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Thread: Daeikzae: Tales of Light and Shadow - Chapter 3 [Kneel]

  1. #1
    No ordinary girl... Cassandra's Avatar
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    Daeikzae: Tales of Light and Shadow - Chapter 3 [Kneel]

    "Bow, daesazikhaeso..."

    Spoiler for Chapter 3:


    Chapter 3 is complete! As always, CnC is welcome and appreciated.
    Last edited by Cassandra; 05-08-2018 at 08:37 AM. Reason: minor editing

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    I have returned Sharpiro's Avatar
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    Here's my two cents on this story all the way up to this chapter. Very beautiful and very confusing. The usage of details is wonderful, each of the characters feel very alive with their distinct personalities. However, I feel that some of the transitions are just very sudden and break the flow, leaving the reader confused unless they reread it. For example, we shift from the creation of the restraining collar to a scene with Samuel in the forest. I assume this was intentional in order to leave the reader in the same confused state as Samuel; however, I feel like there should be a a way to keeps the flow of the writing going by the usage of dramatic irony (i believe that is what it's called). Anyways, good work! I would be happy to read more of these in the future.
    Last edited by Sharpiro; 05-07-2018 at 05:24 PM.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lao-tzu
    "A leader is best when people barely know he exists, when his work is done, his aim fulfilled, they will say: we did it ourselves."
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  3. #3
    No ordinary girl... Cassandra's Avatar
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    Thanks for the input Sharpiro! Aside from the collar-forest transition (you're right, that confusion was intentional), which were the other confusing transitions?

    Also, if you're back, does that mean the forum's not really dead?

    I am working on Chapter 4, but my studies have been taking up most of my free time lately. Once school is out of the way though, I'd be able to put much more effort in both my writing and animation school.

    Need Help With Your wRHG? Send me a Private Message and I'll see what I can do!

    "A successful writer is one that can fully immerse readers within their world."

    Any and all of my wRHGs have left this site. They will return when (and if) the forum returns to life.

  4. #4
    I have returned Sharpiro's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cassandra View Post
    Thanks for the input Sharpiro! Aside from the collar-forest transition (you're right, that confusion was intentional), which were the other confusing transitions?

    Also, if you're back, does that mean the forum's not really dead?

    I am working on Chapter 4, but my studies have been taking up most of my free time lately. Once school is out of the way though, I'd be able to put much more effort in both my writing and animation school.
    Now that I think about it, I may have rushed through through chapters. But yes I have returned due to noslogia of this place. However, it seems I came back too late.. Especially as I can see spam taking over everywhere...
    Last edited by Sharpiro; 05-08-2018 at 04:40 PM.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lao-tzu
    "A leader is best when people barely know he exists, when his work is done, his aim fulfilled, they will say: we did it ourselves."
    wRHG Availability: Yes
    Spoiler for RHGs:

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