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Thread: The Proving Grounds

  1. #41
    Senior Member Chromium7's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vern View Post
    Raeioioneiein
    Thoughts on the name?

    Quote Originally Posted by Vern View Post
    Not much meat to the character yet other than the abilities. It's a cool concept so far but I'm not sure what you're looking to do with it.
    You've about answered your own question in this post; I'm looking to take her from a half-formed concept to a more fully formed character, and a way of going about that, whilst gauging reactions to the concept itself by means of this thread. To turn this question back around on (all of) you a bit and clarify my intentions with the second character down on this list, what would you reckon I should do with a character like Rᴂoїn?

    Quote Originally Posted by Vern View Post
    Also when you say people in their ethereal form can interact with intangible things, what am I supposed to imagine?
    On base level, think of it this way; an intangible, or ethereal being is essentially a ghost. Rᴂoїn is one such ghost, or perhaps a queen of ghosts, that can transform willful tangible beings of the earthly plane into intangible ghosts that roam the ethereal plane, meaning that for starters, anyone whom Rᴂoїn interacts with will find themselves unable to touch Rᴂ, comfort her, console her, or cause her any sort of meaningful harm, unless they accept her invitation to seemingly disappear off of the face of the earth, and join her somewhere else.

    But from there, at the current moment it's anybody's guess what would/should/ought to happen to the beings that Rᴂoїn collects, steals, enraptures, what have you-- as well as what they're left to see, feel, and so on. This leads into the main question I'm looking to come to a more decisive conclusion on -- what exactly happens to those that Rᴂoїn invites unto the ethereal plane? Or to turn this back on all of you, what should/ought to? Answering that question will make it easier for me to say with any real certainty what the "ethereal plane" actually is and consists of, as well as Rᴂ's motivations for increasing its occupancy. Hopefully this helps!

    And to those whose works I haven't commented on, I do hope to hand out feedback to each of you, and to those who lend detailed feedback to my post here in full, expect the same in due time.
    Last edited by Chromium7; 11-09-2017 at 09:49 AM.

  2. #42
    No ordinary girl... Cassandra's Avatar
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    @Vern: Thanks for clearing that up. I'm looking forward to seeing what people say about Samael, and I'll add my thoughts to other people's characters when I get the chance.

    Need Help With Your wRHG? Send me a Private Message and I'll see what I can do!

    "A successful writer is one that can fully immerse readers within their world."

    Any and all of my wRHGs have left this site. They will return when (and if) the forum returns to life.

  3. #43
    *Bites the Dust FX* PitchEnder's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vern View Post
    Don't jerk yourself off too hard my bud.
    I swear you take everything I say and elevate it to some extreme. I'm just saying that I post in here more than most people.
    Last edited by PitchEnder; 11-09-2017 at 12:01 PM.

    WRHG:Beth

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    Quote Originally Posted by Vern View Post
    greasy oil space niggahs.
    Spoiler for Who Do I Fight For?:

    Spoiler for Gif Of My Mascot:


  4. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by PitchEnder View Post
    I swear you take everything I say and elevate it to some extreme. I'm just saying that I post in here more than most people.
    I swear, you never know when I'm speaking in hyperbole. I'm just making an ironic joke at your expense to tell you to mind your wording.

    Anyways, your activity is appreciated Pitch.

  5. #45
    *Bites the Dust FX* PitchEnder's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vern View Post
    I'm just making an ironic joke at your expense to tell you to mind your wording
    Just tell me to mind my wording, my dude. It's hard enough for me to understand shit over the internet without adding hyperbole and sarcasm to the mix.

    WRHG:Beth

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    Quote Originally Posted by Vern View Post
    greasy oil space niggahs.
    Spoiler for Who Do I Fight For?:

    Spoiler for Gif Of My Mascot:


  6. #46
    Seņor MemeBar Alphaeus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PitchEnder View Post
    It's hard enough for me to understand shit.
    #Truefacts
    My wRHG Canon: The Remarkable Life of Altaer
    "oh fuck yeah, taco, you've been naughty" ~ Vorpal
    "" ~ Index
    Spoiler for More stuff:

  7. #47
    *Bites the Dust FX* PitchEnder's Avatar
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    Update

    Added Thomas Martin, The Demon Hunter

    WRHG:Beth

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    Quote Originally Posted by Vern View Post
    greasy oil space niggahs.
    Spoiler for Who Do I Fight For?:

    Spoiler for Gif Of My Mascot:


  8. #48
    Keyboard smasher GreekGladiator's Avatar
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    MAXIMUM ATTENTION GRAB ACHIEVED
    Added new character and changed the name of my post
    Also added Demo on Electroshock.
    Last edited by GreekGladiator; 11-11-2017 at 10:28 AM.
    My wRHG: The Elementalist
    Have fun everybody!
    Spoiler for Truth:

  9. #49
    *Bites the Dust FX* PitchEnder's Avatar
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    Super Ultra Mega Greek Critique

    The main problem I have with your writing for this character is that it's filled with misspellings and grammatical errors. Here's some examples (everything that is bolded is wrong):
    Spoiler for Errors:


    There are plenty more errors to find within your writing and all of them could be fixed with a quick spelling/grammar check before you post it.

    As for the character, he is very all over the place for me. Your little pre-reveal blurb builds him up to be this athletic badass who can think circles around Albert Einstein. But, he ends up being an archaeologist with rock(?) hands who is said to not even be athletic.

