Men in General

    Everyone wants a certain song to play when they enter the room. Adding it to your signature is the next best thing. Even better is when it's not ten-hour Kirby dubstep remix.
    wRHG: Omega
    I believe in Jesus Christ as my Savior. If you're not afraid to admit it then prove it with your words and actions, you git.

  8. #8
    Seņor MemeBar Alphaeus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Malacal View Post
    ...Do I have to take away your breathing privileges?
    Is that a threat?

    Do you want to become a mime? Permanently?
    My wRHG Canon: The Remarkable Life of Altaer
    "oh fuck yeah, taco, you've been naughty" ~ Vorpal
    "" ~ Index
    Spoiler for More stuff:

  9. #9
    H:
    Changes: Kalm Grace to Ron Feretta.

  10. #10
    Of Regret and Longing. Kamiroo Wolf's Avatar
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    Well, now this is interesting. It's not often that we get a slow and steady juggernaut and I think Ron does a great job of adding to that niche.

    Here's hoping this one sticks ^_^
    Current wRHG : Baer

    Availability:
    Ready.

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