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View Poll Results: Whose part won?

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  • Devour (Captain Katrina)

    4 66.67%
  • Alphaeus (The Doctor)

    2 33.33%
Results 1 to 9 of 9

Thread: Captain Katrina (Devour) vs. The Doctor (Alphaeus)

  1. #1
    Keikaku means plan Devour's Avatar
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    Captain Katrina (Devour) vs. The Doctor (Alphaeus)

    A battle between two really good writers! Hold onto your butts. This is going to be a good one

    We wrote our parts on Google Docs. Of course that caused some formatting tomfoolery. Apologies in advance for that--it shows up the most on Alph's part....

    Devour's Part:
    Spoiler for The Perfect Curse:

    Alphaeus's Part:
    Spoiler for Davis and... Goliath?:
    Last edited by Devour; 01-08-2017 at 12:25 AM.

  2. #2
    Seņor MemeBar Alphaeus's Avatar
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    (ummm...bump?)

    Awesome fight, btw. I had a blast!
    My wRHG Canon: The Remarkable Life of Altaer
    "oh fuck yeah, taco, you've been naughty" ~ Vorpal
    "" ~ Index
    Spoiler for More stuff:

  3. #3
    Of Regret and Longing. Kamiroo Wolf's Avatar
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    Wooooooooooo, just read Devour's part and I gotta say... I regret not reading a lot more of the battles around here. They're so good!

    The only constructive criticism I can give is that the grammar and sentence structure was a bit choppy here and there with sentences that could have been be combined, punctuation that felt(and was) unnecessary, and other minor details that disrupted the flow of an otherwise great story! The characters were captured well(at least I feel so) and the way each of them were portrayed delighted me to the point where I found myself interested and yearning to know more about both of them. The ending felt a bit... odd to me(a tad bit anticlimactic and unfitting for a character like David if you will), but I enjoyed it nonetheless. Great work, Devour!

    Aaaaaaaand back a bit later. Just finished Alph's part!

    I personally dislike The Doctor from a character standpoint and went into this story looking for stuff to nitpick and frown at, but I have to say through and through the work was solid and I enjoyed it immensely! There were little, negligible grammar mistakes(only to be expected in every story) here and there, sure, but my only real issues with the writing were the parts that would have made more sense if I had been following The Doctor's/Nehushtan's story(No clue what the serum issue was about, though it made me think of Gus, Sanctuary's scientist who may or may not have access to a similar substance) and the ending, which I honestly found a bit unsatisfying and expected(though still a good one). All in all, the story was solid and the action within was riveting. Excellent work, Alphaeus!

    As for my vote... I'm actually going to give it to Devour. Though the ending and action was a bit on the lighter side in her story, the characters really drew me in a way that allowed me to enjoy the ride more than I did in Alphaeus'(I even ended up skimming a few parts, sorry). However, the work and time each of you put into both stories is greatly appreciated, and I look forward too seeing more from each of you!

    Sorry if my review of the stories was shit, I'm still working on this whole feedback thing.
    Last edited by Kamiroo Wolf; 01-08-2017 at 05:17 PM.
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  4. #4
    Keikaku means plan Devour's Avatar
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    Thanks Kamiroo Yeah, I thought up a better ending like 3 days after posting the thread and I'm kicking myself for not doing it. It really was kinda anti-climactic. I appreciate that you posted too!

    I never made a post myself... Alph, I totally loved how you depicted Katrina in your part The story itself was pretty dang good. I wouldn't have minded the dogfight part going on for longer, which was the gimmick of our whole thing, though I guess mine didn't have a ton of dogfighting either. Since I was a participant I read your part for enjoyment over C&C, so I haven't really picked out any C&C or whatever. But it was a super fun battle and I'm glad we matched.