    His gloves are rather odd as well. The sticks that he holds can be morphed into different weapons, but most of the weapons seem to be outclassed by the dagger versions of the sticks. The daggers can be thrown and returned to their thrower, so that gets rid of the need for the boomerang. They also have the ability to shoot waves of energy from the daggers, which gets rid of the need for the bow. The sword and pole arm may have longer reach than the daggers themselves, but we know that he can throw the daggers and shoot energy waves with them. So, the extra range of the sword and the pole arm aren't needed.

    Finally, I have two more things to talk about. The first one being how you wrote the profile. At the beginning the text is written in a very cocky way, which hints that the character we are going to be reading is cocky as well. But, once I got to the personality section, I saw that this character is more of an optimistic and curious fellow. So, why was the beginning written in the way it was written? The last thing within my last points that I want to talk about is the story. To keep it simple, it isn't that good. At first it's pretty standard, smart guy gets sent abroad to study something he is interested in. From the point where he graduates and on, it gets worse. He goes back to visit his family, which is reasonable, but, instead of spending time with said family, he accepts a job from an unknown employer for seemingly no reason. You say "He of course accepted" as if we are supposed to know how amazing this offer was without you having to tell us. The only information about it that we have is that it involves some kind of old settlement. Is that all this character needed to hear before he was completely on board with the plan? Also, that ending really pushed my buttons. He's randomly attacked by a female bear after he found the ancient stick-twirler pom-poms just because he is near a wooded area. As a person who knows quite a bit about bears, this makes no sense to me. A bear wouldn't just attack someone for the hell of it, especially a female bear. A female bear would only attack a person if she thought said person was gonna fuck with her babies. Stephan was minding his own business, not fucking with any babies. So, why would the bear put its life, and consequently its children's lives, in danger just to have a swing at Indiana Jones?

    So, I'm just going to leave you with that. Feel free to ask me any questions.

    WRHG:Beth

    Availability:
    Let's Rumble


    I'm a skeleton IRL.


    Quote Originally Posted by Vern View Post
    greasy oil space niggahs.
    Spoiler for Who Do I Fight For?:

    Spoiler for Gif Of My Mascot:


  10. #50
    Keyboard smasher GreekGladiator's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PitchEnder View Post
    Super Ultra Mega Greek Critique

    The main problem I have with your writing for this character is that it's filled with misspellings and grammatical errors. Here's some examples (everything that is bolded is wrong):
    Spoiler for Errors:


    There are plenty more errors to find within your writing and all of them could be fixed with a quick spelling/grammar check before you post it.

    As for the character, he is very all over the place for me. Your little pre-reveal blurb builds him up to be this athletic badass who can think circles around Albert Einstein. But, he ends up being an archaeologist with rock(?) hands who is said to not even be athletic.

    His gloves are rather odd as well. The sticks that he holds can be morphed into different weapons, but most of the weapons seem to be outclassed by the dagger versions of the sticks. The daggers can be thrown and returned to their thrower, so that gets rid of the need for the boomerang. They also have the ability to shoot waves of energy from the daggers, which gets rid of the need for the bow. The sword and pole arm may have longer reach than the daggers themselves, but we know that he can throw the daggers and shoot energy waves with them. So, the extra range of the sword and the pole arm aren't needed.

    Finally, I have two more things to talk about. The first one being how you wrote the profile. At the beginning the text is written in a very cocky way, which hints that the character we are going to be reading is cocky as well. But, once I got to the personality section, I saw that this character is more of an optimistic and curious fellow. So, why was the beginning written in the way it was written? The last thing within my last points that I want to talk about is the story. To keep it simple, it isn't that good. At first it's pretty standard, smart guy gets sent abroad to study something he is interested in. From the point where he graduates and on, it gets worse. He goes back to visit his family, which is reasonable, but, instead of spending time with said family, he accepts a job from an unknown employer for seemingly no reason. You say "He of course accepted" as if we are supposed to know how amazing this offer was without you having to tell us. The only information about it that we have is that it involves some kind of old settlement. Is that all this character needed to hear before he was completely on board with the plan? Also, that ending really pushed my buttons. He's randomly attacked by a female bear after he found the ancient stick-twirler pom-poms just because he is near a wooded area. As a person who knows quite a bit about bears, this makes no sense to me. A bear wouldn't just attack someone for the hell of it, especially a female bear. A female bear would only attack a person if she thought said person was gonna fuck with her babies. Stephan was minding his own business, not fucking with any babies. So, why would the bear put its life, and consequently its children's lives, in danger just to have a swing at Indiana Jones?

    So, I'm just going to leave you with that. Feel free to ask me any questions.
    So... Where to start with? Oh right, the begging. I think some grammatical errors can be attributed to the fact that I didn't write this in one go and I took breaks from time to time. Also in the begging of writing this, I wasn't feeling really well that time and didn't pay the attention needed. Also I must have used some words with wrong meaning. I mena, all these apart from my laziness.

    That introduction part was more of a comical "sketch". I picture it like when in reality shows or something like that, they make an overexaggerated announcement for the person who is coming.

    I am also very aware that I gave a poor description of the gloves. For example they don't morph into the weapon, they emit energy that takes the form of the blade. The daggers were also made somewhat stronger because they are his main weapon. He uses each one circumstantialy. In the demo I tried to show how every weapon works. The boomerang is diferent from the daggers, for example, because it can actually takes a curve and move in more than on ways, whereas the daggers go only straight.

    The bear. Ahhh the bear. It is hard to desribe because in greek the bear is called a she. I might not convey the meaning, but the grammatical rules make that kinda weird. I might have not noticed where I changed it from she to it. That's on me. The bear also happened to pass by. She could be searching for food. She could be returning from somewhere. They just met. And also it was Stephan who attacked first

    I hope I didn't forget anything again.
    My wRHG: The Elementalist
    Have fun everybody!
    Spoiler for Truth:

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