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Thread: Shaolin

  1. #1

    Shaolin

    Shaolin


    - Abilities:
    a special fire that needs a target or goes out instantly
    the only advantage to this is is more damaging
    a demon form that might kill him if he overuses it
    This demon form enhances his powers like his sped his strength and etc
    - Weaknesses:
    the special fire needs a target or it will go out instanly
    his demon form can kill him
    - About/Story:
    Shaolin's dad Kimo is from a different planet called Shakon but his dad's planet was attacked by mars and he was forced to flee to earth where he met his mom crystal
    But they were still in high school after college they had Shaolin but Shaolin was missing one of his vital organs so his dad had to give his so his dad passed leaving Shaolin and just his mom but when Shaolin was 14 his mom was murdered right in front of him which was a painful experience so when he became 16 he dropped out of school and became a duelist to avenge his dad and mom and his dad's planet
    - Demo: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HtMfYJuBaCM

    - Battles: None

    - Points: 0/0
    Last edited by Shaolin Animations; 10-22-2017 at 07:20 PM.

  2. #2
    The Stickpage Ghost PitchEnder's Avatar
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    There's quite a bit wrong with this character.

    1. He's rather boring. All he has is the ability to control the lamest fire of all time and he can transform.

    2. Why can he control fire and transform into a demon? All your backstory says is that his dad is an alien and, since demons are a human creation, how would this alien race be able to transform into them? Also, why does this fire need a target? Is it sassy fire that doesn't have time for other uses??

    3. They were attacked by mars? Last time I check, mars can't attack things. But, I assume you're talkin about the things ON mars. But, since, as far as we know, there isn't complex life on mars, you're gonna have to explain what exactly attacked your dad.

    4. What's going on in your demo?

    Quote Originally Posted by Shaolin Soccer
    a special fire that needs a target or goes out instantly
    the only advantage to this is is more damaging
    a demon form that might kill him if he overuses it
    This demon form enhances his powers like his sped his strength and etc
    These are your characters abilities. In your demo, I see teleportation and some weird cat ear thing (If that's supposed to be his demon form then you might want to look up what demon's look like). These aren't in your abilities...

    5....

    Quote Originally Posted by I Can't Think Of Any Other Shaolin References...
    but Shaolin was missing one of his vital organs


    6. How was his mom murdered and why does he think joining the RHG will avenge her? Also, you would need a parent's permission to formally drop out at 16.

    7. I'm mentioning this a lil late but HOW DOES HIS FATHER GET CRYSTAL PREGNANT? He's an alien. Aliens probably wouldn't have the parts necessary to impregnate a human female.

    In conclusion, there's a lot to work on here. At the moment, there is very little explanation and reasoning behind this character in any way. I suggest going all the way back to the drawing board and rethinking this character entirely.
    Last edited by PitchEnder; 10-24-2017 at 09:50 AM.

    WRHG: Fell

    Availability:
    Full

    Character will be changed after I'm finished with my next two battles.

    I'm a skeleton IRL.


    Spoiler for Gif Of My Mascot:

    Spoiler for Personal Stuff:


  3. #3
    Keep Calm And Charry On Charry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Posts
    2,239
    So what, dude only has one Kidney?
    Quote Originally Posted by Arch-Angel View Post
    You'll never make it with an SP social career if you don't know who Charry is by now.

  4. #4
    Senior Member devi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Location
    PRC
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    2,758
    No it clearly means he's missing an appendix, the most vital and important organ of the human body.

    Oh wait

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