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Thread: The Proving Grounds

  1. #11
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    As you all have probably noticed, your posts have been added to the list. Right, so moving on, I guess I'll dump some of my own input here.

    To answer Chrome: Nahldwiin was engineered by the RHG corporation not to be the ultimate weapon, but to be the ultimate setpiece. This is the reason they manufactured him to feel pain. The "skin" serves as a way to protect the delicate machinery inside when the metal plates leave small openings due to the way his body bends. It also serves as a second layer of defence if he's forced to eject some armour. How exactly they extracted a dragon's conscience from a fossil: If Skyrim is to be believed, a part of the dragon's soul never truly leaves this world. And concerning Iron Tiger: The nazar is pretty fucky yes. No, his blades do not heat because of the nazar.

    Moving on,

    Chromium
    Spoiler for Halle:


    Pitch
    Spoiler for Sharkfin:


    Greek
    Spoiler for He's a Lumberjack and he's okay:


    I'll get to the rest later. Reading stuff takes time, yo.

  2. #12
    Food-loving Senior Member FalconX578's Avatar
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    Azarel, I'm just confused why you have two different Bladeslingers. Btw Vern, good idea with this thread. Expect to hear from me soon regarding this. Nice job!
    Last edited by FalconX578; 10-22-2017 at 04:55 PM.
    I believe in Jesus Christ as my Savior. If you're not afraid to admit it then paste this into your signature.



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    Quote Originally Posted by Iroh
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  3. #13
    Sentient Training Dummy buckethead's Avatar
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    THE MESS OF CREATIVITY

    ok so i guess i will be dumping some characters here from time to time for inspection and approval. ill start it off with one character and ill be adding some over time.

    Spoiler for Fighter pit:
    Last edited by buckethead; 01-18-2018 at 07:02 PM.
    Do I look like a dummy to you? The answer is yes because I am a training dummy named Fred.

  4. #14
    *Bites the Dust FX* PitchEnder's Avatar
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    @Buckethead

    I was going to do an entire critique for your Soul Gambler character. But, I've noticed a theme between all of your recent characters and I think that it should be addressed in someway. There is one problem that I can see within every character:

    They are too god damn complex.

    All of these characters have a lot of information. If you give your characters all this stuff then it's going to be hard to keep track of everything for you, your opponent, and your readers. I'll use Soul Gambler as my prime example for this. He's a former heavy weight boxer but he also has magical die that orbit him and there are three different colors of dice that do different things and there are good combos and bad combos to things and the dice can attack things and holy shit what the fuck? There's, like, 3 characters in one here and that is not needed. You could have made a character that is based around the random aspect, which I honestly don't recommend, or you could possibly make a character centered around boxing. You don't have to keep adding abilities to make your character seem complex, y'know? Make them complex in their backstory and personality instead of throwing up abilities on a page and naming the mess.

    If you want an example of people who create underpowered, yet really good, characters then look no further than Vern. His current RHG is a girl who controls fire. That's it. She's Annie from League. But the good part about the character is that the story of this character is complex. So, I suggest adding more to the story rather than adding more to the abilities.

    WRHG:Beth

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    Quote Originally Posted by Vern View Post
    greasy oil space niggahs.
    Spoiler for Who Do I Fight For?:

    Spoiler for Gif Of My Mascot:


  5. #15
    Sentient Training Dummy buckethead's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PitchEnder View Post
    @Buckethead

    I was going to do an entire critique for your Soul Gambler character. But, I've noticed a theme between all of your recent characters and I think that it should be addressed in someway. There is one problem that I can see within every character:

    They are too god damn complex.

    All of these characters have a lot of information. If you give your characters all this stuff then it's going to be hard to keep track of everything for you, your opponent, and your readers. I'll use Soul Gambler as my prime example for this. He's a former heavy weight boxer but he also has magical die that orbit him and there are three different colors of dice that do different things and there are good combos and bad combos to things and the dice can attack things and holy shit what the fuck? There's, like, 3 characters in one here and that is not needed. You could have made a character that is based around the random aspect, which I honestly don't recommend, or you could possibly make a character centered around boxing. You don't have to keep adding abilities to make your character seem complex, y'know? Make them complex in their backstory and personality instead of throwing up abilities on a page and naming the mess.

