StickPage Spring Animation Competition - For Glory: eSports - $5,000 in prizes, 15 placements, $1,500 first prize!
BEGINNER'S StickPage Spring Animation Competition - Unconventional Weapons - $1,000 in prizes!

View Poll Results: Who Won?

Voters
5. You may not vote on this poll
  • The Viking (PitchEnder)

    5 100.00%
  • The Tree Hugger (GreekGladiator)

    0 0%
Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12
Results 11 to 17 of 17

Thread: Fell (PitchEnder) vs The Elementalist (GreekGladiator)

  1. #11
    Just better than you GreekGladiator's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2016
    Location
    Balkans
    Posts
    52
    Lol, I forgot to do my CnC! I don't know how that missed me, but here it is.

    Spoiler for Ma first CnC:


    Hooh. That was short and low-effort. I am expecting CnC from you guys now. I really want to see where I can improve my writing and general style.
    My wRHG: The Elementalist
    Have fun everybody!
    Spoiler for Truth:

  2. #12
    The Stickpage Ghost PitchEnder's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Location
    The Cosmos
    Posts
    946
    Quote Originally Posted by GreekGladiator
    I am expecting CnC from you guys now.
    Ask and you shall receive.

    My main problem with your passage is, like Vern said, I don't think that Fell was portrayed correctly. Fell is indeed the type of person who wouldn't succumb to insults. When Jason said to him "I bet you can't even lift that big sword on your back!" Fell would have just reached back, grabbed the sword, lifted it up, and then put it back just to let him know that he could. Also, once Fell deems someone "worthy" then there is only two options for him: His opponent steps down and allows Fell to "surpass" them or he kills them. His quest is to be considered top dog once again, so being considered "worthy" wouldn't necessarily be a good thing. My only other major gripe would have to be that portion in the middle where they strike each other and enter this odd flashback state. I feel as if that part came out of nowhere and I frantically checked your character's profile to see if he had some sort of psychic ability or something. But, the conclusion I came to while I wrote was that something happened that triggered Fell's dream walking. That's probably not true and, if I'm wrong like I think, could you please explain?

    WRHG: Fell

    Availability:
    Full

    Character will be changed after I'm finished with my next two battles.

    I'm a skeleton IRL.


    Spoiler for Gif Of My Mascot:

    Spoiler for Personal Stuff:


  3. #13
    Seņor MemeBar Alphaeus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Location
    Ah...no.
    Posts
    1,183
    Vote goes to Pitch because his battle was overall more flowing for me.

    CnC for ya'll bitches.

    >>Pitch, your battle was well written from a technical standpoint. Overall, though, I was never engaged. Also the whole "there weren't many monsters in the wRHG" thing is far, FAR from true. Also Also, in many ways people like Altaer and Abra are more monsters than Fell, and far more worthy of being regarded with horror and tension. Fell seems odd but really chill (literally, lol), so the tension about him seems manufactured. The wRHG handles people and beings that have slaughtered people on a whim. Fell's just another dude to them, him being special is just snowflake syndrome.

    Also, Pitch, we go back to what Vern's said. Fell doesn't have anything to engage the reader, which could be fixed somewhat easily with this character. I like the concept, but he needs meat to go beyond an odd guy who fights people.

    Also also, I do have a problem with how you presented Jason. Super Saiyan mode isn't even what I pictured when I asked Greek about that power. I read that and the first image was the "poop steins" animation by Richard Longflop.

    >>Greek, your battle started out pretty good, but the conflict was manufactured. At least Pitch used a feasible means of conflict. Yours is the absolute horrible generic barfight. I don't know about you, but I got to bars. Shit like this doesn't just happen. There have been rowdy people at bars. Shit like this doesn't just happen. Bar tenders (at least where I live) legally have firearms they can access if this got really shitty, as well as the cops on speed-dial. This might be SP City and all, but no bartender is gonna be like "oh, hey, two freaks are ruining the joint and running off customers. Lel" I always have an issue with this trope.

    Now, again, what Pitch said. Fell is super fucking chill. You seen oldfucks? Chill. This dude is 1k years old about. Serious oldfuck. And then see the point I just said to you above.

    Now, onto the battle. This I just "I punch Sam. Sam shits his pants. 'Goddamn,' said Sam. A pencil flies through the air and hits me in the ass. A #2 pencil. 'Fuck no' I said." etc. I've read the notes from business meetings that have more flavor text than this. No no fuckity no no no.

    Then you finally do some flavor text after I've been bored and disoriented for a bit now. Great. Except it slaps me upside the head like a hall full of horse dildos. Flashback like a flashbang to the balls. I had no clue what the fuck was going on, and the only reason I do now is I went an researched the chars again, and I'm still not entirely sure what's going on except that I'm pissed for wasting more time.

    Also, you have these really fucking odd typos/malapropisms. For example: "grunted his fists" and "sat on his waist." Like, the fuck? Does this mofuggah have mouths in his palms and an detached prehensile ass on his chest?

