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View Poll Results: Who shall win?!

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  • Alphaeus

    2 50.00%
  • Brosephus

    2 50.00%
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Thread: Altaer (Alphaeus) vs Elias (Brosephus)

  1. #1
    Señor MemeBar Alphaeus's Avatar
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    Altaer (Alphaeus) vs Elias (Brosephus)

    Welcome, ladies and gents!

    I bring you the first complete battle by our newcomer, Brosephus!

    Against him we have the infamous Alphaeus!


    One gunman versus another, one tactician versus another...who will win?

    In corner 1....Brosephus!
    Unexpected Guests:
    Brosephus' Battle
    EDIT: The above link has been fixed^^

    And in the other corner...Alphaeus!
    The Last Bullet:
    Spoiler for Alphaeus' battle:
    Last edited by Alphaeus; 12-18-2017 at 04:10 PM.
    My wRHG Canon: The Remarkable Life of Altaer
    "oh fuck yeah, taco, you've been naughty" ~ Vorpal
    "" ~ Index
    Spoiler for More stuff:

  2. #2
    Senior Member Chromium7's Avatar
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    The link to Brosephus' battle isn't working for me. Could you paste it onto the forums, or at least a google doc, so we can all read it?

  3. #3
    Señor MemeBar Alphaeus's Avatar
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    My wRHG Canon: The Remarkable Life of Altaer
    "oh fuck yeah, taco, you've been naughty" ~ Vorpal
    "" ~ Index
    Spoiler for More stuff:

  4. #4
    Señor MemeBar Alphaeus's Avatar
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    ^^^That should work...I'm having some odd issues with SP recently.
    BROSEPHUS' BATTLE IS LINKED ABOVE
    My wRHG Canon: The Remarkable Life of Altaer
    "oh fuck yeah, taco, you've been naughty" ~ Vorpal
    "" ~ Index
    Spoiler for More stuff:

  5. #5
    Senior Member Chromium7's Avatar
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    I'm not going to be mining for grammatical errors here, but what I will say is that I vastly preferred Brosephus'(s?) story, for reasons that come pouring out of the woodwork when you examine both stories critically, and that both of your stories are readable or better, so good job on that.

    Starting with Alph's story, I'll say that at around the climax especially, to me it was if the action slowed down, and drifted away from me midway through. The countdown especially threw me for a loop when I realized I had no idea on a first read why we were counting down, why someone apparently died midway through the countdown, and why after the clock hit zero, nothing really happened, and Elias just started talking about how much more he respected this "Mr. Fixer" fellow now that he'd bust through his home and nearly killed his adoptive daughter. Having also worked with this character (Altaer!) in the past, and knowing the extensive list of writers whose characters have had similar interactions with him, the afterword was almost awkward to read, in that it seems to invoke an imagining of Altaer that is the inverse of everything the character has shifted away from in recent years -- a lonely, angsty hitman that people either love or hate, but ultimately treat like shit and have no true respect for or trust in. Even ignoring the entire supporting cast of the clan-leading & organization fronting hero, I could make the case that Zalgo even respected Altaer on some level as a capable adversary, despite obviously hating and fearing him more. But I can brush all that off pretty quick, don't get the wrong idea -- you're free to write your character how you want, and you don't have to have Altaer and those he works with having a terrible amount of respect for each other if that's the direction you want your end of the story moving in when all's left to you and yours.

    But moving away from my gripes with Alph's story this time around, I do want to say that Brosephus's debut is great in its own right, and would have stood toe to toe with Alphaeus's writings even without the complaints I found with this particular piece of his, and Brosephus almost seamlessly blended how I'm more used to seeing Altaer with his own solid use of his own increasingly solid character. While if I tried, sure, I could probably say something critical about the random invisible people towards the end, but it was all in good fun, and it gave Elias a quick means of displaying his worth. Setting the confrontation in the Diamond Lounge let the whole thing play out, and even the subplot with Kathryne was touched on in a respectable way. Nobody we really cared about died, some interesting plots for later got woven in (invisible corporate ninjas included) and the two protagonists left on fair terms with clear directions. I enjoyed it, I enjoyed the characters, and that on its own deserves a mention. Moving back to the comparative examination though, I don't know if I could name a single thing about Alph's story that Brosephus didn't, in my mind, do better or just as well, and I guess I'll close by saying that regardless of my opinions on which is better, the good bits and lessons learned from these stories, not to mention the battle itself, wouldn't have been possible without the respect and commitment to your craft that both of you have shown today and in days up to here. Both of you have a good bit to be proud of, and both of you have given me a fair bit to look forward to with your writing. Have a good day, y'all.

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