    If you want an example of people who create underpowered, yet really good, characters then look no further than Vern. His current RHG is a girl who controls fire. That's it. She's Annie from League. But the good part about the character is that the story of this character is complex. So, I suggest adding more to the story rather than adding more to the abilities.
    ok i get it but i the whole idea of the gambler is just that he gambles with his abilities that the dice gave him. also took out the heavyweight boxer and the lifting thingy. so now he is really just a character based on the randomality. yes i did that and am proud. i love randomness and chaos. dont ask why i just do always have. so i took that love and personified it. as for future characters they will hopefully be a bit less complex. to be honest complexity is sort of my thing right now. and in a couple months who knows
    Do I look like a dummy to you? The answer is yes because I am a training dummy named Fred.

  6. #16
    Member Oster's Avatar
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    The Concept Vault

    Oster's Concept Vault


    Lilian and Hannah

    I've had an urge to create a character with multiple personalities lately but nothing really worked out because they would end up needlessly complex. Recently though I played a game that Played with multiple personalities a little differently, giving them mental form instead of keeping them as disembodied voices in your head. So taking that a little further I got this.

    Currently, her place in my universe is rather up in the air, she could end up as my gladiator one day or be added to the growing list of NPC's in Erik's current canon.

    Spoiler for Lilian and Hannah:


    Siene S. Seir

    So you might have seen her around since I'm having her participate in the Monster Mix event. and while I've rather fleshed her out a lot, other opinions are appreciated. If I feel like changing my current gladiator Siene here's the most likely one to get the spot.

    Spoiler for Siene Seir:


    Kei Shigure

    Really, Kei was made on a whim after I saw a particularly nice peice of art from Google search. She surprisingly got very far in development and what you see here is the final product. I like her a lot, to the point she actually has the same if not a better chance than Siene to become my new RHG.

    Spoiler for Kei Shigure:
    Last edited by Oster; 12-21-2017 at 08:28 PM.

  7. #17
    *Bites the Dust FX* PitchEnder's Avatar
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    The character man is back and ready to attack.
    Spoiler for CnC for the Oster:
    Last edited by PitchEnder; 10-25-2017 at 11:15 AM.

    WRHG:Beth

    Availability:
    Let's Rumble


    I'm a skeleton IRL.


    Quote Originally Posted by Vern View Post
    greasy oil space niggahs.
    Spoiler for Who Do I Fight For?:

    Spoiler for Gif Of My Mascot:


  8. #18
    No ordinary girl... Cassandra's Avatar
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    Cassandra's Characters, Creatures, etc.

    "They said she was crazy. They said, 'You're such a nice person; how could you have the imagination to create all these...these...monsters?' They never believed that she would succeed. They never knew of the species she'd developed, the characters she'd brought up, the imaginary friends that she'd hidden in her mind for years...no, they didn't understand. They told her she'd fail, they told her she'd go mad, but she endured. Despite their criticisms, she unleashed her creations on the world...and people were impressed. Now they come, and they meet her in person. They look at her and ask 'How do you do it? You make one almost every day!' She smiles, and tells them, 'Oh, that's easy. You see, I'm no ordinary girl. I...am an Author.'"

    SAMAEL

    He's my ultimate bad guy; the worst of the worst. My former ultimate bad guy, Shadowyvern (who also happens to be the brother of my ultimate good guy, Seraphoenix) was responsible for creating him. Eventually, Samael was the evil presence snaking through every one of my stories. At least, that's what he was supposed to be. In reality, I didn't develop him that much in the beginning; I knew he was my bad guy, but no one else would feel the same dislike for him as I (and the rest of my characters) do. So I decided to work on him; he needed a backstory, some terrifying skills that would scream "Hey-I-am-a-really-bad-dude" across the universe. The spoiler below is what I came up with (minus some major spoiler parts that would be properly explained in the 'Whispered Tales' series). I don't have a backstory for him yet, and he doesn't remember anything himself...so, it's going to take a bit of time. Also, I excluded his DEMO because I haven't finished that either.

