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Thread: A Kindness of Ravens

  1. #11
    Junior Member
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    Here 's the best kitchen utensils
    http://fas.st/LVjNE

  2. #12
    Keyboard smasher GreekGladiator's Avatar
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    It may be days late, but here it is.

    A while before you first posted the first chapter of this story, I too happened to learn that a group of ravens is called an unkindness. I thought that the tilte was a play on words, using the opposite of the word, giving it a poetic twist.

    In this chapter, the thing that threw me out the most was the combinatioin of italics and bold. The two times they were used back to back, I had to pause for a moment to figure how I was supposed to say it. Overall, yuo don't need to toy with the font too much in order to give weight to a word or words. Punctuation is a good way of working around that and using more than commas and a couple of exclamation points here and there can help you in more than just the weight of the words.

    I don't really have anything aside from structure to talk about. The storytelling was very nice as always and gave life to the world you are writing about. I have to be honest, I kinda lost it in the last three pages in terms of the scene because I didn't quite understand the (literal) position Salem was in in the beginning and then that followed on for nearly the end of the chapter.

    I would correct some grammatical errors I saw while I was reading, but since you have the doc as view only I couldn't do much, and expecting me to copy the parts from there here is as hopeless as Donald Trump losing the 2020 election. I just want to suggest you reread the last paragraph in page 6 as a starting point.

    A not so unexpected but still surprising twist to the story, something that blocks plot progression for Salem and forces it on something else. Excellent! Although it's pretty clear that the fire wasn't an accident and on way or the other, this will help in the "investigation". But be careful! If you make this story too long, you'll run out of groups of birds to have as titles for the chapters.
    Last edited by GreekGladiator; 05-05-2019 at 03:29 AM.
    My wRHG: The Elementalist Not active

    Check out my story on OLit: Unnamed garbage
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  3. #13
    Secret Psychopath Crank's Avatar
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    I refuse to run out of birds.

    And as always, than you for the feedback! I'll have to watch out for the overdoing, and I'll try ironing out the geography of the scenes in the future as well as a better final check, or at least adding more checks to it.

    Sorry it took so long to respond. Got kinda sucked into my html and css, but I think I owe you some battle critique!

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