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Thread: Bethany Brookes

  1. #41
    Keyboard smasher GreekGladiator's Avatar
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    Firstly, how does "Stand your Ground!" work? It is unclear to me what is happening here.

    Also I would like to battle you since you are free. I know that the Elementalist isn't 'worthy' but still I think Fell will be surprised. I am currently in a battle with FireflyGoddess but my part is complete. So, unless I am unaware of some rule, let's brawl!

    Edit: I also think that the handle of the sword being 1/3rd of the total length is impractical and even disadvantegeous.
    Last edited by GreekGladiator; 10-28-2017 at 03:17 PM.
    My wRHG: The Elementalist
    Have fun everybody!
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  2. #42
    *Bites the Dust FX* PitchEnder's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GreekGladiator View Post
    Firstly, how does "Stand your Ground!" work? It is unclear to me what is happening here.

    Also I would like to battle you since you are free. I know that the Elementalist isn't 'worthy' but still I think Fell will be surprised. I am currently in a battle with FireflyGoddess but my part is complete. So, unless I am unaware of some rule, let's brawl!

    Edit: I also think that the handle of the sword being 1/3rd of the total length is impractical and even disadvantegeous.
    I'll message you about the battle. About the sword, I was basing my design off of a sword that my grandfather used to own. So, even though it may be a bit impractical, I believe that there can be some wiggle room when we're talking about an undead viking with a sword that's taller than him.

    Edit: Completely forgot to answer the Stand your Ground question.

    Basically, when the Warpath is active, he cannot be stopped. For example, if he was running forward then no outside force on this planet could stop him from moving forward. But, he can stop himself whenever he wants. It's practically the same ability that Juggernaut has.

    Edit 2, Electric Boogaloo: A character doesn't have to be worthy for Fell to fight them. He can still be convinced otherwise if he sees their true strength or something like that.... or they could just annoy him.

    Edit 3, Beyond Thunderdome: I'm not gonna double post for this since the update isn't very big. I added a sword style section and one ability.
    Last edited by PitchEnder; 10-30-2017 at 09:06 AM.

    WRHG:Beth

    Availability:
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    I'm a skeleton IRL.


    Quote Originally Posted by Vern View Post
    greasy oil space niggahs.
    Spoiler for Who Do I Fight For?:

    Spoiler for Gif Of My Mascot:


  3. #43
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    I hope you're ready for this.

    At first glance, I can't find anything immediately troublesome about this character. His backstory is mediocre, but it doesn't pull any punches nor does it do anything wrong. While he's strong, a lot of things offset his strength and make him a solid foe, but one that can be overcome. His appearance isn't abhorrent either. Stuff could be better, but it's not bad by any stretch of the imagination.

    But I struggle very hard to be interested in this character. As you remarked yourself to me in private, it's very hard to relate to him. He feels very shallow, in a regard. When I see this character, when I try to think what makes this character interesting, what gives him depth and meaning, I can not manage to come much further than "Well, he's an undead viking warrior and he likes fighting". His motivation to fight is that he wants to be the strongest... but, why? Why does he insist on being the strongest? Why does he want to meet people with the will of the hero? Motivation is key here. Why does your character do the things he does? And I don't mean the superficial reason he gives himself, no. I mean at the core of his being, what is it that drives him? What is it he seeks to accomplish, why does he want to accomplish that, how is he planning on achieving it? All those things. Depth.

    He insists on fighting only strong people. Why is that? Is it because he believes people weaker than him have nothing left to teach him? How come? etc etc. You don't need to tell me, I just want you to think about these things, then look at Fell with them in mind. A few suggestions: If you want a more lowkey story, with a more complex character, perhaps make him pigheadedly stubborn in his pursuit of the strong, in his pursuit to prove himself stronger for whatever reason he might have. Then start introducing conflict around this obsession. For example, he wants to be the strongest because he believes it is the only thing that matters. As he works towards his goal, however, the emptiness of his pursuit begins to become apparent. He may not wish to believe it, but the pursuit of strength for the sake of strength is an empty one. Perhaps he realises this on time, and turns his life around for the better. Or he remains stubborn in his beliefs, and we as the audience slowly watch as his obsession consumes him whole, until at story climax he takes an action that makes him irredeemable. The last step that sends him tumbling in the abyss. He may or may not achieve his ploy to become the strongest, but whether or not he does we come to realise just how useless his quest was to begin with.

    Or, another story requiring less complexity of character but perhaps equally interesting. Fell seeks to be the strongest because there is a great external antagonism he must overcome for the salvation of himself and/or others. Another example: His friends can not pass on into Walhalla because they're under the control of an evil spirit. Fell seeks to destroy the evil spirit that enthralls his comrades, but when he goes to face off with him he eats the dirt. He realises he must grow stronger to achieve his goal, so he seeks the strongest. Now we can relate to his quest. Now we can empathise with Fell's ploy, be taken aback by his every failure and rejoice in his every victory. At the end he may succeed, and in doing so find salvation for his own soul as well. Or his friends pass on into the afterlife but he is cursed to stay behind, making the ultimate sacrifice etc. Really, be creative, it's your character.

    In both cases, however, an important question must be asked: Why wRHG? Why would Fell seek out such an environment as the wRHG specifically? Is it a contrived reason, or given the universe you created is it the most logical step for him to undertake? I'll be anecdotical for a second and use June as an example. She's a perfectly fine character, except she has no reason to be in the wRHG. Her story is not benefited by being put in this particular environment, so I pulled her away from it. Her story is one of the test of spirit: Can she manage to cling onto the ideals she treasures so much in the face of adversity, or will she succumb in order to achieve the justice she looks for? In either case, she is not helped by fighting other wRHG characters, because the story is focussed on herself as a character so very much.

    I hope this was helpful for you, and I do hope that with this feedback you can undertake some steps to make Fell a more interesting character to read. Good luck, Pitch.

  4. #44
    *Bites the Dust FX* PitchEnder's Avatar
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    It's time for a bump my friends.

    UPDATE:

    Story, Personality, and Weaknesses have been updated. Go check those out especially if you are a person whose name is Buckethead and you are writing a story about Fell.

    WRHG:Beth

    Availability:
    Let's Rumble


    I'm a skeleton IRL.


    Quote Originally Posted by Vern View Post
    greasy oil space niggahs.
    Spoiler for Who Do I Fight For?:

    Spoiler for Gif Of My Mascot:


  5. #45
    *Bites the Dust FX* PitchEnder's Avatar
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    UPDATE:

    Another day, another RHG. Bethany Brookes, the orange haired grappler, has made her way into the ring.

    WRHG:Beth

    Availability:
    Let's Rumble


    I'm a skeleton IRL.


    Quote Originally Posted by Vern View Post
    greasy oil space niggahs.
    Spoiler for Who Do I Fight For?:

    Spoiler for Gif Of My Mascot:


  6. #46
    Secret Psychopath Crank's Avatar
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    Heh, mind breaking up that about section into a few paragraphs? Kinda frightening as is. I think she's a cute character, but as I mentioned on the Proving Grounds, I'm still worried you might be limiting yourself. I have a tricky time seeing many fights that aren't Character B being wildly uncomfortable fighting her. Hope ya prove me wrong with some variety though!

  7. #47
    *Bites the Dust FX* PitchEnder's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Crank View Post
    Heh, mind breaking up that about section into a few paragraphs? Kinda frightening as is. I think she's a cute character, but as I mentioned on the Proving Grounds, I'm still worried you might be limiting yourself. I have a tricky time seeing many fights that aren't Character B being wildly uncomfortable fighting her. Hope ya prove me wrong with some variety though!
    I thought I had that section broken up into paragraphs.... odd.

    Don't you worry, I'll try to find some variety. I've already noticed that writing with her is significantly easier than writing with Fell, so I think I'll do fine.

    WRHG:Beth

    Availability:
    Let's Rumble


    I'm a skeleton IRL.


    Quote Originally Posted by Vern View Post
    greasy oil space niggahs.
    Spoiler for Who Do I Fight For?:

    Spoiler for Gif Of My Mascot:


  8. #48
    Secret Psychopath Crank's Avatar
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    Eh, what the hell. Her folks still in the picture? If you can get her to a grocery store, I could use a spar/battle

  9. #49
    *Bites the Dust FX* PitchEnder's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Crank View Post
    Eh, what the hell. Her folks still in the picture? If you can get her to a grocery store, I could use a spar/battle
    Her parents are around. She also lives in an RHG funded gladiator apartment, so she can definitely be at a grocery store since she has to pay for her own shit.
    Last edited by PitchEnder; 12-05-2017 at 09:04 AM.

    WRHG:Beth

    Availability:
    Let's Rumble


    I'm a skeleton IRL.


    Quote Originally Posted by Vern View Post
    greasy oil space niggahs.
    Spoiler for Who Do I Fight For?:

    Spoiler for Gif Of My Mascot:


  10. #50
    Seņor MemeBar Alphaeus's Avatar
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    Pitch, the character seems fine enough. There is always the point of "Why the fuck would a 13 year old want to fight shit" but that's a different issue.

    My point is how well can a 17 year old guy get into the mind of a 13 year old girl?

    I mean, think about it. It's one think to have a character that is a side role, or even a main character, that you have to push yourself to relate to.

    Your personal protagonist, though, calls into question if you'll be able to craft a feasible story that anyone actually gives a fuck about out of this. Can you make the reader relate to this girl? That's a serious challenge, and probably one of the things most people struggle with -- being able to connect enough with characters to write a reasonable story.
    My wRHG Canon: The Remarkable Life of Altaer
    "oh fuck yeah, taco, you've been naughty" ~ Vorpal
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