    During the creation process, I found myself getting a really good feel for the guy. Please CNC, because he's likely going to be a WIP for a long while.

    Spoiler for Samael's Profile:
    Last edited by Cassandra; 01-05-2018 at 06:39 PM. Reason: miscellaneous edits


    Need Help With Your wRHG? Send me a Private Message and I'll see what I can do!

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  9. #19
    Member Oster's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PitchEnder View Post
    The character man is back and ready to attack.
    Spoiler for CnC for the Oster:

    Thanks for the input, Glad you like her name, though, FYI, Sison is an actual last name, I have relatives with it. As for the title...well in truth she wasn't supposed to have one but seeing as so many others I saw with it, I though I'd try to give her one...honestly it's not likely to make the final cut, if I get around using her officially. Also the powers as well, though Vern helped out a lot in that area with his own advice.

    Now to the weaknesses, I do see what you mean. Though When I was making Siene I originally had in mind that while she did use "mental" energy and used her mind, she could massively affect the physical world yet was a complete novice at affecting others on the mental plane...yeah sounds kinda backwards, I admit that was why in her original ability set powers that typically are associated with psychics specifically Telekinesis and Telepathy, were relegated to purely outside of combat use.

    Massive fault on my part was not adding her naturally large mental defenses to the ability description. slipped my mind I guess or I attempted to handwave it. I did end up putting large empahsis on it in what i have of her demo but...yeah my fault. I do like the idea of her losing some of her sanity, not all, but I'm not all to confident I'd be able to pull it off...I'll try. and in relation to her History, yeah I place dthe reason she didn't lose her marbles being a stupid high base mental defense stat. That being said, I think I thought of a way to tweak it, I'll end up having to rewrite her backstory somewhat but I'm kind of excited about that idea.

    As for her personality, as to why she's not completely lost her marbles for me was two fold, the above mentioned fortitude and also time. You could say that I was going for that she became rather desensitized to the crazy stuff she sees, I mean to me breaking under the pressure or getting used to something, like even something a mundane as hard labor (likely bad comparison), are pretty close to each other, just depends on the kind of people who get exposed to stuff. I didn't make it claer on why she's capable of enduring it though so again my fault.

    As for why she became only more reserved, I guess I wanted to show that she's actually rather distant from her humanity already. despite her wanting to believe she can turn back, she's so far down the road that turning around is already a foggy concept. In a way she's more of a scout already for the abyss, so her personality shifted to being more observational. I failed to state it but there is actually no way for her to turn back to being full human again. so her choices are essentially, continue living on Earth as something more than human, movie into the abyss, or open a path for the abyss to move into Earth. and also I'm using hte time card again, she's had time to come to terms with this, she's accepted her fate of transformation, so her story's really more on whay she does after the fact.

    Again though I placed it largely in her demo, near complete but I wanted some opinions on Siene in case I would end up chaning stuff. My fault that it wasn't clear, sorry.

    As for her blood thing, that's not actually meant to be the only, it's not even supposed to be the main way to identify her as a psionic, it just seemed like a fun tidbit to add.

    Thanks for the input, massively appreciated and will be taken into heavy consideration. glad to see that the characters I make aren't complete trash.

    P.S.
    I've heard of Legion but never actually watched an episode, may get into it and a few other stuff more, to better get into writing crazies.
    Last edited by Oster; 10-26-2017 at 08:38 AM.

  10. #20
    Food-loving Senior Member FalconX578's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Oster View Post
    FYI, Sison is an actual last name, I have relatives with it.
    Heya Oster, funny though, I have relatives of the same last name too. I think I have a character using that name somewhere here as well.
    Last edited by FalconX578; 11-07-2017 at 11:35 AM.
    I believe in Jesus Christ as my Savior. If you're not afraid to admit it then paste this into your signature.



    Information:


    wRHG:
    Farukon

    wRHG Test Room:
    The Birdcage

    Forum/SE Username:
    FalconX578


    Quote Originally Posted by Iroh
    "Follow your passion, and life will reward you." ~Iroh

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