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Thread: The Proving Grounds

  1. #51
    Keyboard smasher GreekGladiator's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PitchEnder View Post
    Super Ultra Mega Greek Critique

    The main problem I have with your writing for this character is that it's filled with misspellings and grammatical errors. Here's some examples (everything that is bolded is wrong):
    Spoiler for Errors:


    There are plenty more errors to find within your writing and all of them could be fixed with a quick spelling/grammar check before you post it.

    As for the character, he is very all over the place for me. Your little pre-reveal blurb builds him up to be this athletic badass who can think circles around Albert Einstein. But, he ends up being an archaeologist with rock(?) hands who is said to not even be athletic.

    His gloves are rather odd as well. The sticks that he holds can be morphed into different weapons, but most of the weapons seem to be outclassed by the dagger versions of the sticks. The daggers can be thrown and returned to their thrower, so that gets rid of the need for the boomerang. They also have the ability to shoot waves of energy from the daggers, which gets rid of the need for the bow. The sword and pole arm may have longer reach than the daggers themselves, but we know that he can throw the daggers and shoot energy waves with them. So, the extra range of the sword and the pole arm aren't needed.

    Finally, I have two more things to talk about. The first one being how you wrote the profile. At the beginning the text is written in a very cocky way, which hints that the character we are going to be reading is cocky as well. But, once I got to the personality section, I saw that this character is more of an optimistic and curious fellow. So, why was the beginning written in the way it was written? The last thing within my last points that I want to talk about is the story. To keep it simple, it isn't that good. At first it's pretty standard, smart guy gets sent abroad to study something he is interested in. From the point where he graduates and on, it gets worse. He goes back to visit his family, which is reasonable, but, instead of spending time with said family, he accepts a job from an unknown employer for seemingly no reason. You say "He of course accepted" as if we are supposed to know how amazing this offer was without you having to tell us. The only information about it that we have is that it involves some kind of old settlement. Is that all this character needed to hear before he was completely on board with the plan? Also, that ending really pushed my buttons. He's randomly attacked by a female bear after he found the ancient stick-twirler pom-poms just because he is near a wooded area. As a person who knows quite a bit about bears, this makes no sense to me. A bear wouldn't just attack someone for the hell of it, especially a female bear. A female bear would only attack a person if she thought said person was gonna fuck with her babies. Stephan was minding his own business, not fucking with any babies. So, why would the bear put its life, and consequently its children's lives, in danger just to have a swing at Indiana Jones?

    So, I'm just going to leave you with that. Feel free to ask me any questions.
    So... Where to start with? Oh right, the begging. I think some grammatical errors can be attributed to the fact that I didn't write this in one go and I took breaks from time to time. Also in the begging of writing this, I wasn't feeling really well that time and didn't pay the attention needed. Also I must have used some words with wrong meaning. I mena, all these apart from my laziness.

    That introduction part was more of a comical "sketch". I picture it like when in reality shows or something like that, they make an overexaggerated announcement for the person who is coming.

    I am also very aware that I gave a poor description of the gloves. For example they don't morph into the weapon, they emit energy that takes the form of the blade. The daggers were also made somewhat stronger because they are his main weapon. He uses each one circumstantialy. In the demo I tried to show how every weapon works. The boomerang is diferent from the daggers, for example, because it can actually takes a curve and move in more than on ways, whereas the daggers go only straight.

    The bear. Ahhh the bear. It is hard to desribe because in greek the bear is called a she. I might not convey the meaning, but the grammatical rules make that kinda weird. I might have not noticed where I changed it from she to it. That's on me. The bear also happened to pass by. She could be searching for food. She could be returning from somewhere. They just met. And also it was Stephan who attacked first

    I hope I didn't forget anything again.
    My wRHG: The Elementalist
    Have fun everybody!
    Spoiler for Truth:

  2. #52
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    So since I'm under the impression that Greek and Pitch are just gonna infinitely add new characters every time I review their shit, I'll be skipping them for this session.

    Kamiroo Wolf
    Spoiler for Reznik:


    Piston, my man, you've got too big a bunch of characters at once for me to dig into. If you've any character in particular you'd like me to review, let me know and I'll have a look.

    Azarel
    Spoiler for Crow:


    Oster
    Spoiler for Sienne:


    That's all for today, folks. I'll do Oster's other character and some of Cassandra's, as well as Piston's if he points out any next time.

  3. #53
    Keyboard smasher GreekGladiator's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vern View Post
    So since I'm under the impression that Greek and Pitch are just gonna infinitely add new characters every time I review their shit, I'll be skipping them for this session.
    Vern please. I will be productive someday. You will know when I stop pumping characters out of nowhere.
    My wRHG: The Elementalist
    Have fun everybody!
    Spoiler for Truth:

  4. #54
    Abnormal Azarel CS.777's Avatar
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    Updated my test page. Added new characters and edited some. I also finished Technix. His story is the only problem left.
    Azarel "Technix" Lionsmane
    The Room of Warriors




    I believe in Jesus Christ as my Savior. If you're not afraid to admit it then paste this into your signature.

  5. #55
    No ordinary girl... Cassandra's Avatar
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    UPDATE: Samael's page got a new weakness (Interference).


    Need Help With Your wRHG? Send me a Private Message and I'll see what I can do!

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  6. #56
    *Bites the Dust FX* PitchEnder's Avatar
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    Update:

    New character: Kabutomushi

    WRHG:Beth

    Availability:
    Let's Rumble


    I'm a skeleton IRL.


    Quote Originally Posted by Vern View Post
    greasy oil space niggahs.
    Spoiler for Who Do I Fight For?:

    Spoiler for Gif Of My Mascot:


  7. #57
    No ordinary girl... Cassandra's Avatar
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    CHANGELOG [Dec.14.2017]

    - Renamed Samael's MAIN skill "Physical Attributes" to "Ancient Blood".
    - Added a tentacle passive to Ancient Blood.
    - Added tentacle weaknesses to Weaknesses
    - Put each of Samael's Surge weaknesses into their own categories for easy reading


    Need Help With Your wRHG? Send me a Private Message and I'll see what I can do!

    Spoiler for never make promises that you can't keep:

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