    I'm also saddened by how few people voted or commented on this. It's kind of discouraging honestly, since i put a lot of work into my story and think both of these parts are super rad. If the turnout is so small compared to the number of people who viewed the thread, was all that work worth it? Outside of the fun of writing the story itself of course, but the thoughts remain... Will the turnout be like this every time? Do I want to write the best I can and only have 1 person C&C it? Idk mang...
    Last edited by Devour; 01-14-2017 at 08:48 PM.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Urako's Avatar
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    I read it. I don't have much to say, but I want you to know Devour that I read both of the stories and I thought they were awesome. I don't have any CnC because you guys are some of the best and i really don't have anything to say. I guess the real reason why i'm posting this is to say don't lose heart. More people read this than you think. They just don't always comment and vote.
    Last edited by Urako; 01-14-2017 at 09:44 PM.
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  6. #6
    Secret Psychopath Crank's Avatar
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    You changed the fonts. You changed the fonts?! THE FUCK, MAN

  7. #7
    Blending City ErrorBlender's Avatar
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    Woop.

    I had read both stories like a day after it released but I put off voting for a bit thinking on who to vote for. I only realized I've put it off for so long but I'm happy I made it. Anyway, here we go.

    Devour:
    Katrina was more in focus here and felt more like a short story than a battle (despite a dog fight taking place in it) and it felt nice to read. Character development here was good, I loved how it all ended the way it did. Even if David was more of a plot device here used to spur on Katrina's own progress as a person, I felt as if this was okay. This was alright. Not all battles need to focus so hard on each gladiator but just enough to give them character as to not simply denounce them as props. David and Katrina were done well here, if I may say, and it through the days that I procrastinated, I would think which story better left a mark.

    Alphaeus:
    You write well, kudos to you on that. Its long (no problem there, I just felt the need to mention) but has a lot of bits that keep you hooked. I felt as if nothing happened though. It was just another day in being David. An awesome day, but just another day.

    Verdict:
    Both stories were written well, no doubt there. In the weeks that did go for me lazily easing the responsibility to vote into the corner of my mind, Devour's piece struck me as more memorable. In the end, I go for how much I enjoyed reading a story. So, it goes to Devour.



    Spoiler for :

  8. #8
    Secret Psychopath Crank's Avatar
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    I appreciate that as soon as I finished both stories, the theme song of Devour's side instantly played. Well, the chorus at least, for the beginning at least.

    Anyway!

    Devour: I don't know much about planes, but I think I was able to follow your piece very well. I liked the characterization of the gladdies and thought the ending was extremely well done, but the battle itself seemed to be missing... something. Maybe it was just that it had so much buildup but the Pirate was never in any true danger. The one thing I kinda took issue with was why the Doc was hunting her. Sure, she was a bitch, and sure, I'd be pissed if someone checked 'no' on my 'Wanna be friends' note, but it's not a hunt down an out-of-this-world craft and attack level offense. Motivation matters to me, a whole lot, and as well written as it was, it left an iffy feeling in my mouth through the story.

    Alph: Yours was also extremely well written, but I did get lost a few times and had to reread some things several times in desperate hope of understanding (Doc's copy in Kat's ship, for example). Also, the perspective shifts were a bit to frequent for me. Once in a while is fine, but rapid use of the underscore kinda felt like cheating. It also made it tricky to connect to them. With Devour, while I didn't like the motive, as someone who works food, people straight piss me right the fuck off a few times a week, so it's a feeling I recognize, but I can't form a bond with 'Cool, dogfight,' or attempted burglary. I think if you held onto one over the other, it would've glided to more connection to the characters, but with the cuts, I didn't feel close to either.

    In the end, I'm giving Top Gun to Devour. Both were really well written, it's just that with his, I got a more stable picture

  9. #9
    Seņor MemeBar Alphaeus's Avatar
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    Yeah, I think I screwed up. Hence why I've gone back to Altaer. I need to get a grip on things.

    Anyhow, awesome battle.

    Now...

    @Dvor

    Collab time. Theme: Freaking the shit out of Katrina. Just like we discussed.
    My wRHG Canon: The Remarkable Life of Altaer
    "oh fuck yeah, taco, you've been naughty" ~ Vorpal
    "" ~ Index
    Spoiler for More stuff:

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