    And the conclusion. Gahfuckinglee this conclusion. I'm going to open your mouth with a carjack and shove an infinitum of NO's in with a shoehorn made from walrus dickbones. I cannot emphasize NO enough. I literally could choke a jelly fish with the amount of noping I'm doing, and jellyfish don't even have any organs I could choke in the first place that's how fucking noping this is.

    Shit like this doesn't happen. People don't just make buddy buddies after a fight like this -- not these people. I don't fucking get why Jason was saying this was his fault. Like fuck no dude, what'd you think would happen when you goaded a giant sword-wearing Viking bastard? Cupcakes for breakfast? Suck it up pantsface. And Fell might be chill, but he's a warlord who's only single personality characteristic and reason for existing at all is to be the best either by surrender or death of his opponents. He's not some twankassed Hollywood hero that's too good for his own farts. Someone better fucking be crying uncle like hamlet's sexy mother.


    So yeah. There you have it.
    My wRHG Char: The Fixer
    "oh fuck yeah, taco, you've been naughty" ~ Vorpal
    "" ~ Index


    ~Arch

    ~^^ENTER THE TUNNEL^^~

  4. #14
    Just better than you GreekGladiator's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2016
    Location
    Balkans
    Posts
    52
    Quote Originally Posted by Some idiot View Post
    "grunted his fists"
    AAAAAAAAAH. OMFKSDOIDOIASJMOCXG. I JUST SAW IT. HOW THE FUCKING FUCK DID I MAKE THAT MISTAKE.

    *Alphaeus' review*
    I see some of the points you make and can understand why you think that. I have a really good story on my head and can't put it on paper(or in this case, computer screen). I might from time to time use phrases that make sense only to greeks. This is on me. I also recognise that I misrepresented Fell, but in my defence I had little to work with(personality-wise) except from "he's like, really chill, and like, he like never gets mad, like, never". Finally. I know realise just in what extent my name choice was bad AF.

    Quote Originally Posted by Alphaeus
    I'm going to open your mouth with a carjack and shove an infinitum of NO's in with a shoehorn made from walrus dickbones.
    Come at me daddy.
    My wRHG: The Elementalist
    Have fun everybody!
    Spoiler for Truth:

  5. #15
    The Stickpage Ghost PitchEnder's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Location
    The Cosmos
    Posts
    946
    Quote Originally Posted by Alphaeus View Post
    >>Pitch, your battle was well written from a technical standpoint. Overall, though, I was never engaged. Also the whole "there weren't many monsters in the wRHG" thing is far, FAR from true....Fell's just another dude to them, him being special is just snowflake syndrome.
    A couple of things to say to this since I am a bit confused.

    1. I was referring to actual monsters. Like, The Handyman.

    2. I was referring to the arena aspect of the wRHG. The part where people participate in scheduled battles. I think you may be thinking that I'm referring to the entire wRHG as a whole.
    Last edited by PitchEnder; 11-10-2017 at 02:48 PM.

    WRHG: Fell

    Availability:
    Full

    Character will be changed after I'm finished with my next two battles.

    I'm a skeleton IRL.


    Spoiler for Gif Of My Mascot:

    Spoiler for Personal Stuff:


  6. #16
    Seņor MemeBar Alphaeus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Location
    Ah...no.
    Posts
    1,183
    Quote Originally Posted by PitchEnder View Post
    A couple of things to say to this since I am a bit confused.

    1. I was referring to actual monsters. Like, The Handyman.

    2. I was referring to the arena aspect of the wRHG. The part where people participate in scheduled battles. I think you may be thinking that I'm referring to the entire wRHG as a whole.
    Well, Pitch, if you allow the reader to be confused...guess what? Still a mistake.

    Also, look at those who DO participate in arena battles. Dracustos, for example. Light, if I recall correctly, was a character very much identical in style to Fell, and fought in this arena.
    My wRHG Char: The Fixer
    "oh fuck yeah, taco, you've been naughty" ~ Vorpal
    "" ~ Index


    ~Arch

    ~^^ENTER THE TUNNEL^^~

  7. #17
    The Stickpage Ghost PitchEnder's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Location
    The Cosmos
    Posts
    946
    Quote Originally Posted by Alphaeus View Post
    Well, Pitch, if you allow the reader to be confused...guess what? Still a mistake.

    Also, look at those who DO participate in arena battles. Dracustos, for example. Light, if I recall correctly, was a character very much identical in style to Fell, and fought in this arena.
    I know it's a mistake. I'm just clearing up some confusion after the fact.

    There are definitely actual monsters within the arena battles of the wRHG. But, I believe that "normal" humans make up the majority.

    WRHG: Fell

    Availability:
    Full

    Character will be changed after I'm finished with my next two battles.

    I'm a skeleton IRL.


    Spoiler for Gif Of My Mascot:

    Spoiler for Personal Stuff:


Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •